Preschooler Preschool - Erie, PA

I have a 4 yr old in pre-school. I have really lucked out this time around. I talk daily to my sons teachers and they email me to if we dont touch base. But I have built that relationship with them. I go in to drop off and pick up and help out at least once a week. Now my older son when he was in pre-k his teachers basically were a Hi and Bye type. But he still loved his time in pre-k.

Even now with me beinging friendly with the teachers at conferences it is all business. That is what they are for. If the only negative thing you were told wa he talks at circle then be happy. He is doing really well.

I think a lot of moms leave a parent teacher conference with the feeling of "wow--they don't appreciate the fact that they have an exceptional kid in their class! Sheesh!" LOL

Look, deep down, we all think our own kid is the brightest, cutest, funniest, most insightful kid in the universe. Focus on the academic skills foremost at the conference. While your son does need to learn how NOT to monopolize circle time, it IS great that he is expressive and verbal. Talk to him about taking turns, letting others speak and share. I had kind of the opposite problem, my son, though very expressive at home, tends to by more quiet in group settings and it's hard for me to see that, at times, too. I often fear that he gets pushed aside, forgotten or ignored b/c he is so easy going and quiet. In my case, I make sure to tell him to speak up if he needs help, has something to say or a question to ask. Either way, moms have concerns. Sounds like he is doing fine overall and I wouldn't take it personally. All kids have social strengths and weaknesses. Diversity is, after all, what makes the world interesting.
Next conference, maybe ask some specific question about his personality in a group setting: Does he share, make friends, take turns, etc. That may open up the discussion to a few more personal observations and impressions.

Hi K.,

I think your expectations are completely REASONABLE! Of course you want to know more about your son than just academics! There is so much more to him than just his "academic self". Also, it is very reassuring to a parent to hear the teacher talk about the child in a personable way. That lets you, the parent, know that your child is more to the teacher than someone to shove ABCs, shapes, and colors into.

I'm working with toddlers now, and I know it's a more informal situation, but I let the parents know every day (in writing and in person) things the child has done or said throughout the the day. They have told me how much they appreciate this. To me it just makes sense. It's all part of relationship. There needs to be a strong parent/teacher relationship and you need to know, too, that there is a good teacher/child relationship.

Try not to take it personal, though, as this is probably just the teacher's personality. That doesn't mean you can't ask questions or pry a little or even change pre-schools.

Be sure to ask your son daily about his day at school, not in an interrogating way, but in a way that lets him know you're interested in his relationships and goings-on at school.

As for the talking during circle time---that's his personalble, out-going, excitable personality showing. As time goes on, he will learn more when to talk and when to listen. Help him understand that listening is important too. You can help him develop listening skills at home. Set a timer and play a listening game. He can draw pictures of what he hears or he can wait till the timer goes off to tell you all he heard. Start with a few seconds and work up. You might practice "circle time" at home, too, with books or a pretend show n' tell. You, your son, and husband could perhaps take turns telling about something. When Daddy's finished telling his story, ask your son to retell it.

Please let me know how things work out.
Blessings,
K.
www.joyfulconnections.net

K.- looks like you have lots of responses.. just wanted to share my experience. My son is 2 and daughter is 3 1/2. We go to a Montessori school. I met with both teachers in November and both had great stories and pictures (at the toddler level) of my kids. They make a point to write down some of the things they say or do. It made the conference such a positive experience.
That being said, I think they are unusual. I can't even remember things my kids say to tell my husband when he gets home! How can I expect teachers with 25 children in a class to have time to write it down.
Anyway, hope that helps.
S.

Dear K.,

As a school teacher I know that there just isn't enough time to spend with each parent. Also, I would think that if there was a true problem the teacher would make the time to call you and schedule a separate conference. (That is what I have done in the past!) Of course, I don't know your area or preschool so I can't help in that area. Don't feel that because you didn't get enough time you picked the wrong school.

How does your child feel about the school? Try asking him about his day in respect to what the teacher had to say to him or how much time she spent with him.

I know it is not right to say this or do this but sometimes teachers seem to overlook the children who are doing great-good. We are so busy trying to get the others doing well. Ask if you can come in and assist with a project or arts and crafts activities. You can tell a lot more about what is happening that a few minutes at a conference.

It may be that the pre-school teacher feels it's a little too much of the same to say to every parent, "I enjoy having your child here."

Frankly, I wouldn't push him to stop sharing at circle time. Better to have a confident socially skilled child than one who worries that people don't want to hear from him.

Maybe the way to encourage him is to ask, "What did _____ say today at circle time?" Ask about others. It will help him to focus some on listening to them without telling him he needs to be quieter and say less.

Also, remember that it's pre-school. I didn't know pre-school even has parent conferences. I don't remember having them when my kids were young enough to be in nursery school.

At year end, ask questions like, "How has his interaction with his peers changed during the year?" Make them think and respond with more than a yes or no answer. "What do you see as his biggest achievement here at pre-school?" It will give you a chance to evaluate whether or not it was worth the cost. Also, think through what it was you wanted to accomplish by having him go to pre-school rather than daycare. Do their goals match yours?

FINALLY! I am so glad to hear a parent who seems to feel that a positive relationship with the teacher is as important as the academics. you are not wrong to feel your child is special and should be treated special by his teacher. I think your teacher should also be greeting and releasing the children so you may have contact with her every class day. That said, some teachers are just not the warm and fuzzy type- though most of them don't choose to teach preschool.
That said, you can only ask her concrete questions. You may schedule another time with her and ask for clarification of her concerns about your son's behavior. You may also ask her what she feels he does well. At that point, if she does not have some nice things to say, you could decide to request a different teacher, or ride out the year and pray for someone more personable next year.

Dear K., I think your expectations may be off. The conferences I've had with my sons preschool teachers, and my oldest son's Kindergarden and first grade teachers for that matter, have focused on their strengths and weaknesses. The only stories they told were as examples of a positive or negative behavior. If you still have concerns, schedule another conference with his teacher. My oldest went to 2 different preschools (we moved when he was 4), and the conferences were very similar at both schools. If you see your son learning, making friends, being excited to go to school, then I think you've chosen a good preschool.

My oldest son has had a problem with talking too much in preschool. He's now in first grade, still talks more than he should, but it's gotten better as he's gotten older. He's a very personable, polite child, too, but quite a talker in school. When he has a teacher with a very structured classroom, that helped, too. Ask his preschool teacher for suggestion about the talking issue. We found that keeping home and school consequences the same/similar helped reinforce the rules.

Good luck!

Hi, K.!
I believe my son's preschool may be the exception to the rule, but great communication is possible! Every day, we write back and forth in a communication book for daily updates. The week before his conference, we received a 15 page progress report to go over before we had our actual meeting. At the meeting were 2 teachers and 1 administrator. It was a little over an hour long, and besides speaking about him developmentally, socially, academically, and more...they had tons of funny stories to tell me about how he communicates, acts, etc. It's a wonderful place!

I'm not sure about where you live, but the school is in Bryn Mawr, PA. It's called Clarke PA. It is primarily a school for the hearing impaired, but they have a mainstream preschool called Clarke Academy that is housed within the school. It's relatively inexpensive...about $2500/yr. The program is very language-based, and the teachers and staff are more like family than any other program that I've experienced!

Hope this helps!!! Best of luck to you!

We aren't to pre-school yet, but I would HATE to not have daily contact with my child's teacher. I speak to her at the beginning and end of each day, and she sends home a sheet each day about his eating, toileting (or diapering, lol), naps, and activities for the day. If your experience is "normal" pre-school, I'm keeping my son in his daycare until kindergarten!

you have lots of advice, I will just add this and say that I used to teach high school when I was single and newly married with no kids. since I have a kid that is now in school it is like a light bulb has come on about parent/teacher conferences.... "so this is what parents want to know". I don't think I realized as a childless person what a parent really wants to hear at a conference. now that I have kids of my own and am on the other side of the desk I"m more aware of what parents are looking for. maybe your teacher doesn't have kids? it was just a thought.

It sounds like you have a wonderful, normal little boy! I have a 4 year old boy, and he is very talkative and excited about everything. Imagine how hard it must be to remain quiet during circle time!

In my preschool conferences, we get some feedback, but they last about 10 minutes or less! I think it is important to look at the whole picture...which it sounds like you are getting a lot of positive feedback elsewhere.

Of course, if you are not happy, you should approach the teacher, and/or go to the head of the preschool. You are paying money to be there!

I also ask my son numerous times about his day at the preschool...I try to get the information right out of him!

Trust that you have a wonderful child and you're a great mom!

I have no experience with pre-schools yet. I am currently looking into different preschools for my 2 1/2 year old son who will be attending in September. I know some of the other posts said that what you were hearing was normal, and you may be expecting too much, but I think I would want the same thing as you do. At this age, I would be more concerned with his personality around people other than his parents, his socializing and also what his teacher sees in him that is unique. I know academics are important also, but I view them as just one aspect of what pre-school is all about. I work part-time and I have wonderful SAHM that takes care of him. I love hearing about the funny things he did that day, or something that I'm not seeing on a regular basis. I like knowing that she enjoys him and I think I envision pre-school being the same way. So, I think you are right in what you are looking for. I don't know if this helps, but you've actually helped me have some additional questions when I go to sees some of these preschools. Thanx and good luck!

I agree with most of the responses you've received. You do want to be sure that the teacher knows your child enough to be able to report to you how he's doing. Every parent wants to hear the positive things or something the teacher has noticed about the child.

That being said, if the teacher does not know that you would like to hear an anecdote about your child, or if the teacher doesn't get all warm and fuzzy, then it is up to you to ask. The question I have asked all of the teachers at conferences is "how is my child doing socially"? And you can expand on this question to ask how your son is doing in group settings -- does he share, take turns, contribute? Does he make friends and play with the other children easily. Does he play with the same children all of the time, or does he interact with different children (aka "working the room")? Does he play or do work well independently? Does he interact with the teacher and aid -- and how?

Those questions should prompt a response that I think you are looking for. Like all relationships, the one with your child's teacher takes time and patience. And, to repeat another response, no one will think your child is as special and wonderful as you do -- but hearing good things doesn't hurt.

Be well.

K,
Honestly, I could have written your request, it is so on par with how I feel about my son's preschool. We have very little interaction with his teacher. He has been in preschool since September and we have not had a single conference yet. All of my co-workers with children in daycare get notes home every day that Sally did this and Joey did that. I never get anything specific to my son. I emailed his teacher a few months back and I said that I know what he is doing by looking through his book bag but I honestly don't know how he is doing! My son likes school and he seems to be doing really well but that lack of personal information about my son really disappoints me. It doesn't help that my son is my oldest, therefore, this is the first time our child is in school. I have spoken to other parents and they say, simply it is not the teachers style to interact with the parents. When I emailed the teacher I did ask a bunch of questions -- Does he get in trouble a lot? Does he have friends? I had the same fears you do, that maybe she doesn't like him or me. Anyway, in the end, it appears to me that some teachers like to keep distance between themselves and the parents and keep the details to a minimum. Maybe, after years of experience it keeps them out of trouble.
Kath

if you dont mind me asking, is this a prek-counts program or head start. my daughter gos to that and it sounds like the same thing. there conferences are very indepth. when we had our conference they told me she doesnt talk enough and that isnt how she is at home. i think you might be getting a little to upset about it. im sure alot of kids parents here they talk to much. as matter of fack i was told the same thing about my son this year from his kindergarden teacher. just dont worry about it all kids are different and he will do just fine.

TBPH, I think that your expectations are a little unrealistic. These conferences are to talk about progress, not be a gabfest on how wonderfull your child is. I am glad to hear that nothing is a suprise in the report from the teacher. That means that his preformance is exactly where you thought it was. I'm sure that it seems cut and dry to you, but the extra time time that she saved can be applied to a child who actually needs extra help and to talk the their parents about what needs to be done. Being a chatty child during circle time is pretty low on the devolopment scale of skills and concerns. He will grow out of that. If you know that your child is a joy then you shouldn't need anyone telling you what you already know. It seems that you need that confirmation that you and your son are liked to feel comfortable. I would worry less about if the teacher likes him and you and make sure that he is meeting his devolopmental goals.

K.,

We were preschool parents for 9 years, and we always had very thorough, indepth, warm conferences, no matter the teacher...and some teachers were much warmer overall than others. Our preschool was not an academic one, but a developmental one, and we would be shown a list of behaviors, social skills, etc., and there would be personal notes written next to each item on the list. We always felt that the teachers had an excellent handle on our children, as their words and emotions would reflect that.

That being said, perhaps you had your conference on the teacher's "bad day." That's not an excuse, but perhaps the teacher wasn't having a good day. Or, perhaps the school does not put a premium on the parent/teacher conferences and does not train the teachers regarding what to discuss, and how to discuss it.

The advice from other posters is good...go in with pointed questions. I just wouldn't wait for your next conference, as this is bothering you, and as you have so little contact with the teacher. I would ask to meet with the teacher(s) sooner. If this is an issue at either end (though it shouldn't be at the school end), then perhaps at least have a telephone conference to have your questions answered.

At our preschool, we had to drop off and pick up the kids at the classroom door, from the teacher(s), and often we would receive stories and antecdotes at that time. The personal contact is important.

Good luck. If you are not feeling satisfied after making other attempts to get info, then perhaps you do need to look at other preschools. No place is perfect, but our preschool was close :), and I hated leaving it, even after 9 years!

From I see you want to know how your little one is doing socially, not just academic. Usually, the teachers would say a few things regarding his/her behaviour and let you know how wonderful of a child he/she is. Now, since the conferences are not very long, they are trying to cover everything that they have to. I suggest that next time, ask questions that would satisfy your curiosity. I am sure that there is nothing personal. It's just a matter of time.

Hi K.,

Times have changed dramatically in the school systems.

I work in an alternative school. The students that have not learned to be silent at the appropriate times disrupts those who have learned.

You are doing a great job as a mother and your son is a good child.

All he needs to do is learn to be quiet when he needs too, that's all.

Good luck, all the best. D.

I think there is alot going on here. Your teacher may not be warm and fuzzy, she may not have the time during a conference to gush over your son. You have a right to talk to your teacher. If you are unsatisfied or have additional questions set up an appointment with the teacher. You may find that she acts the same way and responds the same way or she may be more relaxed and give you a more personal response. If your son is happy and enjoys the class, if he likes the teacher and the other children, trust his feelings. If the teacher is not sending home notes or asking to talk to you about your son's inability to sit quietly during circle time, then he is probably not so far outside the expectations, she is probably letting you know what needs to worked on and improved before he goes into kindergarten.

If you are unsatisfied talk to the teacher, if you are still unsatisfied ask to sit in on, or observe, a class.

Good luck.

K., It sounds to me that you should call the teacher and ask to set up another conference. A lot of times, during conference times, the teachers are so stressed and busy trying to get in all conferences that they just don't think about everything. I was a preschool teacher and director of a daycare center before my daughter was born. Communication is very important. I think if you feel like you need to talk more with your son's teacher you should ask for another appointment and schedule it for after all parent/teacher conferences are over.

With that being said, I think it's a bit ridiculous that you seem to not be welcomed into your son's preschool classroom. You should be able to pick your son up out of his classroom and also be able to chat with someone who has been with your son all day. I do not like to think about an aide bringing the class to the door to wait for their parent. I would be looking for a different preschool with an open-door policy toward parents and one in which I saw and could speak to his teacher everyday. One conference a year is just not enough.

My oldest is 4 and I had my first conference in November. I came home feeling exactly like you did. It was maybe five minutes even though we were allotted a fifteen minute time slot. I had looked forward to it for weeks. When the time came I was basically shown a checklist and a few other documents and that was it! It wasn't very personal at all. I wanted the teacher to tell me she absolutely loved having my daughter in her class and that she was such a joy and I wanted to hear all kinds of wonderful stories. I suppose my expectations were a little high but I finally chalked it up to the teacher's personality. I was upset and disappointed for a while afterward as well. She's a great teacher but my guess would be that she's been doing this for years and just got it all down to a science. She wastes no time and just gets to the point and I think that's part of what makes her a good teacher for preschoolers b/c she's really good at keeping them on task. I feel your pain!

Hi K.

I feel what you are saying here. I would say, don't second guess yourself. You stated that you are getting good signs from everyone else (babysitters etc.) I would'nt go looking for trouble. It almost sounds like you need to hear you are doing a good job. We all need that affirmation (trust me). That said with your question about "Did i just pick a preschool that employs teachers that aren't involved with their students????" the best thing to do is talk to them let them know that hey i would really like to know more of the little things going on in class you know the personal feelings you have towards my child. I would NOT in any way sound like you are coming down on them. Maybe it is getting to know them a little better on a personal note. Teachers are busy I know and so are we. Maybe a little sugar towards them. Im not saying that they are the super fab I dont know you said you dont have contact with the teachers on a regular basis. Maybe you could get to know them more. It does help It makes them more eager to talk to you. I found this works wonders. I send a valentine card or xmas card with the family photo or Dylan with santa maybe send along extra snacks for the kids at snack time. the little things they pick up on and appricate and it gives you a good reason to call and say hey did you guys enjoy the cookies the are "so and so's favorite. Really connect with them it opens the door form them to connect back.
best of luck
your doing great!!!!
J.

some teachers don't want to get to personal with students and parents as a way to protect themselves and the students.have you ever observed a class?i watched a class before signing my daughter up, it may give you more insight

I just think it's just the personality of the teacher not to elaborate the way other teachers might. Maybe she's not a very emotional person, so she sticks to the facts of education rather than talking about the sweet little things he does in class. She's probably all business which can give the impression of coldness. I've had three preschool conferences through the years now, and each one was entirely different. The first lasted maybe 4 min...I'm not kidding...and she showed me a couple things my son did for his folder, handed me a recording of his voice and said, "thanks for coming". :) I was pretty surprised. Another teacher shared funny story after another in addition to talking about my son's report card step by step. We really had a fun conference. And the third conference for my daughter was simply an encouragement to keep up with the things we were doing and to work on some skills that she pointed out...another really short conference. You're good not to take it personally. It's probably just a personality thing.

I have never attended a conference as you described. As a teacher, I never acted in such a way, and as a parent, none of my kids teachers have ever been so detached. Do you feel comfortable approaching the principal or the curriculum advisor? If I were you, I would be looking for a different teacher or even a different school. Preschool is very important, these years often make or break which math and reading group your child will eventually be placed into.
Good Luck. ER

You need to keep in mind that the teacher has a lot of other parents to talk to. In my kids' preschool, the conferences were scheduled for only ten or fifteen minutes, because there were so many to do. So there really wasn't much time to do more than report on the child's progress. If they have personal conversations with every parent, then the next parents have to wait, often getting aggravated. And the teachers don't know what each individual parents wants to know. If you have specific concerns about your child, then you need to bring them up during the conference. Or perhaps you could ask the teacher for a private conference at another time.

Teacher's preceptions often differ. One teacher thought my daughter was too quiet, another thought she talked too much!

My kids had a great preschool teacher, very friendly,and my kids loved her, but the conferences were usually short and to the point. I would often talk with her after preschool about my child and heard more personal things.