What Would You Do in My Place?

I remember this question in January. I can hardly believe TWO men think they can get away with this. I can not imagine any HR department approving coed getaways. Just say NO WAY! And because of this request, I would be his shadow the entire time.

I'd punch him in the face and tell him there will be worse waiting for him at home, should he room with this woman.

My husband would NEVER in a million years even consider this. He would tell the woman he is married and thinks it's incredibly inappropriate. Does he have ANY respect for you? Any at all? If he does, he will NOT stay with her and apologize profusely to you.

Wow. There is no way my husband would be comfortable with that even though he and I both know nothing would happen (but I could see how rumors could easily start and cause problems within the marriage or at work).

I would either invite myself along or insist that, for propriety's sake, he get a room of his own.

Well, first of all my husband would NEVER suggest that he share a room with another woman he wasn't related to by blood. Period. End of story.

Solution is simple. If he wants to go, he needs to pony up the dough for his own hotel room, switch with someone so he's bunking with another dude or stay home.

I don't think this is about trust. I trust my husband IMPLICITLY. It's about respect and appropriateness. My husband respects me and our marriage enough for this idea to sound ridiculous. I mean, seriously? A married man sharing a hotel room with another woman in Vegas??

Is there a run on guys stupid enough to suggest this? I think this topic has come up several times over the last couple months.

The answer is simple. Look him in the eye and let him know (as I would tell a child) "This is an asking moment, not a telling moment. (As in, this "How the hell do you get off 'telling me' that you are sharing a room when it hasn't even been discussed between us?") It is not appropriate for a male coworker to be sharing a hotel room with a female coworker, period."

If they can't figure out how to make sure everyone has appropriate accommodations, he should be the bigger person and stay home. It has nothing to do with if he's attracted to the woman, or how secure you are, or how secure you perceive your marriage to be. It's just common sense in maintaining one's relationship.

Don't worry about coming across as a b*t**. He should be more worried about coming across as an idiot. Seriously, print out all these responses and have him read them. I think you'll be hearing "uhm, maybe I made a mistake...."

Say thats fine with me honey as long as you don't mind me sharing a room with her husband while your gone.

UMMMMM.... there shouldnt even be a question, that is totally inappropriate.; I dont care if he ISNT doing anything with her, he shouldnt put himself in that position even for it to look that way. If you have a back-bone in you, you will put your foot down and tell him he isnt going......

Ah-NO! My husband wouldn't suggest such a thing, but if for some reason he was stupid enough to do so, he would be told quickly that he could find a male roommate or stay home. Quite honestly if he mentioned such a thing, I may have a fit about him going at all. This is coming from someone who normally isn't jealous at all and doesn't keep tabs, doesn't care if he goes to bachelor parties with strippers or anything. I trust my husband, but adult male and adult female co-workers don't share hotel rooms unless they're SHARING a hotel room. What would he think if the tables were turned? I don't think he would be okay with you sharing a room with a male co-worker, would he?

This is a case where I wouldn't worry about how I came across- this is not appropriate and you should just tell him as much. I totally agree- how would he feel if the tables were turned. There are some times when you just have to tell it just like it is and this is not acceptable.

This is not the first time this has come up..... Is it just me or have I been out of the workforce so long that this is more common, accepted and not grounds for sexual harrassment? This is of course assuming the company is insisting they share rooms...... I'd venture to guess not and I for one would be very uncomfortable with it if I were the spouse of the employee or the employee! Something's not right and you are not out of place asking questions or demanding that this arrangement is different. I wouldn't worry about coming off as a you know what, he's coming off FAR FAR worse, believe me!

Frying pans have their place...and this is one of them!!!! and I'm not even married! How would he feel about you sharing a hotel room with another man on a 3 day trip to Vegas? I would think he should invite you along or stay at home if his only other option is to share a room with another woman.

What would I say to him? Ummmmm NO! He has lost his damn mind! You are way nicer than me. How come he gets to go on fun vacations without you anyways? And shack up with another woman? Its making me hot thinking about it!

Staying in the same room as a female is unacceptable. I would tell him it is absolutely not happening. Going on the trip is fine, but he needs to either share a room with another male or pay for a room just for him. Personally, I'd be more than happy to pay more for the room if it meant my husband was not sharing the room with a female.
It's not that I don't trust my husband, but it is just a bad situation to be in. I'd tell him calmly, but firmly, that sharing a room with a female that is not his wife is simply not something I'm comfortable with, nor is it something that I thought he'd be comfortable with.

ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WOULD I LET ME HUSBAND SHARE A HOTEL WITH A FEMALE COWORKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To be honest, what kind of company would expect him to?!?! You tell him that he will get his OWN hotel room and that you would love to join him! No way!!!

What is it about guys and the prospect of going to Vegas that makes them lose their mind? You have a lot of good responses already so I won't belabor the point but please tell him he has lost his mind and he better start ordering the apology flowers for even bringing it up ;) And employee poker tournament? Please.

FYI, I am the only woman at work and we travel a lot. There have been times when it would have been cheaper to get a condo for a few of us to share than to get separate hotel rooms. However, I have told the guys "I don't think your wives would appreciate that, so....no." I also add some humor to defuse the situation like "you think I am grumpy at work, you don't want to see me in the morning." Also when we are out of town and the guys are on a roll and enjoying their late night drinks, I always excuse myself early even if I'd rather stay and have fun. Bottom line, no matter how platonic it might be - there is a line that should not be crossed, perception is reality, and I would not put myself or them in that position. I can't believe any other woman would agree to share that room with him either.

Say while your in vegas sharing a room with another woman why don't you gamble on the odds of me being here when you get back! I would've started laughing in his face and say it's not april fools yet babe, or look at him seriously and say where did you leave your mind at today? I think you've lost it.

The fact that he would even suggest the idea makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with him! This is a huge disrespect to you. I can't believe he would even try to get away with that.

I do agree with Julie B, the fact that he mentioned it I wouldn't want him to go at all. Adult coworkers dont share rooms like that. I have guy friends and I'm single and I can tell you I wouldn't share a room with them unless they are completely single (just as a respect to the SO) and even when they are single I don't mess around (I was "one of the guys" growing up and still am to most guys), but yeah I always go out of my way to make friends with my guy friends' girlfriends and never disrespect them in any way, especially like that.

What your husband suggested makes me so mad just thinking about it!!

T.,
If there is ever a situation that gives you the green light for coming across as a "you know what", girl this is it! Frying pan and all, I would say.

Let's count the ways this wrong:
1. Hubby comes home and informs you that he's going to Vegas.
2. He's going for a poker tournament.
3. He's not taking you with him.
4. He's not asking you to come with him.
5. Your hubby informs you that he will be sharing a hotel room with woman.
6. A woman that is not you.
7. In Las Vegas.
8. This is all just told to you, already decided, no discussion.
9. Hubby thinks this plan is just fine and dandy.
10. Your husband takes home the trophy for being an idiot.

Can you just imagine the conversation at work that was had?? Oh yeah, I'll just tell T. this is how its going to be, she won't mind, she does what I tell her, etc... Don't you wonder why this situation can't just be switched to one of the other men that are going on the trip. All these other men know this is not an ok situation, either because they are not idiots or they have already been hit by a frying pan!

Hoping you act like a "you know what", not a doormat.
V.

We had this question recently, I suggest you show him the responses

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/12679001660673097729

Um... Isn't this the exact same question some one else asked a while back?

I would just tell him that I'm not comfortable with that and ask him to please share with someone else. Ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed and you were the one going out of town and staying in a hotel room with a man! Also, I know that there have been some other posts on here about similar situation. You may want to go and find them to see what advice those women received!

Good luck!

I might just pick up that frying pan. No WAY! That's ridiculous.

Absolutely NO WAY is this acceptable, under any circumstance. It is so beyond inappropriate for a married man to share a room with any adult woman besides his sister, and even then most men probably wouldn't WANT to do that unless it was an emergency.

I think you need to check up on this. There's a reason for him staying with a female coworker, and it's not to save money. You are right for being upset, and I think you ought to be suspicious as well.

I will say a prayer for you!

Oh...and if it were me...I'd say, no way. Under any circumstance. Never. I mean, how would he feel if you did the same thing with a man?

Nope. Would never fly with me. Even though I trust my hubby with my heart and soul, (now), it is just not cool. He needs to share with a man, or be alone. You don't know if you can trust HER. What does her hubby say? If she's not married, even more reason to say no. Who planned this? They did an awful job. My companies I've been with would NEVER plan it like that. Crazy!

I would not let my husband go under these circumstances. If he's not willing to change arraingements, then don't let him go. Something is not right here. I don't care if they are just friends/co-workers...this is not appropriate for anyone who is married. Period!!

What employer would even allow this? Seem awfully risky with the potential for many legal headaches. I'd ask him if his employer is aware of this.

I don't think my husband would even dare attempt something like that. He knows I wouldn't be ok with it. Regardless of 'trust' I just don't think its a good idea for them to be in such close quarters. Sharing a bathroom, showering around each other- its just not a good idea. there is NO reason he has to share a room with a woman. Its ultimately up to you and how you feel, but I wouldn't be happy.

I would let my husband stay in a room with my BEST FRIEND. But he would never do it, I know that for a fact.

I would never tell my husband it was ok to stay in a room with a female coworker. He also would never propose it.

Tell him you trust him, but this is someone he WORKS with, and you think it is inappropriate. What about sexual harassment? Do you even know this person? Does HR know about this plan? I'm guessing most companies would not want to put themselves in a position where something unprofessional might happen.

J.

My comment to him would either be "like hell you are!", or "Really? since when did we start working together?"

I think it is ridiculous he is doing this and to just come out and tell you he is going there without even talking over with you in the first place.

See how he responds when you tell him you are also going, but are staying in one of his male co-workers rooms!!

I consider myself reasonable and maybe somewhat liberal. I am even am ok for the most part with male/female relationships (with a LOT of considerations). However I would have a serious, serious problem with this situation under all but maybe one exception (demanded by work, critical to my spouses employement, 100% supported by me, and very important to our financial future). But even then, unless there was ZERO way my spouse could attend because of our money situation, I would not be ok with it. And no employer would require a male employee share a room with a female employee. I think it will only create problems, and because of the image and message it sends to others.

If your marriage is important to you, I think you need to address it and that you are in no way unreasonable to say "no" to the situation.

If your marriage is important to your husband, he will readily accept your concerns and would not share a room under the circumstances.

Good luck.
D.

I just read this to my husband, and he laughed and said, "Even *I* know that wouldn't fly! When I came home all my sh** would be on the front lawn in a bonfire!"

So there you have it.

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/12679001660673097729

Exact same question in Janaury...133 answers to your question. Good Luck!

I would say nope. For obvious reasons... but he could also easily get a lawsuit slapped on him very easily by that female co-worker for any slight mishaps or even glances that he may have. It is a bad bad idea. I don't know any company that would do this. There may be more to this story.

i would put my foot down if he shares a room with a female his bags will be packed when he gets back and its been nice knowing him. i would be a ummm i had an ex who cheated and sure wouldnt go for it. if he gets mad at you for putting your foot down i would file on him jmo he wouldnt like it if hte cards were reversed.

Did you go back and read the question/responses from January 25th?

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/12679001660673097729

Ha! Be careful to not leave marks!..

Actually my husband shared a room with a female co worker years ago on a business trip. They were working for a News network and were shooting for a huge Presidential election. I knew they would be working at least 18 hours a day and would be exhausted.

Of course, I had met her and knew she was and still is a lesbian, so I was not worried about it, not even for 1 second.

You know in your heart and brain how you feel about it, so just be honest. I hope he will respects your answer.

UMMMMM NO!!! I would not be comfortable if my hubby wanted to share a hotel room with another woman. Since the rooms are free, everyone should get one.
Why can't you go with him? I am sure you could use the vacation.

Would not happen. It has nothing to do with trust (for me anyway), it is simply inappropriate for a married man to share a room with a female who is not his wife! I would explain to him the uncomfortable aspect of it and ask how he would feel if you were to share a BEDROOM IN VEGAS with hot Bob from your work! :)

whoa!!! Does he actually think this is ok??? I mean he told you about it, but whoa!!!

OMG!! I posted a question JUST LIKE THIS in January!! I got 133 AWESOME responses!!! Check it out.

What did your husband say about it when you talked with him? Hopefully you had a really good outcome like I did.

WOW I'm just really glad I'm not the only one married to a total ding-a-ling! LOL!

I would ask him if he would be ok with me sharing a room with a man. If he says NO WAY tell him that is what you're saying to his sharing a room with a female co-worker. If he says he'd be OKAY with it say, well you must trust me more than I trust you because there is NO Scenario I can imagine that would make you sharing a room with a women other than me OK. I have to tell you I would NOT be okay with it and if you go against me on this it will be an issue that will cause strife and grief in our marriage. Can't wait to hear how you handle it. Good Luck

Is he out of his mind????? Do you know this co-worker, has he talked about her are they friends outside of the office????? There is NO way in HELL I would be ok with this. I know what will happen in this situation. A few drinks some flirting, one thing leads to another......you get where I'm going with this. That takes alot of nerve........why doesn't he just get a room by himself (saving money, I know), well I'm sure there is male co-workers he could share a room with.

What the?, "HELL NO, OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

My husband won't even go out to lunch alone with a female coworker, let alone share a room with one.

no way, no how. I find it hard to believe that any business would put a man and a woman up in a hotel room.
and sorry to say, but my buy my ex went on a group diving trip, roomed with a woman and ... well, notice I said EX

I see everyone agrees with me.. No way! For one thing there isn't a company around that would pair together a male and female coworker who aren't married. Even if they had seperate rooms, if they have something going on they won't let them stop that. I think I would be going along with him in this case.

That is RIDICULOUS! I hope he can understand you're not overreacting and that no woman in her right mind would be ok with this!!!

I'm the wife that encourages her husband to go take a boys' snowboarding trip even if I can't go just because he loves snowboarding so much...and who encouraged him to go to a championship football game 4 days after our 1st child was born because there was no reason for both of us to miss the game. Etc. And I would definitely NOT be ok with this!!!

First off, my hubby would NEVER agree to share a room with another female, especially a co-worker.

Secondly, I suggest you guys start saving some $...you have until May, if he is insisting he go, then you guys save up enough $ that he can afford his own room!

~There was a post awhile back that was exactly the same as this and I talked with my hubby about it back then...we were both in complete agreement that even though we trust each other completely we would never do this to one another, never....the worrying and just appearance of inappropriateness would SO not be worth it!

If you guys can not afford to get him his own room I think he shouldn't go.
Did he really just come home and 'tell' you that was what he was doing? No discussion or asking of your opinion? That is a problem for me and I think it should be a problem for you...your husband should have more respect for your feelings than that. Period.

**If a bunch of his co-workers are going why can't he trade places with a single male to share with the female? There has got to be a way around this situation.

Seriously!?!?!? In what world would any man ever think that would be OK????? Room arrangements need to change or the trip is off in my opinion!

Well, if there are a "bunch" going, is she the only female, or what? It seems as though the males could share a room and the females could share a room. If she's the only female, seems to me the company should spring for her own room (if they are paying for it).
If a bunch of people are bunking up, I doubt there'd be much of an opportunity for hanky panky.
I'm not really the jealous type and two people of the opposite sex can get along great without it meaning anything further, but I would certainly wonder if it was possible to have other accomodations. I wouldn't want to be the only gal with a bunch of guys.
The event isn't planned until May. You have time to figure out if you can go along or if they can divvy up the sleeping arrangements in better fashion.

I wouldn't get mad just yet. I mean, he hasn't actually done anything other than mention it.
Sounds like you need to get more details about who all will be attending, etc.
One thing I know about Vegas is that often times people share rooms to share on the expense. Many are rarely in their rooms anyway except to change clothes, shower, and maybe catch a quick nap.
I've been to Vegas with people who were hardly ever in their room. They figured they'd sleep when they got home.
Like I said, this is only in the mentioning stages right now. Don't rip his head off just yet.
My friend is in upper management and she's been stuck around guys for days at a time, but they're married and not interested in her. She's involved and not interested in them.
These things can happen without it being evil, but I would definitely want to know more about who, where, when, etc.

Best wishes.

Well, I have been at work events where we had room-mates (ugh) and never EVER EVER have they put a man and a woman in the same room. I can't imagine any company would do this...or even allow it. I would think there would be a liability risk for the company!

Oh...and you are NOT over-reacting. He's pulling something...I hope it's just your leg.

While I can't tell you how to handle YOUR situation, I can tell you how I would handle it if it were MINE.

I know my husband. I know our relationship and the level of trust and commitment we share. I also know the women he works with. I wouldn't really have much of an issue with it to be completely honest, given all of the circumstances surrounding MY situation. My issue would lie moreso with the idea of him taking a vacation without me and I get "stuck" home with the kids, lol.

NO!! Wouldn't happen. The only female sharing any room with MY husband is me, or one of our 3 daughters. UGG............. WHY MUST MEN BE SO THICK???? LOL!

I have not read one response, but my advice is to let him read all the responses you get because there is no woman in her right mind who would be cool with this.

T.:

I have NEVER heard of a company having employees share a room when traveling - NEVER.

I do trust my husband but I know for a fact that my husband would be VERY uncomfortable sharing a room with ANY W. other than me!!!

So bottom line!!! Tell hubby "fine baby - you share that room...you share anything else and don't plan on coming home." or ask him this "hey baby! work is sending us to Las Vegas for a weekend....they are too cheap to pay for separate rooms for the employees and I'll be sharing a room with John." Find out how HE would handle that!!

I would find the biggest frying pan you can!!! Not sure if my husband would
still be alive if he came home with that info!!!!!! Think he neeeds to stay home.

I hate to say this but sometimes men can be soooo dense! Ok, I've been married 16+ yrs and I have a very good, healthy marriage and I can tell you that if my husband came home and slipped that info into a conversation I would have looked directly at him and said "the moment you even consider sharing a hotel room with another woman other than me or your mother, will be the moment I call an attorney and file for divorce!"
This is absolutely unacceptable and I would be sooo offended that he even said it. Personally, I would be questioning whether or not if he's already cheated on you or thought about it. I have a very loyal husband and he wouldn't ever put himself in that tempting situation - and I don't care how ugly the co-worker might be. She shouldn't even want to share a room with another man other than her husband! This is ridiculous on so many levels!

I'm sorry you have to go through this!

WTH????? What company does her work for...Completely wrong.... I can't believe he would even go along with it...

Laugh at him and say oh... you aren't kidding when he looks perplexed. he he.

Hell to the no.

I'd be insisting he go to his boss and get a new room, new roommate whatever. And if the boss won't do it guess he's staying home. OR the best option you two get your own room and go together.

But hell to the no on that one. I'm very very liberal and I'd still say that to this.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
While you may trust him, you shouldn't trust her. That is completely innapropriate, and just asking for trouble. This woman may or may not be a good person etc, but too many bad scenarios could happen here. Without question I would tell him no way. PERIOD

This is inappropriate. If this is a company sponsered event, they should be able to work out something different. My company would give everyone their own room. Something is not right.

On every level there is - HELL NO!!!! You can look at that a hundred thousand ways,and nothing about it is acceptable. All I see is disrespect. Oh and who is this woman that is so willing to stay in a hotel room with a married man? You need to do some sniffing around and see if he isn't already more friendly than you think with this co-worker.

I trust my husband, so it wouldn't bother me for him to share a room with a woman.

I would tell my husband absolutely not! If he goes thru w/it...he won't have a home to come back to. If he thinks that little of your marriage then he's not worth being with. I would think that he'd automatically say no to that w/o even coming to you about it much less thinking you'd be okay w/it. A married man to even consider sharing a room w/a female shows what kind of character he really has. He should have no problem inviting you to go along or if you can't & he's insistant on going, he should have no problem getting his own room or sharing a room w/a male. If it were me, my husband wouldn't be going w/o me. Good luck!

I am gonna start using the men's bathroom at work. I am sure trying to use the urinals will be hard and seeing other men's junk will be distracting. But my husband trusts me not to act inapproriate with colleagues.

There is no way on this earth I would allow my husband to go to vegas with some co-worker lady and SHARE a room??? Put your foot down and tell him NO. NOT IN MY LIFETIME. Or whatever words you want to put in there....that is a gateway to an affair and paired with a little alcohol and late nights, it would happen incredibly easily. Protect your marriage and stand up to your man!
Good Luck!
m

My answer might have been - "Oh, honey, I don't mind if you share a room with Sue if you don't mind that I share my room with the mailman while you're gone."

Absolutely NOT. I trust my husband 100%. HE would never even suggest this regardless of how platonic it might be. No way.

Ummmmm. No. I would feel the same as you. I would in no way want that to happen, it just seems wrong. Tell him you would like him to be able to go but you would want to have him share a room with a male. Also check to see if you could go with instead. Sharing a room with a female when you are married is a big nono in my book.

well you sure got alot of responses-dont know if mine would help...but....

ABSOULUTELY NOT!!!!!....a married person should NEVER share a room with the opposite sex,...and in vegas to?? you know the saying..
"WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS_STAYS IN VEGAS" and your hubby should have more respect for you than to even suggest something so absurd...would he let you do the same??...why werent you asked to go with?? a mini vacation...really...is this a work plan or a cheat plan??

Talk to him about it. If you are concerned he needs to be concerned and do something about it. But not saying anything is like giving him permission...