I am always open to suggestions and I found this is the best way to get them. My husband just deployed overseas a couple weeks ago and our 3yr old son is acting out in the worst way. He is spitting at people, hitting, talking back. I am at the end of my rope trying to deal with all of this. I know thats he's worried about his daddy and I am trying to reassure him as often as I can. I dont know what to do. He's waking up in the middle of the night and getting into things that he knows he's not supposed to then going back to bed. He is hitting our dogs or pulling on their tails. I have tried putting him in time out and as soon as he gets out of time out he starts acting up again. I've tried redirecting and that didnt work. I've thought about putting him in swimming or something that will keep his attention but I dont know if that will work. If anyone has any other ideas please let me know. I know that I'm not the only one that is going thru this and any ideas are appreciated.
He is probbably afraid that you will leave him also. At three he doesnt fully understasnd. Talk to him and try to explain in simpl terms. When leaving him anywhere always return as promised and remind him that you did and will not leavr him. Seperation anxiety?
K., Stop and re-read your post. Who is the child here and who is the adult? As long as you (the adult) allow this behavior, it will only get worse.
I do not know how you feel about spankings, however you must get the childs attention. And by spanking, a swat on the bottom never hurt a child. I am the first not to believe in leaving marks on a child...but you have to get his attention and if he knows you mean business, he will straighten up. Unless the behavior has always been terrible and you just notice it more since daddy is gone, and you have it all to do.
I love kids, love being with them, doing things with them, feel lost with out a little one near me. But expecting respect for yourself the dog and others is not asking too much.
Take control of the situation.
Let me add...I am a military wife (but older that you) I have children also..I have been right where you are at the moment, wearing all the hats and trying to juggle it all.
Hi K.,
I really do feel for you. While I know this is a difficult time for both you and your son, there's no excuse for your son to disrespect you and other people(and pets). Obviously, you are trying different methods. Is your son's routine the same as it was before your husband left? It is really important that everything in your son's schedule remain the same (other than the fact that Daddy is not there). And if Daddy was the one who usually did the discipline, you will HAVE to step up and take over. The time out works if you do it consistently, and do not argue or reason with the child. Give him a warning..."that is bad behavior, if you do ___ again, you will go to the naughty spot." Then set him there, tell him why. Do not look at him or talk to him (or show that it's upsetting you!) And then when time is up, tell him again why he was there and ask him to say "sorry" then give him a hug and say "I love you." This is all straight from SuperNanny, but it does work. I have a difficult three year old daughter, and I'm thankful that I follow this.
My husband was in the military, and I've been through the deployments myself. Try to make friends because they'll be a great support system for you. Best wishes and hope things improve for you soon!
R.
My son did the exact same things when my husband left. My son was 2 at the time. The best thing that I did was call my pediatrician and get a recommendation from him of a good psychologist in Clarksville. I had never been to one before, but the one we went to truly helped me understand how to interact with my son and how to use the right discipline for him. In our household, my husband was the primary disciplinarian; so I had to learn to discipline my way (which is completely different from the way my husband does, but it works also). The good news - things got tolerable and when my husband returned, I also had my old son back. He is not scarred for life - which I was afraid of....but the help was a life saver. Good luck!
I too am a proud military wife. My husband is gone quite a bit too. How do you prepare your son for the deployement? Try to have your husband video tape himself reading stories for your son to see. Video tape the two of them playing together. Are you able to do the web cam thing? That was a God send for us. We also get Daddy something from the store each time we go and put a package together. Is your son around a good support system (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc)? Get him into a play group too to help the time pass. Email me if you need to vent, chat or whatever!
