Need Advice Re: Eating Habits for Toddlers/Children

1) Never ask a child if they want something particular - just put it in front of them.

2) It's the parents' duty to like everything first - or convincingly pretend to.

3) A parent should not be a short-order cook for the lone young eater. Plan the family menus around what the child can eat too.

4) When cutting up the child's food, make the bites small enough that they're not choking hazards.

5) If a child doesn't like a new food on Monday, try it again on Wednesday. And Friday.

6) Don't use a plate at this age. They are irrestistable projectiles.

Hi L.,

Here is what I did - I think some of it helped me along the way with having less battles over food.
The biggest thing to remember I think (looking back on it) is to take the emotion out of it. It's just food. Kids are like animals except they smell guilt and emotion instead of fear!!!!!! So, the less you have of it the less they can lord over you. And they will!!!!!!!!!

1. For toddlers - I would say up until they are even as old as 4 you can't look at their eating on a meal-by-meal basis. You have to look at it on an almost "rolling 3 day" basis. Because they won't be consistent from meal to meal. Some mornings my daughter would eat like a horse. the next morning like a bird. the next day non-stop. the next 2 days like a bird etc etc etc. They are really listening to their bodies. WE teach them to stop doing that!!!!! (which is bad).

I also use this same concept with what she eats at what meal. So breakfast doesn't have to be breakfast food. We have had leftovers from Tuesday for Thursdays breakfast. As long as you are getting everything in the food pyramid in the correct amounts for their age and activity levels it doesn't matter if someone says 'don't eat pork roast and salad for breakfast'. Well, Why not?????? My portions were ok and it will even out with my food pyramid for the day. So, who cares????

2. I let her have 'free range' over snacks. This one was controversial (both in my family and with friends - and really even strangers on the street if they found out), but I believe to this day that it's one of the reasons she makes good eating decisions. The bottom crisper drawer in my fridge and a basket in my pantry were 'hers' with snacks she could have ANYTIME SHE WANTED. Yes. 10 minutes before dinner she could pull something from the snack bin and have it. because it was all HEALTHY food. cut up broccoli, diced ham, baby carrots, celery, small bottles of water, string cheese. In really really small portions. Why do I care if she eats 2 stalks of celery before dinner and then eats LESS peas at dinner? I don't. It's the exact same concept, but we had NO food battles and I never had to feel like she was deprived.

3. We had an "I don't want any" portion from the very beginning. Which was basically one regular size bite. The rule is everyone has at least an 'I don't want any" portion of EVERYTHING. I can't tell you how many times she had 6 or 7 "I don't want any" portions!!!!!

4. I never had a "clean your plate" rule or anything like that. I started out with a reasonable amount of food for her age and what her habits had been the last couple of days. It's always easier to have a 2nd helping then to battle over what's left (or worse, they learn to eat everything on their plate when they are full, but have stopped listening to their bodies). If she was done, I put the food away. There were nights that if she was hungry an hour later I offered her the rest of her dinner (or she could always have the snack bin food).

5. I'm not a short order cook, but there are sometimes when I do make 2 meals. Depends on what it is. I LOVE chili and cornbread in the winter, and for me that's a meal. But she'll have an "I don't want any portion" and that's it. So then, what does she eat???? So, I bake her a chicken breast or whatever. It's not all the time, but I think it does show her that I do care about how she feels.

6. It's ok to take the food away if they are playing with it. Kids LOVE to play with food. It's cool textures and temperatures and it's REALLY fun to make mommy mad!!!!! Don't engage. Once they mis-use it (and that's really my rule for anything.... food, toys etc) it's gone.

7. I didn't have a 'sit at the table until everyone is done' policy. Kids are kids. They need to sit at the table and behave using good table manners (age appropriate) until they are done and we have had whatever family conversation we are having. Then they take their plate etc to the sink and they can be dismissed. If the rest of the adults are lingering, they shouldn't have to endure torture.

8. My daughter "helped" me with dinner from the time she was 2. "take the napkins to the table" and then bigger "which veggie would you like? There is brocolli and grean beans in the fridge. pick one for us to have and put it in the strainer", "please rip up the lettuce and put it in the strainer". I wanted her to feel involved and like she was a part of things. The 30 or 45 minutes they are helping you with dinner is 30-45 mintues they AREN'T texting their friends, or staring at the TV. They are interacting with you. Plus time when you aren't staring at your kids and you are all engaged in some sort of activity is the BEST time to have meaningful talks about stuff that embarrasses them!

9. Pretty early on I started asking her to 'consider what else you have had' before making a food decision. Mom, can I have a cookie? Well, what have you had to eat today? Do you think you should have a cookie? cookies aren't inherently bad (Says the mom who responded earlier about her own big a**!!!!) but they become bad if you eat 10 of them or if you eat them all the time. So, if she's had a glass of juice and it was nacho day at school, well then, maybe no cookie today. But if we've eaten really good that day, then sure - have a cookie.

10. Juice is evil. Don't start. Get your kids to drink water. Juice/Gatorade/Powerade/lemonade it's all almost the same as just giving them a coke. I thought I was making a BETTER choice by going with juice, but nope!!!! So just give them the choice of milk or water. That's it.

OK - last one. Boy remember never to ASK me for opinions again. I didn't realize I had so many about food until I started typing!!!!!
11. Not food, but related. Activity cures EVERYTHING. The more your boys are active - soccer, sports, swimming the more food takes care of itsself.

Just my $0.02
B.

I wish I had never fed my toddler fast food of any kind. (This in reference to my first child.) I wish I had never given him anything processed. No nuggets, no mac'n'cheese that wasn't homeade, no quick and easy meals. Because while it was quick and easy at a time when I was tired and unsure of myself (again, first child) it turned him into a picky eater and it took us a year of very hard work and awful tantrums (3 years later) to break him of those cravings and addictions.

My next three I was much more mindful. I steamed cubed sweet potatoes and fed my babies pretty much what we were eating regardless of what it was. It was a bit more work (chopping/cutting/steaming) but it was soooo worth it. So while it is true that they all eat healthily now, the mistakes I made with the first one I paid for dearly with tantrums and fits. Don't start the nuggets and fries and boxed mac! Stay healthy and true to your baby's needs and don't get tempted by that MacDonald's drive through. I'm not saying we never do that...just not when they are forming their tastes. Not when they are little bitty. Learned that lesson the hard way.

Give your baby what you're eating. DON'T ask them what they want. YOU are the one cooking/preparing the food so YOU decide what it will be. Offer your baby a wide variety of taste and textures early on and often. It's too easy to fall into a 'rut' and then that's ALL baby wants. Some things can be modified for a baby's taste (very mild chili if you like it spicy), but I've never cooked a separate meal for any of my children.

One thing I *will* do though, because my second daughter is a little picky, is make sure there's at least 1 thing on her plate that I KNOW she likes (say, cottage cheese). Then once she's finished it, she has to have 2 bites of everything else (meatloaf, mashed potatoes and asparagus - for example) before she can have more cottage cheese. This way, we're not battling about what she's eating, she's eating a variety of food BUT I'm not making separate meals. It's been working for us so far :o)

Make sure they eat there veggies/fruit from the begining. Dont force them but, offer them at every meal. My kidos love veggies and that is because we always eat them. Some of my brothers and sister just let thier kids eat what ever they wanted and alot of thier kids wont touch veggies. Our is you eat what I make or you dont eat. Our kids like most foods. They all go through fases refuse to eat this or than but just keep offering the healthy things and they will grow up liking that instead of only mac n cheese and chicken nuggets.

Honestly, there's nothing we wish we hadn't established. What worked well for us is variety. We out many things on my son's plate. Also, don't make everything bland. My son ate everything we ate and he gets bored with food that is bland. Your child is old enough for flavor and spices, just be careful of too much sodium. I DO NOT ever have junk or processed for in the house. In his 21 months of life he has not had a bite of junk. Kids will always prefer junk and it starts a cycle of them becoming really picky and wanting bad foods. Just remember, you kid will not let themselves starve!! If they won't eat what you're eating don't make them a special meal. They will come back and eat it when they are hungry.

PS> I agree with a previous poster...don't start with juice!!

I ALWAYS feed my daughter in her high chair. We moved to a new house when my son was 17 months old. Because we had to spend 2 weeks in a hotel we didn't have his high chair (storage- big mistake) he got used to not eating in his high chair. He thought for awhile that because he wasn't locked in he was free to roam and move. Total chaos at dinner for weeks. Now, at almost 3, he is fine, but we were never able to get him into a high chair/booster again.

Give your child what you are eating. After a while you will learn their food preferences. Still keep presenting foods that they may not love, but do not force them to eat it.
Most important of all is to not fall into the "kid food trap". Food is food. Kids should eat the healthiest foods that there are, as opposed to what you see on most kids menus (hot dogs, grilled cheese, nuggets, pizza) or in frozen foods. There is nothing wrong with these foods, but when bought in a box or ordered out, they are usually greasy and filled with preservatives and other yucky stuff. Keep kids foods as clean as possible. No need to ban pizza, but put veggies and lean meats instead of pepperoni and extra cheese.
When you are out , skip the kids menu and share your food with your child or see if they have half portions, or even take left over turkey sandwiches, pastas, or soups home for lunch the next day. So many parents say that their kids only eat nuggets or pizza bites or box mac and cheese. Start you kids on real food (pre make meals on the weekend and freeze for quick dinners) and they will not know about the processed stuff until later on in their life.

Hope this helps,

B. Davis

http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

I think you've got a good example there. We eat mainly organic, whole foods that I prepare myself. My kids are 4 and 6 and I am now so glad that I have always required that they eat whatever the rest of the family is eating. Not only has this made my life easier by eliminating the pressure to prepare separate foods for them, it has ensured that they are getting the nutrition that is so important for them-something they would be missing if I'd allowed them to consume primarily in processed "kid foods" like mac and cheese and chicken nuggets.

Don't get me wrong, my kids occasionally eat hot dogs and other foods well loved by American kids; and at some points has been tempting for them to develop a preference for that kind of food and even to demand it. The need has come up, as they've gotten older, for me to put my foot down on the matter in response to this. Good nutrition is important to me so when a struggle arises I believe it is a battle worth fighting. That said, it is a battle much easier won if your kids are accustomed to the flavors of all kinds of healthy foods and given no other choice but to eat that way from the start ;)

i may be the only one but i disagree with the give your child what you are eating thing. i eat a balanced diet of about 400 cal meals and several small 100 cal snacks. if my son ate what i was eating in a toddler portion he would get to little calories. he eats about 1000 cal a day and is still in a lower weight class (about 15%) because he is so active. my son eats mac and cheese because its 220 cal for a bowl of easy mac. as opposed to 50 cal for the same size portion of chicken and veggies. dont get me wrong my son eats fruits and veggies and other good foods (for lunch today he ate bananas and yogurt, and he loves oatmeal. ) but they need alot more fat then an adult does

Don't bother giving her fake foods like those dissolvable puffy crackers and cheerios and stuff. If she develops a taste for artificial flavors and overly sweet foods it will be tough to get her to eat real food later on. Mush up the real stuff (fruits, lightly cooked veggies, meats) with a food mill or fork and give her an opportunity to develop a taste for real food, without the added syrups, preservatives weird sweeteners and such. Trust me, you will be SO glad you did later on! You don't want to be back on mamapedia next year saying that your child will only eat crackers and mac n' cheese! Introduce something new every week or so, and even if she doesn't like it offer it again a few weeks later, and again a few weeks later. You'll find that even if she doesn't like a particular food right away she might tolerate it 3 months later, and love it 6 months down the road. Don't be discouraged if you spend time making a lovely meal for her and she doesn't like all of it. Just be prepared to eat what she doesn't eat (or else you will likely waste a lot of food in the beginning). It takes time for kids to develop a taste for certain flavors and textures, and some will just never take, but keep on trying!

Be prepared for anything. Just because you insist on feeding your child what you make doesn't mean they will eat it or even try it. Not all kids will eat when they're hungry (I'd like to whack the person who came up with the quote years ago saying they will) ... some are extremely strong-willed and will not cave. Trust me, been there.

You don't know your child's food issues yet, so go into this ready for anything and don't beat yourself up if luck of the draw gives you a child with food issues. It happens. Our first child has serious food issues (couldn't care less about eating and has only a handful of things he will eat) and second is picky, but on a pretty average level and still eating a great variety of things.

Each child is different.
So, for me, I go per my child.
I do not 'battle' about food.
I teach them, to go by their Body's cues... for hunger and fullness. So they do not eat for emotional reasons or boredom.

We don't have 'junk' in the house.
They are allowed treats. But it is not perfunctory.

1) Don't make them a separate meal - they will eat what you eat if they have no other options. Once you give in and make them something special, they will know they have that option and refuse to eat what you're eating if it's something they don't like.

2) If they don't know what sugar, salt,sodas etc taste like, they won't know they're missing out on anything. Hold off on introducing these things into their diet until AFTER they've learned to enjoy healthy foods. Once they've tried unhealthy, it's hard to get them to try something healthy.

3) Don't discount a food just because they don't like it the first time. Keep introducing it to them. Try making it a different way. Chances are, they will like some of the foods they disliked initially.

4) A good habit to get into (really wish I had started this earlier) is to sneak healthy foods into foods they already eat. Example: you can mix cauliflower puree into macaroni and cheese and they will have no idea they are eating something healthy. There's a book called "The Sneaky Chef" by Missy Lapine that has lots of recipes that 'sneak' healthy foods into ordinary foods that all kids like to eat.

Good luck!

One, don't start fixing something different for your little one. Just give her a few nibbles from your plate. You'll see right away what she likes or not. But if it's presented often, she shouldn't have a problem accepting it. Don't force her to eat something even if you think she should. It can lead to eating problems later. Our children know their bodies and what they need much better than we think they do. It can be worrying at times if you don't think they're getting enough but their dietary needs are much different than ours. You can't look at it from a days meals. Your view has to be much wider, over a whole week. Then it's very easy to say, yes, my daughter actually did get enough to eat in all of the areas needed.

For a long time I was really worried about my youngest daughter. She was a bit sickly as an infant because the apartment we were in had mold (it affected all of us but it took us forever to convince the landlord to move us to a new mold free unit) and I nursed her much longer because of that. She weaned herself at about 3 1/2. She's a grazer. She eats such tiny amounts at meals that we purposefully give her small amounts with the knowledge she can always come back for more AND that has had actually already had quite a bit over the day if added up. I finally found an awesome pediatrician for her and he told me to track her over the week. Write everything down and the amounts. I was amazed to see just how much she actually ate! So if it seems your daughter doesn't eat much be assured that unless she's under weight that is most certainly not the case.

Also, my children serve themselves. At her age, of course, you'll have to do it for her and as you do you'll notice the amounts she likes. We do this because the children think about what they want and how much their body actually needs. There are times we think they take too little but it's often because they underestimated and then they just go back for a little more. However, if they take too much we don't make them sit there an eat it until it's done. (Again, it can lead to eating problems when they get older.) That doesn't mean we waste it though. It's simply put away in the fridge and brought out again at snack time or the next meal time until it's eaten. They have learned not to do that and it's actually rare I see it anymore.

My kids are not picky eaters and they eat so many things that most people with children say they just won't touch. Do remember that it often takes up to 16 times of presenting a new food to your child before they might try it. So if she refuses something, don't get discouraged. People consider my children weird because they will actually eat plain yogurt. They eat tomatoes like apples. :) A couple of years ago my father took all 5 grandkids (all under 6) to the grocery store by himself. (I told him he was crazy but he insisted.) He told them they could have a special treat. My horde of 4 went running to the produce section while my nephew ran screeching for the candy section. My father said he didn't know which way to go first! LOL He finally rounded my lot up with handfuls of apples, tomatoes and I think an orange? I don't remember right off, it's been too long. The point is if you model healthy eating for your children, they'll follow right along behind.

I have never made anything special or aside from the main meal for any of my children unless they were sick or something had happened that prevented them from eating that meal (such as dental stuff, etc.) Now that my son is on a special diet, the whole family is on that diet. It's just too much work to make an extra meal for one person when so much has to be made by me in the first place. I remember years ago, we went to Seattle to visit family. Now, my BIL is Turkish and he makes the most awesome food. Well, he found out I like that food so he made a run to a Turkish restaurant and bought dinner for everyone since the kitchenette was too tiny to make it properly (according to him). So he brought all kinds of yummy stuff back and I busy loading my kids plates and they're loving it. But here's my SIL in the corner preparing as separate meal for my nephew of plain rice and something else. She said she envied me that my kids were eating all that food and that her son was so picky. How could a boy not like the national food of his father? Apparently, she'd always prepared a separate meal for her son and he wouldn't eat most things now. Her mother was the same way. My husband was so put out with me when we first married because I made fish one night and I didn't make him a porkchop like his mother always did since he doesn't like fish. I don't run a 5 star restaurant! I'm not open for orders!

Just make sure you present new foods to her often, in small quantities and variety over the week and she'll be fine. :)