Should We Keep Our Cats?

Hi M.- I am also a mother that had to make the decision to give up her cats. This wasn't the easiest thing for me. We had gotten a kitten for my daugher, who was 2.5 at the time. He was a GREAT cat. I got pregnant with my second child and we decided to get another kitten. My daughter was 5. We had some issues between the two cats, but we worked it all out. The youngest kitten LOVED to sit on my belly as I got bigger and bigger. Once my son was born, everything changed. The older cat started to pee in my laundry, clean or dirty and the kitten started to "spray" on everything. I tried everything to make them both stop, but nothing worked. I didn't have anyone to take them, who would when they pee. I ended up giving them to a shelter and felt HORRIBLE!!! It was very hard on all of us, my daughter included. I don't know if there is a right time to do it. I hope that this helps a little....thought you might like to hear that it isn't just you!

Oh my goodness M.,
I am responding to this only because I adopted a kitty when I was three months pregnant with my son! He is now 3.5 and has heard all of his little life that kitty is his little sister and to treat her as such! He is now at the point where he chases her around the house and if, by chance he crosses the line, she will turn around and scratch him. Also when he chases her around and she goes to her safe place I make sure that he remembers that kitty is now saying "no thank you"... As far as attention spent on kitties.... do they really need that much? I have been a dog person all of my life but I have found owning a cat to be so much easier! I also feel that it is important for my son to learn respect, boundaries, and his chore is to feed her! Maybe get your daughter involved in feeding kitties... do a craft project where you make kitty toys together... (my son and I made a cat toy with yarn, a couple of feathers and some colored tape) I know that it seems like time gets away, we all feel that way. Shelters are so over populated that they may not take your kitties (really, really traumatic to bring kitties back home!!!) or if they do, might put the kitties to sleep. If I had more space I would volunteer to take them for you! Since I don't, I can only recommend maybe setting some time in the evening after your daughter has gone to bed and just spend it lovin the kitties - sometimes dishes just have to wait!

I think you sound like a really caring person who wants the best for those cats. If you are unable to give them enough attention, then maybe you should consider giving them to someone- maybe an elderly person who would love the company? Maybe you could explain to your daughter how you're feeling, and I think this would be an important lesson. You are showing empathy, responsibility, and caring. You could explain to your daughter that you need to give all of your attention to her and the new baby, and the cats will get a new home where they can keep someone company. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! -N.

M.,

I am not a mother but I figured I would weigh in on your dilemna here. I do not think that you should give your cats up, instead you should use the cats to help with your hectic life. Whenever you have a free minute, pet your cats because animals are actually very calming and serve as excellent stress relievers. This is why many hospitals, nursing homes etc. have dogs and cats who either live on the property or visit the patients and residents.

I'm wondering why you wouldn't bring your cats to a shelter? What is so bad about a shelter? Do you think that your cats won't be taken care of? How do you know that the family you give them to will take care of them? Once those cats are out of your care you really have no idea what will happen to them, do you? Shelters are always an option, and not to sound rude, just realistic, you are the one giving up the cats here, wouldn't that technically make you the bad guy, not the shelter? I volunteer at an animal shelter and all of my cats came from there. Staff and volunteers alike work hard to make sure animals are as comfortable and happy as possible during their stay at the shelter.

It sounds like you are a good person who truly cares for her ENTIRE family- cats included. So keep your feline friends and your children will grow up in a household that shows compassion for all creatures.

Good luck!

Well, before making any decisions, can you try to change your behavior towards the cats? Maybe if you start showing them some affection, your daughter will follow suit. Instead of pushing them away when they come to you, just give them a quick pat and gently remove them instead of yelling? These kinds of small changes might be all they need. My cats and dogs don't get nearly as much attention now that we have a toddler, but I try to give them some lovin' when I can, and they have gotten used to it. Cats would usually rather stay with their original owners and get used to less affection than go somewhere new.
It's hard to find homes for adult cats. If you decide you are going to re-home them please spay or neuter & vaccinate before they go to a new place. And if push comes to shove, remember most shelters have a vigorous screeing process, they don't just adopt to any old schmuck. Sometimes the people who adopt from an ad in the newspaper may be less than ideal pet owners. People who are willing to pay a fee to adopt a pet are usually going to pay to take care of them, too.
Good luck.

Cats do not need much attention and sometimes just need a quick pat and they are content with that for the whole day! We have 2 cats, 2 horses, 2 goats(one will soon kid), 2 chickens and a new puppy! All this with a 2.5 yr old. She is sometimes mean to the cat, but we scold her and teach her the proper way to hold the cat. We use the animals as training tools to teach her that it is important to care for animals and to be responsible to feed, brush and care for the puppy.

Do not be to hasty to get rid of the cat. It could easily become your daughters best friend when the baby comes along. Do not feel guilty if you only give it 2 pats a day! Cats are independent enough, they can take it!

The other issue in your post, was you have no time for hubby. This was more of a concern for me then the cat. Your daughter needs to see you as someone in love with your husband so that she will respect and love her daddy in the same way. He is working to keep his family secure and he needs lovin' time! Maybe a note sent with him in the morning or a phone call midday to check in. With your daughter you could make a card with her "scribbles" on it, to set beside his supper plate.
We begin watching out the window each night anticipating the men arriving home and she meets them at the door with big smiles and so excited! This puts a smile on her daddy and sets a good tone for the evening.

Just some ideas!

Definitely let the cats go NOW! There are many fine no-kill shelters in the Boston area where you can place the cats while they await adoption into a home where the humans have time and attention for them. They deserve happy lives too, and your concern about your young daughter's understanding about their placement further demonstrates the lack of space you have for them -- she'll barely remember them! Contact Ellen M Gifford Sheltering Home for Cats in Brighton, Northeast Animal Shelter in Salem, Marblehead Friends of Animals or petfinder.com for more information. Let them go now and relieve yourself of the guilt and rationalization; you can always get another cat later if you want.

Hi, M.,

I'm actually a veterinarian so I thought I would respond!

Adding a child to your family (pets included!) is definitely a huge stress on everyone. However, it is always amazing to me how adaptable pets can be. Of course, if you are so frustrated that you feel your cats are not getting the things they need, an adoption may be necessary. However, giving things a little more time isn't unreasonable. A lot of cats get shifted around from home to home and that can be difficult for them too.

A couple of suggestions are:

There is a book that I found called "Tails are not for Pulling" that is good for teaching kids to be gentle. Talking about gentle petting versus being rough of course is essential! Always make sure your cats have a place of escape - somewhere high where they can jump to to escape the little ones, a separate room (even a basement) where they can be by themselves if they get stressed. You may even want to talk to your vet in terms of the cats stress; they may or may not be showing signs. All I know is that a lot of cats survive the transition and the terrible twos only to go on to sleeping in that child's bedroom for the rest of their lives. So don't give up yet! Also, I find with my cats and my infant, if I am getting frustrated, putting some space between us really helps - they will be much better off secluded in another room somewhere rather than being yelled at - and they might get some more zzzz's.

Hope that helps a bit.
:)B.

Hi Michele,
It does seem overwhelming at times trying to juggle being mom and caring for your pets... I would suggest that you truly reconsider your thoughts on giving your cats up. Everyone seems to be going through an adjustment and sometimes that takes awhile. We have a bichon and a cat. Our cat stays outdoors in the summer( not our preference) and she is in during the winter. When she is in, I talk to her with a real sweet sweet voice ( even if it's just passing by) so that my 3 year old daughter can here and watch me. She will imitate me quite often and has learned to truly love our cat. The quantity of physical time that I spend with our animals is minimal(besides feeding, walking and keeping them healthy) though the quality of time that is spent, far outweighs the other. I also think that cats are so independant already that they only need a little talking to once in a while and a nice petting here and there. Show your children that you just don't give up on love... She will learn this from you and in the long run she will be blessed to have and love the animals in her life!
My best...

Being a previous pet owner, you went into this knowing it would be a 10-15 year commitment in taking in new cats. The point here is that you impulsively brought these cats into your home, without the intent to stick with it. They're your family members now, and deserve quite a bit more respect than you're giving them. If that means surrendering them to a rescue shelter that's a no-kill shelter, great. You can ask around and see if there's a family willing to take the cats in and give them excellent attention.

We have a 6 momth old kitten. My 7 yr old, 5 yr old, and 3 yr old think the sun rises and sets around that cat. They see how much I adore her and respect her, and they do the same. The cat gets tons of love and attention. It's possible for you too, but if you really don't think now is the time, then in the end, it's completely up to you.

You do sound like you've already made up your mind.

Hi M.,

It certainly sounds like it might be time to part ways if you don't have the time to spend with them. The only advice I would give is that if you know someone who wants to adopt them, great. If not, I hope you consider giving them to a shelter. Having volunteered at a shelter, they are the experts at screening people. It's actually somewhat dangerous for the animals to list them on a site like craigslist etc.

Good luck with your decision!

Hi, M.-- I hope you will keep your cats, unless they are endangering the babies or a health problem (allergies or toxo-plasmosis from the litter box - I hope you're aware of that danger during pregnancy). I agree with your "lifetime commitment" philosophy and would add dogs and horses to the list for a complete home (but I couldn't have done that when my daughter was very small - she was 5 when we got the first dog in her life, and 13 for the first horse)! Cats, as you know, can be more independent and resilient to lack of attention than dogs (especially if there are two who get along with each other), and might be satisfied with just a short time of petting and cuddling each day -- if they are the cuddly type (I've had some that were and others that weren't -- some want attention only on their own terms)! Can you (and your husband, too, I hope) manage a few minutes to quietly hold your daughter and the kitties, and show her how soothing and comforting it can be to stroke them and to feel them purr (if they'll stay with you)? I'm picturing a little family rest time with mutual benefits for cats, baby belly - and even T.Bear if the cats haven't begun to hate him! Oh, I've had plenty of scratches and rejections, but I'm a firm believer in the benefits of soft fur (not in the mouth and eyes!) on a warm body, and of the soothing rhythm of a pet's breathing and heartbeat! (Cats aren't awfully helpful with typing, however!)
Good luck!
Old Mom E. (I'm 62 -- my daughter is now 31!)

Don't give up the cats. They are resilient and will be fine for a while. They have each other to keep company. When the second baby arrives it will be hectic for a while, but I found that the first child loved and entertained the second child and it was easier as far as entertainment. My cat has been around since my kids were toddlers and he has adjusted through the years just fine.

Hi M. - Sorry to hear that it's been rough-going with the cats and your child. I think you should absolutely keep your cats, absolutely! You made a commitment to them, they are a part of your family. Consider this new challenge of balance pets and children an opportunity for growth. Take this chance to teach your daughter to be kind to animals, lead by example by always being kind to your cats, find a way to devote time to them. Cats are appreciative of any time you give them, if they're being fed and have a warm place to sleep, then anything you give them on top is a bonus. There is much to be learned in your situation right now, see it through and reap the benefits in the end. You can do this.

Hope that helps.

Who wrote that letter??? If I were pregnant I would think it was me! You are certainly not alone.
I have a 2 year old daughter who copies my shameful "go away" attitude towards our animals, and it breaks my heart also. It is tough sometimes to be affectionate towards a pet when all of your energies were spent during the day taking care of your child.
Do you have a family set up to take them? You do have a pair, right? They do keep each other company, so I doubt they are as "neglected" as you may feel. They are also independent by nature so are probably happier than you think, too.
If you can hang in there, you may find the pressure may ease itself in a year or two. I have found that having my daughter feed the pets helps to create a bond/respect between her and them.
Good luck!
Laura H