Speech and Behaviour... HELP!!!!!!!!!

My son has ADHD and some of the best advice I have heard or read has been for hard-to-manage children is to:

1) Ignore them when they act out (though this is a thousand times harder than it sounds) as they often act out for attention, regardless of whether it is positive or negative

2) Control their diets and limit sugars and starches

3) Maintain routines and schedules for meals, play time, nap time, etc. (this has helped tremendously)

I recommend reading about ADHD and some of the things that are suggested. Even if your child(ren) do not have ADHD, some of the information and advice in the literature may be of great use.

When My youngest son was was about 2 1/2 or early 3 I had him tested because he was not talking alot either. when the women came to the house to test him she was surprised at how young he was ( I assumed they had his info with his age when I inquired to have this done) but she told me that a child his age usually does not rank on the testing scales that they have because he is just too young. My son turned 4 in July and now I can't keep him quiet. We were out walking the other day and he asked me to pick him up to carry him because he was "exhausted". So, give your son sometime, I remember that my son's speech spurt was like what seems like overnight. One day they are talking and before you know it they can't keep quite. I would wait until at least 3 years old and if you don't see an improvement then take him to a speech therapist. that's probably why the doctor told you the youngest that he has treated for ADHD was four years old. Before that point they are just too young to diagnois. Have you ever heard of a 1 year old with ADHD?LOL. They change so much in just a few months and go through alot of developmental changes.
And as far as your nieces and newphews treating you better, trust me, kids always treat people who are not their parents better. I could tell my kids something ( 6 and 4 years old) and they would have an absolute fit because they don't want to do it or listen. Then their aunt will step in and only say the same thing once and they don't give her any problems. Then I'm standing there looking a and feeling like a idiot.
As far as potty training goes he is still very young and might not be ready. I did not start potty training my boys until they were at least 3 years old. And if anyone tells you that their two years old is potty trained don't believe it. It takes alot for a young child (baby) to first realize he needs to go to the bathroom and then go, then pull his clothes down before he pees on himself and pull them up again. I've never seen a two year old do this and this is what potty trained means. It does not mean telling your child when he or she has to go to the bathroom.
I'm sure your a great mom and your kids love you and do want to please you. They are just comfortable with you and feel as if they can be themselves. This is the reasoning I give myself when my kids act out but I still let them know who is boss.
Best of luck to you.

I have written a book that may help you understand the communication process that is in a very easy format to understand. Your doctor has limited time to discuss behavior and communication skills so if you could pinpoint skills he is lacking it may be more productive. The book is "My Baby Compass, Birth to Two" and it is available on Amazon.com. You can look through the book on amazon.com to see if it will serve your needs. I am in the process of producing the second book in the series that helps with "speech and behavior" in addition to potty training besides the developing skills. Good luck...be patient....these formative years are very important.....K. Thorson Gruhn, Speech-Language Pathologist

I agree with the other posts about watching his diet and getting the sugars and carbs out. That will probably mean for all of you. Routines are so important and the more you can establish a routing and stick to it, the better and easier it is for him - as you as well. It won't be perfect everyday, but it's important to keep to it as much as possible.

I'd also try to not react to his 'fits.' It sounds like a lot of it is just trying to get your attention or a reaction out of you. Little children are trying to learn how to express their needs and wants and they don't have a language to do so. It requires a lot of patience and it is so important that you lead the way - being patient first which means first getting yourself in a more balanced place. You are NOT a bad mom. It's one thing with other's kids, but it's a different ball game with our own.

Do you sit down and read with him? Or get down on the floor and play? I'd try to find some quiet activities to get his attention on and do that on a regular basis. He may need some time with just you where he has your full attention. He may feel some competition with his little brother. Let him feel safe and secure with you and love him a bunch! Take care and good luck.

Hang in there, it's a tough age . . . another book you may want to check out is "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" by Dr. Kevin Leman. You can find it on Amazon.com or probably your local library.

I would say he should be tested for any types of disorders, but you mention he acts different in public and turns into a monster at home.

Since he only does this at home, I feel he is pulling your strings and playing on your emotions. You will just have to set some rules and boundaries and stick by them.

Have you considered having him evaluated by Early Intervention? This might just be behavior issues, but a thorough evaluation will ease your mind about his development. If your doctor doesn't have the number (or ignores you fears) look them up in the phone book. Or you could contact your local elementary school for the number. Ask to speak to the special education department. They should have the number. Another thought is to ask the school for an evaluation. They will usually evaluate children at 2.9 years. And try not to beat yourself up so much. I'm sure you're fine as a parent. Kids are hard. 2 year olds are harder. I think this is to help prepare parents for the teenaged years. Hang in there.

Look into Parent's As Teacher's, they can possibly refer you to First Steps, if First Steps is in your area. They can evaluate your son. My son went through a lot of similarities to your son. He had a speech delay, we have had a solid year of therapy and made so much progress. He is in a special needs pre school program this year, but I am so much more happy now, we see a great improvement in behavior now that he is able to communicate his needs/wants better.
You can be the best mom in the world and still have behavior issues, please do not beat yourself up for that, but yes, you should look into having him evaluated, early intervention is so important!

Since your son behaves like this only at home, I think it's likely that your parenting techniques could use some brushing up. That doesn't mean you're a bad parent, it just means you are learning as you go.

I H. you will check out the Happiest Toddler On The Block approach used by Dr. Harvey Karp. He's go a book and video, and you can watch short clips of him demonstrating his approach. Here's one of many: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/video/happiest-toddler-block...#

Another extremely helpful book is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. As your child's ability to communicate develops, the wisdom in this book will make it a resource you reach for again and again. It's my current favorite with my 4.5yo grandson. The techniques and ideas are mutually respectful so you recognize his needs AND take care of your own, and they work brillliantly.

I also agree that he might do better if you get artificial colors and preservatives out of his diet. These have been shown in large research tests to have a bad influence on kids who are sensitive to them. Some kids also behave much worse if they are exposed to air fresheners, fabric softeners, and scented household cleaners.

Are you keeping to strict routine of regular meals so his blood sugar is level and plenty of sleep so he isn't acting out of tiredness?? Healthy foods and all that???
This age is hard, but take a breath and be firm with him,
My first born is an ANGEL, his sister sometimes amazes me that she could actually be of my blood. She tests the limit ALL the time, She takes so much more effort, sometimes i want so bad to just give into her so she'll stop whining or whatever it is she is doing at the moment to annoy us all, BUT I know i have to be the parent and parent her the way SHE needs it. So it's lots of natural consequences and lots of time outs alone in her room (she's 5yo), She is just a different personality type. I love her to pieces though and wouldn't trade her smile for the world.

I am primary caregiver for my niece since she was 10 months and she is now 4 years old. I had no problems in potty training her. You have to be consistent and very attentive to when they need to go. Every morning I would take her to the potty, and several times during the day would just sit her there and just before she went to bed at night. As far and pooping, normally children will go around the same time daily (take note of the time) and she would hide behind a door or curtain so I knew she had to go and would immediately take her and sit her on the pot and really only had one accident once I started training her.

Yes children are more prone to act out with their mothers or primary care givers. She was as good as gold this weekend because we had company. I believe a lot their acting out is out of boredom and seeking attention, because she was playing with my other niece the weekend who is around her age and that kept her busy. But as soon as they left she started to test me because I was busy doing other things and she no longer had a playmate.

I agree that you son is seeking attention and he will do what he has to even if it is bad, such as smearing poop.

Try to make sure he always has something to do. My niece love coloring,
finger paints, coloring. Most of these activities, I sit in the floor and do with her.

I take care of my Mother who is 95 and my niece is always with me even when I'm cooking, washing clothes, etc. (I sit her near me and talk to her).

I really don't think is anything wrong with your son from what you have described as I see some things he is doing that my niece has done. Most children are just stubborn. I still at times have to pull at my niece because she won't do what I tell her. She also talked late but is getting better every day. I notice her sentence structure is better when her cousin comes for a few days.

You might find these videos helpful:

http://www.monkeysee.com/play/14663-children-listening-of...

First off there is a reason why they call it the terrible 2's. Second you say you are trying potty trying off and on that sends a confusing message when you don't keep doing it on a regular basis. Spanking a child doesn't really do much if he does not understand why and the behaviors you are describing are attention seeking, it could be he feels attention deprived because as you said you seem to spend a lot of time with his little brother. That can happen sometimes if children are too close together in age. As far as picking a child up by his arms NEVER EVER do that.. Can you not pick him up around the waist? Guess what being a good aunt has nothing to do with being a parent as children will always act differently with someone other than their own parent. I H. that the fact you figured you would be an "awesome mom" is not the reason you had children. Medication for ADHD is too over used by parents that do not want to take the time or effort with their children. By the way I see no mention of a father here on helping care for these children or how old you are.