Tips for Single Mom to Be

I think you are on track, you mention you are not afraid. There is nothing to be afraid of, everything works out one way or another.

My mother always said, if there is a will, there is a way.

When I was 22 I became a single mom of three( all under 4). I had to work for the first time ever and I was going to school. At first, it was peaceful, because the stress of a bad marriage was gone and it was just my babies and me. Then it got harder. There was nobody to watch them for a minute while I took a shower, or ran to the store because I forgot milk. It was super quiet at night after the kids were asleep and I got lonely.And, I was tired and I felt guilty because I was always at work or school. Eventually, we adjusted and got a routine and it became 2nd nature. It helped me a lot to talk to other people that were in the same situation. Make sure you have and try to stick to a schedule to save your sanity. Keep as much normalcy in your kids lives as you can. Sometimes, you have to let the little things go, like an immaculate house, and just give yoourself a break. :)

Yes, it's the best advice my mother gave me when I was a single mother. NEVER say an unkind word about their father or his family (even if it's obvious). They will form opinions on their own in time without your input. When you say something bad about him, they feel like it's to them. It was the best thing I ever didn't do. I can't say the same for him, but that's ok.

Its challegenging but its nothing you can't get through. Honestly what helped me most was getting involved in the single parent ministry in my church. Also getting involved in the womens ministry. I am not sure if you are a religious person or not.

I gave birth to twins at 18 years old turned 19 the next day. I was a foster kid so I had no one to help me what so ever. My son died int he labor process and I had to emotionally cope with it on my own. I found true strength in myself. and also strength in being around loving supportive women at my church.

You can get through anything if you set your mind to it. I worked 2 jobs full time and was in school full time for the first 2 years of her life. its hard but you can do it. Its worth it in the end. Kuddo's to you for walking away if you feel thats whats best for you and your kids.

A divorce is never easy, especially when there are children involved. One of the most difficult tasks a newly divorced parent has to face is that new role of becoming a single parent. It's an extreme adjustment - moving from a two-parent household to a single parent status - but there are ways that newly divorced moms (and dads) can learn to make things run smoothly for everyone involved.

Most importantly, you should let go of any grudges you may have against your former spouse. He or she is absent from both of your lives now, and holding onto feelings of anger or resentment will not change the situation. In fact, it will probably consume a great deal of your energy - energy that should be devoted to creating a positive environment for your child. Even if you'll never be able to forget everything that has happened, you should be willing to forgive. If you dwell on the negative, it is likely that your child will sense your feelings and could suffer in some way.

Children often suffer emotional turmoil during a divorce, and not only feel to blame for the split, but often feel divided between their parents. Your time with your child is precious. Spending as much time as you can with your child without setting unrealistic goals is important. Make the most of everything that you have. You don't have to have - or spend - a lot of money to remind your child just how important they are to you. Create a good life for you and your child to the best of your abilities. Putting strain that isn't necessary on your lives right now is not at all what you need.

At a time like this, both you and your child should be surrounded by people you know and trust. A support system is crucial, but remember families don't have to be biological. Friends and "family" that aren't biological are just as beneficial to your child as biological family members. The "family" you help to create will provide your child with the same sort of love and support that a traditional family can provide. You should learn to turn to this new "family" when you need a break or when you need help with your responsibilities as a single parent. Nobody should have to go through everything all alone.

Above all else, remember that whatever paths have led you to where you are today, you're responsible for another life. Your child didn't ask to be born, and is not responsible for the experiences that has led you to become a single parent. Through no choice of their own, your child is dependent upon you. Holding them accountable for your actions or that of their absent parent is the wrong thing to do. They are powerless to the less-than-ideal consequences that come with being the child of a single parent. Your role in their life is crucial to their chances of becoming a happy, successful adult.

That said, you need to remember that although your family situation has changed, your child's routine shouldn't. Stability and security is important at this time. If you don't already have a daily routine in place for your child, now is the time to set one. Even the most simple of things such as going to the park every weekend or a story at bedtime will become something that your child looks forward to and can count on to assist in a time such as this.

Consistency is key. Creating realistic rules and holding a standard of discipline helps your child to learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They will learn what you expect from them and what they can expect from you. Being dependable will remind them that they can always count on you, no matter what. You're the most important person in your child's life and try to remember that - no matter how tired you are at the end of the day or how frustrated you are at their absent parent. Every moment with your child is precious. As a single parent, sometimes you may feel that you're all alone, but remember that, no matter how alone you may feel, your child is right there with you, and your child is the most important person to focus on.

I became a single mom 3 years ago, 2 years since the divorce was final. It was hard at first, because of the turmoil involved in leaving an unsafe, unstable relationship. Life has become better over time and now seems normal. We have a good routine, my boys know what to expect, our home environment is safe and stable and they have grown and benefitted from that. My home is calm now and it feels wonderful.

Some things that helped me make the transition:
our local domestic violence center. They have support groups and free counseling for women coming out of abusive situations. I wish I'd known about them sooner.

Lundy Bancroft's books gave me insight abusive relationship dynamics and his book "When Dad hurts Mom" had good tips for how to help your children.

This website for partners of narcissists.
http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/
In my case, I had to learn to protect myself and their advice on maintaining "no contact" was a real lifesaver. Also helpful were the discussion boards and featured articles on subjects like "bully proofing yourself" and setting boundaries.

May you and your children be safe and blessed as you make this transition.

I've been a single mom for 15 years. I chose to leave an abusive marriage.
I can't say it's been easy, but I CAN say it was less hard than being at someone else's mercy every day.

I've raised two exceptional children, my youngest is 16. I've worked and supported us and we've done fairly well.

The important thing is to have a solid support base. Your kids will be okay if you're okay. Stay strong and be consistent with schedules and discipline. Those things actually help children feel secure when everything around them might seem to be changing.

Don't expect everything to be perfect. Don't be too h*** o* yourself. Find beauty in the simple things and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don't rely on your ex-husband financially. If he helps out, great, but be prepared to take care of yourself and your kids in case he doesn't. I had as much chance of my ex doing the right thing as I did winning the lottery. He told me I could never make it on my own. Fortunately for me, and my children, I'm a little too intelligent and a little too stubborn to ever let him be right about that.

It's all about perspective. If you believe you can do it, you can.

Best wishes.

Well, for me and my son... It's about 1000x easier doing the single mom thing than it was when I was married to his father. Sooooo much easier. Incalculably easier. Did I mention easier? Also better.

Are there hard days? Yup. But the hardest day without my husband making things worse are easier than him being here.

It's still early in my journey (only 5 months) so I haven't got any tips for you. But man oh man, did I mention how much EASIER things are?

Actually... So far... Laughing helps. He had our heat shut off, we put on snow suits and baked cookies. That kind of thing.

Pray...and also build up your support network ASAP. It would be great for you and your kids to have loving supportive people around to help weather the adjustment. Also, start your own routines and traditions. Blessings!

I am with the other mamas who have already posted. I joined a support group because it seemed like the right thing to do but I really had low expectations. It turned out to be extremely helpful getting other women's perspectives who have been through similar circumstance. I think I have already recommended the group through Next Door Solutions that is located in Los Gatos (it's not posted online - you have to call). I do not attend anymore. One thing I struggled with is the guilt from working and being a single mom. Make sure you maintain healthy boundaries for your kids - giving them excuses for misbehaving doesn't do them any favors. I am a very empathetic person and struggled on the discipline front. Yes, it is hard to be a single mom but, as others have said, it is so much easier than being in a bad marriage. I think it is great that you are going back to school - I did too and it has been one of the best decisions I ever made. One bit of warning, my mother was planning on watching my daughter often but it proved to be too much for her. I'm not sure what your plan is for daycare but, if you haven't already, I would start researching other care options now. For me, leaving my ex-husband was the start of a much better life and it just keeps getting better. It sounds like it may be the same for you. I'm confident you will rise to whatever challenges you face. Keep your head up!

There are a couple of things I'l like to pass on:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff (like housework). I used to really worry about how clean the house was and spent the better part of each weekend cleaning. Don't do that. When push comes to shove, what's important is the time you spend with the kids. Not having that other person to tag team with requires YOU to spend the quality time with your kids; do it and don't worry about the housework or lawn mowing or whatever unless you can do it as a family and make quality time out of it.

2. Don't start feeling "guilty" about breaking up the family and letting the kids use your guilt against you. It's very hard to do, but I started realizing after years had gone by that that's exactly what happened with me and my daughter. All those guilty feelings made saying "yes" when I should have said "no" much easier and were detrimental to my daughter in the long run.

Being a single parent is difficult, but it sounds like you are mentally prepared for it. Move forward with your children and be positive!

It is very difficult, but it can be done and done well. Once you get into the flow of things start working on yourself. Make sure you do things that you enjoy as well even if it is just once a week. If you exercise take the kids with you to the track and let them walk or play while you get in a few laps. Or go to church that has a children's church/daycare just to get some positive motivation to use a ammo for the week-smile. It will also help you to let go of any anger etc. that you may harbor. Make sure the kids know you both love them and help make their routine as similar as possible. God Bless, good luck and make sure your surround yourself with good girlfriends!!