Teen Age Son Wants a Diffent Car

I was a teacher and one of the cheerleaders in the school was driving her brother's car one day.
She lost control and was hit by a big rig. She was driving a mustang. She was 16 yrs. old.
She didn't have a chance. She didn't die immediately, she was alive for a while but was already a quadraplegic.
He should be happy you two even bought him a car. My son will not get that chance.

Please let me know if you do decide to sell this car. I am a huge fan of old mustangs my boyfriend has a 65 and I have always wanted an old one. Thanks

A.,
It sounds like your son is being completely ungrateful. I think it would benefit him to have some time away from the car. Let him remember what trouble it is to not have anything to drive and to have to rely on your parents for transportation. Additionally, he needs to see how fortunate he is to have a family willing to go to lengths to give him his dream car. He should be volunteering his time to help those who are less fortunate than he.

If at the end of his time off from driving and his volunteering, he still decides he made a mistake and didn't think his decision through (we are all allowed to make mistakes, afterall), then I would help him research his options...At that point, I would do the dollar for dollar idea.

Your son is spoiled. Since you bought the car and he doesn't want to drive it, I'd sell it and not replace it. He will have to deal with his decision. If he needs a car to get to a job or help with the younger kids, he can either be dropped at work or use the family car. He had his chance and he wasted it. He will have to learn to deal with his decision and the consequences. Does he really need a car or does he just want one?
As a teen-ager (18) my parents bought a chevette for me and my brother (19) to share. We had to figure out how to share the time (between college campus'), cost of tires, gas, repairs and insurance. Beyond the basic purchase ($1500) my parents had no financial part of the car. When my brother bought his own pickup I was left with the full responsibility of the car. I had to decide to keep it or go without. Keeping it required me to get a job. Your son sounds like he needs some rules about car ownership. If you have purchased it and restored it then he needs to take over the ownership responsibilities. If he can't or wont then he needs to not have a car. He sounds too immature to have a vehicle. Maybe he should try a bike first.
You have a lot on your plate and don't need to deal with an ungrateful 16 year old. He should be helping with his nieces/nephews and younger brother. With all that in the house he should feel lucky to have a bike let alone a classic car that's been refinished for him.
Good luck.

Love the dollar-for-dollar idea. I have a lot of friends whose parents made a "matching gift" up to a certain amount for them to buy their first car. Some even left it open ended and said they'd match whatever the kid could save. Those kids appreciated their car more and took better car of it than the kids who received their cars as gifts. They understood a car as a responsibility -- they were responsible for their own gas, oil changes, keeping up regular maintenance, etc.

He is LUCKY enough to have received a car at all. If he wants another he can take care of it himself. At this point I would no longer help in the restoration process, and should he decide to obtain a new(er) car you are willing to help with the credit but not the money. Welcome to the real world. You were given a gift, you got greedy you want it you get it yourself. Might be harsh but if he's old enough to have a DREAM car, let alone a car he can take on the rest of the obligations and as adults do work hard to replace what is no longer adequate for us.

Hi A.,
To answer your question, he is being spoiled. BUT he is a kid and of course doesn't realize what a great thing you have done. So it's your responsiblitiy to teach him (the hard ). I would park the car in the drive way or garage and not let him touch it, I would sell the car b/c he isn't at a point where can appreciate it and take care of it. I would have him pick out a car he wants, then tell him you will give him dollar for dollar on coming up with the cost of the car-up to a cut off point. He has to work and earn his half...no borrowing or gifts from grandparents. By the way...my brother was the same way and didn't learn this until his 30's! Good luck. D.

WOW! I can't imagine your problem. He has a classic car that anyone would drool over. What's his problem? I just had to respond because I grew up around old Mustangs. My Dad is obcessed with them and has had several that he has re-done. My younger brother, who is now 25, wanted a Stang for his 16th birthday. He got one, the one he wanted, 68, candy apple red, black leather interior. It needed work and him and my dad worked on it for 2 years before he could drive it. It basically ended up being more of a graduation present because that is when he finally got to drive it. So, I think your son is being unreasonable. He got what he wanted knowing that a car like that would require work, they all do. I would explain to him what he has is something he needs to cherish because they are few and far between now days. If he gets rid of it he will regret it later on in life. Tell him to wait until it is completly done and he will fall in love with it all over again. I am speaking from experience. It will then be his pride and joy and it will turn heads and people will gaulk over it. Give him a little incentive on waiting it out like a personalized license plate or something. Our friend has one, his name is Kevin, and his plate is "Kev's 66".

Good Luck! I hope he keeps it.

I would need more information before calling him spoiled. I myself would love to have a restored Mustang (as I was named after one), BUT with a restored car comes a lot of maintence. I have friends who have restored cars, it is difficult to get insurance on them, hard to keep them running and in good condition, things are always breaking on them because the technology doesn't match today's parts and things just don't match correctly. Maybe your son realizes this and that is why he wants a newer car. I hate to tell you, but restored cars aren't meant for everyday driving. My father restored cars and made Hot Rods for years and belonged to a car club where others restored cars, they can be expensive for all of the above reasons.

I would first find out why he really wants to sell this car, and I agree with the others. If it is really his, let him sell it and buy a car with that money (whatever he gets he gets- no extra). You might want to put some stipulations on the new car- like make and model, engine size (V-6, not a V-8), make him pay for half of his insurance of something.

I think that he should be thankful that you bought him a car. I had to wait until I was 17 to get a car and this was in the late 90's when all the kids got cars on their 16th birthdays. Even then the only reason I got it was because my friend was driving me around and got into a bad accident that landed me in the hospital. Even then my mom constantly joked that my car was her 25th wedding anniversary ring!! I think that if you buy the first car any car after that should be his responsibility financially. He has a cool car and is probably the envy of everyone around him. Both my sister and I had to work for our cars and I think we ended up more financially responsible for it.

I totally agree with the dollar-for-dollar trade off. He can get his butt out & work. I would have died for a '66 Mustang at his age! Reading your "about me," it sounds like you really have your hands full! Don't let his spoiled behavior & your juggling so many things allow this moment to go by with out much learning being done. Talk about a "teaching moment." I assume you & your hubby have had to work hard for all you have, I see no reason he can't start now, too. I have my 4 & 7 year olds on "commission" not "allowance," because by definition a commission is the "giving of authority," whereas, allowance is "to make excuses for." They know even at these young ages, they have the right to help & work & earn money, they aren't getting it just for breathing;) You might check out the Dave Ramsey webpage for materials dealing w/ teens & kids. http://www.daveramsey.com/hope/nomatterwhat/ I'm not an evangelical, but his program makes me whant to shout a little halleluia! Good Luck! D.

I know how you feel. I have a 19 yr. old ... an 18 yr. old and a 14 yr. old. Now my sons ... the 18 and 14 yr.old were both told that they get a 1983 Maxima or a 1976 Chevy P/U and if they didn't like it to buy their own. Well needless to say they took them. My 18 yr.old took the Maxima and my 14 yr.old took the P/U. They had to do minor work to them but it gives them the sence of accomplishment. So to answer your question .... your son is being unreasonable. He should take what was given to him and appreciate the fact that you and your husband were kind enough to even get him a car. What you should do is take the car from him and make him ride the school bus again.... and tell him that when .. and only when him appreciates the fact that he has the priviliage to use the car you gave him , will he be able to drive it again. And if that don't work ... just sell the car and not get him another. Make him buy his own car... That should teach him a lesson.

I wouldn't get him a new car. I'm not sure that it's being spoiled but he should appreciate what you have done for him. You have provided him with a GREAT car.
You know at that age, it could be something as simple as a girl he likes made a comment or another friend has a new car and it had a few more cool features that his does.
If it were me, I would finish fixing that one up for him as promised but wouldn't buy him another car. That will take him back and forth to work until he can afford the new one. Then your 11 year old will be happy to have it when he is ready to drive.
God bless you for taking on the responsibility of raising some of your grandkids. It takes a special person to be able to do that and I know you will be blessed for it.

How wonderful to have parents that put so much time, effort and money into accommodating their child's request for a car. He is too young to realize that a 66 stang is a dream car for many. If you do trade it in and get a newer car, what happens if he is not happy with it?

Since the car is too much trouble, what is wrong with him getting a part-time job (full time for summer) and saving his money to buy the newer car. My grandma always told me - "you will appreciate it more if you work for it" - she was right. If you are shelling out the money, you learn to think about your choices.

Good luck.

Check out what Dave Ramsey has to say about that. He is a fabulous financial expert who has a radio show on 570AM from 1-4pm every day! www.daveramsey.com
I think that he needs to have some financial stake in this car or earn the money to buy the next one. I don't think you guys are being unreasonable at all.
Good luck!!
D.

you brought/restored him a 66 mustang? you guys are awesome parents!!!! you are not being unreasonable you went through alot of sweat making that car perfect for him, its what he wanted and he should be grateful to even have a car really, ... no I think he should keep it, and the only reason he probably wants to change it is because of friends and thier newer cars, that probably have more gizmos... and if he has wanted it that long he may always regret having it sold, (from experience with my dads z28 camaro, and my bf with her dad's impala, my hubby just now got his 71 chevy truck! we are all only 24 btw!lol!) but in the end it depends on his sincerety really and the maturity of his reasons... a newer sports car cause it looks cooler, goes faster, and has a cd/mp3 is not a good reason, but if it is safer that is logical, so if you guys do get him a new one do the research and you pick it out, let him know he doesnt get to choose and see if he changes his answer then... that may show how serious he is about it...

Wow, you sure got a lot of responses! Mine's a little different, though. The fact is, you did buy the car, so no sense rehashing that. The question is, did you buy it for the family and are allowing him to drive, or did you buy it for him? If you bought it for him, the truly responsible thing to do is to give him the title to it, and let him sell it on his own & buy something else he wants. Learning how that whole process works will give him a real sense of responsibility & can be a great learning experience.

If you bought the car for the family, you could decide on a dollar amount for a new car and can either just buy the new car & keep the Mustang & continue restoring, or you can sell it as-is and buy a new car with some of the profits. (But the agreed-upon amount for a new car should be close to what you paid for the car before restoring, unless he's put a lot of muscle into the restoring, too, which in that case, he deserves to profit from his hard work)

Most of the posts are telling you your son is spoiled, and blah blah blah. I don't care about any of that - I learned a long time ago never to pass judgment on someone else's parenting skills. So really, the question you need answered is what to do now so that all parties are okay with the decision. You have already purchased a car for your son, and it's okay for him not to like it anymore. That's life. Heck, I buy things all the time I don't like - and that's included a car! But since he is young, he can't just go out and rectify the situation on his own. Sure, you could say "hey, tough luck. live with the consequences" but this doesn't really teach him anything, does it? It would be better to teach him how to be an adult about it - either the title in his name & he sells, or agree on a dollar amount for a new one & you decide whether to keep or sell it. Treat him like an adult and sit down and discuss the situation. Ask him to come up with a few solutions that would benefit everyone.

I don't necessarily think he is acting spoiled. As a teenager, you don't have a good grasp of what it's like to be an adult, and that includes money situations like buying cars. You already bought him a car, so in his mind, why is it a big deal to sell it and get something else? It's not, really, it just seems like it's a big deal because you've put so much time and money into it. So instead of remaining on opposite sides, come together, acknowledge what's been put into the car already, decide to keep or sell, and decide on some money guidelines.

Good luck!!

S.

What an AWESOME oppertunity to straighten out this spoiled behavior!! My parents didn't for my sister and me and we are both still struggling with irresposible spending habbits.

NIP IT IN THE BUD!!!!!