What to Expect When weaning...so Sad!!

I'd slow down a bit. You JUST cut her back to bedtime only 3 weeks ago. Let her have that for awhile. Enjoy these last moments while you can. She will eventually wean - without tears - when she's ready. Mine so far have weaned at 2 1/2, 3 1/2, and 4. With every single one I thought they would never wean. But they did. Without tears. And then I was sad. :)

Just breastfeed for as long as you want. If people judge who the hell are they.

I know just how you feel. I weaned my 3 year old recently too. My husband would help me by rocking her to sleep. I know she's a little too old but it was comforting for her. She woke up during the night wanting me for 3-4 days. I've never let my children cry it out before but I knew I had to. She would go right back to sleep after crying for like 10 minutes & it eventually became less. Daddy didn't have to rock her anymore either. We co slept so I had no clue how I was going to do it. She finally used her toddler bed though because we moved it into our room until she slept alone. I did cry at first but in the end I was surprise how easy it actually is.

My sister doesn't do extended breastfeeding she stops when they turn 1. She has told me with both of her children it has also taken less then a week. Her husband helped her also though. Oh & now when she has a nightmare she likes to cuddle next to me like she did
when she was nursing. Its so sweet she doesn't want it but just laying there calms her.

I would like to add we tried everything else counting, bribing, ect. Nothing work though crying it out was our last alternative.

I weaned DD by telling her "just a little bit" and the "little bits" got shorter and shorter til I wasn't reminding her and she basically forgot. The last session she was 2.5 and she nursed for maybe 2 minutes, popped off and was done.

You may feel hormonal, but it's also an emotional milestone. Be gentle to yourself and try to trade out the nursing with something else special. My DD and I often snuggle first thing in the AM, either if she comes to my bed or if I get up with her and we snuggle under a blanket on the couch while she watches a cartoon and I drink my first cup of coffee. Find new ways to be close to her. My relationship with DD was not damaged at all. We just shifted to other things. So do both - start to shift away from nursing being part of the routine and when you do nurse, make it shorter and shorter.

I did not think my younger one would self-wean, but it did happen more naturally. She was busy with life. It became that she started nursing just once a day. Sometimes she'd forget that once, and... I let her know that I was empty. She felt sad for a few days, but we still had our cuddle time and story time. I felt sad, too. Maybe part of it is indeed hormones, part of it is grief over something ending - something sweet and precious - that we will now only cherish as a memory. But that is life.

You've got so much going on, and this will not make added changes easier for either you or your daughter. My inclination would be to tell her you've decided to continue night nursing for X more weeks (whenever the stresses might be releived in your household). Here's my VERY abbreviated edit of a 2008 article on night weaning by Naomi Aldoort, an attachment parenting post. She makes some wonderful points that you might find helpful in thinking about this whole situation a bit differently:

"Many attachment mothers believe a child should never cry. This is not true, possible, or beneficial. Babies communicate essential needs through crying. Toddlers' wants are not always primal, and we cannot supply them all. Crying allows the child to release emotions, feel empowered, and move on. She can handle change when she is feeling loved and worthy.

…gentle night weaning will most likely include crying, she will always have your affectionate presence and she will benefit from the process. How long and how many nights she will cry depends on her experience with emotions. If she knows that emotional expression is valued for its own sake, she will only cry until she regains inner peace.

Support her transition with peace in your heart and she will see herself as capable and resilient. A well-bonded child will mirror you in how she responds to changes.

So before weaning, practice supporting your child when she cries. Minimize limits/frustrations, but when crying is unavoidable, don't give the the idea that crying must stop or that she can use it to alter reality. If she believes a long cry will change the plan, she will cry much longer. If she understands that you are meeting her actual needs and that crying is for emotional release, she will cry until she finds peace with reality. A secure 2yo surrendering a former habit is not traumatized, but self-expressing and being empowered.

ONE-STEP PROCESS: Prepare yourself in advance by imagining a future in which your child is contented. If you are secure in the rightness of your choice, your child will follow your lead. For some, just letting them know night nursing is ending "tonight" is enough. Your calm tells her it's no big deal, and you trust that she's ready. Nurse her to sleep, and reminding her that this is the only nursing in bed for the night. If/when she wakes, you can lie with her and hold her, with your breasts fully covered, and hold her lovingly until she settles.

Let her know that your understand she's not used to it yet, and you will hold her as long as she needs to cry. This usually lasts 2-4 nights, and lessens gradually.

8-STEP PROCESS:
1. Plan a special event (zoo, boat ride, visit somebody special). Explain the plan to your child.

2. Mark days on calendar with your child.

3. Talk about it with joyful anticipation every day. Respond to her questions truthfully, "It is for my sake so I can get more sleep." Don't pretend she has a choice when she doesn't. She can handle this if life in general is meeting her needs. Tell her she will fall asleep on the breast as usual.

4. If she expresses doubt/sadness, validate her: "If you wake up, I will remind you about no nursing. If you need to cry, I will hold you until you are ready to sleep again." (i.e., you'll support her emotionally.

5. When the day arrives, celebrate as planned, talking about the weaning with positive anticipation.

6. Breastfeed to sleep if that's your usual pattern, reminding her that this is the last feeding until morning.

7. If she wakes, support her tears without fear. She is struggling with change, not trauma. Keep the room dark, lie beside her until she calms. She will be done and go back to sleep peacefully, even relieved.

8. Avoid confusion by not breasfeeding in bed in the morning, or any time she's waking from sleep.

Ms. Aldoort claims this transition works in 2-5 nights, or if the child has learned that crying can change plans, up to a week. I did not need to do this with my co-sleeping daughter; the transition happened more naturally. But for an emotionally-volatile child, I suspect it could take longer. Still, I wonder if YOU are able to convince yourself that this is a positive change, it will ultimately be empowering for both of you. And if you are able to offer hugs and comfort without the milk, she may come to rely on those without nursing.

I'm hoping something in this approach helps. And I'm wondering whether your daughter might benefit from a pacifier or some of the chewing toys available for kids who need a lot of sensory stimulation. If you haven't looked into that possibility, you might check out this site: http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/

It doesn't sound like you are really ready. IF you were, I don't think you would be having this huge fight with yourself over it. She apparently needs this, as it seems you still do too, even though you are telling yourself you are done. Are you still feeding through out the night? Maybe if you can just do a "before bed" feeding? Finding common ground may be a better transition rather than cold turkey. It's tough, I know. Just listen to your heart. Good luck :)

Try this website, I found it really helpful when I was starting to cut back on night time nursing.
http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Good luck, and no matter what you decide, remember that you've done a great thing for your child by nursing this long.

Personally when they can say"Please Mommy just a little bit" , it is definitely time. She is old enough to understand. Yes she may cry for a few nights then it will be over. You can still cuddle etc. weaning does not change that.

I dropped all the nursing except for the one before bed at 2 1/2. I was not emotional about being completely done but I was so nervous about dropping that last feeding because that was all we knew for almost 3 years. A month before he turned 3 I just told him that tonight nursing would be only 10 seconds and I counted to 10. Then we snuggled and went to bed. The next night was 5, then 3, then 1. Then I didn't mention it. It was crazy how easy it was. My son loves hugs and kisses so for him, just snuggling was enough. As long as you are there for her and there are no major underlying issues, she will be ok.