Son Hates Getting in Carseat

That sounds like my daughter at that age, she is now 21 months though. A distraction would really help like putting a stuffed animal in my mouth and making funny sounds. It really is a time of choices and independence for them. Give them a choice for something, and say would you like to play with the elephant or the bear while you are putting them in and make the animal noises. Stickers may help. My daughter hated her carseat too and we opted to get a little DVD player which saved us. I dont like to use it all the time, only when she is really restless or we have a long drive.
Best of luck, just try to be creative. They want to do everything on their own at this age and giving them choices makes them feel cared about and important.
E.

Yah... it's one of those hard phases in a kid.
No telling when it will pass.
Both my kids went through that too.

What I used to do, is, my kids LOVED those helium balloons which my local Safeway has.
And I would tie it to the armrest of the car... but so as not to block my rear view mirror, and not in a place where my kids could get tangled in it.

BUT, it kept them entertained in the car. And you can use it as an incentive. The helium type balloons last a long time. I just kept it in the car, tied down.

At this age, they are getting the desire to be more independent, and yes, they get more "opinionated."
A great book is "Your 1 Year Old" or "Your 2 Year Old" from www.amazon.com
Its a book series on each age-set of a child. Fast easy read.

You could also just give him a head's up about what is going to happen next, ie: "After Mommy pays for my things, we are going back to the car... help Mommy." Or, have him actually put something away in the car for you like a little item.
-Some kids need a LOT of forewarning... before an event or what is coming up. Its about the "transition" from one thing to another. A "transitioning" issue. So you have to prep them on what is coming up, and telling them your "expectations" on it. ie: "in 5 minutes, we are going home..." and then give him an incentive for getting in the car...and then going home, ie: "when we go home, you can play with your truck..." etc.
And then too, he probably does not like being "strapped in" a seat... as most kids. But then once you get in the car, the movement "soothes" them.

Also, running errands/doing appointments is harder if the child is tired. Perhaps timing your errands for after his naps... or before...but BEFORE he gets tired. Its always harder running errands when a child is (1) tired or, (2) hungry.
For me, I run my errands BEFORE my son has his nap time, or after his nap. I go to the stores that opens early or are open 24-hours.

Or for my friend, she just did her errands when her hubby was home. That way, she could do it by herself.

Well, hope the balloon idea helps...
All the best,
Susan

Hi J.:
First, your sons reaction to being put in his car seat is very typical for his age. I compare it to putting a brand new battery into one of those (ENERGIZER BUNNIES)turning it to the on position,and trying to tie it down so it won't move!!! lol. You have to try hard to put yourself in your toddlers place. He hasn't been running around that long.He Loves the freedom he feels,and he has enough energy in him to keep TIMES SQUARE lit up for a week!! You wouldn't want to be confined to a car seat either! He already knows from past experience,that he will be stuck there till your done running around,so of course he fights it.I guess timing is everything. You don't want to take him right when he wakes,because he's going to want to run and play a little.I'd try to limit the amount of time he spends confined to the seat.Try to do some of your errands after dad gets home.If you must,I'd try taking something that will entertain him. Telling him what a great kid he is, doesn't make him feel any better about having to sit there bored. This to shall pass. I know its hard to believe,but One of these days,he'll be beggin you to go for a ride.I wish you and your active boy the best. J. M

My little guy (now 18 months) is the same way. I think it's a matter of control. He wants to be in control, and you need to get errands done. However, I don't discuss the issue with him. There's no coaxing, there's no treats, there's just "get in your seat" and we're off. Sometimes, I'll plop him in his seat and shut the door, then start the engine. He thinks we're already going so he sits quietly. That's when I quickly get back to buckle him in and all is fairly well.
Another thing you have to be careful of, especially now that we're heading into summer, is if the carseat is too hot for his skin. We're out in Riverside county where summer temps are easily in the 100s, so I make sure to put a cover on the carseat itself so the sun doesn't heat it up too much, in addition to the side and windshield shades.
You're not a bad mom if you have to force him into his seat. I find that actually kneeling onto the seat next to him makes me tower over him a bit, and I will rest my elbow on his shoulder with my arm all the way down his torso and keep him in his seat. It's tiring, but it gets him into the seat, yes with a fuss, but buckled in. The way I see it, as long as he's safe, I don't mind his crying.

Surprise him with a little toy waiting for him or something like a gogurt waiting at his seat... sometimes a stuffed animal helps.

good luck.

He sounds pretty normal to me. I mean the hitting and stealing toys. We are not born altruistic, these are things that we need to learn. Esp. with a first born, where they can usually have whatever they want at home without having to fight with siblings over their turn. Work with him at playgroups on taking turns (instead of sharing) and that way he will understand that he will get the toy eventually. My daughter hated running errands, too. I had to limit my errands to one or two per day, and do them when she had a full tummy, did not need a nap, etc.

That being said, I read a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child" which helped me a lot. You might want to pick it up.

It sounds like you are doing everything right. Don't worry, he just has to be in the car seat and that's that. As long as you are sure he is not uncomfortable, there is nothing sticking him, the seat doesn't smell like barf, etc. he'll just have to live with it. Streamline your trips and try to get everything done at once, or make fewer trips per week, leave him home with daddy during errands some of the time.My daughter does exactly the same thing. She also does it at bedtime if I have not spend enough time with her. She normally falls asleep in seconds after being put down, but on the days I work, I notice if I got busy with chores and didn't spend any time playing with her, she will not go to sleep until she has had her mommy time. She has a lot of therapy and Dr. appointments, and home therapy follow-up, so she also insists on having time to crawl around and play each day, and fusses with the car seat if she hasn't had it.

I had the same problem-it does go away, eventually.
I installed a second mirror in the front so I could see my sons eyes and talk to him. We listened to kids music and I even bought a DVD player, he only got to watch movies/ tv while in the car. Try special toys only allowed in the car.

As for the hitting and taking toys away, it is a control issue (as is probably the car seat thing). Some kids just come that way. I swear at 2 I thought my son was just about ready to ask to move out on his own, he is so independent. As silly as it seems to give this control to a 15 month old you should give him options. If he can understand the question then let him make a decision-any decision you can think of-some things aren't optional like he has to get in the tub but let him choose which toys to play with. With other kids-playing or sharing with other kids is totally beyond his abilities right now! My son loved being around other kids, he wanted friends and play dates even at only 15 mo. but he needs his own toys that he doesn't have to share and shouldn't really have to cooperate with others at this stage. It will create a lot more work for you or anyone else caring for him, but you really don't want him to keep doing this because he gets forced into doing more than he's able right now.
Good Luck.

Hi J.,

I know it can be frustrating when your child's needs conflict with your own. Please know that you are definitely not a 'bad mom'.

However, when you try to coax, bribe or trick your son into his car-seat, you are essentially addressing the symptom, not the cause. As such, while you may be able to get moving that day, the problem is sure to reoccur next time you need to get him in his seat. Rather than responding to the behavior (of refusing to get in the car-seat) you need to respond to the underlying feeling (his frustration). It seems that you tapped into that in your description. He is resisting because either he hasn't had enough play time or because he needs to 'exhaust a situation' before he is ready to move on. While giving him the time to play and fully experience new situations will require you to modify your schedule, if you are able to address his needs, he will be more cooperative with you. The only other piece of this is that you need to communicate with him about the change. He needs to know that you understand his feelings about the situation and that the changes you are making are an attempt to meet his needs.

I coach parents and am offering a free parent seminar at Storyopolis on May 17th. The information is on my website. If you are interested, you are more than welcome to join us.

Good luck,
G. B.
www.GilaBrown.com

Hi J.,

We also have a Recaro Signo which we use for our 12 month old son. It is rear facing. He does the same thing with arching his back and not wanting to get in, and usually for the same reason..that he doesn't get enough play time in between being in his car seat and having to get in and out of the car too many times. We found a way around it. We bought a mirror toy that straps to the top back of the headrest on the back seat that he is facing in his rear seat position. It plays music and lights up. He loves it so much that he tries to grab it as I buckle him into his carseat. His focus is on the toy..not on the discomfort of getting strapped in.
Also, make sure you cover the carseat with a (preferably white or light color) towel or blanket so that the seat and plastic/metal parts are not hot when he touches them. Even the seat can be hot because it is made of velveteen on the Recaro Signo. We also make sure to have a backup toy that he can play with in his lap and if my boyfriend is also in the car, he always sits in the BACK SEAT with our son while I drive (or, vica versa) so that our son is not feeling alone. That always works because he has someone to communicate with while he's strapped in and basically staring at the back of the car. We also make sure to have a sun shield on the window next to him so that sun is not beating down on him as we drive. That can also be the problem.

Good luck.

J.,

My 14-month old son has the SAME problem! My husband thought it was our infant carseat. So, as soon as he was 20 lbs. we bought another care seat to face the front and he's still fighting us when we put him in it. I also can't do more than 2 errands at a time because getting him into the seat alone is impossible. He arches his back and screams until he's fastened tightly in the seat. Then, he calms down (usually) and I can go. But, it's still hard. I don't have any answers for you but I thought you'd like to know that you're not the only one with this problem.

Good luck and share any solutions you get. I'd love to hear them.

B. D.

Ha Ha! This takes me back... When my son went through this, I would get to the car and take him out of the stroller, then just love on him and dance with him and giggle with him for a minute or two, to prime him for the car seat. A lot of the time, it really made a difference to get him really happy first.
OK, now for why I laugh... I was doing my little routine with him one time and after about a minute, noticed that I had the lady next to me trapped in her car! That was embarrassing. That may have even happened more than once.

I think that this is a phase that most babies go through as they begin to grow up and form opinions about things. I used to think that the seat was uncomfortable but now that I'm seeing the second one enter this phase, I just think that nature tells them that the 5 point harness is not the place to be.