Son Won't Eat Dinner (Most of the Time)

A.,
I have 3 kids, 2 girls and a boy. My son is now 15, and now eats everything in site. However, when he was about 1 he started getting really picky, to the point where you could count the foods he would eat on you fingers, Apples, carrots, bacon, french fries, spaghetti, mac & cheese, cheese, and steak. That was it and we were lucky if he'd eat those all the time. I worried about it big time with weight and all till I spoke to his doctor. He said some kids just go through a phase where they don't like to eat. Just keep trying to get him to try things, even if it's just a bite with the things he likes Eventually he'll grow out of it. Mine finally started eating better about the age of 5, now he pretty much eats everything, weighs 190 lbs., height 6'3, wears a size 14 shoe and because he's only 15, he's still growing.
Hope this helps
E.

As I'm reading your story, I'm wondering if I really wrote it, maybe in my sleep! We have the exact same situation with our almost 5 year old son. He does well with breakfast and lunch, (mostly because, like you, we tend to make what he likes) but everything falls apart at dinner.
We set a "no crying or whining" rule at the dinner table...that didn't help. We also tried telling him if he at least tried his food then he could have whatever else he wanted...that didn't work either. And we tried just not caring. "Eat or don't eat, we don't care." I even tried serving him his un-eaten dinner for breakfast. I don't recommend that one!
A few months ago, I hit my wall with his sassy behavior and lack of following directions, as well as his refusal to eat anything. So, I started a sticker chart to reward hs positive behavior. He helped me come up with 8 positive behaviors that he needed to accomplish every day. We had him help choose the behaviors so he could start to understand that he chooses his consequences based on his actions.
One of the "behaviors" was trying a new food, or one he had previously tried and didn't like. At the end of the day, we'd sit down together and talk about the day and he'd get a sticker for each behavior that he accomplished for the day. The sticker chart turned our home around. He only had one day that he didn't accomplish all 8. (Keep in mind, you have to do a lot of warnings and threats to keep your child motivated. "If you don't listen, you aren't going to get your sticker today.") After 5 days he got a new dvd, a bike helmet at 10 days and his new bike at 14 days. I expected the "try new foods" task to be the hardest for him to do and was very, very pleasantly surprised!! He actually looked forward to trying his new food each day.
Now, don't get me wrong, he's not eating everything we eat. But, we tackled the issue of him not even trying anything new. He now eats about 10 foods that he didn't previously. And he is so proud of himself for trying things and dinner is not the huge ordeal that it used to be.
I hope this helps. :)

A., as you've noticed, he eats when he picks something he knows he likes. At dinner, try serving several things you know he likes with one new thing. That way he won't get overwhelmed. Also, as some one else suggested, everyone in the family sits down to dinner together and stays together (this is a good habit anyway). If he doesn't eat, fine. I would suggest that you only give him what you're fixing anyway (so another reason to make sure he likes part of it already) and he can't have dessert unless he eats a reasonable amount (which may be just one taste!)
We went through this with my kids. Now they know they eat what I fix or they don't eat. One last note, peer pressure is amazing among them. One says "yuck" and its hard to get the others to try it. One says "mmmm" and they all want some.

Ooh, this is a tough one. From what I've heard, if you continue to offer the same new food on a regular basis, they'll eventually try it. If it's any consolation, one of my three children has always been incredibly picky. We always had the rule that they had to at least taste it before they decided they didn't like it, but he was also stubborn. Now that he's 17 (and very healthy in all ways) we all laugh about the time he sat at the table for an hour because he refused to taste the homemade red beans and rice I had made!
I guess the moral of the story is that some kids are just pickier, and they still eat enough to grow and will not be permanently scarred! They're all different!

We used to have the same problem with a few of our boys (we have 6). They all seem to go through a picky period where they THINK they don't like anything!! Our 4.5 year old will go days without eating very much at dinners. He will nibble. Our 3 year old does the same thing. Years ago when our 12 year old was doing that we talked to our pediatrician and he said not to make different foods for them at dinner time than what we were eating. He said "You are not a restaurant". He said it is our job to make the meal and up to them to eat what they want out of it. We also do not let them have dessert, if we are having one, unless they have eaten at least a little bit of dinner. My sister in-law was told by her doctor about her 2 year old when she wasn't eating well or very much that they only needed about 2 Tablespoons of food to fill their tiny bodies. I was surprised by that but it worked for her and now my neice is a healthy 13 year old. My suggestion is to maybe include at the table some things you know he will eat. All 6 of my boys love salad so I try to have it at each meal. They love carrots with ranch and they love all fruits. After 12 years of raising boys I have discovered that they do eat and even if they don't get much at a few dinners they have survived and make up for it in breakfast and lunch. I hope I have helped a little.

We discovered that our daughter would fill up on juice or milk and then would refuse to eat, so we started limiting her beverages as meals got closer.

If she refuses to even try something, we tell her she can be done, but she doesn't get any more juice, snacks or anything else. If she starts asking for snacks or other foods, we tell her she has to try what we had for dinner first. If she's really hungry, she will agree to try it.

We've had to be really consistent and sometimes REALLY strict about it. Twice she's gone to bed hungry and we relented only when she said she wanted to eat her dinner. We then let her eat and drink what she wanted from her dinner plate, gave her hugs and kisses, and tucked her back into bed when she was done.

let him choose one of the foods for dinner. like "what vegetable, meat, or staple )mac n cheese, potatoes, rice) does he want" rotate options: he chooses vegies one night, the next meat, etc. He'll be more eager to eat what he chose. also, make him stay at the table until everyone is ready to be done. no one leaves the table early. he doesn't have to eat, but he does have to sit there.

We've had the same problems with both of our boys. I blame it on our leniency. I know there are parents out there in which their kids have no other options. The kids eat what is put in front of them or they don't eat. My mom raised us that we had to try everything on our plate --- we didn't have to clean our plate. If we wanted something else to eat we had to make it ourselves. Anyways... when my son turned 5 we told him that the rule was that 5 year olds had to eat whatever moms and dads eat. Also, in his preschool they had a program in which the kids tried new foods. They made it fun. Those two things have helped my son's willingness to try foods. Have your son help you shop for groceries, choose dinner, and make dinner. You don't want it to be a power struggle. Try Love and Logic techniques. Good luck. It's something we're going through with a 5 year old and a 1 year old.

Just a thought for you. I have an 11 year old who has been extremely picky. When she was about 4-6 years old, she hated pizza and spaghetti. Strange as this is usually two favorites for kids. About this time my younger sister was diagnosed with reflux (as an adult)...she also hates tomato based foods. We finally got clued into the fact that my daughter was like my sister and had reflux. We also learned that she is allergic to peanuts...which is why she doesn't like peanut butter! So most of our daughters "pickyness" isn't dislike, it is her body telling her she doesn't like it. She still has things that she doesn't like, but like commented before we don't allow her to say "yuck" at the dinner table because then nobody else will eat it either! She just takes a bite, and if she doesn't like it she just leaves it alone and doesn't bring it to the attention of the others, and then they will eat it better.

One other thing that has slightly been mentioned, is that children will not starve themselves if there is food present. I always try to have one universal item that my kids like and then I have the rest of the meal.

Good luck!

get the book called Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Sater. It is WONDERFUL at answering any feeding questions. I have a 4 year old and an 11 month old both boys.

Everyone says to let the kids shop and cook with you, and they'll eat what they buy and make... but that never worked for my picky eater. Maybe if you can grow some things in a garden, he might be more interested in eating it. We do a version of the "it's a long time till breakfast" thing; we serve one meal to everyone, but we make sure that there is a component we know she will eat, like fruit and usually some kind of bread (we make a lot of cornbread around here). If she only eats her fruit or bread and drinks her milk, I'm okay with that. I wouldn't offer your son an alternate dinner, because he will be less likely to try things if he knows he has an "out".

When my two year old daughter is having trouble eating her food, I play games with her...the choo choo rides to her mouth with choo choo noises...or the airplane flies into her mouth, etc. She loves these games! I was worried at first that she wouldn't eat unless I always did this, so I always have waited to see if she'll eat on her own and then start the games if needed. So far, she hasn't demanded the games and I don't have to utilize this method much at all...and it has worked!

A.,

I would highly suggest NOT giving him his choice for any of his meals at this point...or give him a choice between two of YOUR choices for his meal (ie. soup or ham and cheese sandwich), only give him fruits and veggies for a snack--if he doesn't want them simply leave them on the table telling him that if he wants to eat anything they'll be waiting for him on the table and there is absolutely nothing else for him. This is a time when you're trying to introduce and develop a relationship with good and proper foods so he's going to need to approach them slowly. Stick with the non-pressure approach because input and output of food are the ONLY things he has any power/control over in his life, therefore forcing anything will be painful for both of you.

Remember, a child will not allow him/herself to starve if there is food available...it may take a bit of time for them to reach a point where they'll concede, but it will come if you're are patient, persistant, and refrain from force.

This might sound harsh... stop giving him choices. Don't let him pick breakfast and lunch. This sets the tone that he controls what comes from the kitchen. Let him pick one item that is included with dinner. You are right in the power struggle. If you do this... he will push harder. If you stick to your guns he will give in. Once he is in school there is no short order there. My kids are this way and I always try to have something they like on the plate but they have to try everything. It has taken most of a year to get my 4 year old daughter to try stuff. Kids won't starve themselves, he will eat eventually.

Hi A.,
It sounds as if you are doing the right things. He is old enough to see you are distressed by this so maybe act more casual. Be firm about your rules with snacking, desserts, etc. but praise him more when he eats well, with you, etc. (ex: "It makes Mommy so happy to sit and eat dinner with you"). It is amazing what positive reinforcement can do. It is also important to set a good example, not standing up eating, walking around the kitchen, etc.

I always put out cut up fruit and veggies before every meal. If my kids fill up on those, I don't really care if they eat all their pasta or whatever we are having. I know they got something good for them.

Have you tried asking your son to help make dinner? Sometimes that gets them exited. Also, decorating his food so it looks fun might help. Here's an article you might find helpful.
http://www.feedourkidswell.com/blogs/articles/archive/200...
All kids nutritionist recommend not to make something different for the child. It gives them a bad habit. That's what's on the menu, that's all there is to eat.
Good luck!!

Hi A.,

We are in the same boat! We have a son who just turned 5 who just doesn't really like dinner. We have tried many things with him to get him to eat, but if he doesn't care for what's offered, he just plays with his fork or stares into space. We also have a 6 yr old girl and almost 3 year old boy. They clean their plates every night. We are trying to use the love and logic approach with him at this time. He needs to make the choice to eat, but there are consequences if he doesn't. Our kids like treats after dinner, and because they are healthy eaters, we think treats are okay. So if our 5 year old isn't finished with dinner when everyone else is, he doesn't get a treat. Sometimes it bothers him and sometimes it doesn't. But we have to let it go. His best meal is lunch, so I make sure his lunch is healthy - protein, whole grain bread, fruit, etc. If I give him a snack in the afternoon, it's often peanuts, dried fruit, or something with low sugar. This past week, we saved what he didn't eat two nights and he had it for breakfast the next day (warmed) before he got his regular breakfast. One morning he ate it, the other morning he didn't, so he didn't get his cereal. I'm learning that as long as we are consistent with expectations and consequences, then he has the tools to figure out what he needs to do and make his own choice. Then he has to live with it. I hope it's a phase he will grow out of and I hope it's a phase my 3 year old won't go through. I wish you all the best. I hope you can enjoy your dinner each night regardless of the choices your son makes! C. M.

Hi A.,

You can try serving him dinner on a salad plate with a tiny amount of each item, and if he finishes everything on the plate (making sure it is only about 2/3 of what he would "normally" eat), then he can choose what he wants more of.

The other thing that might work is to involve him more in the dinner process-- at the store, let him pick the vegetable, let him stir the soup, let him choose what veggies to put in the salad, etc. Best wishes!!