Need Advice, Ideas, Experiences from Moms of Advance Kinders (PAST & PRESENT)

Updated on August 17, 2011
S.C. asks from Los Angeles, CA
17 answers

Hi,

This question is for any mom who is currently going through the same thing; but ESPECIALLY anyone who have been through this and now have grown children. Perhaps another mom is in the same boat and would much appreciate your advice too. I especially need advice on what you did and how it worked out for you. But first, allow me to give you some background information.

I have a 5 year old going into Kindergarten at the end of this month. She is very bright. And already knows how to read chapter books like American girl books, her comprehension is about 60% with those books when she reads on her own.

She is also currently ahead in math. She she can add and subtract even two digit numbers and knows how to carry-over. She can also subtract and borrow. We just tested to see how far we can teach her something and it seems that she just grasp it so easily. But we stopped there because we don't see the point - was just curious to see if we could. At least we know she is able to be a step ahead. She can add and subtract single digits in her head without using her fingers.

Her extra curricular activities are dance and art. She loves to dance and is currently learning the Chinese traditional dance movements. I believe that through her training with dance (which isn't the typical "play learn" teaching method, but "step-by-step counting" method), she has learned to be very focus and follow directions well. She can sit calmly in a classroom environment and be focused on the teacher.

Her social skills is mature for her age, but also very innocent in many ways (in that she's not very familiar with a lot of the kids pop culture yet). But she likes pretty much anything we introduce her to. She loves bands like She&Him, Ska music, reggae, Keane, etc. Stuff we listen to. Overall, she's a happy kid who makes friends easily and knows how to share and is quite diplomatic. We have worked with her on learning the difference between what is a big problem (emergency, injuries, bullying etc.), and what can be worked out, let go, or walked away from... etc. We read "Big Dog, Little Dog" when she was much younger, which was about not making a big problem out of something little. :) We've emphasized that point through the years. So now she rarely complains or tattles about things unless it's important and that she has already tried to work it out on her own (including letting it go, walking away).

She is now going to a school where many of the First graders are from her preschool class last year. She was the only 4 year old in their Kindergarten class. She was able to keep up with the work. And was probably performing better than everyone because of her ability to read and do math above Kinder level since she was 3.5. No. She is not a genius by any means, but she is very focused and learns quickly.

Well, the question is not whether to keep her in Kinder or not. We have decided that we will KEEP HER in kinder and will supplement any way we can to make her education as enriching as possible.

So, if you've decided to keep your advance child in Kinder or have grown children now and have gone through the same thing, PLEASE advise and let me know what you thought of your choice and ESPECIALLY IDEAS on what you'll do or did for your kids to supplement their education.

Basically, ANY IDEAS or advice is much appreciated! Please also share personal stories and experiences and what you might have done differently (including any particular situation etc.). Anything and all comments is welcomed (except judgments, please).

THANK YOU!

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

I think you're making the right choice. There is an unlimited amount of knowledge out there for her to discover, and only a fraction of it will ever come from school. Plus this way she will be with children who are socially on her level.

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S.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi,

I see this issue on a day to day basis. I use to teach kindergarten and first grade and now have a one-on-one private tutoring for the little ones.

I'd be able to help or e-mail my thoughts one-on-one.
I am happy to help in anyway.

S. Sahter
www.TutoringForTots.com
____@____.com

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N.K.

answers from Philadelphia on

Honestly, I think the advice is the same, regardless of progress in school--kids learn most when they're happy and interested. When you see that something lights your kid up, do more of that, give more of that. No matter what it is--a tv show, a band, a person, a sport, a food...Let her choose.

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P.S.

answers from Houston on

Wow it sounds like you've spent alot of time with her! That is AWESOME!

The only thing I'd be concerned about is that she might burn out real easily. Get to know some trusted teachers, school officials in the school and/or district and follow their advice.

Follow her lead too. If she is struggling in some area, just take a few steps back and give her space to think, process and release.

gl and I'd love to hear how she progresses over the year. Way to go Mama!

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M.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

You said she was 5 and starting Kinder at the end of the month, then said she was the only 4 year old in the kinder class with the kids who are in first know. So has she done kinder in preschool/daycare and you want her to repeat because of her age? I do daycare and have a 2 year old that reads like crazy everytime I step it up he learns quickly. Lot's of kids these days are advanced and you would be surprised. Trust your gut. Keep doing what you are doing at home and she will do great.

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I don't know if homeschooling or online cyber academies are something you would be able/willing to consider, but if you can, I would definitely consider it. I have a daughter that sounds like she is very similar to yours, except mine is now 10. She is going into 5th grade. She was in private preschool and elementary, until 3rd grade, at which point we had to mover her to public school. In private school, particularly in 1st & 2nd grades, she was challenged beyond a typical public school... most of the kids excelled, and they were also offered art (not finger paints, but real ART), Spanish, computers and music weekly. She thrived on all the "extra" stuff. The academics, kept her honest at least. They had a fairly extensive spelling list and writing requirements, and the science was high quality for 1st/2nd grade expectations.
When we moved her to public school, I immediately pushed for her to be assessed for gifted/talented so that she wouldn't become complacent and lazy. She thrived in the gifted program (a one day a week pull out program, where she was completely absent from her 'regular' classroom every Thursday and attended another school all day for 'Challenge' class). She still aced every subject in her regular class and her Challenge teacher never had anything but praise for her.
This year, we are opting to try the "public school online". Even though she got a lot from her gifted class before, her regular class days just didn't challenge her. I was disappointed in what she was NOT getting, even though she had an extraordinary teacher. Her teacher had other less extraordinary students to keep on track as well, and those needs took more time....
I have already discovered, in just the first 2 days of school this year at home, that my daughter is very irritated to do things she thinks are easy, and that she finds them demeaning. That she can't wait to do something she thinks is a challenge, and will go and go and go with her math, but dreads the tediousness of reworking a page of punctuation errors. She will read for HOURS, but doesn't want to spend 4 minutes looking again at something she thinks she has already mastered, but just made mistakes on. I think some of this comes from being able to be slack in her regular classroom last year and is a habit that has set in. She has become accustomed to easy praise and doesn't take well to hearing she needs to spend some time to actually WORK on something. I feel like (I might be wrong of course) it is a direct result of her teachers having lower expectations than what she is capable of doing. They expected her to ace everything and do well, yes. But they never asked (expectations) her to do MORE than the standard expected of everyone else. Except in her Challenge class. And one day a week, out of 5, is just not enough.
I am hoping, that this year, I will be able to get her to work at HER level of capability, not dependent on what the school says she "ought" to be doing. And with the cyber academy we are using, she is able to "assess" out of easier concepts she already has mastered and move on to the next. And if (I should probably say "when") she completes the level of study for 5th grade, they will send her the next grades to begin working on... And as a formerly qualified "gifted" student, she is also eligible for a foreign language.

My advice/ideas, are that if you are able to keep your daughter challenged by homeschool or private school or cyber school, better than a typical public classroom... then by all means try. If not, definitely pursue an assessment for gifted/talented. These kinds of kids have "fitting in" issues no matter where they are, a lot of the time. Either they are "too smart" and considered nerds or geeks, or they are moved up a grade and are "too immature" and have issues (as they hit the teen years especially). Neither is ideal. So we are trying the "at home" option. :)
She does martial arts with her brother, and takes piano every week as well. Has friends outside of school, too. So she is getting the social aspect with kids who appreciate her for HER, not b/c she is the "smart kid" or b/c she is younger and easily manipulated or anything like that. She is friends with who she is friends with on her own terms.
Please continue to keep your daughter actively engaged in whatever she enjoys: dance, art, gardening, whatever. And please do not just pursue academic advancement for her. She will do that on her own. Trust me. Just provide whatever she is craving at the time, and the learning will keep happening.
Good luck. It can be as much of a challenge to parent these kinds of kids as it is to parent children who have difficulties academically.
For supplementation: we provide music (piano lessons), physical/motion (martial arts/gymnastics/swimming), (this will sound ridiculous, but we watch Jeopardy! and Lingo as a family and our daughter LOVES it), we provide art supplies (water colors, oils, modeling clay, sketch books, 'learn to draw' books, etc), and even "fun" stuff like Sudoku and crosswords puzzles (that are age/knowledge appropriate). We go to museums, zoos, aquariums, nature trails/exhibits. We encourage her to read about how to train the dog to do tricks. I could go on and on. Just follow your daughter's lead.

M.M.

answers from Tucson on

Has she been tested? In Az kids take the GATES test if the parent or teacher think they are advanced. My daughter tested in the 99 percentile on this test which is globally gifted in kindergarten and again in 2nd grade.
Her school had a program for k through2nd to have 1 day a week where she was in a gifted program. Lots of thinking exercises and a grade level ahead classwork. This year in 3rd she is at a gifted and talented school where she has 5 days a week. They follow the math and reading curriculum in the morning and in the afternoon they do gifted work. She has a lot more homeowrk now, but she loves the challenge. She has always loved these classes. maybe you can look into getting her tested and find a school that has a program for the gifted.

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J.D.

answers from Dallas on

I was that exceptional child that started school when I was 4. I graduated valedictorian of my class. I was very centered on my education and not very social because everyone around me was going through changes I was not yet. I was liked, but not really accepted because I was a bit naive and kids are mean.

This followed me through HS, into college and even into my career. Starting college at age 17 was HARD! I have matured over time... I feel if I had been with kids my own age I would have been a lot more outgoing. It no longer affects me today, but I am 40 and, through some bad, immature decisions, I have grown up.

So trust your gut and boredom will only last a few years.

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H.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Myself and my son were both in similar situations...I'll start with my own story. I was advanced at a young age, and in second grade it was discovered that I had a genius IQ. (Your daughter probably does too.) The problem was I was not performing well anymore because of boredom. They decided to skip me ahead to third grade, which was a common thing to do back then, and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. I honestly can't imagine what my life would have been like had they not done that. However, not all children would do well with that, and they really don't do it much anymore anyway.

Then there's my son. He never went to preschool, I taught him at home. He was advanced in K, so they put him in a K/1 combo class. The downside was that he never really got the Kindergarten experience, but the "bigger" classroom environment fit his personality better anyway. The upside was that he had a wonderful teacher who really tried to stretch him to his full potential. By the end of the year, he had basically done all the first grade curriculum. However, the following year, despite assurances that he would not repeat the same material, he ended up with a teacher that didn't care. The year was largely a repeat of what he did before, and he became bored and uninterested in school. We made it through the year, just supplementing at home and promising him that the next year would be better. It was, as were the many that followed. But we did find that he only put his heart into what interested him. He just graduated from high school last June.

The caveat behind my experiences...each child is different, no matter what their intelligence. I was an overachiever, my son was actually an underachiever. He could do whatever you put in front of him, but he didn't necessarily want to. You have to know your child inside and out, and follow their cues. How much do they need, and how much do they want? How are they doing socially? Are there any signs of stress? And by all means, watch for boredom! Boredom will sap their love of learning! I stopped doing my work and became chatty in class because of it. My son was doing his work, but lost his love of school and didn't want to go. If you see signs of boredom, discuss it with the teacher and see what can be done.

As for supplementing, I would say keep doing what you're doing, but be sure to keep active. Kids don't need college, they need experiences. Spend as much time "doing" and "going" as possible. Even very intelligent children benefit from the play/learn scenarios, that's how children are wired. Parks, museums, hands-on science centers. Even helping out with projects around the house, or doing some community service. All these things allow them to use their intelligence in real life and to become well rounded people!

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A.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well my son is heading to 4th grade but his story is similar. My mother is a retired school teacher & she kept him while I worked. So she would teach him & had him reading & writing, doing word searches & crossword puzzles by age 3. I put him in daycare at age 3 & he was the only one that could read or write. He has always been advanced academically but I keep him with his age group because my mother says its better for his social skills & his confidence. Skipping him to the next grade would have him in a class with kids that are on a whole different level mentally and may have an adverse effect on his academic performance. She also says, there is nothing wrong with being the smartest person in class. This past school year he took the G.A.T.E test & passed of course, received all A's on his report card & will be placed in a G.A.T.E class this school year. This is the first time he will be in a class full of students that are on his level academically. I'm not sure how it will affect him being that he is used to being the smartest kid in class/teachers pet. We shall see!!!

P.S. he has also attended a different school for each grade level. I feel bad about that but he is a good kid and always adjusts well. His father
& I share custody so he has him one school, I have him the next & we keep moving! It's crazy but I plan to stay in the city we are now for a long while. So bouncing him around from one public school to the next is my only regret. I thinly it bothers me more than it bothers my son.

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L.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi My daughter is just like that when she was in Kinder. I spent time with her before she started pre school and read to her and taught her then she was in pre school for 2 1/2 years cause she was the youngest in the class. She did great in kinder, she did learn things that I didn't teach her but there was a lot she already knew. In 1st -4th grade she kinda dumbed herself down during this time cause she had "friends" that didn't think it was cool to get done early, and she was bored. She would get her work done but she would screw around and talk to friends when she was supposed to be doing the work then with 5 mins left she would get it done but it was hardly readable. LOL

IN 4th grade I got done with this act of hers and dealing with those friends ,I guess there parents are ok if their child doesn't achieve what they are capable of so I started homeschooling her. It was the best choose we ever made!

We went with a virtual public homeschool. They have teachers assigned to you and they focus on your child! If your child picks up on work easily and they really understand it you can move them up in the schoolwork. They stay in the same grade but work at a higher level.

My Daughter is starting High School in a couple weeks and is so excited! She picked 2 English classes, one is Creative writing cause she is writing many stories right now and she wants to publish a book this year!!!!!

The hard part is finding activities that she can do and the kids that she is around aren't too immature. I want her to be a kid as long as possible but so many of the kids she has meet and many different activities and homeschooling groups are all too much into boys!

I know I can't keep her away from boys but she sure isn't boy crazy like her friends!
Hope this helps! If you would like more info just message me!

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T.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Have her tested for GATE, if that is available at this age.
Get a membership to the Natural History Museum and/or maybe the Huntington, take her fun and interesting places after school and on the weekends. Living in Los Angeles, these experiences will not be too difficult to find. Keep it super fun (after all she's still a kid!), but at the same time stimulating her mind.

Have you considered homeschooling? Schools pretty much give a one-size-fits-all sort of an education, which just doesn't suit the needs of many children. (My daughter, for example, is a kinesthetic learner and would not grow and thrive in a classroom environment.) You can customize her education - and if you aren't comfortable doing it all yourself, you can get help from a charter school, where you meet with an Educational Specialist (like a teacher) once a month or so.
Socializing with other homeschoolers is much easier, as there is a wide range of ages, and the kids' parents are usually present, so there is less of a "lord of the flies" type of a situation with the kids. It's easier to assist your child through social challenges under these conditions.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

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K.K.

answers from San Diego on

Hello, I have four grown kids, six grandkids, ran a licensed daycare and have worked in elementary education. I can say that it is my experience that it is a good thing to have your child to attend kindergarten. She will have lots of good social activities with her age group this year. The bottom line is that you are her parents and you are making a decision you feel is important to her.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Ask the school if they have a "gifted and talented" program.

I have friends with kids like that.
They all kept their child in their grade level per their age.
They are happy they did so.

Then I have another friend, of an 'academically' advanced child, which they allowed to skip a grade.
NOW their daughter is in Middle School. And NOW.... at this age juncture and grade level, their child is, because she is younger and the other kids know that, she is having trouble with friends and other personal issues... because, the older kids are going through biological and emotional changes... which she is NOT yet, going through. Not to mention... the 'phase' of Boys, etc.
So, they wished, now, that they did not skip their daughter ahead, in grade level.
Because NOW... the disparity, is showing up.

It is not only about 'academic' skills but overall aptitude and the biological changes, that will occur, in certain grade levels, and the changing socializing, topics and interests and bodily changes.

And yes, you still teach your child things, outside of school. I do that too, with both my kids. I always, home school them, even if they are in school. That is parenting.

This is a good site:
www.khanacademy.org
It is free, and for any age... for learning. Even for adults.
Bill Gates is even a fan of this site and uses it himself.

Your daughter is young... just make sure she has a childhood. Not it being based only on.... academics or brain power. The emotional development is very important and doing age-related activities, too.
Social maturity is not the same thing, as understanding TEEN pop-culture.

Remember that, even if she is very smart... she is STILL, her age.
And what is appropriate for her age.... should be just that.
Not jumping the gun and introducing her to things much older than she is. ie: Teen shows and boy/girl relationships in media or songs.
A kid, no matter what age, at 5... they are too young for all that stuff.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Sounds VERY similar to my daughter, really. She is now going into 1st grade and did not skip kinder. What helped us tremendously is the fact that the kindergarten teacher recognized her potential and ALWAYS gave her a little "more" to add to each lesson and activity. She also used my daughters BIG imagination to add on to each lesson HERSELF, and she was able to give the class plenty of ideas on her own. She will be placed in gifted classes next year, but I Still hope that her first grade teacher is aware of her awesome potential. Main thing is, I don't want my child getting bored. And she wasn't bored last year- thanks to the teachers using her talents as a tool, nurturing them and expanding them.

So, for us, The TEACHER made all the difference. If you don't get that awesome of a teacher... do the expansions of lessons at home. Kindergarten covers all the basics, and there's ALWAYS something to add to it. Good Luck.

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J.C.

answers from Cleveland on

Teach her to knit.
Begin a foreign language with her.
Spend lots of time outdoors, observing nature with her.
Get her a pentatonic flute, and let her experiment with it. Everything sounds like music on a pentatonic flute.

And keep up the dance and art.

S.L.

answers from New York on

You're probably already doing this but my advise is to take lots of "field trips" Her reading level is WAY ahead of her life experiences which could limit her comprehension and her ability to discuss books the way older kids could discuss books. (what is the author trying to say? what is the most important part of the story? how does this remind you of ---- book?)
So a fun way for her to continue learning outside of school, visit museums, farms, planetariums, national landmarks, visit a mint and watch money being made, go for boat rides, camping trips under the stars, visit a soup kitchen, different places of worship, Williamsburg type historical places etc etc and then TALK about these experiences, if she wants to, she could read and write about them as well.

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