With baby#1, I read alot of what to expect books for pregnancy, labor, baby's first year and thought I was so ready and prepared for baby#1 to come. In reality, I didn't realize how sleep deprive I was going to be and how much of my time was devoted to caring for a baby and their nap schedules.
So, all I've heard from most moms with 2nd new born is that "it's harder and I'll be more busy". Can some of you elaborate on this and maybe give tips on preparing for 2nd child? what helped you or if you go back, this is how you would have done it, or wished you read this book, etc. My main concern is that baby#2 will be crying and waking my 2year old in the middle of the night. thanks all!
Hello :)
First, congratulations!
When we had our second child, I thought it was actually easier, because we knew what to expect. My first was also almost 2 when we had baby #2. The newborn didn't wake him up at all. The hardest part was getting into a routine and making time for myself. There is a lot of lack of sleep, but if you can get the kids on the same routine, you will do great.
All good advice already. I thought I would add that someone highly recommended the book "Siblings Without Rivalry". I ordered it and am still waiting for it to come, I can't wait to read it. It is very important to me that I foster a good relationship between my girls (25 months apart), as much as I'm able. My older adores her baby sister which makes things SO much easier for me having two little ones. If you can do anything to promote the caring feeling for the sibling, it will help when you are stretched thin. Other than that, getting them on the same schedule is the biggest thing to give yourself a bit of rest and relief.
Congratulations!
When we had our second child, it was easier, we knew what to expect and what to do. I actually got more sleep with #2, knew that I had to nap when she did, and got her into the correct sleep cycle almost right away. Mine are 21 months apart. I learned with our first to be very organized, which eliminates a ton of stress! A couple of times, our daughter would 'help' her sister out of the swing, but she was really good with her (and still is!) Our bedroom was right across the hall from her room, but the baby's crying never woke her up, but you could put a white-noise machine in her room, or a fan on low (in the hallway).
I never read anything in preparation for #2, so I can't help you there, but I can't stress organization enough!
Also, I was stricter with visitors with #2, with #1, I let my Mom walk all over me thinking she knew best, which added to my stress, and allowed any and all visitors over. (We're getting ready to have #3!)
Good luck!
I checked out a book from the library that compared the baby at different stages to a peanut, a piece of gum, and other things the toddler would relate to. There was humor in the book for the adult as well. It was just a picture book and my daughter loved it. Unfortunately, I can't remember the title. But, you might check out some books from the library/book store and read with your toddler.
Involving the older one in ultra sounds, etc. My daughter was fascinated that that was a baby and her face just lit up when she heard the heart beat the first time.
We went shopping for a little teddy bear for my daughter to give to her baby brother as a birth present (and he gave her one, too). I slept with the teddy for my son so I could imprint it and it is now his favorite- which thrills my girl.
While feeding #2 read to #1, they can turn the pages, hopefully. This helped with the kids bonding, too.
Trying to get them on the same schedule is important. My girl had already stopped naps at 2.5 (ugh) and that was the hardest.
Advice I got a little late and wished I had at the beginning:
Let the baby cry some if #1 needs something - it is hard, but baby doesn't know differently, but #1 does. Make sure it isn't attention for #1 just so baby doesn't get attention from you, however.
Also, try to spend at least one hour a day with #1 just the two of you. Make sure dad or someone else can take care of baby. You need good quality time with #1, and it doesn't have to be a whole lot.
Congratulations and you do figure it out, even with minimal help.
D.
The best thing you can do is stay organized, calm, and let the little things go. My 2 are 17 months apart. The first week at home was the hardest. My son was getting used to my daughter being there, not having me all to himself, etc. The baby did wake my son 2 times during that first week, but after that he just got used the the extra noise and it didn't bother him any more. Spend a little time each evening before going to bed to organize yourself for the day. Prepare as much ahead of time as possible, snacks, drinks, bottles, lunch, and label them in the fridge. This gives you a little more time during the busy day to spend time with your 2 year old instead of preparing snack, lunch, etc. Prepare the toddler now for the baby. Get a baby doll that you start to carry around in a carrier, sling, put in the bouncy chair, swing, car seat etc. By getting these things our before the baby comes the toddler has had opportunities to 'play' with them and will be used to them being around when the baby comes. This was the biggest help for me with my older son.
Start to put the car seat in the car next to the toddler. This was the hardest thing for my son to get used to. By having it in the car a few months before baby came he no longer tried to hit it and push it out of the way when the baby was in it. Keeping organized was the best thing. Staying calm and taking any help that is offered for you to be able to spend quality time with your daughter is going to be the best thing. my MIL wanted to help so badly and I didn't want her help but finally let her come and clean the house while I went for a walk with the kids. (couldn't stand to be in the house with my MIL)
Good luck!
C.
I didn't read anything with my second child either. My suggestion is if you can keep your kids a part at night so they don't wake each other up, then do it! My kids are 15 months a part and their rooms are right acrossed from each other. It took a while before the older one would sleep thru the crying.
The biggest thing I wish I had done was stop and enjoy the second more. I feel like his 1st year was a total blur and I didn't take enough pictures or write enough in his baby book.
You will be busier, but you learn to adjust. Just enjoy it and get sleep where you can. Also, don't be afraid to ask for help!
My 3.5 yr old is in the room right accross from us and never wakes up when the baby cries, you'll be surprised what they can sleep through.
It has been harder to adjust and I feel at times like I'm setting really high expectations on my 3 yr old and constantly have to remind myself that she is just 3. I try to take her to bed 3-4 nights a week just the 2 of us even if hubby has to give a bottle and yes I attend to her most of the time before the baby.
If you are are breast feeding be sure to have your older ask for anything they need first (like juice, potty, coloring page, etc). That said I learned to feed while playing candyland and coloring most of the time.
I spend a lot of time explaining how I have to divide my time fair and spend some time with both and some time with each alone (like feeding the baby but then reading her books, etc.) She is getting used to it but 2 months later and back to work it is still very stressful at times.
I wish I had more advice but just wanted to say that you just sort of do... becuase you know you have to. My hope is eventually this too shall feel normal and then things will get easier as they get older.
I sleep with my 2-year-old son & my husband sleeps with the baby in a separate room. We switch when he becomes really sleep deprived. We have white noise machines going on both rooms so the kids don't wake each other. It would be helpful for a relative or a hired help to stay with you for about 1 month after birth. I was learning to breastfeed, recovering from childbirth, barely getting enough sleep, so there wasn't much energy left for my son. We sent him to daycare 3-4 days a week, so at least he had some sense of a routine there. My husband was also home for 2 months, so he took him to parks, malls, read books with him, etc. We had to resort to TV more than we would like, but you do what you have to do to survive. It took me about 3 months to learn to balance my new family.
Lucky you, with 2 GIRLS. I have two boys, and I swear they are a gazillion times harder than girls. Anyway, here's what I did with my two, who are 23 months apart:
1. Hired twice a month housekeepers to deep clean the scuzz yuck we never get to.
2. Wear cargo pants--the pockets are invaluable for binkies, lovies, keys, etc.
3. Teach your older girl to crawl into her own car seat. This will save you soooo much time.
4. Buy your older girl shoes she can put on herself, like fuzzy Crocs. Again, when you're trying to get out the door with 2 kids, this is a time saver.
Those are my four cents. Congrats and good luck!
Hi H.,
My son was almost 3 1/2 when my daughter was born. While I was pregnant we took him to all the doctor visits, including the ultrasound. That was a mistake, after the ultrasound he had nightmares for a couple of days. He did like the doctor visits though. He'd get to help measure Mommy's tummy to see how big it was getting, and also use the Doppler unit to find Baby's heartbeat. The first time he did he face just melted.
I had done a counted cross-stitch birth record for him that I gave him at his first visit in the hospital. Being a six year old boy kid, a few months ago he knocked it off his wall and almost broke it.
Yes I was sleep deprived all over again after my daughter was born. But I also had my little man to help me by getting diapers for the baby or other small things that he could reach. We were in the process of potty training my son, and almost had him there when she was born, so he regressed for a few months and we had to wait about six months to try again.
In some ways it was harder having a newborn and a 3 year old, but also easier. The hardest part for me was naps. With just my son if I was tired I could nap when he did. With two of them and naps being at different times it was harder. As soon as I could I got them on the same nap schedule, at least in the afternoon, and that helped. And then of course shortly after I got everything the way I wanted it my son stopped taking naps. Go figure.
When your new baby comes your 2 year old will regress in behavior and also (most likely) become super needy. Expect it. To your two year old there is a new interloper that is trying to take all of Mom and Dad's attention. Don't listen to people if they tell you that a two year old can't understand what's going on. She knows more than you'd give her credit for. Talk to her. Reassure her that this new screaming, squalling *thing* is not going to take you and Dad away from her. While she's so little she's going to need some more attention from Mom and Dad, but now there's a new person in the family to add *more* love for everyone.
One thing I did while I was nursing was let my son snuggle against my shoulder. That way he got some special time while she was nursing.
Sorry for the length and if you have any more questions send me a message and I'll answer them as best I can.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
P.S. My kids are now 6 and 3 in March and they're the best of friends, to the annoyance of my son. Also, the first words out of my son's mouth in the hospital after being away from me for a couple of days: Can I hold my baby sister now???
