10 Year Old Behavior

i would be looking into getting him into an extra activity at school or into a sports program. it sounds like he is up to no good. atleast if he had an outlet it would give him an opportunity to have a male figure around that he could possibly talk to if needed. also, he would have a more stable set of friends that may not be prone to getting is as much trouble....just a thought?

Please come to the Single Moms support Group at First Baptist Church on Wednesday Nights at 6:30 for suggestions and moral support. First Baptist has excellent classes for both boys while you attend the support group. The support group has access to many different specialists as well as other single mothers who have survived a divorce. We are located at 1597 Sawnee Drive, Cumming, GA 30040 in room 215. Telephone: ###-###-####. I look forward to seeing you.
M.

My husband died when my son was 10 years old and he had the exact same problems. Unfortunately his teacher was young and had not dealt with a student losing a parent and gave him way to much slack. At the age of 10 he bacame an expert at getting out of doing any work and I had to become an expert at talking to teachers, checking bookbags, and at one point I went to school every afternoon to pick him up and make sure he had everything he needed to do his homework.(he had gotten good at I left my book at school etc.) A daily planner signed by the teacher is a great infestment.
Don't assume the money you are finding is being stolen (don't rule it out but don't asssume it either). My son began coming up with money and after a lot of deep investigation I found out he was selling his things to classmates. I fought this for a very long time and finally gave up. I just gave him rules of what he could not sell when I bought him something. Now at the age of 15 he has become an expert at wheeling and dealing with his friends for most anything he wants and he earns the money for what he can't trade by mowing lawns and things for neighbors.
I don't believe in the counsolor stuff they just drugged my son into oblivion. Young boys are resilient just let him know what you will accept and what you won't and be consistant. I did find that when a male became involved in my sons life it was a great help. If you can find a male that is a good role model that your son can look up too and that is willing to give your son some one on one time it could be the best thing you could do for your son. One of my sons fathers spends a lot of time with my son, (his son lives with his mother) and in he 2 years he's been helping him my son has been doing so much better.
Good luck
L.

T.,

I really do sympathize with you. We have the same sorts of problems with my husband's 11 year old daughter. You are doing what we had to do with the homework. For the money, all I can suggest for a quick fix is buy yourself a lockbox and keep your cash in there. However, it sounds like your son might need to speak with a counsellor to work through your divorce. Kids need to grieve over the loss and sometimes they express their feelings doing what our kids are doing, because they can't verbalize well. Boys especially have a hard time with this since they're not as verbal as girls and are taught by our society to be "strong and silent." If you don't have insurance that will help you, contact your local Catholic Charities. The one closest to Dallas, Ga is in Marietta [###-###-####]. They can take your income into account and provide help that you can afford. And if they can't, they'll help you find someone who can. Good luck!

Do you have a Student Support Team at your son's school? It is, or should be, your son's tescher, his guidance counselor, the principal, and the assistant principal. At my son's school, we met one Thursday a month discussed my son's behavior problems and came up with a plan. It took a while, my son also has ADHD, but after he realized that we were not against him but we were on his side he really came around. I am a single mother, so I understand exactly how you feel knowing that the "buck stops" with you. It helps if you can get a break from your son every once in a while, just to regroup. The boys and girls club at your local YMCA may help. I know that it doesn't feel that way now, but things will get better. It will just take time. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day!! :) Good Luck with everything! Just stay focused and don't back down. Stick to your guns, he'll come around.
-B.

I also have an 11 year old son that my parenst adopted. His behavior in school is pretty typical of a kid his age. Mine does it all the time. The best advice I can give you is to just stay on top of it. When he gets home check his backpack and agenda (most schools require these). We always make Sam do his homework as soon as he gets home and then he can go play. It's harder to deal with kids that have and absent father and I believe that no matter how hard we try as mothers there is no way to make up for a missing father. I hope some of this helps. Also, you might want to try enrolling him in the big sister/big brother program if there is one available. My brother does alot with Sam so that, for the most part, makes up for the missing male role model in his life. I hope this helps!

I can so relate to you. My ex-husband abandoned my son when we divorced and he so needed him in his life. If you son is the younger boy, maybe big brother can help. If he is the youngest, maybe granddad can help.

I think he is crying out for attention from his dad. My son did similar things as this. Be sure to keep the communication open between the teacher, your son and you. Don't fail on this as this is a bit of a test for you and the teacher by your son. Every time you set something up to follow up on him, he is testing you again. This probably won't be the end of it as he will continue to come at you with something else. When there is a divorce, children always blame themselves (If I hadn't done this or that, Dad would still be here). His Dad already left him, so now he is setting himself up for when you leave. You might consider some counseling for him and maybe for both sons and you, even talking to your ex to see if he will give the boys some time and attention as they still need a dad in their lives, he divorced you - not his sons. Until this void is addressed by the ex, granddad or whomever, you will probably continue to have problems. Kids have a hard enough time as it is without Dad running out on them as well. As you know, children need stability in all parts of their life.

My biggest suggestion is even when you are frustrated as all get out at him, take him in your arms, give him a big hug and tell him how much you love him no matter what and that you are going to be there for him no matter what. Also, just because this is the son giving you problems right now, don't forget about your other son - he may not be giving you problems that you are aware of, but he still needs you too.

Good luck and God bless!

Deb

How often do you attend his school? Who are his friends? Are there any notes or phone numbers around? I am a nosey parent! I find out almost everything. If you and his teacher have a means of communicating daily that is great! I suggest email or courier in the school office-that you can pick up daily or weekly. Does your son have a Male Mentor? Do you all attend a church? If you don't have one try the 100 Black Men or your local Boys and Girls center. I also suggest scheduling time with the school counselor. Let me know if you need additional suggestions.
Angie

Read Sheparding your child's heart.

It helped my daughter with her son and has greatly improved his behavior as well as teaching her to teach there are consequences to your actions and sticking with what she says. It is tough sometime, but she has learned that he really wants discipline and lines drawn for him ..... acting out is a way of getting attention and the more she praises him and spends good time with him the more he behaves. Perhaps you can spend more time with homework and then have a treat time afterward. I will be praying for you both.
D. Jenkins
www.2work4self.com

I was interested in reading the responses since I am having trouble with my 8 yr old son stealing money from his sister. He is ADHD and his father and I have been divorced for 2 years. His schoolwork is fine. But stealing is an issue. I think the responses you've gotten have been quick to blame an absentee dad. My ex has my son 1/2 the time, is very involved with him and we still have this problem. My boyfriend's son (13) also has ADHD and tells him he doesn't have homework when he does. He gets into lots of trouble for being disorganized and missing assignments, and my boyfriend is very involved with him. His son even lived with him for a while.

I thin the first suggestion for a SST is a good one. This method has worked well for my son with classroom behavior issues. You may also check with your pediatrician to see if there may be something else going on to rule out any learning or developmental disabilities first.

Good luck!

S.

T.,

Just a couple of suggestions...

I would set up a reward system. One could be that for bringing his homework home he gets fifty cents and for doing it another 50 cents. If he fails to bring any home or for not completing it he loses 50 cents. As far as a postive role model, I would see about signing him up for extracurricular activities. Also, I would have a talk with him when everyone is calm and he isn't in trouble about basic rules. I wouldn't be accusing but let him know what you expect of him. (Tell the truth, no stealing, etc.)