I thought it would be so much easier to find kids for my daughter to play with when she went to kindergarten. There are no kids on our block & all our friends have older children. In preschool she had friends there but I never saw the mothers, so that was hard. Well she has two friends she likes at school, but trying to get the kids together to play with has been hard. She went out on Halloween with her best friend. Have not done anything thing with the other girl (though I have been trying.Phone numbers have been exchanged & calls have been made).
My question is this, do kids just play with each other anymore? Or does it always have to be Chuck E. Cheese or stuff like that. We don't have any extra money (I don't want people I hardly know to know that.) and would just like her friends to come over & play. Being friends with the moms would be great but I just want her to have some kids to play with. I don't have alot of extra time, I work out of the house & my husband got hurt at work so I am doing everything at home too. I have thought about playgroups & such but I have a hard time in groups, I am better with one or two people ( I think I was born without the small talk gene! I do talk with the other moms when we are picking up & dropping off. So I am trying). Any advice?
S.! I can so relate to you it is scairy. My daughter is 4 and in preschool and am also wondering if she will be making her own friends or if I will have to inject myself into the lives of the mothers of her "would be" friends. Having also been born without the small talk gene and not completely comfortable with new people. I hope you update with how things go, because I'm very interested!
Just make sure you make it clear that the parent can stay for the playdate. I won't allow my kindergarten girl to play at someone's house by herself unless I know them extremely well. Maybe this other mom is like me. Make sure the invitation is wide open to her and plan maybe one fun thing that the kids can do, like baking cookies or a specific art project--that way the mom can feel comfortable and busy, too. :)
I would never send my kids to someone's house I didn't know REALLY well...so if the mom works or if you aren't inviting the whole family, that may be the issue...suggesting a mcdonald's playland to meet at over Christmas break might be a way to kind of feel it out!
Hey there,
I meet people at Museums. My library has a program called the Library Adventure Pass. You present your library card and get a pass(Morton Arboretum) or a partial break(Brookfield Zoo)on the entrance. For special exhibits within the museum, you are on your own. Bring your own picnic and you have a playdate. When I have the membership, my girlfriend gets the pass. It is educational, fee free(unlike McD's!) and usually just the price of your gas. No guarantee on goofy hours, lousy weather or sickness nailing your carefully planned dose of sanity. I have saved almost $30 between going to Brookfield Zoo and Cantigny, a poor man's Morton Arboretum.
In the free arena, Cosely Zoo(Wheaton), Kline Creek Farm(Wheaton), Phillip Park Zoo(Aurora), and Willowbrook Wildlife Wildlife Center(Glen Ellyn). These places have indoor stuff as well.
In winter, my playdates and phone call returns have dried up too! It's a little boring but otherwise temporary! I really don't like winter as necessary as it is in the whole theme of life. Sigh!
Good luck,
L. L.
Hi S.. I went back to work after my son was born, but after he turned 3 and I had another baby I decided to stay home. It was an adjustment. At first I was in my own little world and didn't do a ton of play dates (esp b/c I didn't know a lot of moms), but now I do play dates at least once a week. Parents either drop their kids off at my place or when I pick up my son from school, I'll pick their kid up as well. Now that my son is older it's easy - I just bought an extra booster seat for the car. I've had really good luck with it - parents usually love to have some quiet time with out their kids. Also, many parents love it when I pick their kid up from school! I usually just ask to make sure their kid is not allergic to anything and if they do have a younger sibling, I'll ask if the brother or sister want to come over too. Also, I don't expect it, but usually when I have kids over their parents reciprocate and ask my kids to come over and they pick up from school. It's a nice trade off. I love having playdates because my kids actually play better and have a lot of fun when someone is here.
I also don't like to commit to anything, but if there is something going on at school, I try to volunteer for a one time thing for a couple of hours every once in awhile. It's a great way to get to know other parents and also help out the school.
Don't feel like you have to go to Legoland or make it a big production. I just let the kids play and usually stay out of their way when they are here. Relax and have fun with it. Good Luck.
T
At our school we have playdates ALL THE TIME. The friend goes to the other friends house and they just play together. Some moms get involved and they do a craft together but I am too busy for that. We have friends over and they just play together for hours. Everything is new/different at a friend's house so there is plenty to do and talk about. We are very tight on money too. I do my own thing while they are playing and sometimes just ask if they want a snack or help them with something if they ask, but I don't 'play' with them. Don't worry!
Hi S.
My Daughter is 5, she can have and does have her friends from school over for playdates, if she goes somewhere I go with her. I do not leave with anyone.
Maybe suggest it's ok for the Mom to come too, I know alot of parents that go on the playdate, also vice versa there is only 1 mom that comes to my house, the others just drop-off or I pick -up.
Good Luck it's a hard one.
V. C
We never go anywhere for a playdate. The kids just hang out here at the house for a couple of hours and play. (I have a kindergartner and a 4th grader.) The only time I interact with them or do crafts is if the playdate is having a hard time getting off the ground, almost never happens these days - usually they just vanish into the playroom while I work or clean house upstairs.
For school friends who have a busy weekend schedule, I sometimes arrange to pick their kids up at school and keep them for a couple of hours. (I work, but at home on Fridays, so once or twice a month I do that on a Friday.) For kids who go to after-school care, the parents just arrange for them to not go that day.
Good luck making the connections! It really is worth it to build some relationships with other moms who can help you out when you need it. Have you tried volunteering for class parties or in the class, to get to know some of the other mothers who are at home in your child's class?
our kids slightly younger but we just play.
sometimes the park or sledding but just play
yes people do playdates at home.
However, I have found that until moms get to know each other, there seems to be an unspoken code of conduct that says that the first few playdates should be with parents of both parties present and at a neutral place like a mall or something until they get to know and trust each other with their kids.
It makes sense, right? Try a playdate at a museum, mall, playground, or other neutral ground first and then go for the at-home playdate and you should have better luck.
You say you've thought about playgroups but have a hard time in groups. Is the playgroup for you, or for your daughter? It might be more your issue than your daughter's. Believe me, I'm not all that jazzed about a lot of the other moms out there, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. Sometimes, though, I just have to bite the bullet if it's for my kiddo's sake.
One thing that helps me when inviting moms/kids is to pick a specific time and date. Whenever I send an email to another mom and I say, "Oh, we should get our kids together at my house sometime for blahblahblah", I never hear back from the moms and, truth be told, vice versa. When I say, "Pump It Up is having their winter break discount on Thursday. I'm taking E. over at 12:30 if you want to meet us there," I get an answer. Even if it's "no", it opens the door for a concrete date later on.
Oh, and about those firm dates and times? Check out Park District events to attend. They're usually free or very affordable. Good luck!
Both of my girls have had playdates at our house and at their friends homes just playing. It's actually rare that we go somewhere for a typical play date. When it's nice out sometimes we will go for a walk or bike ride otherwise we just let the kids play. Sometimes I will have a small craft they can work on together...nothing fancy...painting a picture, playdoh is great too.
Maybe try inviting the friend over for something like a tea party or some kind of craft or something -- have a specific thing, maybe even make up an invitation -- and let the mom know that she is welcome to come, too and can bring any siblings if she needs to. It might be that the mom doesn't know you and isn't sure about a playdate or isn't sure what to do with a sibling while the playdate is going on. Or the mom might have taxi duty for her other kids and would prefer to drop her child at your house, but isn't sure if that's what you have in mind. If that child declines the invite, have your daughter invite another kid and so on. Sometime it takes a few tries to make a "friend match". I have the same problem with my 4.5 year old son who really wants a boy friend his age, but only has girl friends.
