Oldest Son Going off to College - What to Say - Bring?

I have no experience to share because our oldest is a junior, so while I know we'll be in your situation soon, we haven't crossed that bridge yet. However, I have a couple observations from the student angle because I teach at a college. One thing I notice is that the students are FAR more connected with their parents and family than when we were in college. Part of it might be the region of the country where I'm teaching (Georgia, in the Southeast), where I think the kids are closer to their families and didn't want to move far away. Part of it, however, is the change in communications technology. I were talking to my parents on a landline once a week in the 1980s. My students are talking to their parents several times a day on the cellphone, Facebooking, Instagramming, etc. So while there is a real change when a kid moves to college, it's a much less radical break than for people of our generation. Of course, I'm assuming you are about fifty years old, like me...if I'm wrong, apologies for presuming. Anyway, another observation: even though the kids can buy snacks in a store on campus and have an unlimited meal plan with LOTS of food available, care packages from family are still gold. If you send some of his favorite treats (and some extra for the room-mate, friends, etc) during the first round of midterm exams, he will nominate you for Mom of the year. Wishing you lots of luck with the transition!

Wow - what a momentous time! It's bittersweet, for sure.

A lot depends on the kid, but I'll share that our son didn't want help unpacking or setting up his room. It was hard to take a step back from that. I think it helps to trust that he knows how to navigate stuff like where to take trash/recycling and can find the ATM (although my son's roommate couldn't - overprotective parents!). There's probably an RA to help with some basics, and hopefully there are some orientation helpers for various things. My son's school, for example, had upperclass kids there to help haul luggage/boxes - probably you've been notified if this is true, and how to label things with the room number so stuff doesn't get too mixed up. If you get a quiet moment with the RA, you might ask what the 3 best things are to send in a care package. Then send something in a couple of weeks.

Once you get there and unload, you might consider a trip to the local Target or supermarket for stuff there wasn't room for in the car (laundry detergent, for example) and non-perishable snacks. Otherwise, the college bookstore will have all they need - if higher priced. And there's always the online purchasing option.

We parents were asked to attend an orientation/welcome event while the students went off with the upperclass leaders. They gave us a firm lecture - don't call all the time, don't call us. You're done. Other than the bills, your kid is on his own. Don't call the health service to see if he can get a flu shot, don't call the professor to say he doesn't understand the lectures or needs an extension on his paper, and so on. We were more or less prepared for this, but a lot of parents weren't - and obviously, the university wouldn't have addressed it if this were not an annual problem with many parents.

Without knowing your kid, it's hard to predict, but I would say not to be surprised if he's anxious to have you go or is a bit standoffish. It's not personal - it's a coping skill to leave the nest. Try not to leave too many love notes in his stuff - he may find it embarrassing in front of a roommate he's trying to get to know. Maybe 1, if you can't help it! Otherwise, you might mail a card or note to him to arrive in his campus mailbox in a day or so.

Say less than you think you should - just encourage him that he's ready and that there are supports all around him. If there's a problem, you'll get a call. Otherwise, try to rest on your laurels a bit that, as the university told us, you've done your job and he will be fine. When he comes back at fall break or Thanksgiving, he will be far more loving and willing to let you know how appreciative he was of all you did for him. It's a process of learning to miss and appreciating you - so let him go through it at his own pace. Mainly, start him off with a big vote of confidence.

And don't get on the highway right away - take a slow drive through the campus and find a place for a good cry! Good luck - hope all goes well.

Congrats! My kids are still a few years away but when I went to college the best thing my mom did was buy me a winter coat, lol! I totally didn't think I would use it, but I wouldn't have survived without it! I went to school in Chicago and I just didn't anticipate the amount of time I would spend outside walking to class. Maybe things are different now and it of course depends on where he's going, but warm clothes are a good idea! :)

Does he have a microwave? That would be a must and it's safer than a hot plate.

Also I loved when my dad sent me care packages. Again, it's somewhat different now because there are so many more ways to stay in contact, but it was fun to get surprises in the mail.

My oldest son moved off to school for the first time last spring. It was hard but I had the flu at the time so I didn't even get to help him move. The thing I sent that my son didn't think he would need but did was a first aid kit. This was not just a normal one. I added Excedrin, Ibuprofen, hydrogen peroxide and a thermometer. He got the flu within a few weeks of moving to school last spring. So those things came in handy.

You mentioned not being able to have a hot plate. My son was also not thrilled with that. So his plan is to use foil and an iron. He didn't use it last semester but has gotten more into cooking this summer. So he plans to try to make nacho cheese and grilled cheese.

You want to make sure he has laundry detergent (I sent pods) and if they have to pay to do laundry change for it. If he wants stuff on his walls you will problem need command strips as those don't remove paint. We got our son a dry erase board that he could right notes and reminders on. Even if they provide toilet paper he might need some. My son said they give them one maybe 2 rolls at a time for 5 boys to share and it's one ply.

You may want to get him moved in and his room set up and then see what you think he may still need. Luckily mine is only about and hour away so he will come home most weekend so if he left something he can get it.

ADD: If he's planning on working while he's at school he will need his social security card. That is one thing that many students forget. (I used to work for a university and that was a big issue)

How exciting and emotional and you should be very proud!!!

I have no solid advice for dropping off at the dorm as my daughter moved into a condo about 20 minutes away and commuted to college.

I'm fortunate because I did and still do see her often as she's now working her dream job.

I still text good morning and I love you and goodnight I love you. She still responds back. We are pretty tight with each other and text/talk daily.

Best wishes!!! He's going to do great because you have done your job well Mom!!

You can get a backup battery for cell phones, laptops and tablets. This would come in handy in case of a power outage. He could use it to keep his phone charged, he just needs a cord to fit his device on one end and a USB port on the other. You can charge the backup battery with the cord plugged into the USB port on his laptop or a wall outlet and the other end plugged into the battery, once the power is back on.
If a storm hits and knocks out the power I am sure you would want him to be able to call you.
I know Walgreens and places such as Best Buy carry them. Just go in and ask, they can explain how to use and charge them.

Congratulations! I know it's an emotional time. Just know you did your job well so he will be fine starting his adulthood journey.
Some things I can think of we did:
-tell him to be safe. Just to look around, be cognizant of his surroundings.
-take a sm sewing kit (the tiny kind) in case he gets a rip in his gym shorts
-protein bars
-ATM card
-tell him to call home at any time just to say hi or if he needs anything at all
-make sure you can deposit money into an acct he uses
-tell him "you've got this" & don't overstay at drop off. Most likely he won't want you to.
-try not to get overly emotional
-send care packages
-if he has a credit card, tell him to be careful w/his purchases
Hang in there mama!

Updated

Congratulations! I know it's an emotional time. Just know you did your job well so he will be fine starting his adulthood journey.
Some things I can think of we did:
-tell him to be safe. Just to look around, be cognizant of his surroundings.
-take a sm sewing kit (the tiny kind) in case he gets a rip in his gym shorts
-protein bars
-ATM card
-tell him to call home at any time just to say hi or if he needs anything at all
-make sure you can deposit money into an acct he uses
-tell him "you've got this" & don't overstay at drop off. Most likely he won't want you to.
-try not to get overly emotional
-send care packages
-if he has a credit card, tell him to be careful w/his purchases
Hang in there mama!

Hi W. W.! Just wanted to say congratulations :) Not sure if that's the right thing to say, but what a milestone for you all - and best to your son - I hope the transition goes well! I hope he enjoys his new chapter and all the experiences that go along with it :) How exciting for him!

When we sent my oldest 4 years ago, I was a wreck for a long time. It was hard everytime she left for a new year.
My youngest just left last week, just as hard. Packing was much easier for him because he's a minimalist compared to my daughter! I guess most boys are.
Every school is different in what they provide but for him, bed risers and a fan were really important. A few over the door hooks for towels. A desk lamp. His room came with a microfridge. We made sure he had a 2 week supply of socks and underwear because who knows when he'll do laundry. He's in a really old dorm and not sure how many machines etc. I went to the same college and used to do laundry after midnight to make sure I'd get a machine.
As far as what we told him...stay on top of assignments, college is nothing like high school. Luckily he already really gets this because he watched my daughter go through it. She was a diligent student with great time management skills in high school and was fine. He's more lax, so reminded him.

Most colleges have a delivery service you can buy for treats to be delivered on a schedule - mid-terms, halloween, finals, valentines day, etc. My kids really, really loved this. Even though the treats weren't homemade, they loved getting these baskets at random times throughout the school year. I would sign up for the whole year in advance to get the deal, but then you have to also write the notes for all of them almost a year away for the last basket! It was always kind of fun for the kids and I to see what I wrote to them before they even left a year later!

The other thing I did was take my kids to where the payday loan/check cashing/check advance places were near the college and talk to them about NEVER setting foot in one of these places. If they felt it was their only option, it was time to call mom or dad and talk.

Finally, I did send a text every morning the first month just a "good morning!" Nothing mushy, just the same good morning they got in person at home. One of my kids really kind of "depended" on that the first month - she said it really, really helped her start her day off great.

When we dropped them off, all the schools had SOOOO much going on that there was hardly time to say long goodbyes - I'm sure they have it planned that way. We didn't do a final dinner or lunch, just a quick hug after unloading and we basically took off. We did do a big dinner, hug fest, stay up late talking, etc two nights prior (we let the kids spend their last night home with friends) to them leaving.

Good luck - oh, if they do a mom's weekend, definitely go! It seems like they are always the following spring and it was so much fun to spend a weekend with my kids in their world!

Congratulations!
It's a big event - but it certainly can get the tears flowing.
When our son left for his freshman year last year I left a note for him in one of his boxes for him to find.
Basically it said we are so proud of him and we know he will do his best to work hard, rise to the challenges - and have some fun too.

Generally first year they bring too much.
It's kind of funny (when it's not you) watching family help them lug stuff to their dorm room only to have Dad be hauling some of it back again soon as they see that the laws of physics can not be broken and that a dorm room is NOT a tardis - it has finite storage space.
If they have not coordinated with a roommate before move in day - sometimes they ALL bring mini fridges and only ONE can stay.

A weeks worth of clothes is plenty - hopefully they will be doing laundry more than once per semester, they can swap out most warm weather stuff for cold weather stuff when they come home for Thanksgiving break and reverse it for spring break.

I'd say the first 4 weeks was hardest on me.
Initially they tell you to drop them off, say your goodbyes quickly and then leave and don't bother them.
Then family weekend they tell you they need emotional support - you have to 'be there for them' without helicoptering.
Contradictory stuff.
Long and the short of it is - it's perfectly fine to find your own balance between you and your kid for how often to communicate, how ever, when ever.
Our son will just text us anytime day or night sometimes just to say hi, or send us a picture or tell us he's on a 2am IHOP run - and we love hearing from him anytime.
We will also text hi, send him a picture, tell him neighborhood news anytime - he knows when he needs to silence his phone.
Technology we have these days makes it so much easier to keep in touch instead of writing snail mail letters and person to person calls like we had when we went to college.
Take some time to be good to yourself as you figure out your new normal.

I'll add info as things pop into my head.

Our son never needed or missed a microwave.
His dorm has community use kitchen areas - so microwave is there - and he really likes not having food in his room - keeps it cleaner - and there are so many places to eat on campus almost round the clock.

Get the name and contact number for your son's Resident Advisor.
You'll probably never need it but it's a good contact in case of emergencies.

If you have a shared calendar via smartphone- you'll know when he has midterms and finals, he'll know when you are doing stuff too.