I have a son that is 2 1/2. He is speech delayed and has NO words. That being said - he's pretty good at communicating by pointing and showing me what he wants. And he understands EVERYTHING - in fact he tests at an above average receptive language ability. We're in speech therapy and working on it - that's not my question and please no advice on the speech thing. We're getting the help we need. My question pertains to what to do about his sometimes incessant whining when he wants something. I know the whining thing is a problem with most two year olds at some point and we're right in the middle of it. Everything I read about how to stop whining in young children assumes that the children can talk. Telling them to use their words, etc etc. Well, my child can't use his words as he has none. I have calmly said to him, "Honey, I can't hear you when you whine, I don't know what that means. You need to show me or you need to point." Sometimes this works. But probably less than half the time. Usually he just gets more frustrated and whines more. Sometimes I manage to ignore him and he EVENTUALLY stops. Other times I put him in his room for a 2 minute time out. This also sometimes works but not always. Any thoughts in getting him to stop when he can't yet tell me what he wants?
I should have also said YES - we do sign language. He has some basic signs and he's learning more in therapy and we have some sign language DVDs. He can sign lots of things if I ask him to but he's not yet at the point of being able to on his own use the sign to communicate if that makes any sense. So for example I can ask him to sign "more" and he will sign it but if he wants more of something it doesn't occur to him to sign "more" yet - I'm told that's coming.
He must be SO frustrated. Poor little guy...I agree with the idea to teach him some signs...drink...eat...etc. Good luck!
Look into basic sign language if he is speech delayed. He can learn simple gestures for words like milk, juice, apple, more, all done, etc. You might be able to find everything you need on-line or can look into a class that you both would take together. Teach him to ask for what he wants by signing and replace the whining with sign language, just as if he were expected to talk. If he is getting the help he needs with his speech delay, I would imagine the speech therapist would be able to offer some suggestions as well.
This is what helped us. Our speech therapist taught my son to say "help me". Of course, it wasn't h-e-l-p me. It was "ep me", leaving out the "h" and the "l". She used a big puzzle to teach him the concept. When he couldn't figure out which piece to use, that's when she would use the words "help me". When he'd try to say it, she would help him, and then reward him by letting him put marbles in the marble run. She was so wonderful with him. I have always appreciated what she did for my son!
Then we had to translate "ep me" to home. That part was my job. I ignored the whining, telling him to say "help me", until he finally would say it. Then I would give him what he wanted. I never told him to say "ep me" if it was something I wouldn't give into. Does that make sense?
A child who is speech delayed is very frustrated with their inability to communicate. Giving them a "code" like this makes a big difference. Pair it with the issue of whining will help you with the behavior. Without something like this, or at least teaching him to sign (which we never did), it is very hard to expect them not to whine.
Talk to your speech therapist about this. My son was 2 and 2 months when our therapist did this. I highly recommend this.
Good luck,
Dawn
I realize you are in speech therapy... but have you also tried baby sign?
We used baby sign (simple signs to indicate drink, milk, more, food, please, things like that) with our grandson. He was a bit speech delayed, but has since caught up (and won't be quiet, now), but this gave him a way to ask for things nicely. He caught onto the signs very quickly.
he was in ECI (Early Childhood Intervention) for other reasons than speech, and they thought it was a good idea, also.
I agree with the signs. My son is speech delayed as well, although it seems more minor than your situation, but that was one of the first things my therapist told me to do. I had thought of it before but never really seemed to "get around to it" and when I did he picked up on it so easily and it really helped with the whining!! Ask your speech therapist, I'm sure they know they basics and can teach it to you easily. You could also get a book or look on line but even just starting with help, please, milk, etc. can make a huge difference in your sanity!
ETA...yeah, that's normal, my son is just starting to sign on his own without prompting, but it isn't very often! When he starts to get fussy though I just say, do you need help? Then I sign for help and then wait for him to do it. As soon as he does it I help him. If he won't sign or attempt the word then I walk away...BUT I should say that at the beginning I didn't walk away. I helped him anyway, per the guidance of our therapist. I would sign it, tell him to say it/sign it and then I'd help him (or give him food, drink, etc.). After repetition he has become more comfortable with it and "gets" the whole process now. It's really hard, I know, but I have seen a HUGE jump in my son's words in just the few months (I think it's been about 3-4 months and he is 26 months now) and I feel so much better already! If he's not ready to sign on his own yet, just keep reinforcing. Don't force him to talk or sign, that might shut him down.
My grandson had no words at 2. We treated the whining in the same way as we would if he had words only we said, as you've been doing, "show me." We had some pictures of things that weren't easily seen so that he could point to the picture.
You have to be consistent with the "I can't hear you when you whine." Say it once and then ignore him. Don't ever give in and participate in the whining. Don't try to figure out what he wants while he's whining. When you aren't consistent with doing this he's learned that sometimes whining works and he'll keep trying it.
I found that I was making allowances for his not having words. I'd feel sorry/sad for him and try to figure out what he wanted in spite of the whining. That just didn't work.
Another thing to consider is if he's hungry or tired. Try giving him a snack before the whining gets started. Give him some quiet time with you if he's tired.
You could also try stopping what you're doing, pick him up, and help him soothe himself before trying to figure out what he wants. Say, you seem so tired. Let's sit down for a bit and start over. Say, I can't hear you when you whine. Let's just be quiet for a few minutes.
My grandson is 8. He knows words but had difficulty pronouncing him. He's very patient, mostly without whining, as we try to figure out what he said. I think that this is due in part at least because we didn't respond to whining and because we stopped what we were doing and focused on seeing what he wanted.
I think you're on the right path. You just have to be more consistent. Do the same thing every time. Once he knows he'll get the same answer he will conform to your expectations.
Try these phrases, "I don't understand whine." "If you will quit whining, I will be happy to help you, but not until then, honey."
My daughter is two, speech delayed and also whines! So I feel your frustration. When she whines, I tell her she needs to use a nice voice. If she switches over to a nonwhining voice (even though its unintelligible gibberish!), I give her what she's asking for. If she continues to whine, I say "Whining doesn't get you anything" and I walk away. Easier said than done.
My son isn't speech delayed and whines and I still can't understand him :-) I usually just tell him that I can't understand him and he needs to stop crying/ whining first. Then ask him to tell me again when he has stopped whining.
Ignore the whining and really praise him when he asks the way he should or does something right--- ignore the negative and really make a big deal on the positive. Good luck!
Buy a sign language book (after first discussing it with the speech therapist--after telling her the issue surrounding the whining--and make sure she's okay/on board with you doing this), then teach your son and yourself a few basic words.
My daughter went into a speech program when she was three years old. She was unable to articulate/talk/communicate with us when she was younger, and that made her very frustrated. She would whine, cry, scream, throw a tantrum--because she couldn't communicate. Her daycare started using a few hand signs with her, and we discovered that by adopted a few words/hand signs (not many, just a few strategic ones) that we were able to communicate with her. That dramatically helped us.
Ah, you've started the sign language. Then you just have to wait until it becomes natural or second nature for your son to use it. The whining will stop when he gets used to using his signs/words to let you know what he wants/needs and he's not so frustrated. Hopefully his speaking will come along at a similar pace and he'll natural segue from using the sign to speaking.
Unfortunately, nothing will stop all whining. You're already doing most of what I'd do. I'd do exactly the same thing for your son as I would for a child with a large vocabulary. Keep telling him, "Use your manners. I don't know what that means. You need to show me what you want." (When he becomes verbal, that should change to, "Tell me what you want.") If that doesn't work, immediately and calmly go to the time out in his room. Tell him, "When you can use your manners, you can come out." He'll either stop, or stay in his room making noise - either is OK. If you're very consistent, most of the whining will stop. Most. Dealing with some occasional whining goes with the territory. Just treat it the SAME way every time - don't let it slide because he's tired, or it's a special occasion, or whatever else.
My son (now 8) had a very severe speech disorder at that age and really no intelligible speech until he was 4 1/2. BUT even when he had no words that anyone could understand, I reminded him to use his "normal voice" or "big boy voice" - even if it was just with sounds that he was making. This accomplishes a couple of things: it teaches the child that the WAY that they communicate is important. It also gives the child the opportunity to purposefully practice vocal intonation patterns which will be important for prosody once they do start to talk.
To help alleviate some of his frustration, something to use in addition to sign language (which you can model for him along with the word) is to say "show me what you want." I also found teaching my son the signs for colors helped with the detective work of figuring out what he was trying to say since I could ask him "what color is it?"
Good luck & keep up the good work with your son!
