What to Do with the pacifier/binky?Which to Deal with First the Binky or the Bed

My son was 2 1/2 before he gave up his binky. I cut the end off of it and he still wanted it until one night I told him it was broken and we had to throw it away and it said okay and he went to sleep. The next night he asked for it again and I told him the same thing by the 3rd night he didn't ask for it and we are binky free. I wish you luck :)

I went with the bed issue first. The binky had to stay in the bed and if he wanted the binky he had to stay in bed. Eventually, he would drop it out of his mouth and we would take it for the night. Then one night he went to sleep without it and continued to do so from then on.

He has a great bed time routine too. Bath then 20 minutes of book reading with daddy in his favorite rocking chair. Most of the time he's asleep before the books are finished.

Start by only giving it to her at bedtime for a bit,then take the pacifier away and let her cry. Trust me (which you don't need to do because you said it yourself in your letter) it will be much harder on you than on her. She may cry a couple of nights or even a week, but the longer you wait the worse it will be, and with will get worse. I always recommend that parents get rid of that by NO LATER than 18 months. Longer than that, and, as you are finding out, you have a major fight on your hands. Also, I would not try to change anything else at the same time. Tackle one hurdle at a time. You may want to get her out of your bed first so that when she cries herself to sleep, she won't be doing it in your ear. There are many books out there (although I find the cry it out method the most effective) regarding this subject if you would like. You might also try the nail polish they have at Wal-Mart for stopping thumb sucking. Put it on the paci. Trust me, she will not have anything to do with it again!! That stuff is nasty and it broke my stepdaughter of a 6 year thumb sucking habit her mother wouldn't make her stop. Good luck because it won't be easy but you can do it!!

I read some ideas not too long ago about getting rid of the binky. I was very hesitant to even give my daughter one because so many kids seem to get dependent on it. I felt that it was better than having a thumb sucker cause I could take the binky away. One of the pieces of adivce I read was very creative in that a mother told her daughter that Elmo had adopted some children and was in desperate need fo binkies. They boxed them all up, went to the post office and mailed them. She had written on the box for the mail service to just trash the box once she and her daughter had left with a note about what was inside. I spoke to my Pediatrician about it as well and he said he just made his kids stop cold turkey. One day it was gone, no ifs, ands or buts. He threw it away and that was that. I've also read that we should begin taking the binky away no later than six months so that there is less dependence on it.

I'm a new mom so I'm certainly no expert, but I'm wondering based on your daughter's response about being the baby if it's not more about that then the binky itself. Could it possibly be that your daughter for some reason feels insecure in her position? By that I mean, is she afraid that if she is no longer "a baby" that she might be less loved? Is she possibly worried that another "baby" might take her place? Like I said, I'm new to this, but to me, it sounds like she is more worried about being the baby for some reason then the binky. Perhaps if you can find the source of that anxiety, you might be able to convince her that being a "big girl" can be fun too.

Hi M.,
I have 4 children the oldest got rid of his at 9 months, the next one never took one, the third child took it until she was one and then we "lost it", I new where it was but took my oppurtunity, and the 4th one 6 months likes her pacifier but she only gets it at naptime and bedtime and we take it bye bye just in case.

So where to start I would start with bedtime first, like others have said this will comfort her being in her own bed and not with you. My 2 middle kids sleep in their own beds and from time to time the come and sleep in our bed, mostly my 3 yr old, so don't think that months from now she is regressing because she not.

Here's what worked for me to get my kids to sleep and fall asleep in their beds, on a sunday night we did our nightly bedtime routine (bath, bedtime drink, read a book), then I would go lay in there with them. First starting off it took them 30 minutes or more to fall asleep and I would have to get on to them about laying down and things like this (I started this in June, my son was starting Kindergaten in August and I was having my 4th child in November so I wanted to get them where I could get them in bed and they fall asleep on their own) it took about 2 solid months of me going in there and laying with them and gradualy the falling asleep time got shorter to where I would walk out before they were asleep. I didn't like this at all but it was much less harder this way and alot less tears for all of us, lol.

After you get the bedtime routine and sleeping in her own bed down then you could tackle the pacifier. But also there are a couple of things you could do with the pacifier now....you don't say wether she takes it all day or not so pick whichever is most helpful.

If she does take the pacifier all day start limiting when she can take it, redirect her or even if she asks for it tell her we can't play and suck on our pacifier at the sametime so she either needs to sit in a special seat, lay in her bed, something somewhere, so she doesn't have the best of both worlds, if you know what I'm saying. After you do this for awhile tell her ok we only have the pacifier when we lay down for naptime and bedtime now. If she starts throwing a fit for it tell her to go lay down in her bed and she can have it, but if you need your pacifier than you must need a nap and you have to lay in your bed to have it.

So here's what's going on she's playing hard ball now, she knows that if she throws a big enough fit you will give in. And believe me it's gonna be a whole lot worse before it's better. She is gonna pull out all the stops or she could go with it depends on the child. You will have to be strong and you will probably think she is Linda Blair, lol. You will have to show her who is boss and who is running the show. So far in her 3 yr old life she has and you need to regain your power before it's to late. I don't know if I have much more advice so I hope this helps you in someway, W.

The bed won't ruin her teeth, affect her speech or contribute to ear infections. You need to break her of the binky habit...and fast! If you have tried everything else, you may have to just go cold turkey and deal with her resistance (and crying) for a few days. I didn't catch, why is she sleeping with you and your husband?

A. L

I don't have binky suckers or kids that sleep in bed with me so take this for what it is worth.

My kids do suck their thumbs and fingers though and my dentist said the same thing not to worry when they just have baby teeth.

I think you should tackle the bed thing first. Having her binky will bring her comfort which she will need when adjusting to sleeping away from you. I would probably give it 2 or 3 months of successfully sleeping in her own bed before tackling the binky situation.

I have had friends who only let their children have a binky in their bed so that might be a good way to transition away from the binky. They also make yucky tasting stuff that can be put on the binky. Then there is also a book out there I got on amazon called Binky's Blankets Bottles and Thumbs that addresses these attachment items.

Hope some of this helps. Good luck and hang in there.

The way we broke our daughter of her binky was each night you cut a little bit off at a time and eventually there is nothing there. She still has the "shell" of the binky but nothing the suck on. It is more of a security thing to her. She doesn't get anything during the day, only at night. Hope you find a way to work for you. Good luck!

We started our kids off by saying it had to stay in their bed. They were not allowed to have it except at "sleep time." When I moved my middle son to his toddler bed, he never once asked for the binky. With my oldest, I just said big boys don't use binkies and he gave it up. but it sounds like that won't work with your daughter. I got my daughter to trade her binkie for a stuffed to sleep with. whenever she asked for the binkie, i said "no, you have a monkey." and she was fine. but it sounds like you're going to have to get tough with your daughter. You need to tell her she's too big for a binkie. tell her it will mess up her teeth. tell her it's for babies, and she's a big girl. point out big girl things she does - use the potty, drink from a big girl cup, whatever she does that's "big" and then say she's too young for a binkie. then take it away and be strong. don't give in and give it back or the next time you take it away will be even harder. you must be strong, and don't give it back. 3 years old is old enough to know that if she throws a fit, you will give in. it's turning into a control thing. good luck.

My son was the same way with his binky. For his first year, we were getting up every hour to put the binky back in his mouth in the middle of the night, plus he liked it during the day (especially during stressful times).

When he was about two, we were able to ween him down to just nights/naps by saying that he must be in his crib to have his binky. I didn't think there was any way we'd get it away from him at night, though.

At about 2 1/2, I showed him a picture of himself as a baby that was sitting on a shelf in the corner of the room. One night I said the baby needed a binky and he (miraculously!) put it on the shelf next to the picture. It was amazing, but he actually slept through the night. If he ever asked for it, I said the baby needed it, and he was (relatively) okay with that. We did have to get it back from the baby a time or two, but it was short-lived.

Good luck!

I'm having a similar problem with the bottle at bedtime. Let me know if something works for you!

You are going to just have to stand your ground. At 3 she is testing your limits. It will or should just take a few days before she is over it. It really is harder on mom than on the kiddo.

Hi, M.
I had a hard time getting my twins off the binky too. What I did and worked very well was started limiting the binky to bed time only. I didn't let them have it al all during the day, only at night. In fact, I insisted they leave the binks in the beds. We did this for a couple of weeks and then got rid of them all together. Keep doing the "big girl" thing. If necessary, tell her that she is a big girl, or she wouldn't be able to play at the park, use the potty, eat popcorn, whatever she does in her life that makes her a toddler rather than a baby. This worked for my twins, and I didn't they would ever get off the binks.

S.

All three of my children are binky suckers. With my oldest son, he threw his binky away on his own when he was a little over 2 1/2 years old. We were at the doctors office.. Anyways, we told him that he had to be the one that throws it away but if he did throw it away, he wouldn't be able to get another one. He ended up throwing it away and was sad about it for the first few days. Then a few days he was happy and never asked about it. About a year ago my we had to take the binky away from my youngest son. We tried everything to keep it away from him, cutting the top off, hiding it. but he would always find another one. I really wanted to pull my hair out. The binky was the thing that comforted him. So when we took it away he had to have something else to comfort him. Well that is when he started to climb on me and fall asleep and that is what he done for a few months. Now my 5 month old daughter sucks on one and I'm just anxious to see how long she will suck on it and how hard it might be to break her.

I read a story somewhere that they took the binky to build a bear workshop and put it in there, that way they can always have it but yet they can't suck on it. I think that is a good idea. I'm not sure how expensive it is or anything. When I read that story, I thought it was neat that someone thought to do that.

I hope some of this helps you and good luck. :]

does she have friends her age?do they take binkies?try telling her that noone wants to play w a big girl who sucks on a binky
idk if itll work,my kid is barely 1,and hes getting of it himself lol

HI M.!

I know that we all have specific stages that we all want our kids to follow as they develop, but sometimes we overlook what the child needs. My daughter needed to suck a pacifier to calm herself in order fall asleep. When she turned two, I took the pacifier, bacause her doctor felt it was time. She started sucking her finger. She is now 7, and we can't seem to break her from it. Her finger is always with her, and it is her personal habit. She sucks her finger a few times a day, but I can tell that she wants to break the habit. It is easier for children to ween themselves from a pacifier than a finger. I wished that I would not have taken her pacifier. She will eventually ween herself. The more attention you give to this, the more she will do it. Have her trade snacks or favorite activities for her pacifier. When the event is done, then give it back. See how many times you can get her to trade in her pacifier. Maybe you can trade something for yourself and put it in a special container with your daughter's pacifier. Do it together and make it fun. Maybe you can buy her a favorite pajama set, that she can trade for her pacifier, when she wants her binky she will have to change into a used pajama set. I hope this helps. Trade in the daytime for a while before you establish it at night. When she turns 12, this will be but a memory, so don't overstress yourself on this. Life is too short. Be Blessed!

We got rid or our binky by telling our son that it had to stay in his bed...he was not allowed to bring it downstairs during the day, but could have it at naptime and bedtime...as long as he was in his bed... It was really hard for him, and one day he brought it downstairs...I saw it and hid it...when it was bedtime, and he wanted it, I told him I didn't know where it was...and asked if he had brought it out of his room....he said he did, and I explained that it was gone...he had a meltdown that night, but I just kept telling him that he had brought it out of his bed, and there was nothing I could do... he finally got over it... Good luck!

In my sincere opinion, I can't imagine one thing that is going to make this easier on you or her. She is a child and they have an amazing capacity for inflicting guilt and shame on us. That's what the crying is for. They don't feel nearly as bad as they sound like they do. They know you will give in if you can't take it. And you have already demonstrated that you can't so she will cry all the longer and all the more.

I'm not saying it's not tough for her. It is. But waking up an hour after she fell asleep is the hard part. Screaming and screaming about it is her way to punish you for taking it away. You've already tried the so called super nanny's idea. It didn't work. I'm all for trying things but that woman is no super nanny. I've seen the show and she isn't trying anything new or revolutionary. Every child is differnt and it's always going to be trial and error with all of them. Unfortunately, this is an issue that your daughter feels passionate enough to fight you on. Who's stronger? You or her?

The only real reason I can see to make the pacifier go is if you are finding her to be more dirty because of it. I've seen kids that always have sores around their mouth and come in with crusty dirt in a circle around their mouth where the pacifier was. It's just plain gross! And kids that are fixated with having something in their mouth all the time are also the ones that are more likely to pick up pin worms. If you take your daughter to public places where other kids have put their dirty hands in unmentionable places and then crawl through the tunnels and go down the slides, then she puts her fingers all over her pacifier and then in the mouth, she's going to pick up all kinds of yucky germs and even the worms.

If your daughter is only taking it at night and she is going to bed clean and waking up clean and the pacifier is being washed every day, then I wouldn't even bother. I would let her forget it on her own. But it might not happen until she's much older. My 2nd daughter never took a pacifier or sucked her thumb until she was 2 years old. One day she decided to copy another daycare child. She sucked her thumb for 5 long yers no matter what we did. She managed to pick up pinworms 3 or 4 times in those years. YUCK! Just be really glad if it's not an all day habit.

Suzi