Problems Taking My 3 Kids Out for Activities

Yeah I just stopped taking my kids out when they were that age. Do my grocery/Target shopping in the evening. Mine are 4, 6, & 9 now and it's getting better. We could do one short errand. I took them all to Target recently and I ended up pretty crabby afterwards. My middle child (girl) is my easiest as she does not run around. Even my 9 year old (boy) has to trot up ahead, which makes the 4 y/o (boy) want to run after him. My easy one is mute in public though, which makes her have to tap my hip constantly so I can lean down so she can whisper in my ear (which drives me nuts as she is a big talker).

Get home activities - sprinkler, mini pool, sandbox, swingset, bubbles, chalk etc.

We've done 5 kids, from screaming newborn to age 7 at once. The only one I had to watch closely was the toddler who would run. All the preschoolers were like a flock. The baby was just a lot of work lugging. It was difficult but staying home, worse. And I made it all drop-off, since my participating was impossible. But waiting in the lobby with babies was tough.

Your kids are all still pretty young. When my son was about 4 his older sister (age 7 at the time) asked "are we ever going to eat at a restaurant again?"

Sometimes the effort of kid-wrangling is just not worth the needed trip out. I used to grocery shop when my husband was home or my mom was there. Or if I had to bring a kid I'd only bring one. I never went clothes shopping with the kids, or even to Target. I stopped going to the beach as one kid would run in one direction, the other kid would try to eat rocks, etc.

I found a few playgrounds / parks that worked well with the kids at their ages - I had a favorite that had benches in the shade and I'd pack lunch, snacks, drinks and settle in for a couple of hours. I'd call friends to let them know where we'd be and often at least one, sometimes more would come with their kids. It was a great way to get out of the house and it allowed the kids to stretch their legs, run & jump.

On the really hot weekend days I'd call my sister and ask if I could come over (my husband being a rookie police officer at the time rarely had weekend or holidays off so I was on my own!) She had a pool and a fenced in backyard with a great wooden swingset/fort. The kids could spend hours in the pool and I could control the situation (unlike the beach) and there were other adults and teens who could help me.

In the winter I'd take them to Mc Donalds mid-day and get them happy meals and they'd run around the kids play area while I read the newspaper.

On bad weather days when I didn't have the $ for McDs I'd allow them to make forts in the living room using blankets, sheets, couch cushions, chairs, folding tables, etc. They were only allowed the one room to "destroy" and when done we'd all fold balnkets together, and get the room back in order, etc. I would crawl through their caves / forts with them and we'd lay down and read books together. My son took a nap or two in the blanket forts over the years. ;o)

I've heard it said that taking kids to the store is like tryin to herd cats or it's like bringing a few goats. Give yourself and the kids a break. Forget the organized activities unless you know it's a safe place for them to run and climb. Scout out the best parks around, let the older one bring a friend so she doesn't feel "too grown up for that baby park", bring scooters or tricycles, pails and shovels, etc.

This season will pass - it doesn't seem like it now as it's physically exhausting and you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. But they're teens before you know it and then the challenges are emotional and you'll be exhausted in a different way. I miss the days of couch cushion & blanket forts - but I do love the kids my children have become as teens. The next season is coming for me too - one more year til the first goes to college. The time just screams past me...

Use a stroller for your youngest, tell the two older ones they need to hold onto it on either side. That way your youngest can't run away, the older ones know where they're supposed to be.

Explain before you leave the house what you'll be doing and what is expected of them while you're out. Work on the tantrums with your 4 year old consistently, tell her to use her words, that you can't understand her when she screams, and don't let her have her way when she does. Tell your oldest that she's your helper, that you need her to listen so the other two do as well. I think it's so funny (not) they can't follow directions sometimes because they don't want to, but can hear you whisper "ice cream" 50 yards away and come running, sigh.

And never hesitate to leave an activity (as you've already told them you would) for not listening, holding on to the stroller, tantruming etc. Sometimes that makes the biggest change in behavior because they see the immediate consequences for their actions, and you can always do a fun activity at home later that day.

I've totally been there. My oldest has ADHD and it used to be a real nightmare taking him anywhere. Add in a sibling and I was stressed just thinking of going out.

For the two-year-old, get one of those cute kid leashes. Sanity saver. We used one with our son at the airport when he was two and it saved the day. They have them now with little backpacks and other clever designs.

Next, bribe. I don't recommend this ALL the time, but to jump-start things, it can really help with your older kids. "If you listen to my words and do a great job at the park today, you can watch 1/2 hour of TV when we get home." Figure out what's a motivator for your kids and use it! If you can get them into a pattern of trying their best, you can eventually drop the bribes.

Also, put your foot down. Kids will take advantage of you if you're not firm. One acts up, you leave wherever you are at the time. Pack up the kids and go. This not only teaches the misbehaving child you aren't a doormat, but sends a strong message to the other kids, too.

Good luck!

I've found that what has helped me the most is to give my kids lots of practice going out in public. You can practice in low pressure environments, like the mall, or a park, where you aren't committing a whole day to an outing, or spending $ on an entrance fee.

My 4 yr old still tries to run off from time to time. If he does, we leave immediately, even if he is kicking and screaming as I drag him out of the mall. My 2 yr old is learning how to walk, but sometimes he does try to run away. For him he has 3 options; 1) walk next to mommy; 2) wear his harness and walk; or 3) ride in the stroller.

You just have to keep practicing with them. Again and again and again. I get very stir crazy at home, so I have to leave the house with them at least daily.

Yesterday we went walking by a river for several hours, stopped along the way to play at a playground, found a huge hill that they rolled down, and on the way back, since they did such a great job, I was able to get them frozen yogurt. Just a few months a similar outing would have been a failure, but they're learning.

We had one of those mornings! I had a big adventure day planned, the kids were excited, but when it came time to leave, they just didn't cooperate. I gave them a second chance, and then told them, " what a bummer, it looks like we are staying home." I really wanted to go out, but I've learned that it's better to set limits and expectations, and then set consequences for when they fail to live up to them. And I know that if we can't get out the door easily, they won't cooperate while we are out.

When we are out, we do a strict three strikes and you are out, I.e. we go home. My kids usually behave when we are out, and I get told they are well behaved, etc. frequently.

I also distract to get them to leave. My son was terrible at 18-24 months, so I started giving him surprise treats in the car when it was time to leave places.

As to the running, if you are going to run away, you are going to sit in a stroller. If you are going to run, we have to go home.

Mostly, I try to act not talk. If they aren't listening, we are leaving.

Edited to add: practice makes perfect. We go out almost every day. I look out for problem areas, and then try to figure out solutions. Get your older girls involved in the problem solving process. They listen better if you encourage partnership.\

I would start by focusing on the 7 year old. By 7 my oldest (now 9), was able to listen and be helpful when necessary. By helpful I mean, say we were out and the younger kids were pitching a fit, he would gather up all the toys so that we could be ready to leave faster. I find it hard to punish 1 child when all of the children are misbehaving so I would give the oldest extra privileges when he behaved responsibly. I didn't call them rewards per say. I would say something like "because mom is so happy with how helpful you were today I am going to give you....". To me a priviledge maybe something like letting them stay up a half hour late on the weekend or letting them choose a movie to watch, ect. Not something expensive or extravagant just something small that they will appreciate and makes them want to behave well.

Also, start small, and stick to your guns. We have a community pool so I would go to the pool and say if you don't behave we will leave and stick to it. The kids want to be at the pool more than I do so it will bother them more than me if we leave early. Then the next time you go remind them. "Last time we had to leave early because you didn't listen, hopefully that won't happen again". I've also had times when they are great right up until it is time to leave. Then they pitch a fit, run away ect. The next time we went I told them if that happened again we wouldn't go back for x # of days and every time they asked to go I would say no we can't go until x because of how you acted when we were leaving last time.

It is very tough for a 2 year old to understand any of this. After all there is a reason they call them the terrible 2's. But the 7 and 4 year old should understand and if they can act accordingly then it makes dealing with the 2 year old easier. I have 4 myself (9, 6, 5, and 18 months). The only thing I won't do with all 4 is a movie. The 18 month old isn't ready yet. By offering privileges to the oldest, the 2 middle kids started competing to be just as good or better than their brother. Because its not something monetary, I personally never have a problem offering all 3 a privilege when it is warranted. Lately they want to have a "camp out" together in our family room on the weekend. By no means am I saying that they are perfect all the time but this system has worked for me.

Good luck!

It's tough when the activities are for entertaining the kids and they just aren't enjoying it.
Separate your need for fun from your kids, then get a sitter for the kids and go out yourself.
Have a date night with Hubby or see a movie, take a class, do happy hour with your girlfriends, etc.
Or leave the younger 2 at home with the sitter and take the older one.
It's a mistake to think you have to take the whole brood to everything.
Divide and conquer.
In 2 or 3 more years, the 7 and 4 yr old (will be 10 and 7) will be more manageable and you'll only have the 2 yr old (will be 5) to wrangle.
In the mean time, for fun at home - you can't beat having the kids run through the sprinkler.
They can also blow bubbles, use sidewalk chalk, play in a sandbox, etc.
A large cardboard box makes a great fort - you can cut a few windows (port holes) in it and the kids can draw on it and decorate it (take pictures).
When it finally falls apart toss it into recycling.

When my 3 were 2, 4, and 6, doing anything was a challenge. Just because at those young ages and desires to do different things, I was running in 3 directions. Luckily my kids have always listened pretty well and only the youngest one gives me tantrums - rarely in public though, and they are few and far between now that he just turned 6.

Anyway, give it some tiem. Find a place all 3 of them will have a good time, and relax. They are just kids. Some days are harder than others, but I would NOT stay in the house all summer. Prepare yourself that you may leave with a crying child and you may be reminding them of the rules.

My kids know even now that no matter where we are, they are to follow our home rules. I don't care if the rule at the bounce house says you can body slam someone, if my husband or I didn't say that kind of rough housing is okay, it's not. They listen prety well, normally at least. So lay down the law at your house. Teach them what is and is not acceptable. Rewards and consequences are important. Teach them to respect you and what you say. Give it a year or two and things will get easier anyways.

Ugh, I would go CRAZY if my kids kept me prisoner in my own home!

How are they at home? If they listen to you, and have rules and boundaries, I'm not sure why that would change when you go out. The words "stop" "no" and "you need to listen to me" are the same whether you're at home or at Target. I understand the two year old being at a challenging age but the four and for sure, the seven year old should know how to behave in public.
If they are used to running wild at home I can see where it would be hard to take them out. I would have a serious sit down talk with the four and seven year olds. Have a plan before you go out, and have consequences in place. Let them know exactly what you expect (staying together, no whining/begging, etc.) and then follow through. For example, "we will get an ice cream cone after we go to Target and the bank, but ONLY if you behave." Have them repeat it back so they understand.
Once they understand what you expect it will get easier, but only if they know you mean business. It's important for you to BE IN CHARGE, period. Otherwise they'll just continue to do what they want.

Start with a small park, suitable for your younger kids so you aren't crazy worried about them falling or climbing somewhere too high. Let your older bring her bike if she wants, if the park is geared towards little kids and doesn't interest her. Meet with a mom-friend and her kids...be eyes and ears for each other. Do this regularly. For your sanity. You'll see your friends struggle too and sometimes your kids will listen better to her warning and hers will listen better to yours. Start small...15 mins...and leave before anyone has a chance to get overtired and fall apart. Go just before lunch so they'll be hungry and want to leave to eat after playing and not whine to stay longer. Baby steps.

Thank you for asking this question. We have one boy, who can be a handful. We have been toying with the thought of another, but this is a great reality check.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Mine are currently 5, 3 (almost 4) and 14 months. I just got done telling my husband that Friday's storytime at the library was the first time in over 3 yrs I was able to leave the older two, and go 'play' quietly with the youngest and not worry about the older two acting like crazy hellions. It was a peaceful bliss and truly a shell shock for me. I fully expected packing up and leaving 1/2 through which is our normal protocol for activities like that.

I don't know if was preschool for my boys or just time. We tried everything, we'd go over rules, what's expected if the get in trouble and if it doesn't happen yes we too leave. I still remember our first visit to library when I just had the two of them...It was mad mad chaos something that could have been on funniest home videos. I was SOOOO embarrassed and vowed to never do it again..NEVER!! I'm so glad I didn't stand firm on that promise.

It will get better, work with them....and for me honestly, I find activities that will work for the youngest first, ie gated parks, smaller play structures, spray parks vs pools etc!! The older two are old enough to make do with whats there. When they show me they can handle themselves at the 'baby' park then we take them to the older parks. Just gives me sanity in the end. Good Luck--hang in there it does get 'easier'!

Put the 2 year old in a stroller and leave him there. Unless it's an outdoor park where he has a designated area to play that is age appropriate he does NOT need to be out.

If it's a double stroller all the better. You can put the 4 year old in it to go places with the older child walking alongside. Then when it's time to let the 4 year old out have "the talk" about what is expected behavior wise. Then if she misbehaves pick her up and strap her into the stroller. She won't like it and will have a royal fit but if you do it consistently for a couple of weeks she may find she is acting differently when you say you are going to sit in time out in the stroller if you don't listen to my words.

Ok, let me say, I have three also, almost 6, 3 and 19 moths. Taking them anywhere alone is a HUGE challenge!! I would say that only those who have three or more littles can truly understand, it's like instead of going to the circus, you are always taking it with you! I think all children have their good days and bad days, like everyone else in the world, and kids are never on the same schedule! You are probably better at it than you think :). I recently went to a little get together and the hosting mom had one child and was pregnant and everyone else just had one. They sat, they visited, it was lovely. I however was up and down the whole time, and none of my children acted out and their father was with me! It is what it is. There are three, somebody usually needs something, it's life. I think you should get a medal for attempting to take all of them anywhere alone! I typically take my little ones, 2ish and under, places in the stroller. I let my little guy out of the stroller in small increments of time and then back to the stroller for a light snack or some toy play time in the stroller, or 'lock down', as we call it around here :). Like when we go to swimming lessons for my older two, I let the little guy run around for thirty minutes and then put him in he stroller for thirty minutes with juice and crackers, or whatever. If we go to th park, which I have never done alone mind you, the two older can run with daddy or grandma and I will let the little guy down with my total supervision, and then back to the stroller for food. So that is my coping system. Good luck, and hang in there!