Single Mother Beginning to date....advice Please!

Grandma doesnt think you should remarry ever? Now, you must realize that is pretty irrational. You need to be honest with her and let her know you've found a male friend that you enjoy, she'll get over it . When it's time, introduce him to her so she can see why you like him so much. You can't live your grandma's life, you gotta live your own, and people need to accept that.

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband!
How WONDERFUL that his family is still active your life!! That's GREAT!!!

I would talk with Grandma and tell her that you will never stop loving your deceased husband but you do want to find love in your life..as you too are young and want someone to share your life with and your husband would have wanted that as well...

Lying is bad...the truth ALWAYS comes out. Better to tell the truth and get it out than lie and hide.

Tell her the truth...tell her you were out with "Jake" and his daughter...tell her that IT IS OKAY...

If I'm serious about the guy - I would hold hands in front of the kids. I might even kiss (smooch not tongue! LOL!!) in front of them..

I would hold off on ANY sex/overnights until you two have had a chance to really know each other - values, commitment, morals, finances, etc. or know that marriage is in the future....because you don't want to get hurt or get pregnant and have to explain that to your son...live by example.

it is OKAY to move on. It IS okay to love again.

Even "old school" men and women became widows and widowers and have the right and responsibility to live on. She should be happy that you have found someone and while it might hurt a little ( it will hurt you too) just because of the love you lost ... life DOES go on and I believe it is God's will for you to have a new husband, father etc. in your life. Seems like you are progressing in a very respectful and timely manner.

Talk to your grandma....keep us posted.

Blessings....

Well, like many of the other M.'s on here, I completely agree that it is unrealistic for Grandma not to want you to remarry. You are young (and beautiful) and like one of the other M.'s wrote, want to share your life with some one. Plus, I think it is important for your son to see a loving relationship and have his M. to be part of it.
This isn't a choice you are making lightly. And I'm sure would like not to have to make it, but unfortunately you have been dealt a difficult hand. I am certain your husband would want you to be happy and for some one to love and be a father figure to his son. You would feel the same way if the roles were reversed wouldn't you?
I think it is so great that your son's feelings are so important to you. You are doing a great job with him ;) (trust me i know). But you deserve love and you do deserve to be happy. So be honest with Grandma and let her know (like another M. said) you will always love your husband, but you need to move on for YOU. And for your son. He will always be a huge part of your life and memory and that will never change. Tell her that you need her to accept that and not make it any harder than all this has been on you. Tell her you don't make this decision lightly, but the situation is what it is and this is what you need to do.
And remember, us M.'s are always here for you (especially me ;) )

It sounds like its your husbands? grandmother, not yours. You will have to quite simply tell her when it's right, that you have been widowed two years, you are young, you didn't cause this but your child and you deserve a special male in your lives. You need emotional and adult support and yes-fun. Do not give Grandma the power to control your life no matter how much you care about her. And let her know your relationship will continue forever and how much you love her, that is often at the root of these things: people think they will be replaced. And I disagree with your thinking about being affectionate-your child should see you as an example of the warmth and human beings can generate. If you wish to hold hands eventually, and embrace occasionally why not? No of course do not doing anything very inappropriate, but let it be okay for your son to feel love too. Good luck!

I can understand you wanting to put your son first, but I'm just wondering why you don't want to remarry? If you find someone you love, isn't it better to marry that person, and both you and your son will be happy? After all, he will have a father. Of course, if you don't find that special someone, that's a different story. But I'm just wondering why you don't want to remarry--just because you don't want to put anyone in front of your son? If this (or another) man becomes your husband, that's the way it should be, and your son will actually be most secure when his parents put each other first, and him next. I agree with others that it is simply unrealistic for grandma to expect that you will never remarry. Is that how your husband would have felt? Because, as hard as it is to think about, if anything were to ever happen to me, I would want my husband to go on and meet someone, find love, remarry and be happy, and that would provide a mother for my children. Good luck to you--this sounds so difficult for you on so many levels.

I thnk it would be really smart and wise to develop your relationship with this man SLOWLY, over time and withOUT the kids involved.
After all, your son doesn't need the trauma of losing another man in his life and he may get very close, very fast.....tread VERY lightly. And keep the kids basically out of it.

If you had been divorced and wanted to date man after man it might be an issue, but I would think after the death of a husband most family members felt so badly for you and would be happy to know you found another to make your life happy. It might be hard for them to think you could have forgotton their guy, but you can tell them you will remember and cherish the time you had with him forever. BUT, life goes on and you want a happy life for your son too. If this new guy turns out to be a good match, they should be happy for you. Go slow, and let it grow and let them know you are taking it slowly. Im sure the grama will respect you for that. Someday your new guy may want to sit down with the family and let them know he understands what position he is in and that he will make his best attempt to be the good man for you and the son, their guy would have been.

You can't bring back the past. Have a heart to heart with grandma telling her she can always have your son in her life and how important that relationship is to him. And how important she is to you.
You have to move on if you want more children or to have a friend and lover in the same person.
I wish you well in finding a new love.

You could always write her a heartfelt letter. That way she can have time to soak it in and react in whatever way comes natural without potentially offending you (if you were to tell her in person). That way you can always say everything you want to say with a lot of thought. If I were to have a hard time with something that would likely make me feel a strong initial emotional reaction, I would want to be able to react privately;-)

I totally agree that your first priority should be your son. After your husband died (((hugs))), your priority and focus in life falls to caring for your child and should always be your #1 priority. So, I totally agree with you that you have it right.

Just one thing to consider, though (and I'm speaking with experience from the child's point of view, though I was a teen, which I'm sure makes a difference). In a marriage, if you want it to be successful, you're spouse can't come second to your son. That is a set up for failure. Your new husband will not appreciate feeling like the second one where his feelings are always put after the son's feelings. (imagine if your new husband always put his daughter before you and your feelings, would that bother you?) But your new husband can't come before the child either because that's a set up for failure with your child since your child IS your priority and SHOULD be.

My mother got remarried after my dad left, and it was an awful experience. He started off seeming like such a wonderful guy, but he turned into an "evil step father" and it was hell. It was horrible. My mom put him first, and the rest of us second...BIG mistake. But her marriage wouldn't have lasted as long as it did had she put him second. So, either way, she seemed set up for failure.

My experience might be extreme (there's a lot more details), but from what I've seen, there are so many other kids who have felt the same from remarriages. It does not go as well as it seems like it will in your head. Remarriages usually are for the parent, not the children, though the parent THINKS it's for the child too. My mom got remarried, thinking she was getting us a new dad...but that's now how it works. My dad is my dad and will always be my dad. The man she married was HER new husband not MY dad.

Another big thing to consider is that he's been divorced. That REALLY does add a new element to it. The odds are against making that work. There are other posts in here from women who marry and become step moms and it's an awful situation. My mom ended up getting divorced (is currently getting divorced). It makes me upset on many levels...one big one being that as kids we went through all of that for pretty much nothing. Maybe find out what caused his divorce and see if you feel confident he'll work hard through any hard times you'll have.

My point in saying all this actually isn't to say you shouldn't get remarried. For me, based off of my experience as a teen, I have swore to myself I will never get remarried. I just can't do it. But every person and situation is different. The reason I'm mentioning all of this is to impress how different getting remarried is when you have a child that is not his and when he has a child that is not yours. There are many factors that come into play and it's a much more complicated situation. It's not the same as marrying a man with no children involved or a child from both of you involved.

Hormones and love and desire will make you want to think that it'll work out and be really good...and maybe it will be. Maybe the fact that your son is much younger (how old is he?) will make it more doable. My youngest sister did much better with a new father than us teens did. She really considers her step dad to be her dad. She was only six when my parents remarried. But he also was actually nice to her and cared about her. Not the case with us. He was very emotionally abusive to the rest of us. He's one of my least favorite people on this planet. (and he left my mom for a girl he met online! he's 57 and she just turned 18. he started the relationship when she was 17! gross)

Anyway, I don't mean to try to sound all negative. I definitely feel a concern when I hear people choosing to get remarried. Mainly I worry about the children. And I worry about how a marriage will work if the new spouse is not put as the priority...but I believe the child should stay the priority. So it almost seems a set up for failure. I know they aren't always failures, though! Maybe my experience just gave me a really bad taste in my mouth about it for me.

Sorry if I gave you more advice than you wanted! Ignore it all and just read the first paragraph if that is all you were really interested in. I wish you so much happiness in your life. You've been through so much already. (((hugs)))

Your grandma is probably a baby boomer or a bit older and while many of us boomers have changed the way we think about re-marrying and sexuality, many have not. There were a lot of WWII and Korean war widows who never re-married, they remained true to their husbands until death.
That being said, I recommend easing into the conversation very carefully. Her attitude probably has more to do with the idea of you sleeping with another man, than introducing him to your son.

You sound like your starting this out very positive and your a strong and very compasionate lady. Life moves on and hopefully the grandmother understands that. I think that you should talk about him as the friend he is too you now. You don't have to tell her everything that goes on. It will take time to get to liking this situation. I can't imagaine that they will not be supportive of you moving on if it has been two years. Maybe discuss with her that the former husband would support you to move on..... ( did you ever discuss it with him prior to him passing ) I see nothing wrong with it....but maybe approach it in a delicate way over a period of time. Best of luck to you as you move forward from your loss.

Dont know how old your son is. First let me say never bring someone around until you are Sure this will lead to something dont want your son to experience another loss. I lost my husband he was 45 i had 2 kids 3 and 6 devoted whole life to them never dated nor wanted to. 6 years later i wanted to date and did met somone on line we date turned serious kids knew of him he would pick me up but they hated the idea. so now we are engaged with a 16 yr old girl who likes him and a 19 yr old son who still hates the idea of me dating and will not ever like it. We are waiting to marry but are wasting our lives. Lesson her if it serious just do it I waited to long son thought he was the man in the house and dont want it to change. Be happy its n ot easy you need a live too. as for his family they might not like the idea it just to bad. they should want you happy its not your fault husband died good luck