Takes My Son "Forever" to Fall Asleep

Hi J.,

This is very common amongst my friends and also with my own child. If you would like to keep swaddling him - I would suggest the Miracle Blanket - he will not break free. In the beginning my duaghter would just go to sleep after we swaddled her then at about 3 months she became more alert and we would have to stand over the crib and do the whole shhhhhh with the binky for like 20 minutes every time she went to sleep. Naps and at bedtime. At about 4 months she knew the routine and as soon as we swaddled her and put her in the crib she would just go to sleep with no fuss.

I used the Ferber Method at 8 months - tht is when I felt my daughter could understand the cry it out and we went in at short intervals. She never cried for more than 6 minutes before falling asleep. She did not cry after one day of naps and one long night she started to just lay there for a while and then fall asleep. No more waking up in the night looking for the binky etc. We also transitioned to a sleep sack.

Unfortunately it always changes. Now she can stand so sometimes we will put her in there and then the next thing we know she is standing up throwing her binky out of the crib and playing. Agh!

I highly recommend "No Cry Sleep Solutions" by Elizabeth Pantley.She does a wonderful job of helping you out with situations like these!

It's quite possible that your son is fighting sleep because he is overtired. It's really important to look for the first sign of fatigue (a glazed look, a yawn, rubbing eyes) and get baby to bed quickly. Once a baby gets a bit overtired, his adrenaline kicks in, making a smooth transition to sleep nearly impossible. Avoid rocking and bouncing as these can be stimulating for some kids. Maybe just turn off the light, hold your baby while swaying a bit and signing one song. Then put him in his crib, tell him you love him and will nearby, and then walk out the door. If you prolong the process much longer than this, his adrenaline might kick in. He might cry when yo uput him down, but give him a chance to fall asleep (maybe just five to ten minutes?). He also might be outgrowing the swaddling. We were told to swaddle our son with his arms left out as an intermediary step before stopping swaddling altogether. Most babies don't do well with swaddling after a few months. I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby," written by a doc who runs (ran) the sleep clinic at the U of Chicago med center. I thought he was a bit extreme with his CIO philosophy (we only let our son cry for a max of 30-40 minutes before going in and putting a hand on him), but other than that, his book is extremely informative and helpful.

the answer to your problems is in the book "our babies, ourselves" -- please read it and do not "make" your baby cry it out...it's torture and does not teach independence, it only teaches them that nobody cares about them. trust starts now and it's up tp you to build it.

You have already received tons of great advice! I have a 4-1/2-month old son who now sleeps 10-12 hours on most nights and 4-5 hours in naps.

The book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child,by Marc Weissbluth, has helped a lot. It's not really well-written and it could have been half of the length, but here are the main points that are working for us.

1. Babies need to sleep a lot for their brain development and sleep should be a very high priority.
2. "Sleep begets sleep"-- the more and better they sleep now, the more and better they sleep later. For my son, this means that if he misses daytime naps or they are too short, he sleeps less and less soundly at night.
3. Babies can only handle a max of 1-1/2 to 2 hours of wakefulness. After an hour, I look for the subtle signs of fatigue. If I catch it before his need for sleep becomes obvious, he goes to sleep easily. If I wait too long, even 15 minutes over, he fights sleep and/or doesn't stay asleep as long as he needs. The first nap is just 1.5 hours after he awakens for the day!

The last thing is that we use the Miracle Blanket to swaddle him. We had stopped swaddling and restarted at 4 months because he was waking himself up by practicing his new rolling moves while half-asleep! He would cry in frustration, wanting to sleep, but unable to keep his arms from flailing. Without swaddling him in the Miracle Blanket, he was waking every 2 or 3 hours at night and only taking 30 minute naps. With it, he goes for 10-12 hours at night with one feeding and has three naps of 2-3 hours, 1.5-2 hours, and .5-1 hours.

Following these "rules", using the MB, and having the fan or humidifier for white noise, all I have to do is use our routine: swaddle, place in the crib with pacifier, play music.

If I don't catch his sleep window, he might have to cry a little just to block out distractions. I do "Happiest Baby on the Block" techniques and then our normal sleep routine usually works. I don't let him cry it out.

Sorry this is so long! Good luck!

This sounds very frustrating. I'm sure you'll get a lot of advice about using various techniques... Feel free to filter any and all advice--including mine.
Whatever you decide to do in the end, simply choose a sleep pattern that you can live with and repeat every night, whatever that is. Babies crave routine and feel more secure and safe when they have a sense of what to expect.
I can recommend the following as it's worked for two of our kids. Aside from swaddling our kids and offering a pacifier (which we did), we also chose to put our babies to bed awake so they get used to falling asleep on their own. Every once in a while (like maybe once a month or so when they were still babies), I would hold them for a nap, just to enjoy them... Their grandma also rocked them to sleep once a week as well. Aside from these exceptions, we put the kids down when they were drowsy (but not yet asleep) after a few bedtime rouines like brushing teeth, reading a book, and saying prayers.
I will admit that at first, and occasionally thereafter, they would cry for a little while (45 minutes the first night, maybe only 5-10 minutes once in a while thereafter. As long as I knew they were fed, changed, and warm, I let them "cry it out." I saw this as training them that they are okay without the constant presence of another person.
Honestly, after the first "cry it out" episode at night, both of our babies began going to sleep without much of a fuss. Of course, other things can cause crying too (like when babies begin to get teeth or feel ill.) However, once they had established a good sleep pattern, I simply assessed their cries to see if there was some other reason they were upset. Again, as long as I knew they were fed, changed, and comfortable, I let them cry.
It was hard the first night I did it, I'll admit. The crying did make me a little sad. But once I committed to the process, I was so glad. My babies became good sleepers quickly and now go down without a fuss most every night.
Again, whatever pattern you create, just stick with it as best you can. Hang in there!
Blessings!
S.

J.,

Hang in there it's going to get better! My husband and I went through this with our twin boys. We couldn't get them to sleep in a crib or bassinet to save our souls! We ended up wrapping them up snug in their infant car seats, we'd rock their little seats until they dosed off (warm showers with daddy before bed time were a huge help too, it got them nice and drowsy, and I followed up with a lotion massage before jammies). I met with my pediatrician, and she said let your baby sleep where ever they're comfortable, as long as their safe. She said she hears that all the time, and it's no big deal, they will transition. My boys did, it just took a couple months....but in the end they both ended up in the crib every time they slept! Try it, see if it works for you.

God Bless, and enjoy your sweet little bundle of love!

A little about me:
I am a happily married stay at home mama to 4 beautiful boys ages 9,6, and twins that are 4. We are a Christian family, and a home schooling family. I love being home with my boys, watching them grow, learn and blossom, and being able to be there for them when ever they need me...

I went through the same thing with my daughter when she was three months old. Someone recommended "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby". I followed the recommendations of the book. This seriously changed our lives and hers too. She is eight months old and now sleeps 12 hours a night and lays down for a naps and falls asleep on her own.
Good Luck!!

Believe it or not, it is normal. Many babies these ages are doing a few things:
growing- like a weed that is. So their sleep patterns will not solidify completely. Its a good initative to get him to try to sleep, but you may not be able to avoid still waking up at night.He will get over it.
Depending on when you started putting in the crib, that makes a difference. Usually what I found, with both my kids (one have a very independent stubborn nature and the other very dependent) is that they did not start getting into a pattern until 9 months. They are just growing, teething, and getting used to a new env't.
Try different things.
Co sleeping, As inconvinent some people say it is for your sleep, you might end up getting more sleep because they are comforted.
White Noise machine- it helps remind them of the nice warm comfortable place they came from.
Zip up baby pouch- The kind that cover their entire body zips up like a pouch but their arms are out so they can sooth themselves and feel a little freer. He may not like the swaddling any more.
Letting him CIO- might be too earlier for that, but you can lay him down continiously patting him on the back but if he is screaming constantly, that is not worth it, because he doesnt understand this young. This will very soon though.
Rock him until almost asleep- you do not want to get stuck with having to put him completely to sleep every night to begin with. Put him down when he is almost there. He might wake up, but pat him and sing him a lullaby.
Hope this helps.
V.

NORMAL! He is only 3.5 months old. He was growing inside you - connected to you for 9 months. He doesn't want to be put down in a crib. he wants to sleep in your arms. Babies sleep cycles are completely different from adults. Don't try to make him fit into an adult world of sleep. Why don't you let him sleep in the swing or in your arms in a rocker. You will miss this time when he sleeps on his own finally. Try letting him sleep in a sling. If you are wearing him you can get things done around the house too. At his age I liked the Over The Shoulder Baby Holder or Maya Wrap. He just wants to be with YOU. What is better than that? Congratulations and enjoy these moments. It's goes by faster than you think and you can live with sleep deprivation longer than you think too.

J.,

Welcome to motherhood mama! Have you tried nursing your baby lying down? As little as he is you can lye him down and pat him gently. Just make it as comfortable as you can for him. Make sure he's fed and diaper changed. Try giving him a warm bath with lavender baby wash. It does miracles!
Goodluck!

He might just need to be put down when he is drowsy but not asleep. Amazing but sometimes they just want a little space and they will settle in and get themselves to sleep. Of course depends on how he reacts when you do this and how you feel about that reaction, but if you haven't tried it, it might be an option. If there is one thing I am slowly learning is that experimenting can give you your best ideas! Good luck!

Wow. You certainly have received a plethora of VERY DIFFERENT responses. Every baby is so different, it's hard to know what to do. The life-saver solution for one person might simply not work for you.
My baby had similar issues and still does not stay asleep when we lay him down on his back. I'll tell you the simple thing that worked for me, but I don't know many other mothers who will do what I did. I put him on his stomach and he went right to sleep. My pediatrician chastised me for it, but my baby will NOT sleep on his back. I tried. He can scream for HOURS and I can't take it. I feel like a horrible mother.
I did a lot of research and my baby does not have any of the other contributing factors for SIDS. He was a full-term, 7+ lbs birth weight baby, we don't smoke, and he sleeps on a firm mattress without pillows or toys. I also read that reflux babies (mine is) don't like to sleep on their backs and that SOME pediatricians will actually recommend stomach sleeping for babies with bad reflux and gas issues. I was always worried about him choking on his spit-up when we used to swaddle him and put him on his back, anyway.
Good luck trying some new things from whatever advice sounds good to you, try to enjoy getting to know your baby in the process, and I know you will eventually figure out what works for you AND your baby. Happy sleeping! (I myself am trying to figure out how to get my baby to stop waking up 3 times in the night now, when he used to only wake up once)

We swaddled our twins and then belted them into their vibrating chairs and placed those in their cribs under their mobiles. They slept like this until about 6 months old. We moved them into their own room when they started sleeping through the night, they didn't like sleeping in the crib at all. After we put the chairs in their cribs, they slept all night long.

Hmmm...you have just about every sleep prop problem possible! Yikes!

No, he wont outgrow it if you keep it up. I know you probably want a quick fix answer but my best advice to you is to PLEASE read On Becoming Baby Wise (Ezzo). All of the problems you are having are addressed in detail.

It's an easy read. It will become your new best friend. What can I say to make you read it?

:-)

Happiest Baby on the Block DVD changed our lives!
Also, try some options for sleeping-- walks in the stroller, carried in a pack, nursing to sleep in bed. Follow your instincts! You want to comfort, your baby craves your comfort. Trust yourself over all the "methods" out there.

J.,
My first child had a similar problem when he was younger than 3 months, so I ended up getting the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems right around 3 months old. Within just a few days he was a better napper and sleeping through the night. I always recommend this book for sleep problems. It helps you to get your baby on a sleeping and eating schedule and has a section on identifying reasons why your baby has sleep issues and has a number of suggestions to help your baby sleep better and longer.
Good luck whatever you try,
C.

Don't worry. It gets better. And keep swaddling him until he isn't flailing his arms.
I agree with other moms about not letting my baby cry it out. But I believe we have to do what is best for ourselves and our baby. Some babies do fine with a couple times of crying, and others do not.
If you are uncomfortable with the crying then listen to your gut. It will get better. CIO is a very personal family decision. it was not for us, but it worked for my SIL and many of my friends.
I still enjoy rocking my boy to sleep to give him the security of mom, and I still go to him everytime he wakes at night. I feel this is such a short window in their lives that they really need us more than anything. I will tolerate the sleep depravation because I know my boy is a really happy baby.
I think he will out grow it...but they do tend to fight the sleep. I recommend reading almost any sleep book so you can learn and understand the sleep cycles of babies and the absolute necessity of naps.
Good luck. Honestly...it changes really fast. Just when you think you got his sleep cycle down he changes! Have fun...this is temporary!

Hi J., OHHHHH, do I sympathize!!!! My son was the same way, and we had to bounce him to sleep for naps/nighttime for about 30-40min each time. It did get better.... it just takes time. He had reflux, and never really spit up. We just started noticing around 5 weeks that he wouldn't go to sleep at all unless we were holding him upright. I would watch him, and see if he is showing those signs as well. Crying it out doesn't work with reflux babies b/c most often they just want to be more upright, and often need to burp from all the crying... and then the burping hurts them!

Our son got a lot better starting around 5mos. He started taking a pacifier to soothe him and then we could sit by the bassinet and just hum while he was falling asleep (no more bouncing). Then we started putting him down with the pacifier, and leaving the room.... it actually was an easy transition.

Right now I would do what works... wrap him, bounce him, use some white noise in his room, warm his bed before putting him down, ... whatever you can. I don't recommend the crying though. He is too young. We also read "healthy sleep habits, healthy child", and although he doesn't write much about reflux, his ideas on sleep cycles and schedules are right on.
Good luck and feel free to email me if you need! I really feel for you, but it will get better soon!!!

He may be having reflux. Do you nurse him before bed time? My son did the same and would start to cry after we put him down on a flat surface. It took us forever to figure out that it was caused by acid reflux. Try holding him upright for 20-30 minutes after he eats and putting him to sleep in that position. Also, elevanting his crib may help him stay asleep. Good luck.