16Yr Old Son

Are you a single parent?

If so... the "Big Brothers, Big Sisters" organization is really great for kids. Its a "mentoring" program... my friend is a single parent and it really helped her boy.

Here is the link:
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539781/k.4319/M...

granted, your son is 17... but anything is worth a try... I don't know their age spans they accept.

all the best,
Susan

That is a very tough situation. I watched my mother battle the same war with my big brother. She even went so far as to call the police on him when he came home drunk/stoned. Mom didn't want him in the house like that so she locked him out. He tried to break down the door and was violent and rude to her and was waking up the entire neighborhood. The police told Mom that she had to let him in because it was his legal residence as he received mail there. She was so upset and my brother was such a smug little sh*t to her when he walked past her into the house.

Unfortunately it was drugs, alcohol, and low self-esteem. It has taken him almost 10 years to straighten himself out. Call the police department and see what your rights are. Good luck.

When kids (or anyone for that matter), engage in behaviors such as those you have described, it is usually because they have some unresolved feelings about things in their lives. My guess, in your son's case, is he is full of anger and may not even know what he's angry about. People respond to unresolved feelings in a variety of ways such as what your son is doing, weight gain, getting into bad relationships, etc.
As parents, we do the best with what we have. One of the tools many of us don't always learn about is how important it is to acknowledge and accept the feelings our children have about various situations in their lives. We may not always understand their feelings or think they should feel differently and will unknowingly give them the message that they are wrong for how they are feeling or their feelings shouldn't be discussed, etc. This results in them creating various beliefs about themselves such as "I'm not good enough", "I'm not loveable", etc.
It will be important to look at the underlying cause for his behaviors, otherwise, they will more than likely continue or switch to something else. Once identified, the feelings can be resolved, the beliefs he tells himself can be changed and then things will look much brighter.
I actually help people do this for a living and would be willing to offer you a FREE session that we can do over the phone. If this is something you are interested in or have any more questions, please feel free to send me a private email.
I'm sending positive thoughts your way and to that of your son.
R.

I would call and find out what the laws are regarding a child his age. find out what your rights are as a parent. he needs some tough love, he needs a dose of reality. if he is stealing from you, you have to find a way to prevent it. it sounds like he needs a job and needs to start taking responsibility for his life, if not, you will have long term problems with him not being able to take care of himself when he is old enough to do so. honestly, he should have been learning all of this stuff all along, unless you are saying he has all of a sudden changed and used to be a perfect child. I think there are a lot of details you have left out.

I am a divorced mom with two teenage boys. I feel your pain! Could you find him a positive mentor? Ask about it in your church or synagogue. I don't Know if they have them in your part of the country, but here in the midwest, we have a wonderful organization called Atlas. It helps with counseling, mentoring, etc and is run by volunteers. There is no charge for their services, it is donation funded.
I am looking forward to the time when they are out of high school and realize that mom knew something after all!

I agree with EVERYONE! it sounds sto me like he is either to spoiled or drugs'alcohol. did you whoop his a$$ when he was a child? my son is three and i wear his behind out! I think you need to give him some much needed tough love. I know you love your son and dont want him to hate you but how will you feel when someone in the street shows him what time it is? a freind of mine readily admitted had she not spoiled her son the way she did( bought him whatever regardless of grades, always cleaned up behind him, didn't teach him to care for himself and show him that there are concequences for wrong decisions) that he would be ALIVE today. and i see things things coming from my boyfriend 13 yo old son because the mother spoils him like this and then now that he's getting out of hand she sent him to live with us and wants US to straighten him out. my boyfriend os a softie too but he also starting to see the light. I wish you the best of luck and you are in my prayers!

Check out the Beaufort Marine Institute (not to be confused with the Marine Corps) in Seabrook down the road from MCAS Beaufort. It is a place for troubled boys to go to learn respect, discipline and self control. A boys school in a sense. http://beaufortbay.blogspot.com/2008/07/beaufort-marine-i... (article on what the Institute is and does)

http://www.amikids.org/Default.aspx (AMI kids, is now over seeing the Institute and has locations all over the US.)

If this isn't an option, keep having him arrested, take all of his things out of his room short of reading books, clothes and maybe just toss his mattress on the floor. He has to earn his stuff back piece by piece. Also, seek some counseling for him as well. This could be a peer issue, where is his father or a strong male role model, have you been lax on discipline on him as a young child???? There are many factors as to why children behave the way he is and you aren't going to figure it out until you get into his head and get him away from the situation, people, drugs, etc so he can realize he can live a proper life without all of it!!

And don't beat yourself up over it either. You need to stay a strong parent so you can help him become a better person. Maybe get a counselor for yourself or if there is a family history of drugs/alcohol, the find a Alanon meeting so you can get some couping skills too.

Good luck
S.

Hello my son is 17 now and I am going through the same thing. He has been giving me trouble since he was 15. My son and I go to thearopy and it seems to work. It is important for us to step back and let them feel there consiquences we can not buffer it for them. My son will be of adult age soon and I am learning it is my job to get him ready for adult hood responsiabilty of adult hood. We are looking for him a job now this was advice from his counselor. It is important when your feeling overwhelmed to get professional help. If you don't you could fall in to a depression your self guilt and shame don't help us either. Don't do this alone don't give up on him he is seeking out attention for one reason or another and he smart he knows how to get it. We must not give up, but remember to take care of your needs so you are able to have strenghth for him. Thank you for allowing me to share with you. It helps me knowing I am not alone in my journey to help my children in to adulthood it may go smoothley and it may be ruff but with the proper help your son will be fine this is only for now not forever.

I suggest counseling for your son. You might also find counseling helpful to help you deal with this very concerning problem.

Ask for the intercession of St. Monica. Think of it as asking a friend to pray with you and for you. The benefits of asking a saint, however, are multiplied b/c they have already walked through life's trials and joys. They are our cheerleading team on the other side. The saints give us hope and are great role models for our world that has so few of them.
I read books to my children about the lives of saints to help them to aspire to be someone great, to get the to ask the bigger question of who God is calling them to be.
Believe that people can change. Never give up. Sometimes allowing them to hit rock bottom is exactly what is needed. Seek out faith-based counselors. Look up Father Donald Callahan's conversion story, Fr. John Corapi's story and the life of St. Augustine.
I will be praying for you and your family.
God Bless!