Need Support!!!!!! - South Weymouth,MA

Updated on May 28, 2015
R.U. asks from South Weymouth, MA
34 answers

This is my 3rd question in a week, I apologize if its annoying, I am just at a loss, And want advice from non judgmental people.

So as I posted before I am 39, Just found out I am pregnant. Not planned. Literally one time un protected. I have an 11 yr old daughter whom I suffered the worst post partum anxiety and depression of my life. That is the reason I never had another child. The thought of going through that again paralyzed me. I had been on paxil ever since, And like in my last post my OB had me stop cold turkey and switch to Zoloft. Thankfully I think the worst of the with drawl is behind me. BUT now I am consumed with massive panic!!! OMG I am CONSUMED with panic attacks. Crying non stop. I am feeling like I do not want this. I hate myself for feeling that way.

I have called my OB, My PC and every phychiatric doctor in my area, None taking new patients. Nor my OB or PC had a resource for me either.
I do not understand how I am going to get through this. I hate myself for not being this strong women who can have a child for my husband. My husband is annoyed with me, And I understand. I am scared to DEATH this is going to get worse, I need to be a mother for my daughter. Why is this happening to me, Why do I have this anxiety?

PLEASE help me and share any stories or advice you have. I am scared I do not want this baby. UGHHH I hate myself for even saying that. What is wrong with me? Thanks in advance!!!!

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Featured Answers


answers from San Francisco on

Wow, if I was faced with an unwanted/unexpected pregnancy I would have an abortion.
Some people may say that's a sin but that's their belief, not mine.

10 moms found this helpful

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answers from Albany on

But, just last year you were trying to get pregnant. What has so dramatically changed?


9 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

I am very judgmental, can I answer anyway? :p

If I got pregnant right now my mind would be all the eff over the place. Probably a lot like you described. It isn't that I wouldn't be happy so much as a storm of dealing with what if what if that....and on and on. Thankfully my work takes up about 95% of my thoughts during the day and oh, yeah, no beer.

My point is what you are going through isn't exactly an abnormal reaction. I don't think it has a lot to do with your anxiety. Your life is going to change in a very big way and that is if everything goes as planned.

What is your happy place, what do you enjoy doing? I was joking about the beer, I walk when it need to sort through feelings. So what is your place, start tapping that. It seems from your posts you want this baby, you just want the unknown sorted now. No one can really help you there.

8 moms found this helpful


answers from Austin on

Do you have health insurance? If so, you can call your insurance company and tell the representative that you need psychiatric care but no doctors are taking new patients.

I had to do this for my daughter a few months ago. I spent days making calls, with zero luck at all.

Finally, one nice nurse told me to call my insurance company and tell them I couldn't find appropriate care. They directed me to a list of providers. I called many of them, but with no luck, called the insurance company back and they had a second, deeper list. They stuck with me until I found a provider.

So that's just one more thing you might try.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

The thing that caught me in this is where you say you do not want this baby. You need to really examine why, are you just afraid of PPD or do you not want to raise another child? A child is a huge commitment and if you have one just because an accident happened that you really truly do not want, then of course that is going to cause all kinds of anxiety. You need to sit and talk with your husband about what you both really want, and move forward from there.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I'm confused. Which doctor changed your prescription? Whoever changed it is the one you need to talk to now. Also, your OB needs to be involved in your care.

Seems to me the first thing is to get this under control. Next step is to decide if you want this child.

From what I understand, anxiety has no rime or reason. Its not logical and trying to pinpoint is difficult.

Call the doctor who changed the script. Start there. Good luck !!!

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Does your insurance have a nurse help line? If they do give them a call right now. Also check with the company that administers your mental health benefits and get them involved.

Also ask yourself and your husband the question of if you want to have this child. Unplanned doesn't mean unwanted so I think you both need to get on the same page and work together to get you healthy and the help you need. He doesn't get to be annoyed with you; he gets to assist you. That's what a partner in life does.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

A few thoughts - don't hate yourself for your feelings. They are there, they are real. It's okay to not want a baby, or to have grave reservations. It's okay to be conflicted. Many women feel this way, they just don't always feel that can tell others about it because they're afraid of judgment. It's okay to consider alternatives. And please don't let anyone force their religion on you. You have every right to explore alternatives and talk it through. I counseled women for years in this area, and they made any of the available choices based on their own needs and wishes. But talking it through made the choice more manageable in every way.

Secondly, you may not need a psychiatrist. Many, many psychologists and LICSWs see patients for therapy and then have a working relationship with a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist will consult re medication changes/adjustments and see the patient once or twice, without taking her on for long term therapy. It's a very cooperative arrangement, very professional, and it gives the patient 2 advocates and sounding boards.

Usually, people who have not experienced depression, panic, anxiety or similar issues have no idea that it's an all-consuming situation. They think they can logically talk to you about taking a few breaths and calming down - they don't realize your brain chemicals are off and your decision-making abilities aren't working right. So you need assistance beyond your husband. I wish he could be more supportive of you instead of being annoyed.

I agree that you can call your insurer and ask for a referral EITHER to a psychiatrist or to a psychologist in a group practice which probably has a professional relationship (or can advocate for you to find one). I did this years ago and had very good therapy as well as medication management.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I'm sorry. Do you know how many women experience this anxiety? It's not EVERY W., but it's common enough.

You are working yourself into a tizzy. BREATHE....I know this is hard. But you need to breathe. You are going to make it worse with your constant anxiety - talking yourself INTO a panic.

You have this anxiety because you are scared. You are CERTAIN that the past will rear its ugly head and you will go through the exact same thing. It's NOT certain. You need to know that. The fact that you KNOW what happened with your last pregnancy - you can be prepared for this one.

You need support. Do you have any friends you can call? What about your mom or other family? I understand you being scared....breathe....stop cycling....that's what you are doing....breathe....

Nothing is wrong with you. You are having anxiety issues. YOU CAN DO your OB/GYN and get an appointment. Get an plan in place. That will give you some control. You should have been receiving therapy over the last 11 years - so you should be calling your therapist as well and getting an immediate appointment. I'm disappointed if you have just been taking a drug for 11 years and no one has been checking on you and you haven't been receiving therapy. That's a LONG time to be on Paxil. PLEASE call your therapist. YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

sweetie, i'd be anxious too, and i don't suffer from clinical anxiety or depression. you've got a lot to weigh here- the fact that the pregnancy was unplanned, the baby was conceived while you're medicated on drugs that can have a debilitating effect on a developing fetus, you've got PPD looming, an unsupportive partner, and doubts about wanting the pregnancy at all. i'm not listing these to bum you out, but to point out that you've got valid worries here. and a child who needs you now.
so that's my response to 'why is this happening to me? what is wrong with me?'
termination should be one of the options you consider. i'm so grateful that it's still (barely) legal and available in most states, because this is just the sort of situation it SHOULD be legal and available for.
if you decide that you want this baby and are going to proceed, then you've got to rally your team. first of all, tell your husband how much you need his strength, support and above all, a calm center to help you cope. i can understand why he's annoyed, but it's not helping. he's got to buck up and get on board. once he's got your back, whip your medical team into shape. you need to get up in your OB's grill if necessary. 'ms OB, i am in dire straits here and cannot leave this office with it hanging wide open. my anxiety is through the roof already, and i'm having panic attacks, and justifiable fears about the medications. i need some help right now. i need a plan to take forward, and coping mechanisms in place. you must have someone to whom you can refer me. dr unhelpful? i tried her office and they said she wasn't taking new patients. could you call her for me and express how desperate i am? if i'm going to get through this pregnancy and have any hope of delivering a healthy baby, i need help, and a lot of it. thank you for listening and working with me.'
you've got to be pro-active about this. it must be cripplingly hard with your issues and the lack of support thus far, but sometimes you just have to do it, anxiety or no, pregnancy or no, sympathetic husband or no. once you have a coping mechanism and plan in place, it will help reduce the terror.
whether you proceed or terminate, you'll need help and support. now's the time to inform the people you need that they've got to step up to the plate.
good luck!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Sacramento on

I have a son with severe anxiety and understand it from that perspective.

Who is handling your current prescription? (I'm confused, sounds like you're on Zoloft now?) That's who should be advising you on managing your anxiety. Whatever "safe" medication option you're taking may take some time to kick in. You could also benefit from tips for managing anxiety in general. For this, you don't need a psychiatrist (who focuses on medication) ... you need a therapist/psychologist. There are usually a lot more of those out there than psychiatrists, so take a look at who takes your insurance. A therapist can give you strategies for coping with anxiety from a practical level.

If you're not getting the medical advice and care you need through your insurance plan, consider going to Planned Parenthood. They can help you in your situation. They're not all about abortion, either. They provide a wide range of medical services for women and would be a super resource right now.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

When you have anxiety--REAL anxiety--it's more than just "calming down" and "taking a few deep breaths. People don't seem to get that. You have suffered severe PPD last time. A very real and debilitating illness.
Keep reaching out to your OB and PCP.
Perhaps make an appointment to discuss.
Perhaps contact a women's shelter for advice on resources.
Have you tried South Shore Hospital?
They have several free support groups. Maybe O. would help--to talk to other expectant moms?
Look on for a therapist near you.
Good luck to you!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would abort and get back on my meds for the sake of my own health and well-being.
You have an illness that requires medication to treat it. Without that medication, you do not function. It has nothing to do with mental or emotional strength, it is a physical illness.
You owe it to your daughter to be functional.

And for what it's worth, been there, done that.
My daughter and I almost died during her birth. No idea why my labor went haywire. I decided that night I was never having another. Couldn't find a doctor who would sterilize a woman who was under 30, unmarried, and had less than two kids.
Four years later, I got pregnant - BC failed. I was not willing to risk another experience like my daughter's birth, plus I was on medication that was a known teratogen, and without which I was not functional. I aborted and have zero regrets.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

I didn't read your last posts, but I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Here is my advice - Anxiety is not logical. There is no reason why you have it and someone else does not.
That being said... It's rational and reasonable that you have a heightened anxiety about having anxiety!!!! That's how it works.

I would go buy the book "when Panic Attacks" by David Burns. I suffered from some fairly bad panic attacks and doing the exercises in this book are the only thing that worked for me. Well, the book and meditation. I will warn you that it's pretty time consuming and it took a couple weeks, it wasn't instant relief.... But I figured if I used the time spent having anxiety to fix the anxiety then I was ahead of the game.

The other thing you might check is what is the difference if you use an "out of network" Psychiatrist. Then you talk to the billing office of the new Psychiatrist and they can sometimes reduce the price the same amount as what you are paying extra so that the cost to you is the same.
Alternately.... See if someone out of your area... I mean even as far away as Seattle or LA would take your insurance and do a skype consultation. Your insurance *should* want to work with you.... preventive medicine is always cheaper than dealing with things after they've already happened.

The other thing I can tell you is that my ex-SIL had pretty bad post-partum depression with her 2nd baby.... like visions of doing harm to her self and her children. With the 3rd baby they put a prozac patch on her right when she went into labor (not as risk cuz the baby is full term) but it dealt the problem head on.... and she had almost no issues.
If Paxil was working for you.... then I would think they can get you back on Paxil, but up the dose a bit, as soon as you are in labor and that should help you get back on track.

Additionally....... You do have some options if you don't think you can sanely carry this child to term. Have your Dr explain to your husband that anxiety is not something you can control - it's like diabetes etc. It's a medical issue and you all should be able to have discussions about all the options concerning your medical issues.

Finally, cut yourself a break. In my opinion and experience, anxiety is your worst enemy. As P!nk says in her song "Perfect" you need to change the voices inside your head. Whatever your *script* is that you run when you spiral...... work to get a new dialog. "when Panic Attacks" can help you with his.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

If it is an option under your and/or your husband's moral code, consider termination. Not every pregnancy is a blessing.

F. B.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Okay, this is SO weird. I actually had a dream about you last night. You were walking around holding up a sign that said "Rttt U." (a couple less t's), and I thought, 'She must be the woman from Mamapedia, because who else would have a sign like that.' I almost introduced myself to you but decided not to. Some other stuff happened but it's hazy. Typical dream weirdness. So, maybe that's some kind of sign, if you believe in such things. Or maybe I just need to get a life, and have some more interesting dreams.

I don't have any great suggestions, except to keep on your current meds, or whichever meds work, if you can with the pregnancy. If you can't, go on them right after the baby is born.

You got through your last baby, and you can get through this one. I think it's going to turn out all right. Why else would I dream about you?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

If I got pregnant and did not want a baby, I would abort. Are you scared and you do not want a baby or are you scared and not sure whether you want a child?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

One of the best things for anxiety is talking. So, let's assume that you are on all of the meds that you can take, next step is to talk.

First of all, try to remember that the Zoloft has not fully kicked in yet, so you still need to give that some time. So remind yourself that you've overcome the hurdle of step one - withdrawal. Now onto hurdle two - waiting another 2 weeks for the Zoloft to fully kick in. Everyday when you wake up, say ahhh - another day has passed and more Zoloft is in my bloodstream.

Next, go find someone to talk to. There are lots of resources out there. Fond someone who will listen to you say how you're feeling over and over again. Saying it out loud to someone over and over helps a lot. Try local churches and even planned parenthood - they are a tremendous resource and might have nurses on staff who can counsel you - if not, they might very well help you find someone.

Call your OB again. Make him/her have a sit down chat with you and help you. That is part of their job!

Google exercises for anxiety and deep breathing for anxiety. That will help a lot.

Good luck - one day at a time.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Williamsport on

I suffered from PPD after my first two pregnancies, not after my third. It was worst with my first. Maybe not as debilitating as yours it sounds like, but very dark and very difficult.

But then it passed.

And the joy my children bring me now outshines that temporary phase by a billion to one. It's a distant memory.

What do you mean you have been paralyzed and on Paxil ever since? Ever since your eleven year old was born? You have been suicidally depressed with anxiety? Or just since finding out you're pregnant now? How long have you been this depressed and frantic?

You may not get PPD this time. Or it may be worse. It will prbably be the same. So how long did you have it? Did you ever get better after that? Is your daughter worth what you went through?

Sounds like you are 100% focused on the pain of the PPD and cannot see anything else framing it in your whole life.

To me none of the inconvenient truths of pregnancy are more important than considering the long life of a child-whether you want a new family member forever after, or you don't. The finances, gained weight, depression, physical recovery, and any other major inconvenience are temporary and not relevant. Not everyone feels this way though.

If this is completely out of your psychological control and you cannot possibly survive it, than you have a severe illness (no shame in that) and you have to act in whatever way you can to preserve yourself. But if you sacrifice your happiness temporarily for your husband and baby you will probably be greatly rewarded in the long run with more happiness than you will be if you break your husband's heart and live with the regret of terminating your second child. Or maybe you'll be relieved. What is your choice?

If you never recovered your happiness from the PPD following your first child and have been living in fear of another pregnancy, you never should have had unprotected sex before menopause. I'm divorced and 45 and I have an IUD to prevent any future risk of pregnancy. That's because during a past monogamous dating relationship I experienced two condom errors. And therefore needed to take morning after pills twice. Which were horrible for my system..and that was from few and far between sexual encounters!! You're married. Why no permanent birth control? Why no morning after pill after "one" unprotected sexual encounter? Did you sort of want another child, but now you're freaking out?

You will find a doctor if you keep looking. There is no way that every single professional in your state or on the internet or within phone access is not taking any new patients. You sound irrational. This is serious.

Please get help.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

In addition to what several of the others have mentioned, I think it is worth noting that there is a huge difference between not wanting PPD that goes along with a pregnancy, and not wanting a baby.

You said that you are scared you do not want this baby. Really? Or are you scared of the PPD that might come along with the process of bringing this baby through to delivery? There is a difference.

And yes, I'm almost 47, so I can only imagine how my brain would be flying off in a million directions if we found out I were pregnant again. I didn't have fun pregnancies, either (severe nausea both times, until delivery). So, I can completely related to "dreading" the idea of enduring another pregnancy. My first one was bad and the idea of planning to do it again, with that in my mind of what might be coming was scary. I wanted another baby, though. And, when all was said and done, she is totally worth it.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I just googled your town and PPD and resources came up, specifically a list of psychiatrist who treat it.

It also listed a hospital and a mental health center near by.

I would call or have someone help you call to get an appointment, at least with a mental health clinician to sort your feelings out.

Did your OB call these psychiatrists?

What about the hospital your OB works at? Isn't there a PPD group there? What about anxiety support groups? They usually have a great network of support.

You need to let the physician who is prescribing the meds how you are reacting to it and need support. VERY, VERY concerned that the prescriber would switch the meds then leave you unsupported in the state you are in.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Do nothing drastic at this moment. You are dealing with a medication change that is affecting your thought process.

I would call back and say this is an emergency and you should start with whoever prescribed the medication in the first place. If your OB switched you cold turkey with no backup and no support, then she or he didn't really take your needs into consideration. I would be very upset about that. Who prescribed the Paxil?

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I answered your other post about switching medications cold turkey and thought I left some decent advice about how you are working yourself up into a tizzy and need to find some healthy outlets.

I do think you need therapy on an on-going basis to help manage your thought processes.

But I also want to say that your reactions are really quite normal for people who worry excessively. When I became pregnant at 39 with an 11 year old daughter, I also panicked about the realty of the situation: our ages, the age difference between siblings, starting over, post-partum is difficult for me too...I have super easy pregnancies, but suffer hormonally after birth.....but then I also come from a large family where babies happen and are accepted unconditionally and welcomed with happiness.

People who have anxiety always focus on the negatives and rarely see the the wonderful blessings in disguise. Your future child could have untold positive influences in your life that you will never, ever imagine until the time comes. And that is life. Life is unpredictable. Life is full of surprises. Life can be hard, but it can also be so rewarding. Your family can come together and cherish this new addition, or they can stand in fear because you are so stressed set the tone with this and that is a responsibility you hold as the mother of the home.

When I shared my own fear and anxiety with my husband and close friends about 'What were we thinking?" they responded with wonderful, supportive comments about what a strong and committed couple we were, and what a stable family to have a child in....only you can ascertain if you can or want to provide a loving, nurturing, less than perfect, but doing the best we can home for you baby.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

It cannot be possible that every single psychiatrist in your area is not taking new patients. Call your insurance provider and they should be able to find somebody for you. You're already on meds so you will need someone to manage that but perhaps more importantly, you need a therapist to see weekly to talk through your stress. You have a lot of stressful things right now given the unplanned pregnancy and since your husband is annoyed by your reaction, I'm assuming you can't really talk to him about what you're going through. Sometimes it helps to just have a listening ear and therapists are great for that - just make sure you shop around until you find one that feels like a good fit with you. I have anxiety and am currently pregnant with my 2nd and I won't lie - it is a struggle. But you owe it to yourself and your child to find the resources to help you through this time. I don't know how far along you are but this pregnancy will not be forever. Try to focus on the positives and the little bundle of love that will be at the end of this all. Best of luck to you,

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Your OB made you stop cold turkey from Paxil? That right there is a definite no-no. No wonder you are having panic attacks! You should never stop a psych med cold turkey like that and switch to something else. It will take at least 3 weeks for you to start feeling the effects of Zoloft. In the mean time you need to find a counseling center. Relaxation techniques, as well as placing yourself in a safe, calm space. You need positive supports, and a good physician.

If call your OB back and let her know that you need a referral to someone soon. This shouldn't have been done without a Psychiatrist.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

BEFORE you do anything rash, you have to first try and get calm.. I don't think medicine alone helps anxiety (I have also had bouts of it) but you have to be willing to implement new ways in which to cope. Unfortunately, doctors do a lot of prescribing of meds, but don't really treat the WHOLE person.... meds can help and in some cases are life-saving, but what's important is to treat the root cause of the anxiety and explore ways in which to deal with it as there will always be stressful events in our lives, but it's a matter of how we deal with those events. One thing I would suggest is that at age 39, it's not anxiety that is the problem, it's only a symptom, that which could be the dilemma is PERIMENOPAUSE.. at 39, it's not uncommon to be experiencing the signs.. anxiety is certainly one of the issues. WHY?? because as your estrogen drops (particularly in the initial stages) your cortisol levels (stress hormone) can go through the roof and that's because it's estrogen in part that control the cortisol and hence, dropping estrogen means less control over the cortisol which often can equal that totally stressed out feeling............. also... diet can make perimenopausal worse.. that's because you feel stressed, you eat more and often, it's crappy food like chocolate, junk , etc.. then we get depressed because we over ate and now feel even more anxiety. so you see, it's a vicious cycle. however, you won't know what stage your hormones are in unless you get them checked.. that is a MUST....
now in terms of the pregnancy.. not to belittle that in the least, but to determine if your are going to keep the baby or not is a BIG decision and one that cannot be made on a whim or in such a flustered state...
here is what I would do.. get the hormones checked (regardless of what you do) secondly, weigh ALL options, even adoption..... talk to doctors, but also see if your local hospital offers a support group. Doctors all too often want to medicate rather than educate... it's important to take an approach that includes mind, body and soul... with a more well-rounded approach, you can then make more well-rounded decisions...

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

I don't know if terminating the pregnancy is something that you can do or not. It's hard to tell someone that it may be something that they could consider. But with what all you are going through, I think that it is something you should discuss with your psychiatrist.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I have three children. All were planned. During the first trimester with each pregnancy, I got depressed to the point of being scared to death of the situation. By week 15, it passed --i would then feel panic again around 26 weeks.

A lot of what you are feeling is probably the hormones. For some of us, pregnancy is brutal. I found I could keep myself in check with meditation and reminders that hormones do crazy things...that this isn't what I really think. While I might feel panic, there is no rational reason to feel such.

If you believe you can't do this, you can't do this. If you realize that lots of women with terrible anxiety/depression have children and make it through, maybe you can convince yourself you can be one of them.

Everything you are feeling is temporary. The post-partum stuff is temporary too. It's a short flash in a long-life.

Look at it this way, you are 39 and pregnant --by mistake. Obviously you are meant to have this child, and obviously the Gods wouldn't give you something you can't handle. No offense, but you're 39. This sounds fated to me, so pick yourself up, go get some therapy, join a meditation group, and start planning a nursery. I had my last kid at 41. Trust me, you can do this. I know lots of women who had terrible post partum with their first (me included), but very minor ups and down with later kids. A lot of it is how you approach it. You aren't a victim to your emotions, you are the driver here. I suggest instead of worrying about pills, worry about therapy and getting back in the driver's seat. An give yourself a break! You're pregnant. Of course you're crying. It's the hormones. A lot of your anxiety is probably just the hormones. They can do nutty things to you. My midwife always says," watch a girlie movie, cry and cry, and then go for a walk."

(p.s.. depression runs in my family, and for years I was on meds. When i was around 29 I finally realized that depression is a cognitive problem, that with sleep, exercise and the right thinking, you can think your way out of it. Anxiety is the same thing. I had tons of panic attacks years ago. Now? Sometimes my heart gets fluttery, but I just take a breath. You don't have to live consumed by your emotions. They can be under your control.)

I agree with those below who suggest that you see a therapist. Instead of treating the symptoms with pills, it might be time to fix the actual problem with some cognitive therapy.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

Maybe it'll help to remind yourself that anyone with an 11 year old at age 39 who finds out they're pregnant unexpectedly likely would feel some panic... I don't mean that in a snotty way. Try not to be so h*** o* yourself that you are worried. It'll be a big life change regardless of the PPD. I'd try to separate the two issues. One will be short-term. You made it through last time. You will make it again. Other issue is more like 20 years long... But it sounds like other than the PPD you'd have wanted another child. So great advice below and try to one, give yourself a break and two, separate the issues. It's easy for your husband to be excited... Most of the work falls on the mother. Try making lists - to do lists, pros and cons list, how you can line up help after the baby etc. Organize. That always helps my anxiety. As well, thinking of worst case usually helps bc usually worst case really isn't THAT bad. Not life or death bad. Worst case you have bad PPD. You won't be the first. You at least will be prepared or can be prepared. Good luck! I"m not anti abortion at all but I don't think you really want to go that route.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

I think first things first - you need to get your anxiety under control. No way you can make a decision until you are in the right frame of mind.

If the medication is not working for you and you are having panic attacks, why are you not going back to the doctor? You can have your OB or your regular physician change your anxiety medication. Get that sorted out first. Just make an appointment. Maybe it's as simple as having them increase the dosage.

As for a psychiatrist, I think instead maybe try a psychologist (as others have mentioned). At the very least, you could talk to them about your feelings, and get things under control.

Do not make any decision (termination or otherwise) until you're in a calmer state of mind. As for hating yourself for not being this strong woman who can have a child for your husband ... what's that about?

I think I'm echoing most of the moms on here. It's because the first thing you need to do is calm down :) Good luck - let us know how it goes

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Check to see if you or your husband have an employee resource center through work. They will be the place to start, if you do. If not, try your local Catholic Charities for therapy. You do not need to be Catholic to go there. Shame on your doctor's for not doing everything in their power to find someone for you to talk to!

Added: Look up MBSR!! I just remembered they started in Mass. It stands for mindfulness based stress reduction. I have been reading about the program and it sounds AWESOME!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Have you sought prayer support? Or a pregnancy support group? Prayer works miracles and God has healed many people through prayer. Some hospitals and churches will have pregnancy support groups. This is not normal and will you please look into a prayer and pregnancy support groups? You and your baby are much loved.

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7



answers from Dallas on

I just responded to your question tonight, but I have insomnia and I'm scrolling through all the questions. I don't recall you mentioning any panic attacks or being consumed with panic in the most recent question you posted. I will take that as a positive sign - as in your nerves have calmed down a great deal. The overall tone of this post is vastly different from your most recent one - wanting to know if you'll be the oldest mom at preschool. Nope, that goes to me! First, antidepressants cause, or, can cause birth defects. I have a friend who took Zoloft with both her pregnancies and both of her kids are special needs. Coincidence? Maybe. If you don't have to take them, don't. I didn't have ppd, so I can't comment on that. I became a new mom at 44 (2 months shy of 44) and everything was fine. My 5 yo son is perfect, despite my "Advanced Maternal Age". I didn't have any issues and I've had high blood pressure for 10 years. You ARE a strong woman. You gave birth and have a healthy 11 yo daughter and you're still married. Marriage is work. Raising a child is work. Keeping yourself together (you said you look and feel young) while doing both is work. If men had to give birth, we all know the population would stop increasing. As far as a psych doctor, if it's counseling you need, could you try a regular therapist? Of course, a therapist is usually a social worker and can not prescribe meds. Good luck, A.



answers from Oklahoma City on

Could you call your insurance and ask them for a referral to a doc? They often know who's taking new patients.

Who prescribes your meds? They need to know what you're going through. I don't see why you need another doc if one is already seeing you for this...

I do think perhaps it's the lack of the correct meds in you. That is unfortunate that one med works so well but it's not good for the baby. Call your local mental health clinic and ask them about inpatient care.

Sometimes when your meds are incorrect going inpatient will help them to observe you and help them make the correct changes.

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