Temper Tantrums from a Child Who Is Almost 6 - Reidsville,NC

A lot of times, when the child doesn't have an audience for her fit, then it's not worth carrying on with her yelling and screaming. You can try sending her to her room so that she can work out her feelings on her own and then talk with you about them afterward.

You can also teach her to some self-regulation techniques that she can hopefully do when she starts feeling like she's going to get upset. Deep balloon breaths, pushing your palms together and releasing them are both good ways of releasing tension.

You can also develop a positive behavior reward system for your daughter at home. Each day that she stays calm a cool, she can earn a sticker on her chart. When she earns 21 stickers in a row, then she can earn a special prize. Or maybe the two of you can go out for an ice cream cone at the end of the week of she stays calm and cool the entire week.

Whatever tactic you decide to give a try, really talk to her about what is expected of her and things she can do that will help her when she starts getting upset. You may have to talk about this a lot but that's just the way it is when you have kids . . .

Hope this helps.

Just a couple of thoughts that may (or may not) be helpful.

When my son was in preschool, he was a model citizen.
I know there's an age difference here but I think this is relevant.
When I talked to the wise women at preschool
about how difficult he was at home and yet so perfect at preschool,
they complimented me. They told me that he was so secure
in my love and devotion that he knew he could act up
and test limits with me at home and still be safe and secure.
He had learned how to act appropriately at preschool
and understood the expectations and rules and conformed appropriately.
But at home, he pushed to learn what was OK and what wasn't.

So . . . . rethink, perhaps via conversation with
some knowledgeable people, what your expectations are at home.
Consider adjusting some of your interactions so as to encourage
positive behavior and limit the opportunities for her to act out.

About rude mouth . . . you can explain your (new) rules at home.
Inappropriate language will result in immediate . . . .
figure out what's reasonable for this.
But you will need to be consistent.
You will need to explain this explicitly first.

About her expectation of perfection in herself.
I wonder if you can have a "big girl" conversation with her
in which you explain what is reasonable/realistic and what is not.
Give her some opportunities to try some things in which
she will NOT be perfect the first time, in order to show her
that trial+error is the way we learn.

Good luck!
Let us know what happens.

.

don't ignore it.....it will only get worse!

Watch the "1-2-3 Magic" video......it works & you will live happier!

Tantrums need to be nipped as they are starting with a firm consequence so the habit never begins. Same with smarting off. At six, she's pretty used to getting away with it, but if you want it to stop, that's what you have to do.

Have a sit down, let her know exactly what will happen the next time she so much as rolls her eyes at you or begins to act disrespectfully and the SAME thing that will happen the very first second she attempts a tantrum and FOLLOW THROUGH EVERY TIME. It will take a while since enforcement is new to her. My kids are smart too which is why they caught on quick.

First it needs to click that you are serious, it's never allowed. Then she'll develop her self control to avoid the consequence, then it will be natural to her and she'll understand it's wrong and you won't need discipline anymore, just an occasional warning or tune up.

Use your firmest, quickest method. Nothing long, delayed, drawn out or mild. Time outs will only let her continue the rudeness while she's in them and she won't care about being in a time out. It's not a strong deterrent. You could put her in a time out-or privilege removal etc AFTER a strong consequence, but don't let her use the time out to spin a tantrum or you should start fresh with a new warning and consequence.

Move on with your positive day after her firm consequence, no grudges or rehashing that she should feel bad. Be sure her home is loving and positive in general so she sees a black and white difference in her reality resulting in her choices. Don't get riled, don't let it escalate. Act calmly and immediately. You're showing her the consequence is a result of her behavior, not of your anger.

One thing that will NOT stop it is ignoring/allowing. It's trendy right now and often advised, but it enables the behavior to go on until the child decides to get over it (months...years..) and it often just morphs into other disrespectful habits as they get older. You're daughter has impulse control if she's fine at school. Be sure she knows her mother is the most important person to behave around.
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