Socially Anxious

Would it be helpful if you knew ahead of time whether you'd be called on to pray or read a passage? If it would, can you talk to the group leader and let them know that you have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, and that it would make it better for you to have a schedule (for you at least) of who is going to pray, etc.?

The other thought I had was to work on centering/relaxing, via yoga or tai chi (I have found I like tai chi better, personally), or meditation (choose a short mantra to repeat if you want to (G-d is good, etc.), then sit in a quiet place to sit cross legged on the floor, light a candle to help you focus if you want, and start with a short prayer or Bible passage; then, focus on relaxing your breathing and focus on the mantra and let all other thoughts pass through and out of your mind; it's hard work, but well worth the well being it provides), I've known people who suffer from clinical depression and anxiety to benefit from all of these practices.

I do think that you should not give up on this, or become reclusive--you have gifts worth sharing and deserve the friendship/support you can get from others!

I know so very well what you speak of!
I am a psychologist and regularly deal with these issues with clients. However, I know on an even more personal level; I have have dealt with generalized anxiety disorder all my life, and my husband has MAJOR social phobia, much like what you speak of.
We are both doing very well in our lives, I think neither of use would say that we are living around the disorder. It just took work to figure out what worked for each of us.
For me it is medication AND knowing my body to respond appropriately. For my husband meds didn't do the trick, but lots of body consciousness and stress management worked.
I would like to recommend a book that I found helpful. "The introvert's advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney. It talks about how introverted people are often labeled as "shy", "awkward" and/or anxious. Introversion is about drawing energy from within and having energy spent by the external world. It talks about how to live in an extroverted world. Not by changing to try to be something you are not, but learning how to adapt what you have to function.

For my husband and I that couldn't be more true, especially for him. We don't do parties, but really enjoy having a couple over for a quiet dinner at our house. The perfect vacation doesn't include taking the kids to disneyworld, but renting a cabin in the secluded wilderness.

You have to know yourself, and don't fight to change it, work with it. I'll never ask my husband to face the crowds on black friday, or to speak in church. When we have family over for christmas, when the house is crowded and he disappears to the back bedroom for a while, I know he is just taking care of himself. It's his way of coming up for air. You have to figure out how you come up for air!

Meditate, quiet time, devotion time, whatever you call it; do it and do it regularly.

As much as possible, don't overbook yourself!

Exercise regularly.

Avoid stimulants. No caffeine. No nicotine.

Get a good night's sleep. We are all so much more sensitive and vulnerable when not rested.

Lastly, don't beat yourself up for failing at making yourself something you cannot be. If a peacock spent all of it's time trying to fly like a sparrow, it would never understand the beauty of all that it is as a peacock.

I don't have clinical social anxiety, but I do have a hard time with being shy in uncomfortable situations, or carrying conversations. It was especially difficult as a child and teen... even though I was in drama and cheerleading and active performance wise, when it came to face to face with people, I had a very hard time and would sometimes even eat lunch locked in the bathroom at school.

Which is odd given my career choice, it's something I have to fight through. I did take a public speaking class in college, which helped out a lot, since I have had to speak publicly at several events since.

I think though, that if you talk to the Bible study leader that you are there to listen and learn, but please not to call on you b/c of these anxiety issues, than that would help, and they should be respectful of that.

Think of it this way, if you had a physical medical condition, say... asthma where you needed an inhaler during the meeting, no one would think you odd for it. So, just explain the anxiety as a medical condition that is limiting for you, but you are trying and would appreciate candor and respect for it.

I am wondering, have you been seeing a therapist? Often times, they can give you coping strategies for when you start to feel panicky.

This article has several great coping strategies that can help you in the meantime:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/998942/10_tips_f...

I am sorry that you are going through this -- I hear you loud and clear. I have had many problems with social anxiety, have had stage fright, freezing when talking or when in public, all that. Like you, I have also had panic attacks, and you truly feel like you are dying. Those who have not had the experience totally underestimate what that really means, and that makes you feel even more inadequate, more "different," more "defective," in a way. It is awful.

However, I am proud to say that with practice I have gotten over a lot of my anxiety, and without medications. I too used to go to church to help with my social anxiety - but - NO offense to the church, but certain church folk really actually made me feel worse about my condition and as I result, my anxiety actually got worse. Every church is different - and there were many supportive members - but unfortunately, my old pastor used to say to the body that social anxiety and awkwardness is really a manifestation of overwhelming selfishness, so those people who claim "shyness," "anxiety around others," and what not were actually just selfish people who shouldn't be coddled for their behavior. All these messages brought me way down and I felt like a weirdo. Going to individual counseling, self-help books, and, as uncomfortable as it was, pretty much "forcing" myself to regularly socialize with my friends, even when it gave me anxiety, is what really helped in the long run.

I no longer attend counseling but am always conscious of when it's been too long since I called or spent time with someone - I make sure that I try to interact with someone socially (aside from my husband) at least twice a month or more, to keep my anxiety at bay.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

hello
while I haven't had a full on anxiety attack, I have , however had bouts of anxiety.. so much so, that I kinda got reclusive. I just stopped participating in things in fear that I would become too anxious. I am not one who really wants to take meds and nor have I been clinically diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. However, I know how I feel at times and well, it IS very anxious. Because of this, I have read up on the topic and from my discoveries, I think some anxiousness can be a result of diet and lack of vitamins and or minerals. I definitely can see the difference in my anxiety levels when I have either eat really well (lots of water and GREEN in my diet) at which time I feel pretty good and consistent... as oppose to when I eat poorly.... as I then feel crappy and a lot more anxious (both physically and emotionally).... Also, exercise does help me quite a bit... it helps to relax me and in turn, I am not as anxious.
Also, not sure how old you are, but shifting hormones DO play a big role... e.g. ever notice right before your period you might feel more nervous and anxious? this happens to me... and then it levels off with the onset of my cycle...
Apart from our upbringings, which I definitely think train us how to deal with matters (big and small) those might be tougher and take more time to change (maybe thru a mediation class or even yoga) but the diet aspect you can change asap.... it's as simple as drinking water.. I mention this because often, people are dehydrated and in my opinion, when we are, it affects our whole being.. for me.. I am definitely more anxious when I haven't drank enough water... however, knowing this about myself took some time.. I had to really wake up and take notice of how I was feeling in every day life. Start now... check in with yourself throughout the day... see how you feel.. I did find that if a stressful thought gets in and is causing me anxiety, If I don't arrest that thought ASAP.. then it begins to control my being... it's kinda like a fire... you have to put it out ASAP before it spreads..
so practice on little things... notice when you are feeling anxious about something and then tell yourself STOP.. granted you might not do it completely, BUT you will at least begin to take control of those anxiety building thoughts.. remember, start small... then lead up to bigger things...

best of luck

I have never been socially anxious in the way you describe but right out of college, I was a bit shy when looking for a job, etc.

I was in outside sales, travelled all over the state and if I didn't sell, I didn't make money.

One thing I did was take a Dale Carnegie course. That course did a world of good for me that I still incorporate today. There were some people in my class that seemed like they would die of fear but by the end of the course it was remarkable to see how people had grown.

I went on to continue with Dale Carnegie and be a graduate assistant another year. It was rewarding to see someone grow so much in just a few weeks.

If possible, try to get into one of these courses and see what a difference it can make for you. I am not one for medications and I go out of my way to find a solution before I medicate myself.

Best wishes.

The exact same thing started with me in college too. Whenever I had to present in front of a group - large or small - I would start hyperventilating, my heart would race, and I would be physically unable to continue. I now take propranolol. Not daily, just whenever I have to do a presentation. It has been a life saver for me! It enabled me to go back to school to get my MBA (would not have been able to do that without presenting to a group!) and part of my current job is to do a 1/2 hr presentation every month to 60-70 people (completely unthinkable before!). I don't notice the effects of the propranolol - it doesn't make me loopy or relaxed or anything - it's a beta blocker so it blocks adrenaline from entering my system and stops the physical effects like heart racing and hyperventilation. So I'm still nervous but because I don't have the physical reaction I'm able to get through it with no problem. I strongly urge you to talk to your dr about it and do some research on the internet. I would not be where I am today without it!

I think I have the same thing that you have even though my disorder was never diagnosed. I am afraid of people getting the wrong impression of me, afraid of embarrassing myself and being the but of jokes. Always afraid to say the wrong thing so I shy away from talking altogether. However I do find that once I get comfortable in my surroundings I find myself more inclined to get out of my comfort zone and put myself out there. I am usually really nervous or shaky afterwards, but at least I have made some progress. I understand that this type of disorder is difficult to overcome, but I do believe that instead of quitting, if you stick with the group you are in, you will grow more comfortable with them over time. Just simply mention that you are more of a listener and do not feel comfortable reading to an audience. This is completely undersatndable and you would be surprised how many people have stage freight. So don't give up and maybe you will find yourself getting more comfortable in doing things you otherwise wouldn't.

Hi S.S. :-)

I've had a lot of clients who have anxiety and have been successful in helping them balance themselves from the STRESS of every day life! Please feel free to go to my website to learn a very simple effective technique called CORTICES which helps to balance and calm the brain and de-stress your whole bodymind, especially from anxiety.

The technique is free and I think it will really help you! It is simple to learn, just go to www.amyfreundbodytalk.com and find the tab that says Dr. John Veltheim teaches CORTICES.. watch the two videos and tap out your CORTICES today! You will begin to notice a difference in your over all sense of self in relationship to your external world.. why not try it, it's free! I offer this as a way to help in a non invasive way and you can't beat the price :-)
hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner www.amyfreundbodytalk.com

I've been suffering from the same thing since I was 13. I have a fear of being judged by people and have been treated very poorly by my peers growing up that I rather avoid social settings all together. Your heart races and you sweat and are nervous. I know all about it. Every thing I've seen or read says to get past your demons you must face them. To get over your fears you must place yourself in fearful situations. I worry about my daughter too and am hesitant on putting her in public school because of what I went through. But I dont want her to be socially awkard like her mom and miss out on networking. But at the same time I want to protect her from the cruelty. Baby steps into life again holding your kids hand is all you can do at least you can face your demons with your child at your side instead of on your own.

I'm 36 almost 37; I was a very shy girl growing up, I'm from a small town and graduated high school with 50 kids I knew, their parents, aunts, uncles, etc, you get the picture. I remember in high school when we had to read out loud I would count the paragraphs ahead of time so I wouldn't mess up when it was my time to read. Did I learn anything when we had to do that, NO, I was too scared... I do real good one-on-one with people, I still not a big fan of large crowds by myself, but as long as I have someone I'm okay. One thing that has really helped me out, is my children. I do thinks that may be a little uncomfortable for myself but to let them know I'm there for them. I think you have to start changing the way you think. Accept you are scared, don't allow your fear to hold you back. My husband always said, everyones smells when they go to the bathroom.
I believe in you, talk to your pastor and let them know you are uncomfortable praying outloud, and when you are ready to do so you will. I bet your pastor would rather you be there than not.
I believe in you and praying for you to overcome your fear.