Punishment Options Needed

Updated on July 25, 2010
A.G. asks from College Point, NY
9 answers

I recently posted a question titled: Punishment Advice Needed. I appreciate the feedback from everyone but I need some advice regarding an alternative punishment if I decide to allow my son to come on our weekend trip. How can I renege on his punishment and not seem like a sucker in my son's eyes?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers



answers from Boise on

I think that sitting down and thinking about what he did in order to write about it is a good idea, if it was given originally. But because you already told him that he can't go on the trip, I think that you will look like a sucker. Especially if the punishment is changing from - can't go on this really cool trip with everyone, to - spend 30 minutes (or less) writing about what you did.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers


answers from New York on

I am sorry but I can read that is not even be have day and you sound that you start feeling bad for him. In your first post you were very concern about your son lack of respect for others, and I have to agree, this maybe no as bad now but it could and it would scale and the older he gets the more difficult is to change this kind of behavior.
I am not a spanking person but I do have learn that when we give punishments is that you have to set them up as soon as the bad behavior happen, not a day later, not a month later.
And stick to it.
If leaving him is not a possibility, I would make him apologize to all the people he offend or did not listen. and not just an "Sorry" it have to be an "I am sorry I say X or I did X, I understand it was wrong because X or Y"
I would cancel the next camps and then we could do the essay about what would happen if everybody would stop following rules.
Consider this 1st. chance, and let him know what would happen if he keeps acting like this.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

I forgot to write, I do not think you should change your mind. If there is any way you can leave him so he misses out. I think it will send a huge message that you are not kidding and you stick to what you say.

Make him write out a promise that this behavior will not happen again. Have him sign it. If he refuses to write it, that is his choice and he will miss out. If he reverts back to the behavior you need to have a plan that has been explained about what the consequences will be.. Make them pretty tough..

Also you need to make sure you have a real upfront conversation with him about how misbehaving in the way that has been reported to you is very selfish. He is affecting other peoples enjoyment. He needs to quit reacting and start acting his age. Nobody likes a goofball. It is irritating and he is openly making himself look out of control.

I know this sounds tough, but some kids have just never been told, this is not all about them, They need to start thinking about others around them and how their behaviors affect others.

He may need to be taught how to control his behaviors. Have him count in his head to 5 before he spouts something in response to others. He may need to go and sit alone, to calm down when he gets over excited..

Teach him to read others expressions and body language. .. If he sees their eyes widen or they lick their lips, he is making them respond, in a negative way.

If they roll their eyes, their shoulders slightly slump or they take a big breath when he walks up, he is not really welcome and he may want to excuse himself for a moment and make a different approach..

I am sending you strength.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

anything you do will be less than your original punishment, so he wont care. make him apologize, write an essay, stand on his head, it wont matter because you said "your not going" and now you are taking it back.

it sounds like your son has some issues with listening to authority. its one thing for a kid not to listen to mom, but when a child is consistantly defying authoritative figures when he is away from his parents, that is a severe problem. imo, soundsl like it couldnt have happened at a better time since his brother, who has not misbehaved to this extent, will be going, and he wont. you have already said he isnt materialistic. for a punishment to work, you have to take away something that is valued. this trip will be valued.

just stick with your punishment and have a good time. next time, when there is an issue, tell him to go to his room while you decide his punishment. that way, you can take time to think but never have to go back on your word.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I'm telling you, an essay is the best! My DD HATES writting them, and has said that she's rather be grounded than have to do it. It really makes them think about what/why they're doing what they do. Have him sit down and explain in it why it is important to listen and obey. Make sure that you read it and it'll give you some insight into what he's thinking. Also, they're really funny to read, lol. My daughter calls them "S.A.'s" :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'm afraid I agree with many; you really can't back down once you've designated the punishment. He needs to know you're serious. He needs to respect you.
If you feel really bad about this choice, let it be a lesson to you both! ;)



answers from New York on

I would not change your mind. Doing it now will make him think that any future punishments are not really going to happen, and from your previous post, you are having a lot of problems with this child. You can't renege and not look like a sucker, so your choices are to go through with the punishment or look like a ------. You decide. You may feel bad about the punishment, but this is a good time for your son to learn that sometimes you cannot take back your actions, even if you feel badly about them! Of course, it would probably be best if he did not know that you regret this punishment.



answers from New York on

If you reneg, you will be a sucker in his eyes. He obviously knows this and that is why he does not listen to you....he doesn't have to listen, because you don't follow through on your punishment. It is hard, but stick to your guns, it is the only thing that will teach him you mean what you say. Good Luck!!



answers from Chicago on

In our house we make her write about how she is going to change, SPECIFICALLY how she is going to change. She has to give examples.

She also has to make up the damage. We let her choose. Sometimes she is harsher on herself than we are on her but we let her choose. We also let her know if she hasn't done enough.

Sometimes our kids do need to learn forgiveness, so we can set a good example. Sometimes they just need love, and denying them that love will make them act out more.

Sit him down and talk to him. Get in communication. Why does he act like this? Don't accept "I don't know" as an answer. Just keep talking and let him know you are there for him and you just want to get at the truth. Not that you have to make him cry, but when he's crying, then you know you've hit upon some truth. Find out why. He may not know, but if you ask enough questions you'll puzzle out the answer together. There is ALWAYS a reason.

After you get at the truth, think of solutions together. When he has enough, have him write them down.

After your talk, if it was successful I think you'll both feel fine about him going on the trip. He'll feel confident that he has solutions and you'll feel confident that you've gotten to the bottom of the problem. Punishments exist as a lower way to get someone to not do something bad. A higher way of handling it is to just find out why they've chosen the bad over the good. It's always to solve a problem or because they feel it's the lesser of the two evils.

Communication is always the real answer.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions