Omg! Help!!!!!!

Oh sweetie! We have all been there, do not feel like a bad mom at all. I remember when my now 10 year old was 4 and started throwing a major tantrum in the grocery store, know what I did? I started making him dance with me while I sang real loud, he looked at me and said stop mommy, I told him if he could embaress me I could embaress him. That started the transition from having horrible tantrums. My poor other son who was 3 at the time was mad I was not dancing with him and he had to stay in the cart LOL

Main point is, you did the right thing, you left the situation. Hang in there, it is so hard when they are so close together in age, but it gets better I promise!

***My oldest by the way are 15 months apart so I do understand***

Been there...It helps to only go places via drive thru unless you have plenty of time. That way they get tired before you do...bring a book, text or just watch them. Next, know that most of us have been there or will be there. Try to relax about that...the people looking at you have probably been there. Fact is children will throw tantrums... When they are that small (6 mo) stick to drive thru...

We've had great success with Love & Logic parenting. If you google it, you'll find some info, as well as books that are in the library. Let me know if you have any questions about it.

Please don't let this stop you from taking them places alone anymore. I know some people advised that, but as a SAHM, sometimes my choices are to brave it out alone or stay home all day. The walls close in on me if I'm home all day and the kids start driving eachother crazy--- so I venture out nearly every day-- even if it's just to Publix. Granted, the ages of my kids aren't as close as yours, but my first 2 were 16 months apart (then the 3rd came 8 years later). Here's what helped me when my older ones were little...

Plan out your day-- think ahead. If you need to be somewhere at a special time later in the day and you want to go play somewhere in the morning, make sure you don't wait until the last minute to scoop the kids up and rush to your car. They feel that stress and feed off of it!

PREPARE THEM FOR TRANSITIONS. The 15/10/5 minute warning is useless for a 2 and 3 year old. I'm sorry if I offend anyone by saying that, but it's true. To a toddler/preschooler, "5 more minutes" means the same as "6 more hours", which also means the same as "go ahead and keep playing". They have no concept of time. And worse than that, the majority of the time when an adult says "5 more minutes", it's really a random amount of time and they aren't really looking at a clock. So what do you do instead? you give them something tangible to understand as far as how soon you will be leaving. For example, "Go down the slide 3 more times and then we will walk to the car. Let's count together." Or better yet since you have a 2 AND a 3 year old, "We need to leave, but you can each go down the slide one more time. When you get off the slide, I need YOU to push the stroller and YOU to carry by purse." Give them a job and they will rush to leave so they can do their task. Holding your keys or holding just about anything is easy for them and they think they're being helpful.

Also, I agree with every poster who said meltdowns happen for a reason-- maybe they're overtired or hungry... but sometimes we aren't as on top of those things as we should be... so know that meltdowns and screaming will happen. Choose to LAUGH instead of cry. Yes, it's hard. In the moment, your blood pressure escalates and you feel like any second your heart will explode!! But if you know ahead of time that looking at your child wiggling on the floor screaming is actually pretty hilarious, try laughing. Seriously. You may look insane, (and you may feel like you're going insane) but it's much healthier for you than stressing.

And one last thing... someone said you can't leave kids alone in public... Well, there are "safe" people you can trust for short periods of time in a pinch if you are close by. Find an elderly couple who is looking sympathetically at you (as opposed to the ones who get annoyed-- those are ones with no grandchildren of their own!) or find another mom or find someone who works at the place where you are-- make eye contact and say you need to run one child to the car and you will be right back. Some people may think I'm wrong, but it's what I would do. But then again, I've never been one to care much about what people think of me. I do the best I can and as long as I know that, I don't care what kinds of looks I'm getting from other people.

Things like this are going to happen and you are not the first! Sounds horrible and I feel for you. You need to look at how you can exit the situation next time (there will be a next time, sorry) on your own. I don't know how to do it with three kids except for having a double stroller. My only concern about this incident is that you left you 3 year old alone while dealing with the 2 year old and vice versa. In this situation, I don't see how you could have avoided that besides being able to strap the 2 year old into a double stroller with you 6 month old and carrying the 3 year old. In that situation, the only thing I know I would do ahead is plan ahead for the next time so you are better prepared. You can't leave kids alone for even a minute in public anymore, sad but true!

First and foremost, you need to take a breather. I have had that happen but with just one so I am flipping out just reading your cry for help. It's like flash back.
Everything you are experiencing is normal and you just have to figure out what's the best way for you to handle it. So, here are a few suggestions do with them what you will.

1. Don't take them all to the restaurant by yourself EVER! That's just an accident waiting to happen. It's their age and the 2 year old will mimic the actions of the 3 year old, then you'll be upset which will cause the baby to be upset.

2. Never take them out when it's close to their nap times, do early in the day outings if you have to go out alone with them.

3. If one starts acting out sit them down and tell them they cannot play or continue what they were doing until they calm down and say they are sorry. This takes consistency and firmness. If they keep screaming remind them they can't get up until they are calmed down, so the longer they scream the longer they sit. If they try to get up, tell them to sit back in the spot you put them in and if they don't set them back there yourself. It's not something that is going to happen miraculously over night, but it will work if you stick with it and work through it.
The other child will see this behavior and see that it's getting the sibling no where. You may even end up putting both in a time out situation. Just play it by ear.

4. Don't let them win you over or push you to the extreme, you are the adult and should remain in control even if you want to scream and hit your head repeatedly against the steering wheel. You have to act in control in front of them and then loose it in the other room where they can't see or hear you.
And even if you do loose it in front of them, it's not the end of the world they need to see that you have a emotions too.

5. Take some time away from them once a week. I mean even if it's just an hour or two and get the heck away from them. You have to refuel yourself and your energy supply or you'll burn out with that many kids so close in age. I have 3 kids but they are 7 years apart and I still need time away from them. Look at it this way you need to do that to help you be the best mom you can be for them. If you never get a break to refuel you'll be broke down and beat down and have nothing left to give them and they all 3 need you.
Call a friend to sit with them while they are napping or have your husband stay with them when he's off work.

6. Join a local moms group. MOMSCLUB you can look it up on the internet is great and is for stay at home mom's with kids your kids ages. You go and do things together so there's people for you to talk to and other kids for yours to play with. They also have mom's night out once a month. It costs like $25 to join for the year and it's so worth it. You are able to go to 2 events before joining to decide if it's right for you.

7. Remember they are just kids and they are at ages where they are trying out their independence and their boundaries they are little people in training, so train them to be what you think they should be, with love, guidance, affection and discipline.

Good luck and hang in there we are all here to help in any way that we can. My prayers are with you, have fun because the teenage years are not far away. Yippeee!

BREATH!!!!!!

It has happened to all of us...and there is the multiplication factor, 2 seems like 4, 3 kids seems like 10, lol!

You did the best you could. Next time, find a route of escape before you begin. The worst incident I had was when I was monstrously pregnant and my 3 year old pitched a tantrum laying on the floor kicking me...in the belly! We were in a Christian book store and all I told her to do was stop touching the computer.....Not one sole helped me and I had to carry my BIG 3 year old to the car. She even kicked the door open on the way home from her car seat! When I got home, I called my husband home and before he got there, she was asleep. It took me about 2 seconds to remember that she had been up late the night before because of out of town relatives and she was sooooo overtired.

My point being, there is always a reason when something comes out of the blue like that. Sometimes WE are just too tired to catch it.

Put the kids to bed, get some rest and kick back. God bless!

M.

Don't beat yourself up. I've had trouble managing just one toddler! And he's pretty well behaved, just very stubborn. It's so hard when you feel like everyone is judging you. You just have to try your best to focus on your kids and not worry about what they think. Whenever I see another mom struggling I offer to help out. I know in this day and age we have to be careful about trusting people, especially with our kids, but I always offer to help so the mom knows she is not alone. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I admire you for having your children so close together. I'm sure it will feel like more of a blessing when they're a little older. ;)

-T. Q

Oh, God help you!! I can SO relate.

Call Coordinated Childcare ###-###-####. They have specialists that can come out to your home and help you. You get like 8 or 12 (I forget how many) free in-home visits. They dont judge you or come down on YOU... they offer their very experienced professional advice and give you other resources that you may can use.

AND/OR call 2-1-1 referral service to find another agency that can help for free.

GOOD LUCK to you!!! I'm a licensed home daycare. Email me anytime and I will find you other resources out there!!

Love,
M.

Hello!
I am also a mother of 3 7, 4 and the baby is 21 months. First, since I have 3 children I get crazy looks from people when we are at the grocery store, park etc. You are fine, and did the right thing. I just think people really stink sometimes, and I would of went off on people if they came to my car to see if I was okay! You need to give yourself credit, having a 3 and 2 year old is plenty! Thank goodness your 6 month old can't walk yet! LOL! Keep doing what you are doing, you did nothing wrong! And I personally think giving them a time limit won't work at thier ages now, when you say it is time to go, it is time to go! Good luck! M.

First of all, take a deep breath and know that we have all experienced those public meltdowns. The people that offered to help you have probably had a similar moment themselves. I have a solution that may work for you.

First of all, SET THE EXPECTATIONS before you go into McDonalds. Tell the kids how long you plan to stay. You can even take a timer and tell them, "When the timer goes off, we have to leave." Be consistent. When that timer goes off, you must leave NO MATTER WHAT! Otherwise they will know at an early age that "Mom doesn't really mean what she says."

Second: Set up a reward ahead of time for good behavior. Keep a lollipop (or a piece of gum if they love it like my daughter) in the car. Give them the reward and the consequence ahead of time. For example, "If you leave when Mom says it's time, you will get your surprise when we get to the car." You could even hide it in the car and let them have a "treasure hunt" to find it. Along with the reward, praise them for their good behavior. Opponents of this method will tell you that they will never leave anywhere unless you have a prize in the car. That's not true. Eventually, if you are consistent, obedience will become a habit, and they will obey just to get your praise and approval. As they get older, you can reward them with a special activity instead of an item. Tell them, "If you leave happily when it's time, you can watch a movie or ride your bike when you get home." If not, you will have to spend time-out in your room. Little ones need immediate reward, but older ones can handle the delayed gratification.

Here's another piece of McDonald's advice. Most moms feed the kids first and tell them they have to finish their meal before playing. I decided that I was going to be different. I decided it was easier to let them play and eat at the same time. They were enjoying themselves, they would come back to the table periodically and eat and there was no hassle. I was so proud of myself. Ha. ha. Once they got to an age where we could go to nicer restaurants, they wouldn't sit still and eat their meal!! They had never been properly trained, and they thought nothing of getting up and walking around the table or visiting others at the table, etc. It took a lot of time to re-train them. Learn from my mistake--don't let them play and eat at the same time! Instead, try this: let them play first!! What a concept! Instead of arriving right at mealtime when they are starving, get there early and let them play for a specified amount of time. Reward them with a nice meal, and then it won't be so hard to get them to leave.

Third: Take a friend with you to McDonald's. I have a 12 year old daughter, and she often goes to the park or the mall with my neighbor who needs an extra pair of hands with her two toddlers. If one needs to go to the bathroom, Steph takes her. If they go to McDonald's, she buys my daughter lunch in exchange for help in the play area. It's a great system. My daughter is learning to be a babysitter, and my neighbor is not overwhelmed in public.

Lastly: Cherish your 3 children. It does get easier. Last weekend, my 15 year old son went skiing with the church youth group, and my 12 year old and 9 year old daughters both had sleepovers at someone else's house. My husband and I were home alone for the first time in years. It was so weird. There's a great song called "Then They Do," by Trace Atkins. Pull it up on the computer and listen to it. It will make you cry, but it will remind you that your kids grow up too fast, and before you know it, you'll be taking your GRANDCHILDREN to McDonald's. Good luck!

I see from all the responses that you aren't the only one. I truly hope you know that. I have a 4 year old, 18 month old and a 2 week old. The reason other people came to see if you wanted help is because they have been there and know what you are going through. I would suggest making sure the kids know that they won't be going out to eat again until they learn not to throw tantrums. In the meantime, what really helped me is John Rosemond's book "How to Make the Terrible Two's Terrific". It is not a very long book and won't take long to read. It deals with 18 month - 4 year olds. Best of luck to you! Jen

Sorry to hear you had a rough day! It is often difficult, but don't judge yourself based on what others think. Those very precious babies were given to you as a gift and you are very blessed!

I have 4 children myself (close in age as well) and I know the look, but just keep on walking and do what you have to do. Kids will often act up even more when they instinctively know that you act differently in front of others.

Kids have trouble leaving fun places especially at that age. I have learned to avoid problems make sure they know BEFORE you go how long they will be there and that you will give them a 15, 10 and 5 minute warning before it is time to go. Then you have to stick to it, stay calm but stick to it. At the 5 minute warning you should remind them eye to eye that they have 5 minutes and then you are going to do xyz, just like you had told them before they came in. If they still cause a scene when its time to leave, you can tell them sorry you are having a hard time, I know its hard to leave cause you were having fun, we will come back another time and thats it, keep it moving. It's important you stay calm and unphased by their attempts or else they will do it again!

Also I try to make sure if I am going to take them somewhere fun make it for at least 30 minutes if not more, because then it is just too short for them to really run out there energy! Also I avoid taking them anywhere park, etc "right before" an appointment or somewhere I have to be at a set time, that just adds to the rush stress and my frustration if they won't listen.

Something that helped me alot was books about positive discipline they showed me how to make it less of a me against them and work with my kids and understand why they act the way they do (different stages for different ages) so I can find a solution or another way to get the result I want. This helped me ALOT! Even the website has alot of info without buying any books, but I bought about 3 because we really needed help! lol Check it out!

http://www.positivediscipline.com/

I hope this helps you, I know what an overwhelming feeling it can be, but you are in the roughest part now and you can do it! You'll be even stronger for this experience!

May you and your family be blessed!
A.

I think that the best thing to remember is that you are not the only one going through this, we all do at some point or another. My best advice is to take a deep breath. You have to take it day by day. Oh, another thing that I just remembered that I find works with my kids-Before even getting them out of the car, and sometimes on the way there, I will explain to them where we are going and what I expect. Believe it or not this does help. For example: Ok, listen to Mommy for a second. We are going to Mcdonald's. I will let yall play for a little while, but when Mommy says it's time to go, that's it, ok. Do you understand? And I will continue asking until they answer. Sometimes, I will reinterate this again by asking them on the way in...So, what are we going to do when Mommy says it's time to go? You will be surprised. Keep in mind that this is not 100%, but it has helped me through a many situation. OH yeah, if they do start to misbehave, even after the explanation, just remind them again what they agreed to in the car. Eventually, they will understand that what you say goes. Let me know how it goes. Hope this helps!

I would stick to the drive thru for a couple weeks along with a drive by of their favorite parks or Chuckie Cheese....And tell them, mommy's sorry but we can't go in because you do not act very nice when it's time to leave.
After a couple weeks and you do return, prior to going in remind them that when it's time to leave they need to be good or else not come back for a longer time. Ask them if they understand you...Once they respond, have them both help with the babies things and give them time warnings once it's time to go. Start with 15 minutes then 5 minutes explaining they still have time BUT it's getting close and there's other things we need to do today.
When time is up, remind them we will be back another day if they behave. Having them once again grab something for you and praise them for being soooo big.
Hope this works for you as it has for me....

DITO on T O comment. Don't stress over it we all have been there. And everyone that came over to you understood and knew you needed some help at the moment. Take the comments that T O made follow her suggestions. Remember the toddler stage is the hardest of all and you have 2 which is a handful.

Kathy

HI! I'm so sorry this happened to you, but trust me, we have ALL been there! I could give you tons of advice, but the best advice I have is to buy and READ Conscious Discipline by BECKY BAILEY. http://www.amazon.com/Conscious-discipline-Rebecca-Anne-B... or any of her books for that matter. The techniques in that book will change your life. I couldn't believe the different when I started applying her suggestions with my kids, and in my classroom. Her website is: http://www.beckybailey.com/. Every parent should read her books!! I had the priveledge of hearing her speak at a Kindermusik convention this past year, and WOW WOW WOW. Let me know how it goes!!

Best,
H.

Hey,

Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through this! What used to work with my son, (and still does) is to tell him when playtime begins how much time he has. Then, when its getting close to time to leave, I warn him that he has 15 more minutes, then 10, then 5. Usually, it helps to ease the discomfort of separating the fun from regular activities.

Hope this helps!

C.

Don't worry about it .. the kids cry, scream, throw tantrum .. other parents understand .. so take it easy .. no one is going to make it highlight of their day other than you .. and if someone offers help like the old couple .. just say .. you know My family is having one of those days .. and may be you can ask them to talk to one of your children .. children listen to other people more than mom .. I also tell my kids .. I am calling security or the manager and they are coming to talk to you ..
Calm down and take a deep breath -- parenting 3 kids is harder than mountain climbing .. I need that motto on my VAN to boost me up also .. LOL ...
Write me if you just need to chat sometime

Someday, you will look back on this day and actually laugh! Trust me, I have only two kids (who are older now), but I have had similar experiences, I think everyone does. Get a good nights sleep (if you can) and take the next day as a new day. Sounds like you are a concerned mother - all kids have their days.

I feel your pain. Although my girls are not that close together. My youngest 2 like to see what they can get away with. The only thing that seems to work is taking about an activity or priviledge. Like playing outside or going back to their fav fast food place. It works really well for my 4 year old. My 20month old is still learning but she gets it for the most part. She gets really upset when she can't go out and play because of her actions. We just (in simple terms) explain it to her. Don't get worked up about it. Let people look. I am sure some of them have been through it and by all means if someone wants to help let them. If it's only talking to the children and calming them down. I let an older lady talk to my 2 youngest once in the mall and I acutally got to finish my lunch and shopping that day. It doesn't always work out that way but don't give them too much attention. They might think it is fun to see you react like that and continue to throw the tantrums. I hope this can help you.

i used to go thru this as well and after the count of 5( some of the play areas are rather large i would slowly start making my way to the door then out the door keeping my eye on them. they will think you are leaving them start crying and run to you. might take a moment to calm them down but they will leave simply because you have scared them. i always take the moment to let them know mommy will not leave them but it still works to this day.

THE HELL WITH WHAT OTHERS THINK. yOU WERE RIGHT, IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO PHYSICALLY TAKE THEM.jUST DON'T HURT THEM.
lOOKING AT THE ADULTS TODAY THEIR PARENTS, THE ONES LOOKING AT YOU, DIDN'T DO SO GREAT.iF THEY WON'T LEAVE ONCE, THEY DON'T GET TO GO BACK THE NEXT TIME. CRYING IMPROVES THEIR LUNGS, BE THANK FUL THE CAN SCREAM. MY dAUGHTER PREMI BY 7 WEEKS FIRDT CRY WAS SOFTER THAN A NEW BORN KITTEN'S MEOW

Oh, my dear. . .life is a game! Your kids have found your weak place & know how to use a tantrum cleverly. What a screaming child needs is to be hugged & loved, & this must be
consistent. You are the adult. You must help the kids learn self discipline, not by punishment & yelling, but by kindness & love, & touching gently.
Forget what other people think of your actions. All moms have experienced outbursts like this, & we've all survived. Control isn't the answer. How about singing ? Dancing ? Laughing ? Reciting a nursery rhyme ? Anything to get rid of your anger before you scream back at them. Or just skip, while you push the stroller.. But the most important is consistency!
Please don't beat yourself up. . .this will happen again, but how you react to it will make or break future tries.
I am a granny, mother of 6. Nothing is that serious! We have survived!
Patpanda

OMG, I feel your pain. Your children are doing what toddlers do. I can NOT imagine having my children that close together and realize how difficult it must be for you. My four are spaced much farther apart, but my last two have just two years between them and I think that was not even enough. My advice would be to avoid situations like that as often as possible. If you must have fast food, use the drive through. Otherwise, try to stay home with them when you can. Now, obviously you can't be a hermit, it wouldn't do you or the kids any good. When you do go out, you should take reinforcements! Bring along a friend or family member to help out if things get out of control. Even if you had a friend with small children of her own with you, she could have stayed in the restaurant with your younger ones while you took the difficult one outside to calm down. I wish I had been there to help, but count your blessings and know that they will outgrow this! Stay strong!

Laughs because really you have to .I believe at some point this is one of the many nightmares a parent can have .My oldest used to do this very same thing .Well it lasted him all of three tries .I picked him up put my hand over his mouth and marched out of the store plopped him down on the sidewalk gently of course and standing and firmly told him .We are not going back in till you stop and behave yourself .and we didn't .After doing this three times he got the point .Good luck

I'm sorry that happened to you. We all have our breaking point and it happens to all of us. The best thing you can do is write off the experience completely and forget about it. Don't think of it again, kids are kids and this is sometimes what they do.

The same sort of thing happened to me at the chik-fil-a playground but luckily I had my mom. I left my son, but she went back for him and I was so mad because I wanted him to think I'd left (all the while you can see right through the glass).

Kids will always want to play. YOu were so blessed that people offered to help you. That's God sending help! We are proud and perhaps at times we should not be. Even if you just needed them to stand next to the car for a moment while you found your keys or for them to make funny faces.

I don't think this has anything to do with dicipline. I think this has to do with overtired babies who wanted life their way.

Lots of love,

J.

OK I do the warning thing also and as soon as I see the face of defiance I quickly nip with..."Give me a hard time and we will never come again!" Also, I know a lot of people think I am nuts but watch the food coloring you are giving the kids. I never believed in this (my brother is a health food nut, I am not) until a pre-k teacher suggested for my 4 year old. So I gave it a try for a week or 2 and once he went threw a sort of detox, a day or two of bad behaviour, a new child appeared. He was sweet, lovable, cuddly, He stopped throwing tantrums and if he did they were not complete melt downs that embarassed me. Now if we give him any food coloring we notice he is again a little brat.

Oh boy, we've all been there. My husband and I were out at a trendy, but still family-friendly restaurant not too long ago -- with one of his work colleagues to boot! -- when my toddler threw a major tantrum because he didn't want to sit at the table and eat and actually started rolling around on the floor, screaming. We were THAT FAMILY WITH THE HORRIBLE UNCONTROLLABLE CHILD. We did the only thing possible -- got the check and left the restaurant. On our way out, we apologized to some other nearby diners for disturbing them and left it at that. Thing is, though you feel horribly humiliated, anyone with children gets it and understands because they too have been there with the screaming kid. Remember, this too shall pass. Eventually.

Maybe give them warning next time that you are leaving in X amount of time, show them your watch and give them warnings as one of the other moms suggested.

You know the fast food has a lot to do with behavior too. The sugar, preservatives, dyes, etc. can all contribute to behavior issues, so maybe curtail the visits to fast food restaurants. I don't take my kids to those places ever because we are Vegan and have a "no fast food" policy at our house. My kids are healthier and have fewer illnesses and sick visits to the doctor and really only get crazy when they are tired and I have kept them out past their bed time.

You need to get hold of this situation quick. If you are yelling or screaming, you have lost the battle. If you tell your kids something 1 time and they do not respond, the 2nd time you need to TAKE them and DO whatever it is WITH THEM and get it done. If they proceed to throw a tantrum you, must keep your voice quiet and remove them from the situation(if in public), or put them in a place, (room, chair) where they do not get to do what they want, but must wait until they are willing to do what they need to do in a respectful manner.

I suggest that spanking always be a last resort. Keeping your voice quiet and your composure will drastically help the situation. Try to keep yourself calm, because as soon as you lose your calm, you've lost control. If 1 child starts acting up, it is time for everyone to pack up and go. It may seem harsh for the other children, but they will live through it and they will learn from the situation and it may help to keep the others in line next time, so they don't lose out on play time. Being strict won't work if it means you yell directions at your kids and expect them to obey. Children have to be taught. Give them rules as well as guidance. You have to teach them to do the things you want them to do. You can't just say "Do this or this will happen." Show them what to do the 1st time, help them do it the 2nd and maybe 3rd time, and supervise them the 4th and maybe 5th times. By then they will probably be doing it on their own. If one starts throwing a tantrum, everything stops, you should become quiet and calm and walk them through what you need or have them sit and wait until they are calmed down, before you go any further.

If your buttons are easily pushed, this problem won't go away quickly. If you have time to sit down to the computer and type out a question, you have time to sit with your child and QUIETLY hug them, talk to them, soothe them and if necessary because being calm isn't working, sometimes just stop paying VISIBLE attention to them until they get themselves under control.

You need to practice on this and talk yourself through situations you've been through before, that you know will happen again, and practice how you will act and what you will say. When it happens you are better prepared.

Unfortunately, some of your children will experience some form of punishment or denial of play time, etc in order to get another child under control. That is just part of being a family. When the kids realize that they are not going to get their way until they respond what you want, they may just have to do without a few things.

You also have to be prepared to do without some of the things you like, because you have to learn to control your children. That is also part of being a parent. If you yell and scream at your kids, so that other people around will hear you trying to discipline your children, you are making a fool of yourself and being annoying to those around you. If you remove yourself and your children from the situation, control starts changing to your decision and not the kids. You children need to learn respect for you as well as for others around them. Respect is always a 2-way street. YOu must show your children respect when they earn it. We live in a world where we are not the only ones here. You also need to respect those around you, by being able to control your children.

I had 2 boys of my own and took care of 2-4 other children every day. Spending time communicating with them and not just at them is the best place to start. Listening to what they are saying, not just hearing the sounds that come from them. Responding to them as if what they say is important to you, makes them feel as though you are paying attention to them and gives them confidence in themselves. They will after a while be able to talk to you without screaming or throwing a fit, because they know that when they talk to you in a "indoor" voice, you will actually listen them. They don't feel the need to scream or throw a fit to get your attention. When your children talk to you, RESPOND to them, even if you are busy. If for some reason you can't verbally respond to them, try smiling and giving them a "just 1 second" signal. That way they know you heard them and that you will respond to them just as soon as you are able. It will take a few times for them to understand what is happening if you haven't done that before, but they just want to be recognized, most of the time.

If you are going to be on the phone or visiting with a friend, talk to your children first and let them know this is a time that they need to not interrupt unless it is an emergency. Let them know what your "just 1 second" signal will be, and ask them what they would like to do while you are busy, so they will have some form of entertainment. Then they will know that even though you are going to be busy, you thought of them first and that if they truly need you, you will not ignore them. They will always "test" you at first, so it will be another learning process, for both you and them.

Sometimes, when they come to see you and you are engaged with someone else, a hug, pat on the head, smile or little kiss just acknowledges them and they won't have to interrupt, because they see that even though you are busy, you are seeing them and thinking of them. That may be all they want. Sometimes, it is nice to even allow them to be included in a conversation from time to time. Sometimes you will be amazed at what a 3 or 4 year will say, that is right on target with your conversation.

May God richly bless you and your children and may His loving hand guide you through this time of teaching and respecting your children and that He will help them learn patience as well.

M. M:
I am way over due, but I too am a mom of three(18,16,15,2boys and 1 girl) Sounds like you had a really difficult day.I would like to tell you that you are okay and don't let those stares and such discourage you. I have learned one thing as a mom of three and might I add mom of three that are really close in age.... You will have many days like you just experienced and really there is not much advice other than well, I recall a time when all three of mine decided to really show out at the store. Kinda like your day. from that time on i always had "the talk" before we went anywhere. i literally made the kids repeat what I had told them how they were to act in a public place and I told them if they misbehaved, we were leaving. I'm sure you are sayin, my kids are 3,2 and 6mths. the older ones know Momma's look and tone when they've done a "NoNo" You just have to stay consistent. before they enter in a restaurant, park, remind them of your rules, make them repeat, and remind them consequences of bad behaviour. That is all you can do and Don't worry about those judgmental people out there... you are raising your kiddos and doing the best you can. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are okay.
C. G

I am a mom of three myself. My younger two are 2 1/2 and 13mo and my oldest is 7. I did not plan on the last two being so close either, I was on the NuvaRing and breastfeeding. Trust me I go through this frequently!!! So does every other mother whether they have one or ten kids! I am the lucky owner of an Indoor Playground and I witness this on a daily basis. Honestly the only thing that seems to work is either having a "treat" that they get if they leave without giving mom/dad a hard time or when another parent says something to the child. That other parent is usually myself or my husband. We tell the children that they are not allowed to play here if they don't listen to their Mommy. This usually gets them to stop. It is just backing up what mom has said and that usually does the trick. Good luck!

DO NOT FEEL HUMILATED! ALL MOMS HAVE BEEN THERE. I had the same exact ages -- 3, 2 & newborn. I always carried the newborn on me (front). Up until he was many months old -- why? Hands free to hold on to the 3 & 2 year old.
(or i would have him hanging on me -- and the 2 yr. old in the stroller)....only one free at a time (in public) was my strategy. (I did eventually break down & bought a double stroller -- so they were all snug/safe.)

Also, know that hunger, thirst, tiredness really does send them over the age. They are almost like a diabetic. My son (the newborn -- now he is 3) was freaking out in a store right before lunch recently. I grabbed some pretzels off the shelf (to pay for later) & he was fine until we got to lunch.

DO NOT STAY HOME ALL THE TIME. I did that for a while until I almost became really really strange. I figured my husband worked all the time -- it is too tough to go out with their ages (I read in a book not to go out so much) -- and I was too tired to clean the house & invite new mommy friends over.
I URGE you to join a MOMs Club International chapter. JOIN two or three to figure out the best fit for you.
(I know -- you are in a zip code & are "supposed" to be in the one closest to your home -- but some clubs are more lax about this rule/and don't ask/don't tell. Honestly, some clubs are better than others as far as friendliness of women. But you have to give these women a chance & attend at one or two events a week to get to know some of them.)
YOU need a break from children & it can't just be during
your sleep. I know, I know -- who do you trust to watch your most loved kids in the world? I joined a church - - and sometimes they have moms morning out -- also a MOPS club is good because they have moms watching the kids & for an hour you could be kidfree & drink coffee and socialize without your cherubs. THen you are anxious to be with the kids again -- one hour will really regenerate you.
MOPS meets every other week at different churches.

I've been there & it really does get easier. Never feel embarrassed. YOU are a mom! THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD TO YOUR THREE LITTLE ONES!

A side note: plan ahead & note the time of the day you do go out with your little ones........mornings are always better for them. and it is "okay" to show educational videos more now than at other times.....if it helps you to make dinner & get your brain together.

PARKS -- wearing them out -- that helps too:)(remember wear your youngest on the front)......also --great place to meet other moms too. I've met two "keeper" friends at parks.
Hang in there.
There are benefits to having them so close together -- but you won't see the benefits for a few more years!
p.s.
As far as discipline goes:
Although I believe in time-outs for little ones, the whole discipline is tough at this age 2 & 3. Our now 5 yr. old has a tough time remembering the simplest directions. Keep your rules very simple "don't hit" "don't throw".......and make those the immediate time outs wherever you are. Positive reinforcement is always the way to go -- stickers, praise. Catch them being good.

First of all, remember that even the best mother has days when her kids behave like that. One way I prevented scenes like that was to tell them that when they started the scene, we were leaving. And follow it through immediately. I would also tell them they're not going back to the playplace for a long while because you were very embarrassed by their behavior. Telling them that shows them that you are effected by them. That it's not all about them. Of course, with anything, you have to repeat until you head fall off, and everyone has bad days.

when i would take my children to these types of restaurants, i would tell them the exactly how much time we were going to spend there. then i would give them a five minute warning that we will be going, then a three minute warning, and then a one minute warning. then tell them it's time to go.

this seemed to help curb the tantrums. it didn't stop them....but it slowed them up good. when one child had a tantrum, the next time we went to that restaurant, they were not allowed to play because of the tantrum from the previous visit. this stopped the tantrums soon after.

my daughter did not appreciate not being allowed to play because her brother would throw a tantrum; so when we arrived at the restaurant, she would remind him to be good and not throw a tantrum when mom said it was time to go.

i learned this idea of time limits and warnings of activity changes because of my son. he does so much better when he knows how long he has to play and then i warn him as time draws near that he has to get ready to change activities. it helped - but like i said, it didn't stop the tantrums.

since you have three children with one in a stroller, i recommend making each one hold the stroller on each side of you so that you will know exactly where each of the older children are as you are walking out of the restaurant.

while i agree with Tammi about the concept of time, i advise you try the warning idea. they may not really understand time, but knowing the end is coming is much better than the abrupt end of playtime.

You poor thing. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT! People are going to think what they want, you can't change that! Just be calm and be the best mom you can be. Think about this, will this episode matter to you when they are 15? NO!
hugs, and good luck.
K.

Tell me about it! I have five and the ONE thing I made sure of is their behavior...and the years you CANNOT control...well, we didnt venture out too many times! until they GOT IT! We'd be in a grocery store, cart FULL...I'd set it aside, tell the clerk, apologize and grab their hands and leave....silent home "them screaming"....I was praying to keep calm....got home and they got their hinny spanked and went to bed....and the punishment stayed firm and strong....to whatever level....until they "got it".....and it takes that much discipline! its OUR discipline to follow up and follow through and NOT allow them to get away with anything! you are truly "training them up" at this age...so whatever standard you set will be the bar! i have five and what a joy now...ALL because i stayed on top of them like white on rice when they were 2-4! some were easy, others were a true test of my self-control and will! no matter how crazy it may get...you stay calm and that freaks them out "why isnt mommy screaming and yelling with me?"....get them, drag them...like you did, put them in the car and go home and THEN the training starts! i will say one thing...how your kids are allowed to act at home is the EXACT way they will act in public (worse actually...thinking they can get away witn it)...so "practice" at home and let them knonw...and also say "no" to not going anywhere and tell them "why" and then when you do venture out, you remind them about the consequences of their behaviour if someone should act out! and then LEAVE no matter what...drop everything and leave...and be firm...not angry or mad...but smile and say "lets go, and when we get home, you will know that this is NOT acceptable behaviour"...and then no tv, no books,no games, no toys...lunch, dinner, sit on the couch, take nap, help mommy clean, fold clothes, etc...and TEACH attitude and manners!!! that is our main duty! and i promise, your consistent efforts and discipline will pay off...i had three under two....so i know the challenges...but it will be such a joy and blessing in your life. my twins are 13 now and life is GREAT...I am blessed and i have 10-15 kids at my house at all times...ONLY because they know how to act and they make sure the others know! its lovely...but the 2-4 stage was VERY trying...glad i still have my wits and HAIR! YOu can do it...go to www.nogreaterjoy.org and get "to train a child" vol I and II...5$ i think...OMG...the best...take what you can use from the books and leave the rest...you can read alot of it online as well...and do it ...it will change your life! and your kids! they will thank you later...much later...ahah
god bless!

The first thing I can tell you is that I am a Mom of 4. I remember those days. 2 and 3 years olds are difficult.My first suggestion is that you get a front carrier for the baby. It keeps your hands free to hold the hands of the other 2. Also as they get older it gets easier. The only thing you can fix is your dicipline. If you are very strict than that may not need fixing. Here are a few tips. Have a talk with your kids before ever leaving the car about what you expect from them inside where you are going. 2-3 year olds understand what you say. Also tell them the punishment, and then if they dont obey you than make sure you carry that punishment out.Be reasonable too, if you are expected them to be good, but they are late for a nap or over hungry, than its too much to expect to begin with. Make sure you are not taking the older ones out somewhere when they are getting tired , I know that made my kids very cranky.Keep snacks in the car, its worth it . If one of the kids starts throwing a fit do not give in or bribe them into being good, they will learn that they can get their own way.Rermember that are kids not robots, these are suggestions. Sometimes nothing works. I remember crying to my mom that I was a bad mom. My son would not listen no matter what I did. She told me to be firm , I said , I am . She told me , you are doing everything right. In time he will stop. Guess what? He did. Kids are going to push your buttons, and you are going to have times where you are loosing you mind. In those moments, dont worry about who is around you, Just take a deep breath stay calm and realize no matter how they act at that moment its how you react that is important! You sound like a great mom, and God bless you for your 3 little ones. My oldest is now 16, and today I face new teen challenges.Try to be a calmness in the midst of that chaos. Sometimes when that happens just laugh, What can you do if you are already doing it right! Enjoy them , love them , hold them, They grow up quickly!!!!
K.