Seeking Advice - Phoenix, AZ

Hi B., I think there is a happy medium between keeping her informed and giving her too much info that may be too much for her to bare. Find some family/friends that you can talk to and help you and not your young daughter. I'm sorry you are going thru this and wish you the best.

B.,

How difficult this must be for you!

Recently, my parents both died within 6 months of each other - illness - and we had to explain this situation to the small grandchildren - 2 & 3 years old. They wanted to know where their grandparents had gone. We explained that grandma and grandpa went to heaven and that they still love them very much.

I think you're doing the right thing. It's hard because she's so young but you can explain that no matter what happens, you love her. Then, be as present as you can in the moment and play and enjoy her as much as you can.

You will be in my prayers.

M.

I just had to tell you that I will pray for you. Hang in there!

I used to teach 5th grade and I would say that the abilities of the kiddos at that age to comprehend life, etc. is far beyond what most people give them credit for. I agree with the previous post about keeping it real, but light so that she doesn't create her own fictitious story/idea about what is going on. Kids always will blame themselves, so it's important to keep her informed of what is going on so that she is never able to do this.

God bless!

B.,

Mega Kudos to you for informing your daughter. Don't hide it from her. Being open with her not only increases her trust in you, but also allws her to grow up a little bit.

YOu'd be amazed (or maybe not!!) just how supportive a young lady can be. Sometimes they have a wit about them that makes a whole lot more sense than what we do....Don't be afraid to voice to her what you need. Also, make certain that you tell her daily how wonderful she is and her help is and how much you love her.

No I've NOT been through a situation like that. However when I was having issues post hysterectomy (I was extremely ill and required an extra hospital stay and shoudl have had another), my kids were the ones "babysitting" me and making sure I didn't over do.....they understood the importance of helping mom, 'cause mom is the one that makes everything happen....makes the world go 'round (in a manner of speaking). They WANTED to help get me well.

My guess? your daughter is in the same boat and WANTS to be there for you. This is a part of life. Don't hide her from it. Let her love you.....Love is the opposite of Fear.

Peace, Joy, and Love on you and your family in abundance to overflowing.

S.

First I want commend you for being so open and honest with your daughter. As mothers, we have atendency to try to protect our children by not beng totally honest. They are stronger than you think and can handle most anything if they know the facts. In fact, they will do better than if they have to guess as to what is going on.
I would recommend you continue to keep her informed and let her be with you at the hospital whenever possible. Also, follow her lead if she needs space. I would also recommend that you invite her to share her thoughts with you ro with another adult she is close to or perhaps a clergy person.
With love and support, children can handle a great deal and can be a great comfort to you during these difficult times.
God bless you during this time. My prayers are with you.

I would make sure she knows what's happening but don't dwell on it. Telling her what is happening and what will happen will help her not be as scared or tramatized when it does. Play together as much as you can, it will help her enjoy the time you have together; that way if you don't stay with her she will remember you as happy and loving life. She will also be greatful to you for keeping her informed. I am sorry that you have to endure this. Good luck to you.

I applaud you for keeping her in the loop and telling her the truth. She needs to know about it. She should also be encouraged to ask any questions she might have for in the future - dating, etc. And you need to give her advice, too, for "just in case" the transplant doesn't work. Thank you for loving her enough to tell her the truth.

Hi B.,

I was a single mother to a little boy when we found out that I had, have cancer, that was 16 years ago...i am still here, with my cancer! He is now grown, and knows more than alot of men, he learned alot from what I had to go through.

Talk to your daughter, I bet she is smarter than you even think! I would just keep a door of communication open between the two of you, so she can express her fears, joys, questions...and so on!

Hope this helps! Good luck!

D.

Hi, B. -
Wishing you strength through your current ordeal, and praying for a good outcome for you. Stay positive. With regard to your daughter, I believe children fear most what they don't understand. At 10, she's old enough to be given the facts. Without them, she'll perhaps create a scenario in her mind worse than the reality. Stay up front with her, but keep things as hopeful as you possibly can. Let her help you through this.
Best thoughts are with you.

You are definately doing the right thing by being truthful and up-front with your daughter. You may want to check into finding a support group for kids for your daughter. I would check with some area hospitals and libraries to see what groups they may offer. I think it would benefit your daughter to be able to discuss this with other kids in a similar situation. The best of luck to you !

Hi B.:

I don't really have any good advice for you, put I do have a few comments.

The fact that you are so concerned about your daughter, despite your illness and probably being very weak, speaks volumes for the love you are showing your daughter. Hopefully that's what she will always remember you by; your love and concern, and not so much of the painful stuff.

Secondly, I send you my prayers and admiration for still "fighting" during this difficult time.

Bless you,
J.

Hi B., my heart is with you. Of course your daughter is scared, but she needs the truth, at the level she's ready for. My intuiton tells me she is a very special child to start with, and capable of understanding much in terms of spiritual life and death issues. She needs to know that you're doing all you can to get better, but what the contingencies are for her care if you don't. She needs to know she'll still be loved and taken care of. If you aren't already involved in counseling support, I would contact the social worker from the hospital and see what services are available, especially a children's support group.

The most important message she can get through all this is that love never dies. There's a good children's book called "Do Rainbows Last Forever?" that deals with preparing a child for the loss of a loved one.

But meanwhile... you've got some living to do! One of my favorite quotes is "Miracles do not happen in contradiction to nature, but in contradiction to what we know of nature." - St.Augustine. All love and blessings to you.

I think the advice you have received about being honest with her but focusing on the positive is really the way to handle this. It sounds like you are already doing a great job with her. God bless you and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

So sorry about your health situation, I will pray for you.

I have a 12 yr old and a 10 yr old. A year ago I went to Chicago for two months to have an adult stem-cell transplant(basically a bone marrow transplant, using my own cells). I had to go all the way over there because the procedure is considered experimental for autoimmune diseases. I told my kids about the seriousness of the procedure, but I only focused on the positives. Once, my daughter asked if I could die and I told her that I would always be honest with her and then I said "yes, I could die". I followed it with a huge "BUT" and explained how many times they had done the procedure, how many people didn't make it and explained that the people who died were a lot sicker than me and would probably have died anyway. She was comforted and also knew what to expect. I came home very sick, with no hair...but they were glad to have me home. I am much better and it was well worth all that we went through.

I think it would be better to prepare her for reality.

Hi B.,

I'm very sorry to hear about your illness and hope you receive the transplant you need. I recommend getting her involved in a support group and making sure she has close friends/family around to support her.

For you, I recommend research natural things you could be doing to possibly help your body repair itself. I don't know your circumstances; but do know that the human body is absolutely amazing and that it is designed to heal itself. I have met many people who were told they wouldn't live and are still alive today.

Very best wishes to you and your daughter.

Warm Regards,
G. Van Luven, H.C.
Healthy Habits Wellness Center, LLC
www.HealthyHabitsWellnessCenter.com
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As with everyone else, my prayers are with you and your daughter. I lost my mother unexpectedly when I was barely 13 (I am 41 now). I have to tell you, I have never been the same. A girl needs her mother and as I have gotten older and started having a family of my own, I now realize how much I need(ed) my mom. I was numb for years. Should something happen to you, make sure your daughter has someone close to her who can be a mother figure in her life. No one can ever replace you but it will really help her as she becomes a woman herself to have someone she can go to. I never had anyone else I felt I could go to with the real 'important' stuff or for guidance/advice. There is a book called Motherless Daughters that is great. Your daughter may be too young for this book but it wasn't until I started reading this book that I was able to understand what was going on inside me. I wish you good health and you and your daughter strength to get through this very tough time.