I actually posted this as a response to the "what is annoying you today" question but it did get me wondering about how I should handle situations like this.
Sometimes, while I am working and seeing a pet for an appointment, there are kids in the exam room that are really acting up and being inappropriate. I am not talking about real little ones, like toddlers getting fussy or preschoolers getting bored. I mean kids that are older (i.e. 6 and up) and really should know better, but their parents say or do nothing. I also realize that some kids could have a learning disability or other condition, and it's not obvious, but still, you would think parents could be better about teaching their kids how to act in someplace like a veterinary clinic and what they expect from them - then correcting them when they step out of line. So when kids that age start screwing around and the parent says nothng, what, if anything am I allowed to do?
Today I was seeing a women with their new dog that they had just adopted for a check-up. She had her son with her (he looked about 8 or 9) and he was playing some handheld electronic game. Which normally I don't care about, if it keeps the kid happy so I can talk to Mom and Dad. But in this instance Mom kept telling him to put the game away because she wanted him to pay attention to what I was saying, and he pretty much ignored her and she didn't take any further action. OK, fine, whatever. Then after looking the dog over, I realized I needed my otoscope to examine its ears better and had left it outside the room. I left the room to grab it and happened to leave my stethoscope on the counter in the room. When I came back a minute later, the kid was messing around with it! He was picking it up and trying to put the ear pieces in his own ears and talking into it! And his mother does say anything to him until I shot a look at him, and then at her, and then she's all, "Honey, you need to put that down now!" Then as I am double-checking the dog's ears and going over a few other things that the mom had questions about, the kid proceeds to start messing with more things in the room - he flicked the x-ray viewbox on and off, he started pushing the buttons on the keyboard to the computer (which wasn't even turned on), and Mom still didn't say anything to him. I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to get Mom upset or angry with me for correcting her kid, but really? I should have been able to! It's just that it was at a practice I was working at for the first time (I do relief work so I am always covering somewhere new) and I didn't feel totally comfortable saying something to either of them.
I am sorry if I come across as "judgy" to anyone, but seriously! My daughter is almost 5 and if she started doing stuff like that, I would have pulled her aside and told her flat-out to stop, and to keep her hands to herself. Of course she is the type that has to "see" everything by touching it or picking it up, so I am constantly correcting her when it's not appopriate for her to be putting her hands and fingers on things, but at least I say something, and then follow through if she chooses not to listen the first time. At another place I was working at, 2 boys (who looked around 6 or 7, and 9 or 10) kept pulling each others shirts over their heads and grabbing each other in headlocks while I was trying to talk with their mother, and again, nothing was said to either of them by her - but it was really distracting to me when I was trying to do my job.
Any suggestions from other parents as to best handle these types of situations? Or how to say something that sounds firm without coming across as rude? Last thing I want to do is tick off a client and get their inner Mama Bear to come out, but sometimes in those moments I get the feeling they will listen better to me than to Mom and Dad! TIA!
@LoveTeachingMath - LOL! I would love to say something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm sure your mom doesn't want to have to pay for that if it gets broken!" That just might work! Hee hee! Thanks!
I also like the idea of humorous signs - one of my favorites I've seen before says, "Children left unattended will be given espresso and a free puppy!"
Say something.
I know that my normally well behaved kids have days where they are just brats. Sometimes it is nice to have the Dr, employee...whatever say to them 'knock it off'. Kids will listen better to others then they will their own parents and little help in a mom's day can go a long way :)
LOL - my hair salon has a similar sign...
Unattended children will be given gummy bears and mohawks!
My kids can be very touchy in places and there are times where I have to choose between spending the entire appt correcting my kids or having a conversation with the doctor. I know their time is valuable. I have a talk with my kids before we enter the room (no touching, no yelling, no fighting, no screaming etc) and they definitely get in trouble after leaving the room. During the appt I will correct them 2 or 3 times, but I want to give my attention to the doctor. So, yes by all means I love it if the doctor corrects my kids. They listen much better to others and I consider it a learning experience that others expect proper behavior from them also.
As a professional in your OWN WORK ENVIRONMENT you have every right to say something!
Kids tend to respond from directions from strangers better than parents anyway. You can say it firmly, with a smile: please don't handle the medical equipment, it's VERY expensive and needs to stay VERY clean.
Shoot a quick look to the parents, they'll get the message!
To the kid today I would have said, "I am sorry but this is equipment very expensive and is to be used only to check the pets." No idea what to have said to the other boys. I get soo irritated when parents dont take the time to teach their children to act appopriately in public.
I think Melissa J -- nailed it.
And my son (who I swear to God istens to everyone but me!) also learned early on that each place has it's own rules, set by the "owner" of the place-- at grandma's we do things her way, at the sitter's we do thing's her way, etc, so I think it's perfectly OK to add at the vet's office we do things her way!
If anyone has a problem with a pleasant voiced "please don't touch the equipment" or "no rough housing in here" then THEY have a problem, not you!
Okay, can I just say (as the daughter of two veterinarians) that you have EVERY right to say something to them if they are messing with equipment, whether yours or the clinics. I mean, think about the cost to repair/replace if they broke it!! I basically lived at my dad's clinic on Saturdays, and I certainly wouldn't say my brothers and I were perfect. (We did occasionally play with the x-ray viewboxes.) That said, if our parents had ever SEEN us doing any such thing (Dad was often in his office doing paperwork as this was early in the clinic's life and clients were not quite as frequent) we would have been in major trouble.
I really think you can get away with saying something if they are doing something that could damage equipment or something. I would just make sure and say that it's because you don't want them to break something and have their Mom/Dad have to pay for the repairs.
ETA: That first sentence of my second paragraph is AWFUL, and I can't get my brain to work to fix it!! Sorry!
At the risk of sounding like a super touchy-feely parent...are there things that you could let a kid touch/play with? Don't get me wrong, you should ABSOLUTELY ask that a child not touch your equipment. And it should not be your place to babysit the kid during an exam. But to make things easier, maybe you could say "This is something that only veterinarians can use. But there are some other things that vets in training can use." Obviously for the younger kids. My almost 5 year old would be amused by a giant tongue depressor, cotton swab, speciman cup, whatever you could "sacrifice" to the cause. For older kids, like the 8-9 year old, let them look at the heartworms or other creepy critters in formaldehyde (sp?) or models. My dad is a vet and he has a seemingly endless supply of stress balls from veterinary conferences, that's another option. That could make the point to the parents, gently, and divert the kids for a little while.
In that situation, where he is messing with things in your workplace, you absolutely can and should speak up. Say gently, but firmly, "John, this equipment is very expensive and it's only for the doctors to touch." The mother should have said something immediately and not put you in this position.
Anytime the child's behavior is negatively affecting your work or your own children, I think it's ok to say something to them. It's not ok to yell at them, but it is ok to correct them.
Also, even if they aren't touching your stuff, but they are distracting you from doing your job, it's ok to ask them to quiet down. Just say something like "I'm sorry John, I can't hear your dog's heartbeat. Can you please sit quietly for a minute while I listen?" Or even if you're just trying to talk to the mom, you can ask them to wait quietly until you're finished talking.
A mom would never (hopefully) let her children behave that way in a lawyer's office. She needs to treat your office the same way. Just because it feels like a less formal setting doesn't mean it's ok to treat it that way.
You could put up a politely worded sign requesting that people not touch the equipment, including children. Maybe put at the bottom, "If you break it, you bought it."
In the waiting room maybe a humorous sign like, "For the safety of all of our patients, we require that children sit with their parents while in the office. Misbehaving children will be fed to the lions we keep out back."
If the kid is just playing with his own toys and ignoring his mom, you need to hold your tongue.
However, when he is playing with YOUR medical equipment, you have every right to tell him "Give that to me and please don't touch anything else. Medical equipment is expensive and if you break it, your mom will have to replace it."
I was just going to post exactly what Christina said! I will leave kids to their own naughtiness, unless it affects me, my things or my own kids! Then, I will not hesitate to say what needs to be said. Then, I figure if a parent can't step up, I need to!
And you can avoid "ticking" mom or dad off by just keeping your anger/judginess, and just be firm...IMO, parents should be embarrassed if it gets to a point that someone ELSE has to say something to their child because they dropped the ball!
How about a simple, "Please keep your hands to your self." or "That's not a toy." Say it in a neutral tone and go about your business.
My oldest would LOVE to touch anything and everything in an exam room. I know this, so I am VERY firm with him about not touching anything.
Sometimes the doctor (usually this happens at the Peds office) will try to get my son involved in the exam. "Hey Sam, can you do me a favor and shut the light off so I can look in your brother's eyes?" "Would you like to listen to his heartbeat?" "Do you know where your brother's heart is?" etc. Perhaps you could develop some good techniques to engage the kid in the exam so you can focus and not risk your equipment.
Very poor parenting on her part. If the child is doing something unsafe or possibly could break something, then you could ask the mom to allow a nurse of tech to take your child out into the waiting room to keep him safe. That would keep her from feeling that she is being fussed at, but give him a consequence.
There really isn't anything else that you can do.
Dawn
Great responses so far....
I love to read those signs where it basically says any misbehaving child will be given an espresso and a free puppy.
Which is probably quite doable in your field.
Of course children like to touch and examine their surroundings. But you have every right as the 'boss' in your environment to speak up. A simple, "Please stop touching the equipment." should queue the mom for her to start noticing.
And ditto TeachMath. That will surely get the parents attention if they have to pay up.
This is your work environment - of course you speak up and say something.
Tactful is nice, but some people you have to be rude with just to get their attention.
With a doctors/vets office - it's not a playground.
The equipment is expensive and it needs to be clean/sterile - and there's a cost involved in keeping it that way.
If anything is broken, the parent needs to know (in advance) that they will be paying to replace it, and I'd consider charging them a cleaning fee if the parent doesn't tell her kid(s) to put their hands in their pockets and keep them there until further notice.
You should consider rules which limit the people coming in with the pet to the owner and no more than one child.
And if the group is really unruly - ask them to leave and make an appointment for when they can come back without the kids.
You might lose a few patients, but they are not worth the trouble of keeping them if they are so oblivious of their kids behavior.
The upside - your other patients/owners will applaud when they leave.
In situations like this, I've said politely and firmly, "Those are MY toys." Depending on the situation, I might add, "...And I'm the only one who gets to play with them." So what if a parent gets annoyed? They are on your turf, messing with your stuff. If the kid was in your house turning over vases, would you say something? Same thing.
Oh my gosh I would have had the same reaction. I was mortified when my sons behaved that way, and at the very least I apologized and made it known that their behavior was not acceptable to me.
I think it's great for kids to learn how to take pets to the vet; however, if you're going to take them - TEACH THEM how to behave!
IMHO proper socialization is learned from these types of activities. But if nothing is actually taught it's a moot point.
I would have said something to that boy. "We can't let people touch or handle expensive medical equipment - otherwise we can't help your pet and the other animals that come to us for care." I would keep it general but still make the point.
Sheesh.
I think you are absolutely right to be ticked off.
I can understand how some parents might be a little lax, if maybe they have been in the waiting area for a long time already and have sortof run out of threats already.... Sometimes bringing a child along isn't really an option, but just a necessity/reality of life. The kids know that mom has no choice, and they are bored and their patience is gone after 45 minutes in a dull waiting room. Don't misunderstand, I am not saying it is ok.... just looking at it from a slightly different perspective.
I tend to be over concerned that my kids might mess with something they shouldn't, and many times have had someone tell them "oh it's okay, you can ____" after I've told them not to ____. As a parent, it can be awkward too, b/c interrupting the doctor/client discussion to correct the child can come across as rude, as well. I've felt very rude in the past, for correcting my child, when an adult was talking to me. However, my kids are a little older now, and guess what? I don't have to make all those corrections anymore--most of the time. And when I do, it is almost ALWAYS because we have been sitting W-A-I-T-I-N-G to be seen.
I know that isn't your fault, and the parents you had as clients know that, too (I hope), but it doesn't make their child's patience last longer just because they know that.
I LOVE the suggestion to speak directly to the child (and indirectly to the parent) that you would "hate for your mom/dad to have to buy me a new computer/keyboard/stethoscope/otoscope/_____." You could even include that "THAT one only cost me about $_____, but I think they've gone up since then...."
But you could also say something like "The office rules are that only staff handle ____." Perhaps you could dig up some sort of insurance/liability issue to blame it on?
