From what I can tell It all started after Christmas, my son received some new character underwear (as all our kids do every year). He would refuse to wear them and insisted on only wearing his old ones. I thought it was because they were new and stiffer so I washed them multiple times to try and soften them up and make them more worn, but he still refused. He would wear his old character undies, althought they were worn out... SO, after many battles and underwearless days I broke down and bought him some plain white ones- which he will wear. Now it has grown to other isses with other clothes and more recently the types of dishes and silverwear he will use. He is a FOOD LOVER, but will refuse to eat anywhere but home off of his certain plates. WHen we visit freinds he won't eat unless he can have a paper plate and plastic spoon or fork. He most recently refuses to even eat at McDonalds.... I just feel like we are in a downward spiral and I don't want to force him, yet I don't want to enable his picky behavior. Anyone help! He is 5 and will start kindergarten this fall. If we force him to do something he refuses & throws a major fit - I mean MAJOR!
Food and clothing rituals are often a way that OCD presents. If you think it is spiraling, I would consult a Board certified Child Psychiatrist. Once issues like these interfere with his life, it is time to seek help. Treatment is very effective for this disorder, it is like night and day.
M.
How old is your son? That would help in answering this question...
However I will ditto = Pick Your Battles
I truly don't see anything wrong with him NOT wanting to wear certain underwear or the fact that he refuses to eat McDonald's (that just tells me he has a sophisticated palate LOL).
Let him have a little bit of control. Let him choose. Take him to pick out his own plates, cups, silverware etc. Have him pick out his own underwear.
Anyway that's just how I would handle it and see how that goes first...
Best of luck to you!
Adopt the phrase "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit", it's pretty straight forward. You supplied the underwear/food/plate/whatever, that's what there is, if he doesn't like then he can go without, and you don't want to hear complaining because you OFFERED.
PICK you battles, underwear would not be a battle in our house because I wouldn't let it...my son went through a commando phase-it only took ONE time of zipping up his privates to decide that mom WAS right and underwear were necessary.
If he doesn't eat what's offered, too bad! He won't starve and WILL realize that he'd rather eat, period, than eat off of a paper plate with a plastic spoon, etc. (I've got nothing on the McDonalds thing, I don't care for it, either, but I DID go hungry as a child when MY family went there and I'm fine)
Don't force him, let him make his own decisions and learn to live with the natural consequences of those decisions.
There are plenty of things that parents need to be firm on (safety, manners, school attendance, etc.) but there are a lot of things that life has a way of teaching on its own.
How old is your son? I would call the pediatrician and get a referral to a therapist. It may be nothing, but then again depending on his age it could be something! Better to err on the side of caution-
My son and husband both have OCD. I can't really tell based on your note here. When your son refuses, what happens if you don't listen to him and give him the undesired thing anyway? With our son, he'd have a complete and total breakdown -- screaming, crying and in a rage-like state for a good 1/2 hour or more. He would be inconsolable. It could be as simple as trying to make him wear the wrong brand of socks. It's like his world would come crashing down if things weren't done a particular way. So extreme we couldn't do anything until he calmed himself down later.
Unless I misread your message, I don't see how old he is.....to me, it sounds too familiar to what our soon-to-be 4 year-old is going through on a daily basis as he is quite particular, too.
At 1 year, I mentioned something to the pediatrician about lining up cars on the table and that both Mom and Dad (me and my husband) have OCD. He has kept that in mind when assessing developmental milestones at appointments.
I'd ask the pediatrician if it's normal for his age (and personality) or if it is something to start monitoring. In my case, I obsess, but I am not compulsive. My husband is the opposite: he will drive by the house 3 times before leaving the neighborhood to make sure he put the garage door down.
I hope this is personality/phase-related. We can provide our best guesses based upon information and experience, but only your pediatrician will be able to diagnose in conjunction with a qualified psychologist if needed.
Good luck!
Lots of kids go through stages where certain choices (and the respect and freedom to make those choices) becomes very important to them. Your son could be doing that, or he could be expressing a deeper issue that is simply beyond his ability to understand or control.
I know a couple of young brothers who have been diagnosed as on the autism spectrum (in their case, very high-functioning Asperger's), and they have not only extremely particular preferences in most situations, but they are also challenged by sensory issues and food sensitivities that can make their challenging moments ever so much more challenging.
If this is becoming a disruptive force in your little guy's life, and it sounds like it might be, it would be a good idea to talk it over with your pediatrician to determine whether a more comprehensive evaluation is a good idea. If he has issues, it will help you both tremendously to know what they are, and how to handle them better.
Meanwhile, I strongly recommend the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Learn some sensible and simple techniques to help your son communicate his feelings and needs, and participate in finding his own solutions. Learn how you can establish your needs and your boundaries in a firm but respectful way. I use this approach with my 4.5 grandson, and it really helps us both when he's feeling emotionally challenged.
My daughter was like this too, it has gotten better, somewhat as she's gotten older (she's 8) and she has been diagnosed with ADHD, I also see that she has sensory issues. The sensory issues were worse when she was younger. Sensory issues seem to go along with a lot of the "alphabet soup" diagnoses such as OCD, ODD etc. It might be worth it to get a docs opinion but then again at younger ages they are often reluctant to give diagnosis. My daughter presented more ODD type behaviors as a toddler. I always tried to buy tagless clothing (there is even a seamless line now called Soft Clothing) and never bought socks with lots of threads, sometimes turning socks inside out, cutting collars off shirts etc. There were many struggles over clothing. Sometimes even her favorite clothes just didn't "feel right"... She also had the particular plates and utensils thing and would throw major fits as a toddler if I gave her the "wrong" plate. These kids tend to be chronically inflexible, black and white thinkers. I find the book: The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frust... and the collaborative problem solving technique to be really helpful. Good luck!
I'm wondering if you've had him evaluated or gotten your ped's input on this?
I have no idea and no experience with this, but I know that resistance to even trivial changes are indicdative of autism. A little pickiness, and I would just say that he's flexing his independent muscles. But from what you're describing, it seems to be getting worse.
I would check with your doc. Maybe it's nothing and he's just willfull.
Food and clothing choices are a very common way for children to control their environment they are not necessarilly a sign that there is something else going on. Sadly too, if a fit works to get him what he wants, then that is a tool he'll keep working. Try offering two acceptable choices when you need him to do something. Clothing choices work very well when done that way, he could also choose his clothes the night before. Five is definately old enought to make choices as to what he will be wearing and to feel the natural consequences of his choices.
Unless you commonly eat away from home having him miss meals when you're out will not hurt him. We use the "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" phrase along with "What to you get when you whine?" "Nothing" at our house which helps. You could also try putting him in charge of setting the table for dinner each night so he gets to choose.
Instead of changing everything at once, pick one area to start with food, clothing, eating out, whatever and do that first. After you've been consistently applying the new habit management in that area for 2-4 weeks change another. Do make a record of these behaviors and of anything else that you are concerned about and discuss them with your child's doctor but using the tools that he has to excercise control of his environment (and you) may not necessarily be a sign of a disorder.
Hi B.,
My almost 5 year old is stubborn like this also :) It's so frustrating! We have been putting our foot down and remind him that we are the parents and he needs to do what he is asked, period. If he doesn't want to eat something, he will not get a snack (they will not starve themselves). Maybe give him a choice on the clothes (pick your battles). My 7 year old still doesn't care what I pick out for him, but not my 5 year old. He knows what he likes. When you visit friends for dinner, maybe bring his plate/silverware with you. Just explain he is "going through a phase". Anyone with kids will understand.
All that being said, talk to your doctor at his 5 year wellness checkup and let them diagnose.
I'd say the true test would be if others can get him to do these things when you are no around. If he goes to play at a friend's house without you and eats without complaint, then I'd say he just knows how to work you. Kids usually behave better around less familiar adults, but an OCD child will still absolutely refuse to compromise. Kindergarten and how he behaves when you aren't there will be a telling test.
Stop worrying. My grandson was full of these obsessions from about five years of age until age 10. He told me he had a hand washing OCD. I do too I told him...which is true. I traveled with him to other cities and had to give him granola for breakfast and dinner no matter where we were. I insisted he eat lunch out. We went on vacation every summer and he would be unwilling to use strange rest rooms or sleep anywhere else but the room where his grandfather and I were. Food, cloths, color preferences, etc, etc. I humored him never chiding him and if he has obsessions anymore they are not noticeable.
I would definitely get him in to see the doctor. It could be that he is picky or OCD or it could be that he has learned how to control the situation and get what he wants.
My daughter is OCD (my husband and I are convinced). If her socks arent just right, if there is a seam out of place on her shirt, if her panties are off a little, its total melt down! Just the other day I bought her a shirt that she wanted (we were buying a few new items as she is growing). It is a really cute blue and white striped shirt. She put it on and complained it was itchy. I inspected it and realized that it had little tiny lines of glittery thread run through it with the blue. SERIOUSLY? I have to inspect her clothes that closely?! Anyway, she refused to wear it because of that little tiny thing. Most kids wouldn't even notice! She wouldn't wear sparkly jeans either that she just had to have because they "itched"...
Anyway, I guess I can't offer much advice other than this: IF he does exibit OCD like behaviors you have to learn how to work around them. If he needs a paperplate and plastic fork (because of OCD issues) buy a costco stock of them and try not to make him feel "different" because of it. My daughter has to have matching colors (plate fork spoon cup). So we have sets. Even at 18 months old she would stack all the play dishes in order by color and if you put one out of place it was a total meltdown.
The hardest part is dealing with my own OCD behaviors which don't always aline with hers! :)
