Stressed- How to Handle It?

Updated on June 11, 2010
S.T. asks from Oklahoma City, OK
9 answers

Ok, so i first admitt that I am a little bit of a control freak. With that said I am seriously losing my mind that I have no control over the home deal my DH and I are currently involved in. The seller is a bank, but the property is however not a foreclosure. It was bought at auction and the bank is trying to sell it for a profit(i assume). They are taking litterally 5 days longer than allowed to get through all the processes... We negotiated for two weeks because it took them a week each time to make a counter offer. Once we decided to sumbitt our 'final' offer they came back and said they absolutely had to have $1500 more so they could compeletly finish it, so we said fine. We LOVE this house and it is perfect for us, in every way. Also there are absolutely NO other houses to choose from anywhere near this house. We have considered building but in the middle of this process found out that one of our jobs may not be compeletly secure and fear we would not be able to be reapproved if we did decide to build. The only other option is to wait for probably another two years, which totally stinks bc we have 3 kids in a very small home in which we have CONSTANTLY been sick and think is infested with mold. Anyway could you walk away? We are waiting on them 'decide' what they are going to fix from the inspection, the home is new and so it has to be finished. I am just so ticked off to be treated this way by anyone espeically a bank. IT IS A NEW HOME IT HAS TO BE FINISHED... that is why we agreed to give them the money so that could finish it, I am planning on telling our realtor tomorrow(with DH approval) that if we do not have an answer by tomorrow at 5, we are DONE. Walking away, the end... but i am going to be devistated. What would you do? Also the stress of the job is a lot on top of that, we will be able to afford the house either way, so that is not an issue. It is just stressfull to be in limbo...

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P.O.

answers from Jacksonville on

I think you're just so anxious to move in the house that the bank's delay is causing you stress. Give it some time, and the wait might actually be worth it, especially if you have no other options and really love this house.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Deep breath.

While I feel your pain, I think it would be wise to give them another few days. Giving an ultimatem on a Friday can never work in your favor. You do however have a right to set a decision deadline. I would set if for 5p on Wed. That gives them 2 business days, after being notified to make something happen.

M.

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L.L.

answers from Orlando on

How frustrating! Can you have your realtor get a SET deadline from them stating when they will have an answer? Maybe start with that before you decide to talk away. I don't know... dealing with companies is such a pain. If you agreed to give them the 1500 I don't understand why they didn't just accept?? It sounds like their customer service really sucks.

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

actually i am surprised that things are moving along as fast as you referenced......majority of banks that own the homes can take 1-2 months to accept or counter offer.......i know this doesn't make you feel better but please understand this is a very lengthy process as there are so many legalities that need to be met & the banks are overwhelmed & don't have the staff to take care of all the paperwork in a timely manner.....my SIL works for wells & she is working mandatory 7 days a week 12-14 hours a day.........sounds like you are almost done so hang in there a little while longer........

one more thing i will mention is that in these times be very careful with building a home, many builders are folding there businesses & taking off with peoples money & never finishing the homes

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H.B.

answers from McAllen on

Stop and take a deep breath. I am in the middle of major house crisises too. Right now is an AWFUL time to buy or sell. If you really want this, isn't it worth the small wait? Building is a nightmare, talk about stress. If this is the house for you, visit it often, walk through the neighborhood. Do what you can about the things you can control and don't sweat the rest. I am always stressed and it gets me nowhere and it affects my family. Good luck and be patient. Think of your family in the house and it will become a reality.

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L.N.

answers from New York on

the delays can be caused even if by the seller, but banks are notorious for not being on time. we were 3 months past deadline for our home, but we had to wait. this caused huge problems for us. my husband was working out of state, i was alone, our home had sold, just a mess but we had to make it work. so i say if this is the home you want, still put pressure on the bank but wait.

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R.M.

answers from Topeka on

You are not working with an individual, you are working with a company so of course it is going to take a little longer. It could be that there has to be a "meeting" to come to a decision on each and every little thing. I am involved with a bank who is the holder of a trust fund from my Mother, they have these "meetings" twice a month and if you come to them with a request you just have to sit back and wait for the next regularly scheduled meeting to roll around.
If this house is so perfect for you....ask yourself if it is really worth "making a point" with the bank and taking a chance on watching the house disappear into the sunset!!!

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M.H.

answers from Birmingham on

I've been a Realtor for 17 years and I can tell you you can't hurry a bank. If the bank bought it at auction - that means they bought the mortgage back themselves to try to salvage what they had lost through the foreclosure. They first try to sell for market value (not to necessarily make a profit) but will eventually take what they can get. Usually any decisions made have to go through several people which is why it takes so long. I tell my clients to be prepared for a wait if they are buying from a bank. Giving them an ultimatium is probably not a good idea if you want the house.

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C.M.

answers from New Orleans on

Sit Tight!!! You'll be so glad you didn't let your pride get in the way of the perfect home that you can afford! You MUST remember, as hard as it is, you are dealing with a bank, and this is business, pure and simple. You haveto think rationally and put your indignation aside. It is what the bank is doing, and you gave some good reasons in your post as to why you can't "afford" to lose this home. As long as you aren't overpaying for the house, I say hang in there! Oh, my husband and I have SO been there. We recently bought a bank owned home in Florida for my mother-in-law after losing out on another home that was a short sale that we waited 3 months to hear back from the bank on! It was torture the first time around during those three months, and then after all that, to lose it to someone else. That bank really jerked us around. The bank owned home we did end up purchasing did a little bit of the same, and we ended up parting with about 2,000 more than we would have liked with their game-playing, but in the end, we got a fantastic deal on a home in the perfect location that meets all the needs. It all closed a month ago and it is nothing but a distant memory now, and what we have now to show for our patience is a great home at a still great price and a solution to a lot of our problems. Just hang in there- all that hair pulling will be worth it. :)

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