Swimming Fear Issues in 5 Year Old

I would say back off for a little while. My daughter is 4 and she does not care to swim and hates getting splashed in the face. I took her for swimming lessons last year and she did everything they asked (off the diving board, down the slide, swim under water, etc..) but she absolutely HATED every minute of it. I had plans to take her back this year (her teacher was amazing) but I decided to give her a year because I don't want to traumatize her if she hates it that much. So for now we take her to splash parks, go to the pool and have FUN in the water. I don't harass her about going under or splashing I think once she sees that it is not that big of a deal and how much fun the other kids have that she will eventually come around.

Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be.

My daughter has always had a fear of water on her face - though not to the point of screaming and running out the door. She wouldn't do swimming lessons last year, but we tried again this year and after a few rough days, she started enjoying it and making quick progress. She still has issues in the bathtub, but she's swimming in the pool. Did the swim school allow her to wear goggles? My daughter wouldn't attempt the lessons without them. I told my daughter if she didn't take lessons, she'd miss out on all her friends' pool parties, water outings and the fun at her grandparents' pool too. but that was okay with me, if it was okay with her. She hesitated, but then said she'd give it a try this year. Maybe it's worth waiting another year and trying again? I didn't learn to swim until 8 years old because I had tubes in my ears and was so afraid I'd get water in my ears that I wanted nothing to do with pools.

What about taking her to see someone about this issue, running out of the building into traffic sounds like more of an issue than sit and wait.

I'm having the exact same problem with my 5 year old boy. He has sensory processing disorder so we have gone through many issues with him. I am not sure if this is the only issue your daughter has or if it is one of many like my son. He did not want to go to his swim lessons anymore because he does not like his eyes wet. We talked to the instructor and told her to not put his face in the water. The instructors push the kids more and for most children it works...but if you let my son go underwater, he does not do well. So she concentrates on activities that do not put his face in the water(like lying on his back) and we assure him every lesson that he does not have to put his eyes in. I would love him to learn how to swim, but for now I have to settle for him being comfortable in the pool and enjoy it. You need to take away the anxiety. If she is past the point of even thinking about swim lessons, stop them. I plan to take my son to the local pools that have shallow kids pools so that he can be comfortable and safe on his own.

I suggest you totally back-off. I was just like your daughter. I was afraid to take a shower even until I was almost 12 years old. Some of us are just not water people and the more you force it, the more resistant she will become. Based on my own experiences, she is just more sensitive to the world around her and it is a scary place and when you think about it, when you get your face wet, you totally lose the ability to see what's happening around you - that just increases the fear. When I was about 8, I gradually got myself used to being in the pool, but still didn't like to go under water that much. You really need to give her entire control of the situation. In a couple years, she will be able to rinse her own hair in a way that is most comfortable for her. What you can do to help the most is to provide love and reassurance. In my experience, this is just one sign that she is an overly sensitive person. You can help her gain some confidence by engaging her in new activities at a controlled pace regularly - e.g., gymnastics, dance, etc. Since she is actually okay with going to the water park and birthday parties, it is clear to me that over time, she will be okay with water in her face. I would not worry about safety - she is likely an extremely cautious child. And, always, you should make sure that any of the pool parties are well supervised.

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This sounds like sensory processing issues. My 5yr old son has sensory processing disorder, and we're facing the fear of going underwater as well. However, he is receiving help for his sensory issues, so his opposition isn't quite so violent anymore. I would highly recommend getting her evaluated (talk to your pedi for a referral to an Occupational Therapist). If it is sensory processing disorder, then it is not something that will get better over time, and in fact will continue to get worse over time if left untreated, as you've seen. And even if there aren't sensory issues involved, this doesn't sound like a battle that should continue. Swimming should be enjoyable. And your daughter's reactions to swim lessons are not in the typical fear of water category (I taught swim lessons and lifeguarded for 4 years, and specialized in working with children and adults with fear of water/swimming). Water safety is important because children (and especially 5 year olds) often think their skill level is well above what is actually is and get themselves into trouble. However, it doesn't sound like your daughter will be cannonballing into the deep end of a pool anytime soon. And I'm guessing she stays far enough away from pools, etc to avoid accidentally falling in. If she does like to get close to water, then make her wear a life jacket. The value of water safety really doesn't justify terrorizing your daughter at this point. And if it is a sensory problem, then it will not get better until the underlying issue is addressed. My son still will not put his head underwater willingly (he can't stand the feel of water in his ears), but he can keep himself calm if he gets splahsed in the face with water or if water drips down his face when washing his hair (or at least quickly recover and not completely lose it). But I emphasize again, the only reason he's come this far is because he is receiving therapy for sensory processing disorder.

The level of terror your daughter is expressing is not something to be taken lightly. Whether it's anxiety (general or based on some event neither of you can remember) or sensory, you can get her help to resolve the underlying issue before trying to get her back in the water.

Biofeedback would teach her breathing and relaxation skills to use when she starts to feel panicky (after teaching her how to recognize and label that panicky feeling). The therapist can talk to her about swimming and how scared she gets while attached to the sensors (ears, finger and forehead...little stickers) so she can learn to stop the adrenaline flow even while thinking about swimming. The biofeedback computer lets her play a game like running a spider through a maze or making the sun come up and flowers bloom. The slower her breathing and heart rate, the farther and faster the little spider goes or the more things happen in the picture of the house. It's easy and fun to see how relaxed she can make her body. www.onlinebiofeedback.com
My daughter did biofeedback starting at age 5 1/2 and had great results.

Cranio-sacral massage therapy can be fantastic for anyone with sensory/anxiety issues. It's very gentle, the kids can wiggle and play with toys while the therapist works on them, and you stay right there during the session. I used to read to my daughter during her massages until she got old enough to read her own book. This therapy will either have dramatic results within 24 hours of your first session, or it will not do much of anything. Either way, you'll know quickly if it's working for her. That makes it a very cost-effective therapy to try. www.kenpiercy.com You're looking for a therapist who works with a lot of kids and has a CST-D certification. That's a masters level therapy training in this very subtle art/science. Skill and experience matter a great deal with a therapy technique like this.

My kids all did individual swim lessons. The style is infant survival swimming (flip, float, scream...so someone can come get you, or swim to the side or steps to get yourself out). It's one on one lessons, 4 days a week for 4 weeks, but only 10 minutes each day. Even with my daughter's anxiety and sensory issues, she could handle 10 minutes with the constant reassurance of the teacher's total attention. If you want the instructor's name, email me. She teaches in her own backyard pool, so it's quiet and private. My 2 big kids swim like fish. My 3 year old did his lessons this year with goggles because the water in his face was scaring him too much. He won't be a fish for a long time (maybe not ever), but he can float like a champ and knows what to do if he slips off the steps.

Yes, you have a problem bigger than a kid who won't swim. But there are plenty of things out there that can help her feel less overwhelmed by the world. Kids respond quickly to these therapies because they have had less time to ingrain those anxiety/sensory responses in their bodies and brains. It takes longer for an adult to un-learn those responses, so the sooner you start dealing with this, the sooner she can move past this.

Good luck,
S.
SAHM of 3

L., my oldest son is a fish and has been since he was a very young child. My youngest (now 6 years old) was similar to yours, but not quite as extreme. He loved playing in the water, but only in the shallow end of the pool where he could touch. He hated getting his face wet, and would cry hysterically if I made him go under water. I had him in swimming lessons at Emler Swim School each winter/spring for 2 years. He wasn't upset during swimming lessons, he just wouldn't put his face in the water. He enjoyed practicing all of the other skills.

Then in April something changed. He had a private lesson with the deck manager at Emler in Southlake, and all of a sudden something clicked. I don't know if it was something the deck manager said, or if he finally just decided to give swimming a try, but his attitude changed. Now he is swimming, really swimming well, with his face in the water. The issue is now getting him to come up for air.

I think with a child who is so incredibly terrified (like your daughter), I would wait until she is more receptive to the idea of trying new things. That may be a year or so, but right now with her so upset if you keep trying it may just make the situation worse. Erica W. had a good idea. Let her see others having a good time swimming, but don't even mention swimming to her. Eventually, maybe she will venture toward the water. I really struggled with this because my oldest son and I are such swimmers. I couldn't figure out why my youngest didn't love the water. He needed to learn to enjoy the water on his own time.

Good luck. :-)

My son was scared to death of the water too. We just kept taking him to the pool and let him sit on the steps, and just be "around" the water. He was scream when we tried to take him in, if other kids came around him or if we even suggested he go in the pool. THEN last summer he just started enjoying the water. However he will NOT go in without googles....He only likes the full mask. He was so funny the first time he actually got in the water- Full mask, arm bands and a tube around his waist, in water that he could stand in...but he was in the water, a victory for us!
He LOVES the water now. Swims, take a shower, plays in the sprinkler. I honestly never thought he would turn around. But we just calming let him take his time and he did.
Can you just take her to a pool and let her watch, or play in a baby pool. You can try to give her goggles so she won't get it in her eyes. The mask also prevents them from getting water in their nose.

This fear is very real. I had the same thing and it never went away. I am 54 and it was only a couple years ago that i could put my face under the shower. I don't know where it came from. Maybe because an Aunt threw me in the water when I was small trying to teach me to swim. Maybe from being abused. I had a lot of unnatural fears as a child and didn't overcome them for many years. Please don't dismsiss her fear. If it is that strong,perhaps she needs someone to talk to.

Yes.... I've had this problem. I have 4 swimming children (and a one month old who still hasn't got his face wet...LOL) Whenever we'd go to grandma's house to go swimming, I'd make them swim one lap first (or when they were first learning, they would need to swim from me to the step 5 times or whatever.) Then they could just swim and have fun the rest of the time. When they were little and more fearful, they might just play on the step. Just keep working with her and don't give up. She'll get over it eventually. Stay calm and don't make a big deal of it. Be matter of fact about it. She'll learn that it isn't a big deal after all. It's actually fun to splash and dunk. Practicing in the tub sounds like a good idea too. Don't worry if she doesn't like it. She'll get used to it. Good luck to you!!

My son was the same way. His first swimming lesson was a disaster. He screamed and was so scared. My family was pushing me to get him to learn to swim but I knew he was not ready. Yes, it is an important thing to know. I stopped taking him to the lessons and just let him enjoy the splash/toddler pool. He was in first grade before he took lessons again. He would not put his face in or under the water. This is funny but when he took his bath he wore his swimming googles so water would not get into his face. One lesson he put his face in the water and now he loves swimming. He was in third grade when he started jumping off the diving board. When I think about it he is alot like me. I don't like to be forced to do something until I am ready. Give her time and just let her enjoy the water. In time she will get more comfortable with the water. Oh, also my son was envited to pool parties before he could swim (preschool age). He used the floating toys and I watched him. I know how powerless you feel when you can't help your child with some issues. Hang in there and it should pass.

Keep plugging away and hopefully she will make baby steps. Have you taken her in the shower to see if she is less fearful there? Maybe after some "accidental" splashing she will start feeling more comfortable.

Ya know, not everyone likes to swim. I am 34 and I hate swimming. I will go in a pool and will go under water but I go in to cool off and I am out again. Just a thought. I don't think you should push it. Let her put her face in the water when she is ready.

I do know when my kids were 6 mos old they had swim lessons and again at 2.5 my daughter did not do what the instructor said until her back was turned. The later they go the more fear they have but this is a more then a little fear. I never knew how to thred water and would mostly dog pattle but later when I was 32 I took lessons and one of my friends wanted to dive down and see who could come up the first. I could not get my body down so from then on told myself if I cannot even get under the water then I must not be able to drown. But whend I was a young child I almost paniced three times. In High school a bunch of girls threw me in and I kept coming up over and over but they had to pull me out. I was thinking to myself three times I am dead. Over the years I still am not the best swimmer but have taught my kids and have no fear of the water but now I can put my eyes open underwater and tread water. Maybe private lessons with no one around. I think I would ask a professional about this. She may even need some counseling. I never wanted to go to the beach on dates either. As everyone would swim out to the doc and not me. So god bless and good luck but I think this is overboard fear. G. W

Dear L.:

Could your daughter get a very simplified swim lesson that does not involve putting her face in the water? Pretty much just a safety lesson rather than swimming is what I'm suggesting. My mother has the exact same fear of putting her face in the water and has NEVER gotten passed it. She swims using a "scissor stroke" to keep her face out of the water.

As long as this has been going on and the degree of terror, personally I would drop the swim lessons and get a nice life vest and tell her she wears that at swim parties or she takes lessons.

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

I haven't read your responses, but I am definitely going to. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this at all! My five year old is the same way! I think her fear has lessened a bit this year (she will now let me rinse her hair).

My three year old has no fear of the water (mixed blessing, I'm sure, lol). She will lie down on her back in the tub and she has always LOVED getting splashed in the water. I think her enthusiasm has really helped my older daughter a bit...although she absolutely will not jump in the water at the pool or put her face in like she is asked. We haven't had lessons this year yet, but I'm purchasing pool passes and we will be there A LOT.

Thank you for the question. I am very glad to know I'm not alone:). I'm also interested to read your responses.

Loni

I agree with the rest. Sometimes 5 is too young to be past her fear. Some kids become okay with water around 8 yrs or even older.

We had the same problem with my kids. We found a swim instructor in Bedford that fixed our problem. Mr. Kaleb was awesome. He will only let 4 kids to 2 aduls so lots of attention. It is only 1 week long for 5 days but by Friday both of my kids were swimming and I couldn't get my kids in the water before. He doesn't allow parents to watch except Friday but you can listen from the gate. I would say it's worth a try. Mr. Kaleb's swim school ###-###-####

I don't have any answers, but I completely emphathize with your situation because my 3 year old daughter is the same way. She will be taking her first swim class in a couple of weeks, but this has been an ongoing issue in the bathtub. She does not fear water, but hates it in her face/eyes. We have a pool and she loves going in it as long as we don't splash too much and get water in her face. I'm going to get her some goggles and see if this helps at all. I think at this point you shouldn't push her to take swim lessons. Give it a year or two then try again. Having some basic water skills is important, but at this point you may be feeding her fear rather than conquering it. It doesn't sound like she'll be too reckless in the water anyway, so let her just enjoy it without pressure for now, and try again when she's a little older.

I was a very timid child, and my mother had very firm ideas about what I should be able to do. Her efforts only made my situation worse – I would do the things she forced me to do, but dreaded them, hated every minute, and suffered severe stomach aches (and now, I realize, asthma attacks were in part a response to her urging).

I'm not saying you are like this, but your urgency to get your child to swim sounds like this is one area where perhaps you're pushing too hard. If you remove all pressure for a year, and give her a chance to think things through, maybe she'll get to the point where she can actually notice what she's missing.

She could have sensory integration issues, too – does she particularly seek out or avoid other sensations?

L.,
For some children this can be a pretty traumatic and scary time. From my past 20 years of teaching children to swim I find that group lessons is not always the best place for a child with such challenges. If the child is what we call a runner it is important for the parents to be relatively close by to catch the child, reassure the child and then take the child right back to the water. When this all started several years ago did something prompt this type of behavior? Is she learning, participating and interacting some during her swim time? Most of our swimmers by the end of the session have settled down and are doing quite well. With the help of the positive reinforcement and praises from parent and instructors, children will get it and most of the time these are our safer, stronger swimmers.
Hang in there, work with the instructors to find what is going to be best for your swimmer. Don't quit, keep positive but most of all help her to be safe.
Please feel free to contact me with any concerns.
M. C., Miss M.
Aqua~Fit, Swim School
____@____.com

I completely understand how your daughter must feel. I was the exact same way as a child, and I am also a highly sensitive person as well. It seems children who were very sick at a young age often are. It took 6 years and several different swim instructors before I finally learned to swim. Something you can try just to get her comfortable with putting her face in the water is to put quarters on the steps of the pool. Tell her she can keep any of quarters she can get. My stepmom tried this with me when I was 5, and it did help some. Best of luck to you.

I know you've had lots of responses but I just wanted to sy that the way I did my girls when they were little was to teach them the basics in the bathtub. It's not such a large body of water & it really seemed to get them ready for the lake or the pool. My oldest was 5 & my youngest was 2weeks. Yea I know that's young but I had watch a baby class when my 5 yr. old to lessons & learned how to teach her. Since I have worked with my grandchildren as well & it works great. If they are young & don't know how to hold their breath just blow slightly in their face & when they hold their breath you go under with them make a game of it. God bless you and her. I pray she will over come this soon.