Spouse Has Addiction to Pain Pills

My boyfriend of 14 years and father of my 3 kids was also addicted to pain killers, and still is. I have left him more than i can count because of this addiction. The night sweats, the sleepless nights of withdrawals, the body aches and spending all night in the bathtub, the money, the search to get more pills. I have been through it all. He finally found a methadone clinic, which is still a drug, but it is controlled. It is the next best thing to quitting, as they are addicts and dont want to stop cold turkey.
Everyday the will give you a controlled level of methadone, that your body is used to handling. Without the knowledge of the patient, they start to downsize the mg of the dose...this is stretched out along a long period of time, until your body is used to such a low dose you dont need it anymore. Granted, he has been at the clinic for over 2 years now, but has no cravings for pills, nor does he care to take them anylonger, and i know his medicine is being controlled by a nurse everyday. Hope this helps some. Good Luck and God Bless.

You can't help some one who won't help themselves. You need to think about what is best for your children. He obviously is putting his own needs before theirs, and that isn't setting a good example. Do you really want your kids to have to go through all this trauma? If your family is that important to him then he will get his act together. If he can't do that then you need to leave. I have personal experience with this, I grew up with an addict. So I'm not trying to be harsh, just realistic.

C.,
After 14 years and two children together I know how hard it must be to make the move to walk away. So I won't even begin at this point to tell you to do that. In spite of the fact that down deep we probably all know that at some point you may have to do just that. A couple of years ago I lost a life long best friend to addiction. (prescription pain pills) At 34 this friend left behind an 8 year old child. This friend was killed in automobile accident while high. This after being convicted of a felony behind stealing prescriptions etc. Don't think for a minute oh my husband would never. This person had been in the medical field for many years, had the perfect job, marriage, home, cars etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that no one can make the addict stop but themselves. They have to have had enough and be ready themselves!! I am here to encourage you to get help for yourself and your children. Seek counseling, or a support group. The kind of help, advice and support you could gain from these resources may help you find the strength you will need to make the decision to leave in the event that he does not reach "bottom" soon enough to save himself. The hardest thing I had to accept about my best friends death was that I could not save them. They can only save themselves. WE CAN ONLY HELP WHEN THEY ARE TRUELY READY. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.
J.

I must say that you NEED to leave. If you have children around that, you are at fault also for letting your children be in that kind of TOXIC enviroment. I know it's hard, but you need to put your children's well being above your husbands. You can't make him change, he has to get to that point himself. Good luck.

C.,
If you don't leave your house or make him leave. Your children could be taken away. It's that simple. Do what is best for your kids. You're the one working? Get a new bank account in only your name tell the bank that no one even your husband is to do anyhting with the account put a password on the accoutn something he will never think of. If he doesn't have the money to buy the drug he'll have to choose another option. The smartest one would be rehab. Either way, at least you will continue to have a roof over your head and your kid's heads. Once again, do what is best for them, even if its painful.
A.

HI C., I RECENTLY EXITED A REHAB MYSELF FOR AN ADDICTION AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IF YOUR HUSBAND ISNT DONE USING HE IS NOT GOING TO STOP. YOU NEED TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR CHIDREN AND YOUR SELF. YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GET HELP AND FOLLOW THROUGH. I HOPE THIS HELPS.

Hi C.,

How are you, Infact both of you are going on thru in a difficult situation here And you know how far it has been gone now and you must be at your wits end, I know it is very hard to tolerate all such things and maintain the integrity. At the same time, in other hand he must be still trying to come out of it, but its not happening . I think for him now, it would be like everything has been on negative side and must be desparate! our human factz that if any thing bad happens to us, it keeps piling up, no one would come up to understand what went wrong and where, they are in hurry to run out of it. Here, if you see along with this habit, he doesn’t have a steady job in hand for years, no more respects etc. So as a better half you are in a position to take things in your hand till
you find he is capable of everything, for your families better future. Since his father is also willing to do his part, and he is willing to take action, it looks much easier for you and you are not alone here. So getting rid of him in this particular situation doesn’t sound reasonable, things would go much worser, rather still continue giving him your help and support. If you have tolerance and the ability to do a balancing act, you will definitely win this situation. We, the human beings since the beginning has been going thru various problems, it is the universal truth, So try to resolve the present one and keep going rather adding more and more. Then everybody will appreciate you, your kids will praise you as a wise woman. Or if you feel this doesn’t work, Is it possible for you to leave him after spending all those years together as a family and see everything falling apart? Good Luck ! & Hugs, I will definitely pray for you and your family and love to your kids.

Take care,
A.

I was married at 19 to a man with the same problem. When he decided to go off the pills he wanted to do it at home on our own. During this time I saw his true colors. He beat and strangled me.

Get him inpatient help. Get your family away from him during the healing process. Don’t put you and your children in danger.

Drugs change people. When they are high they become another person. He can change but only if he wants to.

I wish you the best and hope everything works out.

You can't let this go on. He can't be trusted. You need to get out and stay somewhere else until he is willing to get help....Read the book tough love. It is about teenagers, which is what he is acting like.........I am sorry, you have a responsibility to your kids, Listen to that lil voice...you know what you "need" to do.....If you are having a hard time, do this......switch places with your kids and their spouses...what advice would you give them???? There is your answer! If his father is willing to help there is NO EXCUSE! He may have to hit rock bottom before he gets help but he can't take you down with him unless you LET him!!!! Good luck! Sorry I am so...blunt, this is serious and shouldn't be taken lightly. I know you love him, you are going to be helping him more by taking a stand and being the adult .Your kids deserve it!!!!Email me if you'd like!
Hugs,
G.

Hi Cristi:

Drug addiction is a monster. I found help for my child at Las Vegas Recovery Center. You can find info at: www.lasvegasrecovery.com. They have both inpatient and outpatient programs. Maybe you can just talk your husband into talking with them so he can see that there is help out there. They accept most insurances but I must warn you it is pretty expensive, but so is drug addiction. There are also free meetings and you can find a list of them at www.na.org. If he refuses to go or even if he does, there are support groups for you (narcAnon) to go to. I think there are two meetings in Vegas, one on the West side and one on the East. The East side number is ###-###-####. They can give you info on the West side meeting. It will really help you when you reach out to others who have traveled or are traveling the same path as you. It also helps you make informed decisions on setting your boundries.

Best of luck to you and please please seek support for yourself. It will save your sanity!

M.

Hi C.,

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation and while I dont want to give you any advice over the internet and not knowing all of it I will tell you what happened in my life and hope, in that, you can find something that will help you.

I was married to a man 8 years with two children when he was in an accident and took his pain pills with alcohol and over a short amount of time became abusive. It took me 8 more years to come to terms with the fact that he was never going to change. In that 8 years I suffered physical and mental abouse.

After making the incredably difficult leap to a single mother I have found the most wonderful man and life I would have never of thought it could be this good.

I was a person that thought no one would want me with two kids and this my cross to bear and that I could never be strong enough to make the change. But somehow I did and I would do it again in a heartbeat if i could turn back time. I wouldnt wait 8 years I would get out sooner and save myself years of pain. Hind site is always 20/20.

I had one friend tell me, "you know its time when you dont cry anymore". That is exactly what happened.... The finaly straw was when my ex husband at the christmas table yelling at me calling very bad words infront of my children... I had had enough and there where no tears just went to the lawyers the next day and started the divorce.

I really hope this makes some sense to you... There was so much that happend (as im sure you know) you just cant write everything here.

I hope this helps you for what is right for you.

Take Care

G. W

Look into Soboxon.. it helps opiate addicts get off opiates. My husband is going through it right now. He was addicted to Methadone. He has compeletly changed. He's back to how he was before he started on the pain pills. Soboxon is expensive, if you don't have insurance, but it can help get his life back. It actually will make him sick if he takes pain pills while he's on it. You'll have to find a specialist doctor. I know there's one in Eugene/Springfield, Dr. Klos. But it can be a real wait to get into see him. Best of luck.

Also, look into www.opiates.com There is help out there.