Picky Eater - Carpentersville,IL

My 12 year old son has been like this since he started eating solid foods. I went thru years of frustration trying to get him to eat, taking him to therapy and finally gave up. He's small for his age, but never gets sick, so he will have to come around on his on terms. It's not a control issue. Try googling "food neo-phobia" there was a show on TV about it a year or so ago. Some kids are really terrified of eating new foods. Think of it by comparing someone who is afraid of flying, or heights, its the same thing. My son did finally realize that if he is distracts himself like playing x-box while trying a new food it helps because he doesn't psych himself out at the thought of putting something new in his mouth. Try this first with foods she used to eat since they technically aren't new foods. It's still going to be hard for her, but maybe it will work. You never know.

I second the idea of getting her tested for sensory issues.

These http://babyfit.sparkpeople.com/articles.asp?id=549 are the 10 commandments posted on my refrigerator door that I TRY to live up too!

There is a great book by William G Wilkoff, MD called Coping with a Picky Eater that every parent or provider of kids should read and have a copy of. http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Picky-Eater-Perplexed-Parent...

This book has what I call the Picky Eater Plan. I have used this plan with kids that literally threw up at the sight of food and within 2 weeks they were eating normal amounts of everything and trying every food.

First you need to get everyone who deals with the child on board. If you are a provider it's ok to make this the rule at your house and not have the parents follow through but you wont' see as good results as what I described up above.

The plan is to limit the quantities of food you give the kid. When I first start with a child I give them literally ONE bite worth of each food I am serving. The book suggests that every time you feed the kids (breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner) you give all 4 food groups. So, for lunch today I would have given the child one tiny piece of strawberry, one spoonful of applesauce, 3 macaroni noodles with cheese on them, and 2 oz of milk. Only after they ate ALL of what was on their plate would you give them anything else. They can have the same amounts for seconds. If they only want more mac and cheese, they only get 3 noodles then they would have to have more of all the other foods in order to get more than that. If they don't eat, fine. If they don't finish, fine. Don't make a big deal out of it, just make them stay at the table until everyone else is done eating. They don't get more food until they are sat at the next meal and they only get what you serve. When I first do this with a child I don't serve sweets at all. So no animal crackers for snack but rather a carrot for snack. Or one of each of those. I don't make it easy for them to gorge on bad foods in other words. Now if they had a meal where they ate great then I might make the snack be a yummy one cause I know they filled up on good foods.

Even at snacks you have to limit quantities of the good stuff or else they will hold out for snack and just eat those snacky foods. I never give a picky eater the reward of a yummy snack unless they had that great lunch prior to it.

It really is that easy.

ps - proper eating schedule for 5 to 13 yrs old - times are just for demonstration purposes to give amount of time between things
7 eat breakfast

11 lunch
3 snack after school
5:30 dinner, no further food for the day

I have an 8 year old boy who was the same way growing up. But his pediatrician suggested the opposite...he told me a child won't starve but would eventually eat when he's hungry so I've very rarely prepare different meals and only ever if I know my son absolutely hates it. But meal time was the worst time of the day. He also did a lot of the gagging and throwing up thing.

But about a two years ago, long story short...we realized our son needed his tonsils out due to severe sleep apnea. I read a lot about it and it turns out that if a child has enlarged tonsils it cool lead to or create eating and swallowing issues so a child becomes very picky with textures and it makes them scared to try new things.

It's been almost two years since he got his tonsils out. Yes we still struggle with meal times occasionally but over all he is now trying new things and loves it and can't believe he didn't eat it before.

I think the tonsils thing was a huge issue but he is also growing up. He also knows he won't get a treat if he doesn't eat which is a huge incentive:)

Anyway, it's something you could look into and make sure she's sleeping okay and doesn't have larger tonsil. If she's fine, I would say everything is a phase and she will add new foods as she gets older, my son did and he's just so much easier now!

We don't cater to one in our house. We do however serve a family style meal of heathy choice foods. On every table is a variety of cut up fruits, veggies and cheese, a cooked main course and possibly a cooked side and a bread in some form. With that on the table and each child taking their own fill/control of their own plate each child has the opportunity to make choices and eat or not eat. I however will not cater to a child except for their birthday and Christmas where the favorites for each come out. I expect children at the table, I expect that they will eat something from that table, I expect that they will not ask me to prepare more food later(fruits, veggies, cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese are ALWAYS ready to go and in fridge when it's not dinner time). I will not make them clean a plate someone else has filled. I will not make them try anything on the table they don't wish to eat and I know this contradicts the above of I expect them to eat but what I mean by that is there are enough choices on my dinner table that no one should leave hungry. Desserts are generally not served with a meal, but as a special treat apart from them to give another opportunity for food, but not tied in with satiety at a meal. I do have a sensory child, she doesn't handle alot but does get her nutrition with this arrangement and I stopped being the short order cook and being frustrated with them regarding food.

I agree with you. I too think its a control issue. But if she is at a normal weight, I'd cook something for the family and let her serve herself or do without. Her choice. Nothng else to eat.

I only had this kind of problem when my kids were 4 and younger. My wife and I served then very small amounts and when they finished what was on their plates they could have some more.

Good luck to you and yours.

I know it's frustrating but please try to let it go.
My son was the same way, and didn't really grow out of it until he was 12 or 13. I didn't worry about it because he was healthy, active and strong. I did NOT make him special meals, if he didn't like what I was serving he would make himself a sandwich or a bowl of cereal and milk, no big deal.
Keep meal time positive, offer your daughter new foods but don't push it.
As long as your daughter is healthy there is nothing to stress out about. Does she take vitamins?
I was also a very picky child and would gag over lots of foods that I found strange.
My son is now 18 and he and I both love to cook and enjoy a wide variety of food :)

My 8 yr old son does this and very rarely eats what we are having for dinner. I no longer make him something special. The pediatrician told me to keep things on hand that I wanted him to eat so now when he doesnt eat dinner he can get a yogurt or make a sandwhich....no big deal. I was getting so frustrated with the nightly dinner battle! He is also at a healthy weight so I just dont worry about it anymore.....and last week he actuallly asked to taste something we were eating :)

Try some therapy for her.

When I was little I hated veggies raw or cooked. The only thing I would eat is corn and it is a starch. My mom would make me sit at the table until I finished my dinner or went to bed. I had no problems eating anything, but veggies. To this day I still will not eat veggies or meat loaf (another thing I never liked but was forced to eat). I too am a pickey eater still today, but since I am the mom it is different now. I often tell my kids that they have to try one bit, if they don't like it fine, but you at least have to try it. Thankfully they are like their father and eat everything under the sun.

My oldest son is almost 12 & you described him too. Started out great eater then faded! Frustrating - yeah!

I too have tried many tricks. My youngest is a great eater too.

I've read about the super taster & this seems to fit him. He's a great kid & healthy weight. How can I be annoyed with him for not eating red meat?

So I make sure he gets enough protein from plant & dairy sources. I try to make one item I know he'll eat. He eats raw veggies as well as fruit so I focus on that.

I do continue to try but don't push as I used too. I've found without planning it that when he is at a friend he seems to try things & vice versa so you might want to get another mom to try this out. I've found that many of my son's friends are picky eaters too .. otherwise perfectly healthy kids ;-)

My son who had one friend @ 11 would only eat character mac&cheese so mom would make reg for her younger kids! My son was over she asked which he wanted. They are the same he replied which cured her son... I can't tell you how much this mom loves my picky eater!

My kids are five and we deal with this on a daily basis. My pediatrian states that I shouldn't cater (but I still do and just trying to find the week to start "tough love") and they'll eat when they are hungry.

I was a picky eater beyond extreme as well as my husband growing up. My husband will pretty much eat anything now. Now, me, I still tend to be picky. But as we got older we would try new things. We are all normal weight... and to try and place a label on it (sensory) or see a therapist, I believe is the wrong in today's age... it's being a KID!!! :) Good luck! And if you figure out the magic pill to get them to try new foods more, let me know :)

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You can't win food battles. That's something the eater has control of.

Your job is to make sure your daughter is healthy. So stay friends with your doctor.

Three of my granddaughters are siblings. The middle one eats anything and everything (almost); the youngest one is pretty good; the oldest one has been a picky eater practically since the day she was born! So the girls have dinner set before them; they may be required to taste a bit of this or that, but otherwise it's just dinner and the menu is "Take It or Leave It."

And they're all healthy and relatively happy (happy enough for siblings).

When Miss Picky announced one day that she had actually tried scrambled eggs (!) and liked them, we all cheered. Otherwise, her family says, "Well, that's the way she is," and ignores it. The idea, of course, is that there is more to Miss Picky than what she doesn't eat. Pickiness in a nine-year-old does not lead to anorexia in a fifteen-year-old. There are other reasons for the anorexia.

Perhaps it hits you harder because you love to cook and you feel like a reject when your daughter rejects what you make. But be careful. You don't want to make your cooking a condition of her being a good girl. I'm sure that your daughter loves you!

You might consider taking the attitude of, "Well, I did a good job on these veggies, if I say so myself, and if you won't eat 'em, good - that means there's more for the rest of us." Keep your sense of humor about it. It could be that when she's thirty she'll be cooking gourmet meals for YOU!

It sounds to me like it could be sensory issues with food. If she is crying this badly and gagging and choking, trembling and throwing up, it goes beyond a control thing. It could be a texture issue, a smell issue or even an appearance issue. Does she have any other sensory issues? I have texture issues with some foods and so does one of my sons. I wish I didn't; it would make life easier.

Why are you tired of her making something for herself? If that makes life easier, I'd continue doing that. But I would talk to her ped about possible sensory issues to see if some occupational therapy is needed to nip in the bud (as an adult who has them, I wish I had been able to get OT when I was younger).

I have my kids eat a little bit of what we're serving. Even if it's just a bite of everything. Then they can eat something else, left overs or something healthy. They can't have a feast or dessert but enough of something to prevent hunger only after they've tried dinner or whatever meal they despise. I found that they started liking more things. I don't know if it's because they had to at least try a bite or if it's coincidence. Even if she gags or pukes, I'd just ignore the drama and make her eat a bite anyway. Then she can have something else but no treats. I hope this helps! It works on husbands too...LOL