My husband's ex-colleague has invited us for her marriage. We learned from another ex-colleague that she would like a cash gift for the wedding. This is the first time I've heard this. What is the appropriate cash amount expected in such a case?
Thanks in advance!
PS: This other ex-colleague is thinking of giving 100$ as the cash gift!!!! Whoops!
Well we always give a meaningful gift or a gift card to the newly weds! Never heard anyone asking for cash instead! Anyways, I personally don't know her all that much. She is an Asian American and maybe that's expected in their circle.
Thanks all! And thanks to you too MelissaJ! I hope you don't mean to target me as being racist! I was just providing extra information with my question! 100$ for wedding gift seemed a bit too much to me, so just wanted all you mom's friendly advice.. please don't target me for my honest inquiry. Thanks :)
hmm well what I meant was that she is brought up in US but originally an Asian, they still might be following their culture and I thought maybe cash gift was a norm in their culture. From where I belong originally, we always gave a nice and useful present for the bride and groom. We never expected anyone to cover our wedding or the food cost. Weddings happen (hopefully) only once and we make it as grand as we can afford! We invite people, however do not expect anything remotely useful in return. We are pleased by their presence and not the presents. That's where I come from and I continued the same tradition here in US. Asking or even "spreading the word" for cash gifts which in turn shows how much you can afford financially to look nice, is plain rude and unthoughtful to me! By the way, I am far from racist coz I am also an Asian albeit a different "race" and not brought up in the US!!
Thanks Riley and Tracy. So that is a cultural thing. Well we will probably give what looks nice to them! However, it pains to me to cover someone's wedding cost in that huge amount when I am thinking twice about giving my child's more-deserving teachers even 15 bucks gifts! that's life- never a level-playing field!
It means quite a few things.
•It means she's not registered anywhere, so don't buy an actual "gift"
•It means she wants you to give them cash only
•It means she's extremely rude, selfish and it screams low-breeding!
It's never "OK" to request cash as a gift if you've not been asked!
I think you give what you are comfortable with. If I'm really close with the couple getting married I would spend $!00. Don't know them well, I would get something that wasn't too expensive off of the registry. Its a little tacky to say "cash only".
I'm surprised you've never heard of giving cash as a wedding gift before to be honest. I agree that it's not polite to specifically ask for money, but I don't think I've ever purchased an actual gift for a wedding either on the registry or not. Depending on who's getting married, where & when we give anywhere from $50-100 as a couple.
ETA-Wow, I am almost wishing I hadn't ever opened this question at all now. You didn't say that the bride & groom specifically asked for cash on the wedding invitation which means someone had to have asked them what they would like & they answered honestly. There's nothing wrong with that in my opinion & it CERTAINLY doesn't have anything to do with race. Good God!
I grew up in Japan... Cash is a VERY traditional wedding gift. Guests typically send a gift to the home (physical gift... because it is the height of rudeness for a person to open a gift in the presence of the giver) and then bring cash to the wedding itself. ((Money is also given to children on Children's day... and during other celebrations during the year)).
The Japanese don't do the "Money Dance", but that's a common tradition in some Asian countries.
The Money Dance is also common in some parts of Europe.
Envelopes filled with cash, handed to the bride is very traditional of Italian American wedding, and in some (but not all) parts of Italy itself (Italy is actually a collection of 4 or 5 distinct cultures)... and ditto for Greece.
It's only rude or poor manners in SOME countries (like ours, but not everywhere in ours)... so you're VERY right in thinking that this might be a cultural difference.
In many of the countries where cash is the traditional gift, having the NERVE to go and pick stuff out yourself (registering) is the HEIGHT of rudensss. How DARE someone go pick stuff out that they want and then expect other people to buy it???
Rudeness is what one's mother teaches.... it's FAR from universal.
______
I should add... I married an Italian American. Close relatives gave us envelopes with $1000 in it. Close family friends did $500. Friends and more distant relations did $100.
My side split equally between Japanese tradition, and Northern European tradition (I even had a gold and silver coin for my shoes!). And my NYC friends also gave cash.
It means she wants cash -- I suggest $40-$50 if you are a couple. If you are single $20-$25.
Pump the breaks on the judgement ladies. This is a cultural thing.
My friend went to a Chinese wedding. It was elaborate and very expensive. They were not wealthy. She wondered how it was all paid for and then noticed at the reception, the bride and groom were being handed red envelopes from all the guests. Turns out, they collected over $10,000 in "cash gifts." That helped pay the cost of the wedding.
http://www.lovelovechina.com/marriage/chinese-wedding-red...
According to WiChinese culture[edit]
For Chinese weddings, cash or a check is always the best gift. In addition to that, some elder relatives might also give gold jewelry. The cash or check should be in a red envelope or red pocket with the givers' names on it, and it is always given when signing in at the restaurant. In choosing the amount of money to give, givers scrupulously avoid unlucky numbers, such as 4 and favor combinations of lucky numbers, such as 8 and 9. Also, white envelopes are never used to wrap gifts for a wedding or other joyful event, as the color white is associated with death.
PS - Italians do the same thing. Black Americans and Mexicans pin a dollar (or more) to the bride when they dance with her.
It depends on what circles you run around in.
The "rule of thumb" is that you should spend about what they spent on your "head" for the reception x the # of people included in giving the gift.
But that's just a figure and not everyone adheres to that number. Give what you can. Some people prefer to GIVE cash, just because it's easier. But I think it's tacky to ask for cash for any reason (other than, Mom, I can't feed my daughter. Can I have $10).
Around here 100 is the go to amount for a couple attending.
I have never heard of asking for cash, if you don't register you have a very high chance of only getting cash so why spell it out, unless you like being rude.
I am surprised some of the new registries. There is one I heard of from a friend who registered for a house. In other words cash but you could send it directly to their builder. Maybe that is how you get around the rudeness factor.
If it were two of us attending the wedding...I'd vote for $50 bucks. Unless of course they printed on the invitation..."nothing less than $100 is acceptable". But really...if it were me...I'd just buy what I want...be it a giftcard or a present and be done with it.
While we Americans often find cash to be a very tacky gift, in many cultures it is tradition. A "money dance" is also a lot of fun (people pay during the reception to dance with the bride and groom).
I am really surprised by a lot of the answers below. Mentioning that she is Asian is not at all a racist comment. It IS common for some Asians (particularly Chinese & Korean, not sure about others) to give money as a wedding gift. Just as registering for specific items that we want is a common tradition in the US, giving cash is a common tradition in other countries (not just the two I mentioned above). I am white and my husband is American-born Chinese. When we got married, almost everyone from my side gave gifts and almost everyone on his side gave cash. That's just the way it is.
The cash is not necessarily intended to cover the cost of the wedding. Perhaps they are saving up to buy a house or some other big purchase. Maybe they want to start a college fund for their future children. Maybe they want to go on an amazing vacation. Who knows what they're using it for, but don't assume that it's to cover the cost of the wedding.
As for what amount to give them, think about how much you would spend if you were to buy an actual gift, and that's how much to give. What do you normally spend when you go to a wedding? $25? $50? $100? I'm not sure what's normal in Dallas, but in SoCal, giving only $25 is pretty low. I tend to spend $150 or so on my closest friends and family, and $75-100 on everyone else (and this is going to the wedding as a couple).
My husband and I have been married for 6 years, and this is what I recall. Many friends/colleagues/relatives did purchase gifts from our registry. Some gave us something not on our registry (sometimes that was good and sometimes, well, it's the thought that counts).
Very close friends and family gave us $100. Some close friends gave us $50. We have a few $10 and $20 gifts and gift cards.
I have to admit, the cash was nice! Our lodging and food for the honeymoon were already paid or budgeted. The extra money allowed us to really relax (I tend to worry about money) and do some things that I probably would have not done otherwise.
More often than not, the bride and groom will appreciate what you are able to give. The other ex-colleague might even feel relieved if he/she realizes you won't be giving that much.
You are right, this is rude to specially request cash! Poor manners!
You either have a registry or you don't. If you don't, most people will give cash or other usual expected things like photo albums and picture frames, etc and maybe provide a gift receipt.
To me $100 is what I'd spend on a close friend or family member. $50 for a colleague. Don't compete with others.
You unfortunately are being racist, by saying something like "She's an Asian American and maybe that's expected in their circle". There are about 4 billion "Asians" in the world, or about 60% of the world population. There are almost 50 countries that are part of "Asia". There is no "circle" of Asian Americans. And one individual's rude behavior does not define an entire race.
Please don't be offended, I am simply explaining to you why your comment is racist. I am not saying you hate Asian people or anything of the sort. It is just to let you know why this comes across this way.
I don't think its polite to ask specifically for cash, but hey, its not my wedding. Yes, $100 seems appropriate for a cash gift between you and your husband. And yes, cash is absolutely the best wedding gift ever :-)
$20
The other ex-colleague can over board if they want to - it has nothing to do with you.
I've been married for 11+ years and most of the gifts that we received on our wedding day were cards with checks in them and the most common amount was $100 per couple. To this day we always give a monetary gift for a wedding gift and the amount we give depends on whether or not we go to the wedding and how close we are to the couple. If we don't go to the wedding we'll give $50 - $100 and if we do go we'll give $150 and up depending on the couple. I've always thought you should at least cover your plate.
My mother married a Chinese man in China and my father married a Chinese woman in Mexico....red envelopes all over!! Love how Riley pointed out the gift registry and Americans...pick your own gifts???
I have never given anything other than cash at a wedding. And yeah, 100 to 150 depending where they are having it is correct. I agree with the person that says you should give what you think your meal is costing them x # attending in your group.
People do want cash sometimes but I find it very tacky. Why don't they just sell tickets to their wedding at the door? If they can't afford to have the wedding so need their guests to pay for it, don't have one in my book. But that's just me and my circle of friends. NONE of us have ever given cash. But I know people do and if you choose to, around $100 for a couple is standard to pay for a gift so I guess standard for cold hard cash too. We often give a present over $100 but it all depends on the area you live in, the spending habits of the circle of friends etc. But don't feel pressured to give cash. Give what you like to do. It's a GIFT.
