Sticking to My Guns at Mealtime

I have two girls, and with my first one I was very careful about what I fed her, and she eats very healthy. My S. one, I'm still careful, but she has eaten some things younger, because she wants what the older one has. It's hard to go back, that's for sure! Anyway, a few things that have helped me... I let them eat while I prepare food, just what's for dinner. Often toddlers eat better that way, I'll give some ground beef or the uncooked veggies, etc. I let them have snacks when they want, but they're always veggies, fruit, or occasionally whole grain crackers and cheese or cereal (puffed brown rice is popular here). I don't make the meal for them, but I make more kid-friendly meals. Kids like to know what they're eating, so usually I make main dish and sides instead of casseroles/one-dish meals, and if there's something they like I make it more often (chili's a big hit here). I make sure every part of the meal is healthy, so if they just want one part of it and a lot of that, it's okay. I do make them try a bite of everything. I put fruit out at every meal. It's healthy. They eat it. I keep in mind if they don't like dinner. I think people are entitled to have things they don't like. I never would eat tuna casserole. I'm fine with them not eating a certain meal and finding something for them to eat, as long as it's not every meal. If they don't eat well (I do not make them clean their plate, but if they take something themselves, I expect them to eat it, generally), I save their plate, just until bedtime. then if they get hungry it's ready and waiting. Keep in mind that kids have stronger taste buds than we do, if you can lighten the salt and seasonings on their meal. Also, cut out all junk food. Kids don't want to eat dinner when they are thinking about fruit snacks. We do have dessert, but home made whole grain cookies, etc. We have fruit leather instead of fruit snacks (they're made from all fruit and fruit juice), we've cut out hydrogenated oil and high fructose corn syrup, no added sugar to things that just don't need sugar, healthy cereals, etc. It's amazing how much sugar kids can get in a day when we feed them "kid" foods! I think that makes a big difference when they're looking at a plate of grilled chicken, broccoli and brown rice. dips. kids love to dip. Find a good yogurt dip recipe. I also always have one thing they can eat if they're not liking dinner. Usually for us it's carrots or frozen peas (still frozen), edemame on a night I'm feeling especially productive. Something they'll eat but is healthy and not a treat and that I don't have to cook. We never bribe. If they didn't eat well, we don't offer dessert, but everything I've read reccommends against bribing *shrug* and it doesn't seem to work anyway, it just makes that thing more important than the healthy food. Also, we've talked about healthy food since she was very young, looking at food labels together, etc. Anyway, I'm sorry for this being so long, but hopefully something here will help for your family. I know every family is different and different things work. You're doing the right thing, it's hard, but if he has only healthy foods to choose from, they'll eat healthy foods. He'll thank you in the long run.

K., a picky eater.

You're doing the right things! Here are two great articles that may help:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/3/T030800.asp "Feeding Toddlers: 17 Tips for Pleasing the Picky Eater" It has good ideas for introducing new, healthy foods to toddlers.

and
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/T040200.asp "ABC's of Teaching Nutrition to Kids" I thought this one was especially good because it teaches parents how to make learning about healthy food fun for kids. It talks about how to educate kids so that they make healthy choices on their own later on and so they know which kinds of food are healthy and why. They refer to healthy foods as "grow foods." The only thing I didn't agree with was that he suggested rewards, but everything else was pretty good advice.

I don't have time to sit and read through all the responses, so someone may have already suggested/said this.

I've never cooked Emme anything different from us except if we were having stuff she really couldn't eat- chicken wings, something spicy, etc. She 99% of the time gets what I make and if she doesn't eat it, tough. Lately she's been trying to refuse food, and I know good and well that she's hungry because she's been whining about it for God knows how long, so I just keep repeating to her that if she doesn't eat her meal, there are no snacks or anything and she'll just be hungry until we eat again. It seems to work. Your son may not fully understand what you're saying, but a few times of no snacks and going for a while being hungry, he'll get it!

Just stick to your guns!

I have a very picky 2 year old for which we made a lot of meal adjustments for because of a milk allergy that he has now outgrown (yea!). We went through lots of mealtime stress (for us mostly). After much research and trying (pleading, forcing, demanding) to get him to eat, we decided that the more we made an issue of it, the worse it seemed to be. We just fix a plate, and he eats what he wants/needs. He is doing much better now, partially I think because of age and ability to reason, but here are some other tips that have worked well.
1. Limiting his milk, as he would survive on it alone if I let him!
2. I let him eat first, then I feed him. We figure his taking in food is more important than him feeding himself.
3. He LOVES to sing, so we sing a song while he is chewing, but he first has to take a bite.
4. The threat of us eating his food will help him eat it. Two y/o don't like to share.
5. My husband will do all kinds of games, noises, etc. to get him to eat.
6. HAPPY PLATE - this one is credited to my 2 y/o nephew. When all of my family was together, he mentioned he made a happy plate (clean) and everybody cheered. Then we proceeded to cheer for everyone (adults included) that made a happy plate. It worked wonders!!!! Now, my little guy is sooooo excited to make a happy plate/bowl/cup/etc. that he will work to clean his plate even sometimes when I think he might be full. (if starting this, it would be best to do on a meal you know he will eat and make a happy plate, also do smaller portions for awhile, so it is easy for him to succeed.)
Anyway, mealtime here is a big show/production with a lot of work, but we feel it is worth it right now to get him to eat, and he is doing much better now, he actually eats some veggies, and eats more on his own. I know it sounds crazy.
One other piece of advice. He is probably seeking some of your attention at the end of the day from being at daycare all day. Just make sure you are giving him positive only attention, as the attention he is used to getting, is the type he is gonna keep asking for through his behaviors. (this is where we went wrong in making him sit to eat, and pleading with him to try a bite.) So, if you don't want to do the above tricks/antics to get him to eat, don't do anything, just set the plate out and leave it at that. All the research I found said don't even make positive comments about the eating, but we don't really follow that.
Anyway, good luck and hope you find something to help.

Good for you! My son was never a picky eater because I had that same attitude...this is what we're eating tonight. If you don't like it, oh well. I was a single mom so there were just the two of us for 13 years (I got married 8 months ago today). I introduced him to all KINDS of foods and he would try absolutely anything. He may not have loved whatever it was, but it was great that he was so willing to try it and he also knew that I wasn't going to cook anything else. What also made a HUGE difference was that I never made a big deal about making him finish his food. From the time he was a toddler I would ask him if he was finished. If he said no, I left the plate there and he continued to eat. If he had only two bites and said he was finished, that's it; I would take his plate away. So he knew he was in control. This totally worked for us. None of that "eat everything on your plate or else" business. Kids need to learn to be aware of and trust their own hunger signals.

Stick to your guns Mama! You can do it! And, just think how much easier it's going to be once you're there!

Our son turned 2 in January. I just recently started fighting this battle. He eats a good deal of foods, fruits and veggies, but it's about time for his palate to expand to what we're eating. He's lactose intolerant, so we've had a little extra challenge... but we'll get there.

He still gets "his" food for lunch. Chicken nuggets, "cheese" and turkey sandwich, turkey dog with applesauce, soy yogurt, apple slices, pears, frozen peas (his favorite... still frozen, found that when he was teething). Then dinner is what we're eating. It's a lot of work for me. I love dairy so lots of my recipes are off-limits for him - I've had to get really creative and go outside my comfort zone to re-write some recipes!

And, a nice whitewash job never hurts... "it's Daddy's favorite..." Really play up how much you guys like it. I make sure it's really food that he can eat and I make allowances for him. Last night we had chicken, but I opened up a can of cranberry sauce to go with it. He didn't like the chicken plain, but with a little bit of cranberry sauce on each piece he was asking for more! (antioxidants, right!?) hehe

We've also gone back to us feeding him. We all sit at the table and eat together, but I load the fork for him and put it in his mouth. I know he'll get it soon, there's just too many new things at once. He'll open his mouth for my Mommy look, but he can't quite get to putting the food in his mouth himself. Once he gets used to the new textures I'm sure that will change.

And to be quite honest, we bribe him. "Finish your food, then you can watch Little Bill..." we would have let him watch anyway, but he doesn't know that! :) Your little guy may be too young to reason with and may just have to learn via some hunger pains!

Maybe once a week you could all eat one of "his" foods. Grilled cheese and tomato soup for the whole family? (soup goes into one of those cheap sippy cups without a valve, just a lid with a spout/slot) We like chicken nuggets with a rasperry chipotle sauce I found at HyVee. My son just gets stirred up rasberry jelly for dipping, but we're all eating the same thing and he's happy. It's a way to keep him feeling special at meal time.

I hope it gets easier for you every day! Hang in there!

T.

I wish I had some better advice for you, but my son is now 27 months and we're still dealing with this. He either eats or he doesn't. Most of the time he doesn't and since we're also have communication issues, that means dinnertime is usually a disaster. I think we're both doing the right thing, but I remember this being a long road with my oldest son, and he's still a very picky eater. Hang in there!

It is very usual to make their own meal's when they are begging to eat on their own,when they notice they don't all of a sudden like what they use to 2 week's ago it get's frustrating my MIL fixes every grandchild their own meal I can't stand that now my son who is going on 5 expect's me to do the same and I refuse I make 1 meal and we all eat together as a family if it something he hasn't tried I give him very small portion and ask him to try it and he will,often times now with a melt down.I remind my son that this is meal time and this is what I made,if he takes a few bites great but if not and he refuses I let him know that their will be no snack's later he will receive water only to drink.And this usually will work.But since you have a lil guy,i'd give him really smaller portions,and if he cries let him if you continue to make something else for him to eat it'll only get worse cause he'll remmber if I cry i'll get it.I'd offer fruit too on his plate along with veggies if he refsues to eat meat at least he's still eating a lil healthier than junk food.

My suggestion would be to let your husband take over when it comes to getting your son to eat. I had this same problem with my oldest son. He's 9 now and loves all different kinds of foods, but he was super picky from the time he was about 18 months old until he was a little over 4. I was a single mom and this this was around the time I met my husband. I was making a different meal for my son every night, and had been for a couple of years! He couldn't believe it! I actually met him at the daycare my son was attending, and this made it worse becuase he knew Joel (my son) would eat anything he was given during the day. He was just manipulating me at night! Ryan (my husband) decided that this couldn't continue. He took control and let Joel know that Mommy was not going to be cooking 2 meals anymore, and he would be eating wat everyone else did. He had to be really stern about it, and I actually had to leave the room at dinner time for a few nights. It was kind of rough for a few days, but very quickly Joel was eating with the rest of us. We also started involving Joel in the cooking process which made him a lot more interested in the food we were eating. This might be hard with a 19 month old, though. I hope this helps and good luck to you!

You go momma!! Keep on sticking to your guns. I have a 6-year-old who is very picky and will eat next to nothing and be happy about it! If you can change his eating habits now, it will be easier in the long run. My daughter has just gotten more stubborn as she has gotten older! I usually try to include at least one thing that she will eat at mealtimes, but she doesn't get seconds unless she eats other things too. Just remember that you have to be more stubborn than your son-Good luck!

keep on stickin' to your guns! you're doing a fine, fine job, Carrie! i agree w/ the other lady that posted... as soon as he believes the rules have changed.... i always say God bless the mother of a two year old... and a teenager!

I'll tell you what my pediatrician told me when my boys were about that age..."Pick your battles. But once you pick them, win them." You know, we could fight over a million things with our kids and as they get older it seems like there is even more, but we don't want to spend our life fighting. So, you have to decide which battles are important to you. If food is one for you, then by all means, fight it. Once you decide which battles you are going to fight, it is important that you follow through because the kids will pick up on it so quickly. On the other hand, if you decide that food is not a battle you want to fight, the worst you can do is raise a picky eater. It is definately hard to deal with when you are out of your own home (such as being invited to another home for dinner or a potluck at church). I was a picky eater growing up, so I feel for him, but I grew out of a lot of it AND I still grew up happy and healthy. Don't beat yourself up over it! You do know that there is a biological reason why many kids are picky as small children and grow out of it. We are born with lots and lots of taste buds. Therefore as a young child, tastes are much more pronounced. As we grow, we eat things that burn our tongue, etc. and lose many of our taste buds (which do not grow back). So as flavors become less intense to us, we are able to tolerate some that we weren't able to as chidren. That doesn't mean we should give children a free pass, but understanding sometimes helps us be, well, a little more understanding.

You can give him healthy snacks such vegetables and fruits.You can also give him what you have been giving but don't put a lot seasoning on the food but just little. I think peanut butter and jelly is good to be part of his snacks because of the protein and fruit.

I had a child who would only eat crackers and french fries as a baby. I was so worried he would be unhealthy, but his doctor said kids are just funny like that and when he's ready to eat he will. So i just kept trying untill he finally started eating. He is now a healthy 16 year old who eat me out of house and home.

my 19 mo old is the same as yours. We didn't create the monster either! We have ALWAYS given him the food that we eat. One day the sitter gave him chicken nuggets and he fell in love! Check and see what your sitter is feeding him. He will start to eat like a horse there and be full at dinner time for you. Be sure that your sitter is giving him food that you approve of. It is hard for sitters to prepare food for all those kids like you want her to. she has a lot of kids crying out for attention so she needs to be efficient with her time. premade foods that can be popped in the oven and left to cook are ideal for her (i imagine) also she has to be cost efficient. time and cost efficient usually equals food that is not ideal and loaded with additives. the kids love them and the sitter can afford them. so, i would advise checking with her to see what it is that your son eats during the day. i trade daycare duties with a couple of my friends, that is why i can sympothize with your sitter. i only have a couple and your sitter probably has double that. so, try to keep her needs in mind, but you definitely need to get your son eating healthy all day all week and she is the key to that.

i recently purchased the book by sienfeld's wife that has the purees in them. the verdict is out on that. my first attempt (i mixed squash into the mac and cheese that i broke down and made) and they LOVED it. I only felt mildly bad about htat b/c there was something good in it :) the additives are still gnawing on my nerves, though. i tried the chicken nuggets and they were a wash. i will try them again with a different puree. i did get success with the muffins. my husband ate them this morning (we did it yesterday) and he said, these are awesome. did you make these? they were a huge hit and i will use them for snack time. they are not bad for the kids and i substituted whole grain flour.

anyway, i think this food thing needs all the things you have already done. plus, to get some food in him, you might try the book and definitely talk to your daycare provider and try to work something out there if you need to - you might not.
Good luck and let us know b/c i am still fighting it here at my house :)

Carrie,

You have to stand firm on this. If he doesn't eat the meal with the family, he doesn't eat that night. It will not harm him. I have gone through the same thing with my S. little boy. Rule at our home is if you don't eat your supper, no snacks or dessert. He even has began to tell us the rule when he doesn't eat his entire meal. There have been the night's that he went to bed hungry by his choice. We rarely have this issue anymore. Hang in there!

Best Wishes,

J. H.

I am having the same problem, unfortunately, it's y 4 year old instead. The problem I had was when he was 2 and under he was sick often and often required a special diet. So I got into the habit of making him his own meals. Now he no longer needs a special diet and I am struggling to get him to eat the same stuff we do. He refuses to eat cheese (which is fine by me he doesn't have to), but it's the other stuff like pasta, rice, many veggies, a lot of sauces, eggs, sandwiches other than PBJ and a few more. What my husband and I decided is to make him a plate of what we are eating, if he chooses not to eat it, he has to sit at the table with us, with that food in front of him until we are done. If he still refuses to eat, he can have a PBJ after we are done eating. It's hard and very disheartening, but it's slowly working. I got him to eat sloppy joes for the first time last night, it took 45 minutes, but he did eat it. You're doing good, just keep giving him what you guys eat and sooner or later he will eat it if he is hungry enough.

Right, wrong or otherwise, my husband would give the same plate of food to his boys (my step-sons) until they ate that plate of food. They are now adults and have grown to eat what they are given. (i.e. if he didn't eat the fish, veggies, etc. that was what he gets for breakfast, if still no prevail, give it to him for lunch, etc.) (Maybe fish not the best to try this with due to contamination, but definitely chicken, beef, etc.)

funny how a 19 month old can try one's patience as much as a 19 year old...

you're doing the right thing. he's just testing your rules to see if they are real. stick with it, Carrie. the sooner he BELIEVES the rules have changed, the sooner he'll conform to them.

My 3 year old has had to eat her soup from the night before for breakfast. We just ask them to take 2 bites of everything, but if they don't then we'll save it for them for breakfast. It took her 2 hours of sitting in her chair until she ate it. Since then she has always taken 2 bites. We've also recently added dessert to our dinners. They have to eat everything to get dessert, or watch the rest of us enjoy it.

I have a daycare child that is kinda this way. We have come to the conclusion that they aren't going to starve themselves and will eat when they are hungry. I put it on their plate and if they eat it they eat it. I though do not have the option of giving it to them later but you do. If he is hungry heat it back up and give it to him again, if he doesn't eat it that time I would toss it though but that is me. He will eat when he is hungry but don't teach him that if he doesn't have his breakfast, lunch or dinner that he can have just gummies or something inbetween for snack. If my daycare children don't eat one of their meals for snack we have a sandwich or something more nutritious rather then cheeze its or something.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. I really felt empowered when my pediatrician told me that kids will definitely eat when they are hungry and that whenever his kids stopped eating their veggies, his wife would cook vegetarian meals for 4 nights until they got back on track. We do the same thing with our kids. My sister is a short-order cook for her 4 kids (the oldest is 13 and the youngest is 8) and it is horrible at mealtimes. Whatever habits you start now will either continue forever or be really hard to change as the kids get older. Keep the faith and stick to your guns.

You said it yourself..."Sticking to my guns". That is my advice to you. Keep sticking to your guns. Eventually she'll eat what you are or at least try it. We did that with my children and one day I decided I was tired of cooking two meals. Now they are 10 and 11 and eat what we do. IF they don't like it then they don't eat. Most of the time they will eat most of what is on their plate. When they claim they are full...That is okay. And they are okay with it themselves. If they finish what they eat they are allowed to ask for dessert. Sometimes the answer is "yes" and sometimes "no". They are okay with that too. Be consistant and don't give in. Kids can be very manipulative at that age when they want or don't want something bad enough, just stick to our guns and within a week or two, it'll be like it never was a problem. Good Luck and God Bless.

You might consider the types of foods he was eating before and see how similar they are to what you are eating now. PBJ is a big difference from baked fish. Especially if it's on white bread and made with jelly with sugar. Think about the seasonings, colors, textures and sizes/shapes. Is he using utensils to eat? Is it fun to eat? Maybe he can help you make it. They say if kids are involved in the process it helps. Maybe even setting his plate and sippy cup out.

We have the rule with our kids that they have to taste just one bite and that's it. If they don't like it then they dont' have to eat any more. Usually they like it and finish, but they must try it. However, this is dinner nothing else. Our's are 4 and almost 3. We fed them all sorts of stuff. I put spinach in their PBJ and made their baby food. We eat whole wheat bread and drink 100% juice. My four year old didn't have her first hot dog or mac n cheese until she was probably 3 1/2. In some ways she is very picky and it's frustrating, but she also likes to eat at Lonestar and knows what asparagus is and will choose Blueberry Mornings Cereal or Quaker Oat Squares Cereal over any sugar cereal any day, so I'm not complaining.

good luck and stick to your guns. He won't starve.

Melanie in Swansea, IL

Your not a short order cook or a maid or a servant! Your a mom and even though it seems like you are those things alot your definately one thing... THE BOSS. Stick to it!

Discipline means to teach. If you want your child to learn their ABCs, you go over them and over them until they are learned. Your child may learn them easily or it may take many repetitions, but work at it until the child knows their ABCs. It's the same with any life lesson. You "stick to it" until the child learns the lesson. He may start eating at dinner after missing one dinner or a month of dinners. He will NOT starve.

Also, my opinion is that sometimes it is the smartest kids who are the hardest to teach. Your smart son will quickly learn how to manipulate you. There will be a power struggle. You have to win, for your sake and his.

Good luck and remember, he may cry, he may whine, but he will not starve. Be the parent. STICK TO IT!

I agree - i am having to do the same thing with my 13 m. old. However, you might want to make him something small that he likes. . . a little grilled chicken to prime his palate with the other stuff you all are eating. This seems to help with my little one. good luck

Hi Carrie-

It can be so daunting for our children to eat our "weird" mixed up foods. I didn't want to make meal time a nightly battle, but had a similar situation. I learned, from my daycare provider, some valuable lessons.

I always make sure that I dish up what we are eating as a family on my children's plate, but make sure I have some part of our meal be something that they like. They must at least try the meal that I prepared, and after that may have as many helpings of the other dishes in the meal. If they drink milk with the meal they are sure to get protein along with necessary calcium. Also, if they are not interested in eating what I prepared night time snacks are either eliminated, leftovers from that night's meal, or at the very least, healthy fruits or veggies. Ice cream or sweets are reserved for very special evenings (like when they try something new and discover that they really like it!).

Since doing this my son has developed a love of lasagna, hamburger helper, and shrimp. Before this method he would not eat anything that was "mixed". Another thing that help is let your son have a role in preparing or choosing meals. Good luck! I think this is a battle that most mothers go through. I hope you find the solutation that works for your family.

I don't know how encouraging this will be, but my son is 19 months old and I can't get him to eat any meat besides chicken nuggets, fish sticks or hot dogs. He also rarely eats veggies. I have been struggling like you. He will eat breakfast just fine. Lunch is a struggle cause of his limits. I have been fighting with him for 5 months and he hasnt' budged. Everyone keeps saying he will eventually get hungry, but he goes to bed hungry at least 5 times a week. I am at my wits end. I hope things go better for you.

Hi Carrie,

Here's a tip that may help :

Take something you know he will eat. Let's say the PB&J, let him have that but put a few things that you are having for dinner on his plate. Serve one thing you know he will eat at dinner but he only gets that and that amount.

The other thing.. I'm not sure if you mean a snack before dinner or after dinner or maybe even both. But either way if you are not allowing him to have a snack before dinner evern a small one then when he does depending on how long he has went since lunch which should be since around noon and then you are having dinner at the normal time of between 5 and 6, even if he has snack at daycare which would be about 3 pm, that snack wears off pretty fast. So when you get home it won't hurt him any to give him a few crackers or a half of a banana something like this. And then even after dinner, offer him a snack but offer something he won't eat yet.

As far as how long it takes until he "gets it", will depend on how stubborn he is and how often you have backed down in the past. Hold the boundary with a cheerful attitude and he will learn that you are serious. Keep up the good work.
pf