Potty Training Struggles

Updated on April 07, 2010
A.W. asks from Buffalo, NY
11 answers

My wife and I started potty training our daughter right around her second birthday. After making good progress the first six to eight months, she has been regressing. She will pee but has stopped pooping in the potty. She also doesn't tell me or her mommy when she has to go. She turns three next month and we're frustrated by her regression.

My daughter has sensory issues such as delayed speech/language, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it. She can say "Potty'' and "Pee-Pee'' and "Poopy.'' She just doesn't say it until AFTER she has done it in her pull-up. Also, we transitioned from her potty to the big toilet with her own seat. Could that be a factor as well?

We're just concerned by how long it's taking her to get it. We hear about other kids potty training in only a few months. What are we doing wrong?

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A.I.

answers from Buffalo on

I'm going to recommend what I always do - Lora Jensen's 3 day potty training program. It's a rough few days, but it really works! Here's the link:

http://www.3daypottytraining.com/

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C.T.

answers from Denver on

Hi A. - my son did same thing. He also has language delay btw. My doctor diagnosed constipation. He was having regular and normal BMs every day so that surprised me. When the bowell is very full - even with soft stool - it places a lot of pressure on the pelvic floor and can make eliminating on the potty uncomfortable. It also messes with the nerve cues that we normally feel that triggers us to know we have to go.
You might consider talking to your doc about this. Ours actually ordered an abdominal x-ray. He's doing better and is back to feeling his cues again.

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S.M.

answers from Casper on

She's not ready. Keep encouraging her, but overall just plan on buying diapers and pull-ups until she's ready.

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

I'm in the same boat. Thank you. I was stating to think I was alone.

My 3 year old starting to use the potty last August. She has done #2 in it only 3 times. She doesn't tell me when she needs to go until after too. I get so tired of cleaning that out of her underwear.

Her Doctor said it was normal for this to be a problem. I fear it might be something wrong with the muscle that lets us know we have to go, but she assures me it's not.

I don't have any advice for you, but to get your answers, I had to post something..lol.

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J.D.

answers from New York on

I wouldn't make a big deal over it - just positive reminders and reinforcement. She's probably bored with the whole thing now and realizes its WORK. The transition might also have something to do with it. I don't think its long for her to be getting it...my son is 3 and it seems like all his "friends" really started at 2.5 and are just really getting good at it. He's not trained at night. I've noticed he slacked off a lot on it too - he hasn't had accidents but things like putting the seat up, washing his hands, flushing, going as often have diminished - I think the excitement has been lost b/c its not new anymore - LOL! I have to keep reminding him! His friends are boys and girls and I've heard they train differently but just wanted to point out that that she sounds like she is right on...Honstely I feel like the whole potty train thing started at 18 months for us - , thats when my sons awareness and curiosity struck, then we'd just keep talking about it and saying ONE DAY you will do this...he messed around on and off the potty for over a year like that, he started, stopped, and then he took off around 2.5...I never did a potty seat, just went right to the big potty. A rewards system was put in place (with the help of his school b/c he goes 3 x a week) after a while of staying dry he put on big boy underwear and there was no looking back. There were accidents and there were times where he just didn't seem interested anymore (he just turned 3 last week) I didn't stress and I let him be in control over it - I knew it was in his hands when he would constantly tell me that he would "go on the potty when he was bigger, but not yet." Some days he was "big" and he'd be interested, others not so much and he would tell me that...I know you said you daughter has some speech delays so maybe she's thinking that way but just not communicating to you verbally - take her physical cues and follow them..guide her and be positive and don't stress out over it - she's fine - she'll eventually do it consistently. These toddler are very busy!!! Sometimes they just don't have time for the potty - LOL! I know some bigger kids who are the same - hahahah!!!

T.C.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hi A.,
First, she's "ready," you already trained her, so don't stress over that.

Second, after potty-training 2 boys before age three, I can tell you that every "regression" came down to us (mama and papa) getting off schedule. The child starts to do well with the potty, they even start going on their own, and we always assume *magic* has happened, and we can slack off - haha! Plus, any parent will tell you even if their child is "potty trained," there are still misses and accidents and slip-ups.

The developmental issues are not directly involved, except your sweetie may need direction from Mom and Dad just a bit longer.

You are doing fine, just get her back on whatever schedule you had, and don't let her get away with not pooping in the potty (you'll find plenty of parents on this website who have experienced the exact same thing, and their kids are "normal.")

Good luck!
t

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

you aren't doing anything wrong... it's one of those things kids will do when THEY are ready... My neice didn't even start until she was just past 3!... My daughter started earlier, and it took longer. They are all different. Just keep encouraging her, DON't punish for accidents and it will happen.... hang in there.

L.A.

answers from Austin on

here is something I have posted many times.
I like to remind parents that children that are truly ready should catch on in a few weeks. If it is months and months. it is really a waste of energy, just try again in a few more months..

Here is a list of signs, your child may be ready to potty train. It has been my experience, MOST children really will let you know when they are ready. Spending a year trying to potty train is a waste of everybody's time and energy.

* Your child signals that his or her diaper is wet or soiled.
* Your child seems interested in the potty chair or toilet.
* Your child says that he or she would like to go to the potty.
* Your child understands and follows basic instructions.
* Your child feels uncomfortable if his or her diaper is wet or soiled.
* Your child stays dry for periods of 2 hours or longer during the day.
* Your child wakes up from naps with a dry diaper.
* Your child can pull his or her pants down and then up again.

You may start noticing these signs when your child is 18 to 24 months of age. However, it is not uncommon for a child to still be in diapers at 2 and a half to 3 years of age.

Here is the link to information.
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/children/par...

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A.D.

answers from New York on

Hi A., You are not doing anything wrong. You daughter may not be ready. Sometimes you need to let up for a while and start at another time. Many children are not really trained until 4 years old. It is a matter of maturity. Try not to compare with other kids...each one is individual. This is not something you can control or make happen sooner. Grandma Mary

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N.D.

answers from New York on

Children become modest at different ages and it might be a modesty issue with her. Most kids are pretty regular when they have to poop, so watch her around that time of day. If she goes off in a corner or under the table, she is getting ready. Take her to the toilet and have her sit there. Dont watch her, but be busy cleaning the sink or mirror or whatever, so you are in the same room but she thinks you are ignoring her. Since she has sensory issues she might not recognize the signs that she has to go, so you have to catch her and she will figure it out.

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A.P.

answers from New York on

My son took a full year! We have 3 children, and he would regress any time the others got a lot of attention (their birthdays especially). It's furstrating, and takes a lot of patience. Good luck.

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