When to Have the "Stranger" and "No Touching" Talk with Child

My girls are 3 and 5 and I already had that talk. To many weird people in this world to wait. So I think soon.

I have a 4 year old daughter as well and we have been talking about this stuff for at least a year. I just think at this age it is something that needs to be discussed and reiterated often. Just simple things like when she's in the bathtub we talk about why "privates" are private and no one is to touch her in certain places. Also, we talk about scenarios with strangers and what she should do in certain situations. There are a lot of great books about strangers, which is a good, non-threatening way to approach the subject. I think with girls especially we need to teach them these things right away!

Talk to her now, let her know when she is playing in the yard and someone comes up to her that she does not know, she is not to talk to them, but to come immediately to you or in the house. I told my children that their body is their personnel business and no one is to touch them, and if anyone ever makes them uncomfortable that you need to know about it. When I told my Daughter that if a stranger were to come up the driveway she was to come straight in the house. When I came outside she was staring at the street. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was watching for the Ranger. (so cute)

Kelly,
I've been there, and will be going there again soon. Our preschool program did address the issue of strangers, but don't underestimate your daughter. If you keep it simple, she'll understand.
With my son, I made certain he understood which areas were "private," then made sure he understood who was allowed to touch him in those places and what type of touch is acceptable. He responded well, and I'm sure your daughter will as well. With strangers, I told him not to go with anyone he doesn't know unless the adult he's with say's it's ok, like with a police officer. However you decide to go about it, please do have this talk with her, as these things are so crucial. In today's world, you can't be too careful with their safety.
Best wishes,
L.

Get this DVD. It is fantastic and very age appropriate. They talk about safe side adult vs stranger danger. Not only is it educational, it's entertaining. We have watched it several times since children do forget..I hope that helps you..
http://www.thesafeside.com/
L.

I dont think its ever to early to teach your children these types of things. I remember telling my daughter when she was potty trained (2yrs) about the privates and that nobody is suppose to touch them and to tell me if anyone tried to. Also I think its a good idea to tell our kids about not talking to strangers, even if they look nice or offer candy..never get close to them.

Hi Kelly
My daughter is about to turn five, and we have always let her know not to talk to strangers, and not to let people touch her. I don't think you can have one talk you have to keep reminding them over and over. I believe we started when she was two or three, when she started talking and understanding more.

My daughter is working toward her pre-school teaching license and she is working with her son that is turning 3 next mo. with a video about strangers, he is a very outgoing child and very smart. He seems to catch on to different subjects really fast. That is why she started him early with the subject. Depends on the maturity of the child whether or when you start them and how. With videos, books or just talking to them about the subject.

It's an on going talk but you should definitely have it with her. Let her know that she doesn't talk to people you don't know or without asking you. If she talks to a stranger you need to remind her not to do that. Also explain that her what her private areas are and that only mommy and daddy and the doctor, as long as you are with her, are allowed to see them in appropriate situations like when bathing or helping getting dressed ect. You need to keep it simple and don't get graphic or scare her but definitely have that talk with her.

I work in an emergency room. about a month ago a 4 year old girl came in with her mother. She had told her mother that someone was touching her in a bad place. Before that I had never even thought about talking to my 4 year old about that. Let me tell you I came right home that day and had the talk with my daughter. She seemed to understand about the touching in bad places but we have had to talk about strangers a few more times. It is a shame that we have to have these sort of talks with our children, being a parent is so great and so scary at the same time.
I hope this helps you.

Absolutely talk to her now about it! It can be difficult finding ways to make them aware without making them frightened, but it's something that we all have to think about. Our pediatrician actually opened the doors for us when during exams (as young as 2) she would ask them if she could check them explaining to them that it would only be okay if mum/dad said so too. This helps emphasize to them, that it's their body and they have the right to say no. We have ongoing communication and reminders that no-one (not just strangers) should touch them in their 'private' areas unless it's a doctor, and even then their consent is needed.

Thank you for asking this question, it was something I had been wonderng about too since my daughter will start school in the fall. We just had her last checkup before school and the doctor actually told her that it was ok that she look because mommy and daddy were with her but if anyone else ever tried to look, she should scream real loud and run away. I guess what we will do is just repeat what the doctor said and answer questions as she has them. Certainly is scary though!!

No, four is not too young. Any child that is left often with other adults should have this talk--like before preschool. I talked to my kids at about three years.

GL:)

We have talked to our children as early as age 4 about strangers. They know if they get lost in a store to go to where the money is and only talk to the people who take the money (cashiers) and that they all have the same smocks on so you'll know it's the right person. Mostly we were fortunate that they presented the stranger/danger info at the school. You could contact the school and ask when they or if they talk about it and what they recommend as far as books or videos. Just ask them, and explain this is your childs first experience with many new people. I'd be afraid to say too much about strangers because everyone at school will be a stranger and at 4 yr old. she may decide not to talk to anyone.
We've talked about our little girl parts and that it is okay for us to share a public bathroom ( usually the three of us pile in a big stall so I can keep an eye on them) but we lock the door because it is not okay for anyone but mom and dad and the doctor to see. I figure if no one else is supposed to see, then the no-touching is a given. Because we keep it simple, it doesn't freak them out.

hope this is helpful!

Hi K.,
Have the talk now, and as often as you think of it. Every time you see something that makes you think of it. At the store, in the car, where ever. It doesn't have to be a long talk either. I started at 3 yrs of age and got more descriptive as my children got older. They are 11 and 12 now... and I still have the talk. At least every 6 months.
L. B.

K.,

We started talking with our son around the same age as your daughter. He is six now. We practice yelling "You're not my mommy! You're not my daddy!" This is a great phrase if they get lost in the store and a stranger tries to convince your daughter to go with them. This phrase will ALWAYS get the attention of other parents.

We also taught our son to look for the security guard and ask for help. We have taught our son both of our full names so if he does get lost and needs to have us paged the guard will know who to page. But he can only tell a guard our names, not someone who just asks.

Lastly, we have been repeatedly having the touching talk. Like the other parents have said, "If an adult, even one you trust, makes you feel "icky" inside by something they say or do to you, come to us." We have made it clear to him, now that he is differentiating between the truth and lying, that he won't get in trouble for telling us what happened and we will always protect him from people who are inappropriate.

It is important for children to know what other children or adults can or cannot do to their bodies. If they know what to do, then they have the power to protect themselves from bad situations or people.

Good luck!

I started talking to my children about strangers and people touching them when they were 1 years old you would be surprise what a 1 year old understands, and then as they got older they would tell me Mama cant nobody touch your "temple" my 2 daughters would say meaning their p****** p*** and as well as my son, knew so to me the sooner the better they would have a good understanding.
T.

Got them Candles

www.tawandasinspirationalcandles.com/

I agree with the other Moms that it is not to early to have that talk in fact we went through this at our school with my daughter who is in 2nd grade this year at the beginning of the year. There was a boy who was poking her in her p****** p***s and I went straight to the teacher and she took care of it. I was in shock at how early it is starting and I told my daughter how proud I was of her for telling me. We had the "p****** p***s" talk since she was three also usually brought it up when she went through the stages of taking diapers or clothes off and thought it was funny, or at bath time and I always remind her that if that ever happens to her she needs to tell a trusted adult right away. She did the right thing having the talk is never too early :)

Nope, not too young. Make it an age appropriate discussion... but she knows the difference between someone she knows and someone she doesn't.

You can start having this conversation now and when you are out and about if she starts a conversation with someone you don't know... point out, this is a stranger. We do not talk to strangers.

I started talking to my daughter about stranger danger and no touching around her age, because I new she would be going to school soon. I know because of her age she might seem like she wouldn't really understand what you are talking about, but they do listen. She understands, I think now would be a perfect time to talk to her about this subject. I just sat with my daughter and told her, if someone comes up to you and you don't know them don't talk to them, come and let me know right away. Tell your teacher if it happen's at school. I also told her that she should never let anyone touch her in her personal parts ant tell her what they are. If someone was to touch her in her personal parts that is bad and they could hurt her so she needs to tell someone right away.

I have always from the time my son was a toddler talked about his body and what are private places, and that as children it is appropriate for parents to wash and clean and dress their children and for doctors to touch you if you are sore and need to be checked but that no one else should be doing it.

As for strangers we have had a spate of kidnappings (we live in Asia as expats) and have always put the fear in our children in regards to strangers, you may talk to police, you may talk to people if mummy and daddy are near, but you DO NOT wander off and if someone you don't know touches you or talks to you, you find mummy and daddy or you yell for the police.

Now is a great time as she will be going to school, friend's house. I would suggest you as the Pedritician about how to do it correctly as not to scare your daughter.

I had 2 sons and talked to them about the age of 4 and our ped. was a great help.

Best wishes,
D.

Without reading the other responses first - 4 yrs old is NOT too young. You just need to keep it at her level. Remind her that she doesn't go with anyone she don't know. Tell her if an adult makes her feel "funny inside" to go straight to her teacher or you and tell why. A good start on the "touching" would be a reminder that it is OK for the Dr to look with mommy there. You could also tell her that God made boys and girls a little bit different and those areas of our bodies are private. Just remember, don't make it a huge deal or she may go to school and talk about it - just keep it simple so she doesn't become afraid of living.

There seems to be more and more molestation coming to light in todays world. We need to make sure our kids are safe.

Good Luck!

I don't think it is too early. We told my son around 3 1/2, we don't talk to strangers, if you get lost you tell the police office and made sure he knew his full name, our full names and our address.

My son will turn 4 at the end of July and we have started talking about strangers in the last several months. We started out by telling him that if he is playing outside and a car stops that he should run and get mommy or daddy. Then we talked about how strangers can call on the phone so we have to see who's calling before we let him "talk". Now he is great about asking if someone is a stranger while we are out in public, etc. We have not yet talked about strangers who have candy or say mommy's hurt, but we have tried to explain that a stranger can be pretty and nice, but that it isn't okay to talk to them unless mommy or daddy are there. It's a tough subject as a parent because we see what is out there, but he has been grasping the concept really well. good luck!

Absolutely not!! 4 years old is not too young.........now is the time.....we had custody of our 2yr old granddaughter a few years ago......(we have 16 grandkids) when she was 3 or 4 I taught her, that if anybody touches her privates.......to say NO real loud.........and we practiced it. and I told her to run away from them.......I never heard that she had to use it, but just knowing what to do made her aware that it is not right......I didnt know when i was young, so I just stood there , scared.....kids need to know. And she will understand......good luck