Seeking Moms Who Can Relate and Have Ideas About Class "Reunion" Times

Updated on September 17, 2011
D.H. asks from Bear, DE
8 answers

My question can apply to a club or church-related function too. Who of you longs to have deep friendships with people, but when you get around lots of others in a group/crowd gathering feel painfully shy-basically because you just don't know what to say to people.

Here's the other part, and it's the "icing on the cake"-you see them all talking with each other LIKE THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER, families included, FOR YEARS, and you wish you had that kind of relationship with them?! Questions start running through your mind, such as:

How did they get to know each other so well?--do they hang out at other times, too? If they did/do why did I miss out? They talk like they already know what's going on in each others' lives and are asking for updates.

I hate feeling like this. It's depressing. When you're around people you like and years ago felt connected to varying degrees it hurts. I want to keep up with each of them, but wouldn't know how-some aren't good with email; others live far away now, like people at a class reunion do. Any advice as to how NOT to feel so left out or how to strike up a "known you for years"-king of conversation. It almost feels like you haven't learned how to talk, but you wish you knew, and you're frustrated .

Why do I feel so left out here? Is it because I don't know what to say or is it because they HAVE known each other for years and had more experiences together? They're even relating to each others' family members like they have history together!

Then you wish they knew how lonely and even jealous you feel of their seemingly long time of getting to know each other.

Do I need to learn how to talk with people? These are people you haven't seen in decades, so how do you get to know them better, like they seem to know each other?

What can I do next?

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Featured Answers

R.A.

answers from Providence on

As far as talking with people I know in the past, I would suggest joining facebook. I love facebook for this. I was in a class of 44 , a small class where everyone knew everyone else. I was able to reconnect through facebook,and now have rekindled lots of friendships that way. It's great. The first thing is to just write them on there and request them as a friend. After that, you can ask them all about themself, and how they are doing. Most I find are very happy for the reconnection. I was able to reconnect with my friends from elementary school, and now we talk once a week, and exchange phone numbers.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I am a person that can speak with anyone..
I also still live in my hometown so I am always one of the organizers for reunions.. Plus I do special events and have a great memory of people.

There are a couple of ways I start a conversation with old classmates, even the ones, I just knew in passing.

Hi Jerry! I am L. (Maiden name) I remember you. You were always so funny in Advisory. Do you remember Mrs. Smith? She was always forgetting her glasses were on her head..

Or Hi Jerry, I remember you, I am L. (Maiden name), you probably do not remember me, but you were always so nice and I remember you were so smart. Always in the Honor Society. How have you been? What are you up to?

Hello Sarah, You look great. What have you been up too?
Hello Sarah, gosh you still look like you did when you were a little girl. Where do you live now..

I tell them who I was and them tell them how I remember them, then get them to talk about themselves..

If they are with a spouse, ask the spouse where they went to school and thank them for joining all of you. Ask them their professions, if they have children.. Where do they now live. What did they do when they graduated.

Hopefully it will allow them to ask about you.

For the people I do not remember very well, I admit it.

Hello, My name is L., My maiden name was .. I wonder if we ever had classes together? Where you in band? Drama, student council.. whatever..

Once you have done this couple of times, it really becomes easier.. I then like to grab people that are passing by and also introduce them to the people I am speaking with.. so they can also speak with each other.

You will be amazed at how people seem so grateful that you recognized them, spoke to their spouse, or even just told them your name..

On the name tags we always use the old Yearbook photos (just copy them), so they will recognize us from High School or College.

You can do it. Just write down some natural questions so it sounds like you. Then refer to them every once in a while.

Hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful
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E.F.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Facebook has been wonderful for this. I'm "friends" with a 30+ people I went to high school with-- many of them people I was friendly with, but not exactly friends. But through the wonders of facebook, I can kinda keep up with them, and I think this will make our next reunion much better. So, my advice is to friend 5-10 of them on Facebook, and try to learn some things about them. There is nothing any of us like more than to talk about ourselves and our kids. So ask them about themselves, say, 'I saw your daughter is cheerleading, how is that going?" or "Your pictures from Italy were amazing-- what was your favorite part of the trip?" Now that I am a mom of a young kid, I can relate to 90% of the women I went to high school with-- we can talk about our kids and complain about our husbands, lol.

Also, if you have pictures of you and some of these people from high school, scan them and post them in a "high school memories" folder. Tag folks, and get a conversation started. And, hard as it is, keep it really positive and don't let the negative feelings shine through.

Hoep this helps!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

wow....it's like you jumped into my head!

I recently reconnected with some of my grade school classmates. Notice that I say classmates.....& not friends! I'm amazed at how much they know about each other.....& I truly don't know anything about any of them! They all went to different H.S & colleges....so when did this happen?

I'm thinking about attending a social gathering for my H.S. It's a 90+ year celebration of the school....with an open invite to all. What's holding me back is that this is a social gathering at a park. I'd be more comfortable if it were held at the school, but it's been shutdown for years now. & the problem is: it's not that I don't want to talk to these strangers.....I'd simply rather see the old school!

So, for me, it's not so much loneliness/jealousy.....for me, it's more - they're all basically strangers! I traveled most wkends from March-Nov to our lake house....so I didn't even hang out with these people. There's no common ground to fall back on! I did not join any clubs, I did not go to many dances (again the whole lake house thing....which was very good). Other than life, what would we talk about? & perhaps that's enough...but I'd rather have a bonfire & peaceful night with those I love & enjoy. Bad attitude, but oh, well!

Conversely, do you have trouble talking with strangers? I used to, but after my dad died...a very nice lady told me that she considered him the most thoughtful & considerate man she'd ever met. What she was referencing was how he always took the time to talk with her, always opened the door for women, & just was generally polite. This opened my eyes to his personality, & I made a life choice to honor his memory by taking the time to speak with those I meet. It drives my sons/DH nuts when I chitchat with clerks, strangers on the street.....& I understand that, because I used to feel the same with my dad!

But I have since learned that it opens up a whole new world....& it's a much better world. Now, why can't I apply that to the all-school reunion? Hmm.

1 mom found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Yes, I feel like you sometimes. Often times, people just click right off the bat. Other times, they HAVE known each other for years and still keep up with each other. There were many people at my reunion who had all been each other's bridesmaids, groomsmen, travel the country to see each other, they were totally close in school and maintained that over the years. It always makes me a little sad that I don't have any close friends like that.

What you do, is talk about common ground. Family's, ask about their line of work or where they now live, how many children/grandchildren, hobbies.. you have to show interest in people and be sincere. Bring up funny stories, like a school prank or a popular teacher. Some are great conversationalists and it goes two ways, others talk about just themselves and it gets old.

A lot of people are on facebook, you can even put together a class reunion facebook page for people to get connected to and share photos they took and invite classmates to join the page.

1 mom found this helpful

K.L.

answers from Medford on

When I was in HS, I was best friends with 2 other gals. They were 1 and 2 years ahead of me in school so when they graduated I was still in school. But we maintained the friendship until I married 1 1/2 years after my own graduation. I lost touch with them for years but just last fall I was contacted by 1 of them on Facebook. Now I have the other gal on fb, along with a few others who were friends back in school too. They have remained friends all 40 years. They have vacationed together in Mexico, Hawaii, the east coast, and other places. Neither married, altho one had a couple kids but no relationship. So I find myself in the middle of a very strong, long term friendship that once was my everyday life and now I dont fit in. They have way more history between them and I wont ever catch up and feel as close as we once did, and they do now. I just have to let it go and let them be who and what they are to eachother and know that I have my own life and it isnt theirs. I wouldnt trade my life for either of theirs, but it would have been nice to have them IN my life the last 40 years. I dont know what to tell you other than to just be yourself and join the groups and listen and comment when they discuss things you know about. You might find they are all just like you and wondering how to talk to you too.
It is neat how back in HS they teased me about my sewing passion and now one of them is an amazing quilter and spends her vacations browsing quilt shops in small towns. The other couldnt understand why I enjoyed HS so much, and shes been working as the "lunch lady" for nearly 30 years now,, How funny how things come back around. (o:
Added,, I also want to say these 2 gals were the last ones to ever think about going to a reunion but now they go to several different years to catch all the friends they had in classes ahead and behind them. I find it odd since the group of friends we had was not big, and we were not popular. But they go anyway and enjoy seeing everyone, even if no one remembers them,,haha..I have not missed a single reunion for my own year and have the best time with a couple others I was friends with, but who were not in the group of friends.

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

I could've written this too...know how you feel...sorry....I suspect it doesn't really help...but know you are not alone in feeling this way. I'm anxious to see the responses. :)

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M.R.

answers from Harrisburg on

Not sure what to say to help, but know exactly how you feel.

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