When to Discuss "Becoming a Woman"

Thankfully, I have boys so I didn't have to deal with this. That being said, this is just an opinion. I would think she might completely freak out if she starts before you have told her what to expect. Just a thought, good luck.

My 11 year old had the pubic and underarm hair for 3 years before she started her period. She has been wearing deoderant since she was 6. We got her the book "The Care and Keeping of You" it is one of the American Girl books. It is a really easy read and describes everything young girls go through with their bodies. It might be good for you read together. It is not too early to explain development. I just used to tell my daughter that it is part of being a girl, and what to do/who to go to if and where it happens. I did not go into the whole sexual issue with her until she actually got her period.
I just wanted to let you know that people told me the same thing when she started developing. It really freaked me out. But she did not actually start her period until 3 years later. Every girl is different.

I am an Educational Consultant for Usborne Books, we have a great book for just that. It is called "What's Happening to Me." There is both a boy and girl edition so you can get one girl specific for your daughter. You can order it directly from my website at www.feed-a-brain.com. Good Luck, I don't look forward to that day!

I'd start out by asking her what all she knows, then asking her what all she has noticed changing in herself. If she is going through all those changes already, she is probably dying for that conversation to have some kind of understanding of what's going on with her body, and no doubt her emotions. I know when I started my period my mother had left the informing to my older sister, who of course mis-informed me, and I was really confused when it did happen. Just go with your gut, and talk to her, then if she wants to know more, there is a book call "the Woman's Body" It explains alot, and in some chapters too much for this age, but for the menstruating part it was very informative.

Hi Meagan-
I can totally understand why you may be fearful of not informing your daughter. I can only speak from personal experience. I myself developed very early on...I was in the 2nd grade (8 yrs old)when I started having to wear a bra. I did not start my period until I was 12 however. My mother, purchased for me a wonderful book that answered some many questions for me on a level that I could understand. It was called "The ""What's happening to my body?"" book for girls". It had illustrations and described different lingo/slang for the different things that were happening and suggested how to deal with them. I highly recommend it. Most importantly, let your daughter know that you are always open to talk to her or possibly arrange for her to be able to talk to another trusted woman (aunt, friends mom, etc) if she is embarrassed to talk with you. I only say this because, developing early can be really h*** o* ones self esteem when all you want to do is fit in and be like the other girls.

I feel your pain!!! My 9yr old daughter(soon to be 10) started the same thing this past summer. She is in 4th grade and I started my period in 5th grade. We had the "where babies come from" talk in 2003~she was curious to know where her new brother was coming from and how he got there. So, when we got her first training bra this summer, we had the period talk. I'm in the medical profession, so I really didn't need a book. Because we had already talked about pregnancy and how that happens, she was already familiar with the terminology.She was 7 when we had the first talk and she did great! As long as you're matter of fact and answer her questions at her level, she should do just fine. I used a book called "Where do I Come From" for the baby talk~it was written like a cartoon and very easy to read and explain.I found it at Barnes & Noble. Also found that using the correct terms for things helped too. Good luck!!!

M.,

Nevermind the websites or books or any of that nonsense. Just sit down and talk to her. My Mother had an unfortunate "flood" on the stairs one morning when I was 4 and she had to tell me right then. I was fine with it. Her analagy was "it's like flushing a toilet to get everything ready, but it is not dangerous." Be matter of fact, and don't scare her with a discussion of cramps, migraines, bloating, PMS, or any of those other things.

And, really, since she is already developing, you owe it to her to tell her right away. No need to scare her and have her start and think she is bleeding to death.

She will appreciate your honesty and the shared bond that forms from learning private things with her Mom. When she does start, have a "becoming a woman" ceremony. Some time in there, you also need to introduce the facts about sex.

Best wishes,
K. }{

I developed early. I was 11 when I had my first period. I know that is a little later then your daughter but I understand what you are going through. There are benefits to your daughter for developing early. It makes no sense to me, but scientists have found that girls who develop early and get their periods early go through menapause late in life, and are at lower risk of many different diseases. So this is ok. Now trying to explain all this to a seven year old for you may feel tricky. But the odds are for the past seven years she has been paying attention to how there are some things different about you then her and so in some ways she knew these things would happen one day. As far as literature to use with her. I would talk to the school nurse. Most schools take time every year to talk to their fith and sixth grade girls about these things so the school nurse would have tools you could use to help explain things to your daughter. I know this isn't much but it is what I can offer.. Good luck.

I keep a book here at my house called, "It's So Amazing!". It's a child oriented book that explains the changes to our bodies. I've chosen to read pieces and parts to my children as they grow up. Now, I just leave it around so that they can read it if they want to. My eight year old has been reading it lately. I tell them that I am always available if they have questions about anything in the book.

I think it's important to talk to your daughter before she starts her period. If she starts and doesn't know about it, she will be very afraid, I believe.

M.

When I was younger my mom got me a book called "Whats Happening to My Body" for girls (they make one for each).
Good luck, I have a daughter very close to that age and I am NOT looking forward to that talk! :)

Hi M.. There is a book out called "The Care and Keeping of Me" it is the American Doll series. I got it for my niece and my best friends daughter. Both moms said it was the best book they had ever seen. They have also recommended it to other moms with daughters. Luckily I have a son, so this will be DAD department!! Good Luck.

A couple of pointers for talking with your daughter:

#1. Even if the idea of discussing these concepts with a 7-year old freak you out, please use appropriate terminology. Using words like "your thing" and "the bleed" and "va-ja-ja" only serve to confuse children when they are actually exposed to proper terminology on other realms.

#2. Discuss the issues with her as if they are a natural and normal process of growing up. By doing so, you do not bring 'shame' into the discussions, and your daughter will be more likely to continue to discuss puberty, development, sexuality, and so on with YOU instead of picking it up in the hallways of school or with friends (and we know that information isn't always 100% correct). Remember, you want your daughter to feel absolutely comfortable discussing her health issues with you in the future and feel like you are a reliable, supportive source of comfort. This is also a great time to discuss YOUR family values and morals, point out the secrets behind various media messages, and let your daughter know what is and what is not acceptable behavior within your family (in a way that does not imply shame or guilt).

The more you talk about issues related to puberty and sexuality, the more open communication regarding these issues will be. Research indicates that children who feel like they have a 'safe place' to go to are LESS LIKELY to engage in risky decision making and MORE LIKELY to take care of their reproductive health and remain abstinent until in a committed relationship. Best wishes to you.

I have seen an "American Girl" series book about the changes a girl goes through. Sorry, I don't remember the name of it. It's a neat book that actually starts when the child is very young talking about the importance of taking care of your body by brushing your hair and teeth, taking a bath etc. It then slowly grows with the girl. Truthfully, I have only looked at the book, and wished they had one like it for boys, as I have 2 boys. But... if I had girls, that's the one I would choose.
You might also go to www.focusonthefamily.org. They also have publications that are wholesome and would be a good choice for you.

Good luck.
S.

It is never too early to discuss this subject with your kids. There are books and tapes at the public library to sit down and share with your children. They may ask questions, or be freaked out, but the calmer you are, the better.

I agree with some of the other responses that I have read. If she is mature for her age as you say, why not start the talk now. I feel its better to hear this kind of stuff from the parent before she gets it from school. I only have one daughter to worry about that talk with, because my step-daughter is beyond that part of life. But I dread the day I have to do these talks. I just know I would rather tell her than kids from school. From my experience make sure you use some of the slang word for period, too. Or she may be in a situation that friends at school are useing the slang terms and your daughter not know what the slang words are, and get picked on.

It is never too early to start discussing becoming a woman with your daughter. I would start slow and easy, answer her questions as she asks them. Don't overwhelm her with too much information at one time. You might want to talk with her school nurse for some options or talk to her pediatritian.