Toddlers Hitting

If the 14 month old understands "NO" and to not do it it in front of you, he's old enough for timeouts. This child proves that children know way more than we give them credit for ; ) Remove him from the situation to a place he can see what he is missing, a pack n play or sectioned off area. Explain why he's having a timeout, "We do not hit/bite/pull or we have a timeout" each and every time it happens, he'll eventually learn it's not worth it. Take him to your child after the timeout and say, "_____ is sorry he hit/bit/pulled you, right, _____?" Eventually he'll be able to say it on his own and have him do it. Do not turn your back on them unless they are separated, each in a pack n play or behind separate baby gates, I'd even separate them for play part of the time to avoid problems.

And do make his parents aware of what is going on and how you are dealing with it. Hopefully they will get on board so his discipline is consistent across the board, if not you'll need to decide it it's worth it to continue to watch him. I once watched a 4 year old who hit and kicked the other children when she thought i didn't see, literally fought me tooth and nail to not be in timeout and screamed at me when she was, her parents actually thought her behavior was cute :-/ So I had to say sorry, I can no longer watch her, which meant I lost her well-behaved sister as well. Truly wasn't worth it or fair to the other children.

Also, sit down and play with the kids on their level so they can see how to play nicely. They're toddlers, this is the perfect time to teach them. If the other child's behavior continues as it is you run the risk of your child starting to think it's OK. You'll be teaching your child it's not, and can also work on teaching how to stand up for oneself, because unfortunately, this is going to happen from time to time in years to come.

Definitely time outs. Set up a pack n play, or take him up to your son's crib if it's still up.
The second he hits, you go to him and firmly say "No, we don't hit,kick,bite etc" and put him in his timeout.
Do it every time, even if it gets exhausting! He knows what he's doing!

i think a time out is appropriate, not necessarily to 'teach' him (although that's fine too) but to make sure that your son is safe while the younger boy is figuring out what NO really means.
sorry, you just can't turn your back and leave them alone during this phase. not unless the biter is confined. time-outs at this age should involve a playpen.
'play nicely' is learned concept that takes time. he won't just get it one day, there will be a curve associated with it. make sure you are on top of it while he's learning.
khairete
S.

At fourteen months, a lot can be happening. It may be that he is trying to express his frustration about a situation, it may be that he's got some teeth moving around, or it may be that he's trying to get your son's attention and this drama seems like 'play' to him. Not that any of these reasons to let it continue, by any means.:)

While I'm really on the fence about an imposed time-out at fourteen months, I do think providing separate and safe places to play when you need to tend to tasks like preparing meals is a wise idea. Some suggested the pack-n-play; I have found that it helps to sometimes offer the pack-n-play to the child being 'bothered', because they can play without the other grabbing up their toys. Either way, You can call it The Safe Place instead of Time Out, which also gives clear language about the intention of that space. If there's a well-childproofed space within view and you know that this will be a long-term care arrangement, consider getting a gate that mounts into your doorway and can slide open and closed (instead of a tension gate, these are notorious for falling over). This will provide another safe place for one child to play with more room to be mobile.

Another idea is to make sure that the littler one is in the high chair when you need to have your attention elsewhere. Time to work on that pincer grip, or offer a few toys/board books to keep him busy.

At this age, I try not to use "no (hitting,biting)" because children at this age usually remember/focus on the last few words we say, not the whole message. So, you might try some simple descriptive language. "Ouch. Biting hurts. You can bite on this..." offer a suitable toy or teether. "Ouch. Hitting hurts. Gentle touches." Model, model, model this for him.

Follow through by giving your son's experience of the situation the focus. When he is hurt or bitten, be clear "See Charlie's face. He is very sad. The bite hurts him. We need to help Charlie feel better." (you are holding your son and taking him to do what needs to be done, washing the bite area or getting an ice pack). Draw Little One's attention on "how we can help Charlie feel better".

Also, teach your son the Big Loud No. One thing I do with children who might not have their words during a conflict is to stand behind them and script for them. You can position yourself beside/behind your son and practice this when Little One is getting ready make his move , "No! No!" or "Stop!" for older children. "No/stop, I don't like that" is a great simple phrase for young children.

Otherwise, separate play areas when you can't be right there is really important. Once you have those environments set up, they'll be easy to use when need be. And in my opinion, it is okay to put LIttle One in the pack-n-play while you tend to your son's injuries/owies, just make sure that you are keeping your own emotions in check and not raising your son's level of anxiety with your own response. Good luck!

I know others say do time outs, but I seriously question whether kids this young -- he is barely over a year -- really can connect a time out with their behavior. Certainly the time out, or any consequence, would have to be absolutely immediately after his behavior or there is zero chance he is going to connect his behavior with the consequence. I think kids under about two to three really don't connect behavior with consequences well, so the "lesson" is lost on them and they will repeat the behavior. Then you will be frustrated and wonder why he doesn't "get it" despite the time outs.

I would watch carefully, down on the kids' level as someone else put it so well, and would be ready to intervene immediately -- if that hand reaches out for your son, you instantly say a firm (but not yelling), "No! No touch!" and gently take his hand. Then immediately redirect his attention tto something else each time -- intervene, "No," distract, every time.

Is it possible that this boy needs much more in his hands all the time? I'd ensure there are lots of things for him to touch, hold, manipulate, and new things coming into his environment very often so he has new things to explore. He may need a lot more stimulation and that may be why he is getting it through striking out. (Plus, he knows it gets a reaction from your son and "negative attention" from you -- at 14 months, ANY attention is good to a child, even if it's the adult fussing at them.)

I'd also be sure not to leave them alone. Easier said than done, I know, but is there any way to take one or the other of them with you if you need to go into another room for a moment?

The red flag here, though, is the biting. Most kids hit a bit at some point but the biting, added to that, can be a much bigger issue. If this boy is biting frequently, you may need to protect your son by telling the parents that their son will get a certain number of "strikes" on biting before he's "out" and they need to find other care. This is the model some day cares use -- a biter gets only so many chances before the parents are told the child must be removed for good from that day care.

Try books by the "Supernanny" Jo Frost and see what she says about hitting and bitiing at this age.

Are the parents aware of their 14 month old's behavior? If not, they need to be made aware because discipline needs to be constant. Together you all should be able to come up with some sort of discipline that you all agree on so that there will be consistency. Have you tried time out? Sounds like until the younger one stops this behavior you might not be able to leave the two kids alone in the same room.