Naptime Tantrums

you said mostly in the afternoon...does this mean she takes more than one nap. maybe her refusing to fall asleep is her way of telling you she no longer need two naps a day. if she is getting enough sleep at night she might not. My son sleeps 12-13hr a night then takes one nap that's between 1-2hrs long.

When I worked in day care we sat with the toddlers and rubbed their backs for a little bit while they laid with their eyes closed, it helped calm them down to sleep. We also played soothing music during this time. While not against CIO, I think some circumstances warrant a different approach. If this works, it's definitely preferable to letting the child scream for an hour during a confusing and sensitive time as this.

She might be afraid you're going to leave because daddy is gone and she can't see you when she's in her room.

You could try taking her naptime as mommy-time. Let her lie on a blanket in the same room as you. Put on soothing music and take this time to read, paint your nails, pay bills, do paperwork, you know, boring stuff! Let her snuggle next to you while you read or go on the computer. She'll probably drop off to sleep, comforted by your presence but not eager to stay awake because you're being boring. You can relax too (instead of having to deal with a screaming toddler) plus I'm sure there's some things you can get done that need to. If you watch TV, don't put the sound on, instead use headphones. She'll just get interested in the TV if you have the sound on.

I'm sure this stage will pass and you can go back to naps in her room, or just forget naps altogether.

when my son does this its usually because he is too tired. try moving her nap time up about an hour or thirty mins. it helped us.

Looks like you are already getting some great advice! One thing I read somewhere (maybe even on this website!) that has helped me was to tell our daughter "The clock says it's time to take a nap." I keep the schedule the same every day. We eat lunch at 12:00 and after lunch when she is still sitting in her chair I look up at the clock and say it to her...now (she is 2) I can ask her to look at the clock and see what time it is and she always replies "It's time to take a nap!" We do the same thing every day and (for the most part) she goes down without a hitch.
If I tell her it's time to take a nap or if I ask her "are you ready for a nap?" it always ends badly and she becomes very defiant towards me...probably a Mommy thing...but if the clock says it, she believes it! Weird, but works!
Hang in there and try to remind yourself that "this too shall pass" and that you are doing a fantastic job!!
Good luck!

Please don't let her scream and wail for over an hour. Cry it out is supposed be a more compassionate approach. You go in after 5 minutes of crying, comfort her but don't pick her up, then leave. She will probably still cry, then you go back in after 10 minutes, comfort her but don't pick her up, then leave. Cap the crying at 15 minutes and repeat ad infinitum. It takes a few days, but then works like a charm. You are teaching her that you will be there for her, but that she has to stay in her bed. The original book is Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. This was the only thing that worked for my daughter. There are lots of great suggestions from other posters, but I just wanted to weigh in on the cry it out part. Good luck!

She may only need one nap per day now that she's getting older and may not be getting as much exercise because of the heat outside. Maybe find an indoor play center at the mall or elsewhere.

Even if she is acting up because daddy is gone remember that that's normal. Show her a little extra love and compassion. Acknowledge her feelings, don't ignore them. Maybe watching a movie before a nap each day or looking at a book, etc might help calm her down. Some kind of routine that lets her know it's nap time.

As a military wife myself I know it's hard being a "single" parent. Hang in there.

Keep with the leaving in the crib, let her cry, put a radio on with some music and leave. She will get the idea after awhile. And will eventually just go down for a nap when the radio and crib are used mine did and it was wonderful.

Maybe you could try and give her a nice warm bath when it is close to her naptime and put some soothing music on. This may help. I did it for mine when they were babies.

Since you're in Killeen I'm going to assume your a military wife. The last 2 suggestions are specific to daddy being gone. I don't know if these suggestions will help, but anything is worth a try. The main key is you have to be consistent. It can take time...days, weeks, months. But you have to let your daughter know that you won't give in. Especially right in the middle of her tantrums. My son would always cry before & in the middle of nap time. I let him cry it out. Everytime I thought, "This is it. I can't take anymore and neither can he," I would give him 15more minutes...it was usually only 5 more minutes and he was OUT! Eventually the tantrums were shorter and shorter....okay, tips...

1. Try putting her down for a nap earlier. She may be in a better mood and less likely to fight it.
2. If you don't have a bedtime routine, make one. Do the same bedtime routine at naptime. (I let my son choose 1 book from 3 and read and tell him night, night sweet dreams.)
3. If you think it has to do with daddy leaving: when my husband went to iraq I made a body pillow cover with a picture of Daddy on it. It cost a little bit of money, but it was well worth it. I took a picture to Kinko's and they blew the picture up into 5 different pictures and put those pictures onto the body pillow cover. ouila! Instant lifesize daddy to hug and squeeze.
4. You could also record daddy (video or voice) having him read your daughter a book or singing her a lullaby and she gets to listen to that before bed/nap time. But if she has a tantrum, no daddy. You can use this or even the pillow as a reward.

It sounds like this is a really hard time for both of you. ((HUGS)) A couple of things to try:
- move her nap to earlier in the day
- take her for a walk or stroller ride for her nap
- do activities in the morning to tire her out like going swimming, visiting a toy store or going to a playgroup

It also might be a developmental stage. Whenever one of my girls learned a new skill or was about to (crawling, walking, talking) they fought going to sleep tooth and nail, because they wanted to stay awake a do the new thing that they could now do.

It's an adjustment for both of you with hubby begin gone. Try to remember that she is a little person that has only been alive for 1 year and still needs her mommy to help comfort her.

You may already have a routine but maybe try changing it. She may have anxiety about whether you will be there when she wakes up since daddy had to leave. Maybe try reading a book about mommy being there. I have seen books similar for children havin anxiety about going to daycare. Maybe even rocking her for a little while before you put her to bed to help calm her. My son is 14 and 1/2 months and I can usually tell when he's going to go right down because he'll keep his head on my shoulder while I rock himand then let out a long sigh. I know once we have gotten to that point he's definitely ready to go down. I also use 1 of 2 blankets for every nap. It took several times for us to get on a fairly easy routine but we also haven't had to deal with daddy having to go to training. Good Luck and I'm sure you'll get a lot of good suggestions.

I am personally against leaving a child in a crib to "cry it out". I feel it affects their trust issues. Even at 1, they have security issues. I have a feeling these tantrums are like the previous answer is, she doesn't seem to want 2 naps. Does she have a regular routine? Getting her up same time every day, getting dressed, then eating breakfast...and so on. When it's time, it's time for things. Children need routine, and family to stick to it. Right now her world is a little upside down because dad is gone. She's trying to express her feelings. Was dad a stay at home/work from home dad? Did he put her down in the afternoons? Try putting a rocking chair in her room, rock with her....darken her room with dark curtains, and about an hour before you plan on a nap, choose some quieter activities. Maybe reading to her, give her some milk with lunch...ect... And remaining calm yourself helps. My son really reacted to the "shhhh"-ing technique....where I patted his back and just did "shhhhh" next to his ear....and swayed with him. Still works today when he gets upset. He's 2 now. Does your daughter have a "lovey" or object of security? Maybe even a pacifier? Something that she associates with comfort. Maybe even laying down with her in your bed, and show her how to take naps....
Its hard to say...but I have a feeling that she's feeling dad's absence and is trying to tell you that she's upset...her "people" aren't all present. I always tell my son when I have to go away, I tell him I'm going to work. He understands that with "work" we always come back.
Good luck, and don't be afraid to try different things.
If she goes to bed at the same time every night, does she sleep all night? Does she have a set bedtime routine? For example, if she gets up at 8-8:30 in am, then a nap around 1-1:30 is ideal. If she does sleep, don't let her sleep longer than an hour and half. Even if she's still sleeping when you go in to get her....then get ready for bed around 7...start to keep the house darker, go around and close shades, turn on lights, but low...keep TV noise turned down low....have her help pick up toys and indicate this is part of getting ready for bed. I've always given my son a bath/shower every night. I use the lavender scented bathtime soap...either J & J, or store brand...all the same. He gets scrubbed down (shampoo is at a different time, usually mornings), then can play in water for a little. Then we brush teeth, get rubbed down with nightime lotion (same scent, trust me, it works wonders!!), jammies on, read 1-3 stories, then it's time for one of us to rock a little with him, with light out....he tells us ready for bed....and we put him down in crib (he hasn't shown any attempt to climb out), and within 10-15 minutes, he's asleep!
I hope this helps you!!
Good luck!
Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't expect her to change immediately either. It's going to take a little, but YOU need to remain consistant. It will work out in the end.

Hi,
It sounds like it a stressful time for your family.
What a challenging time...my husband used to travel for work and I really needed the break of naptime so I can sure empathize with your struggle. I am a parent educator/coach and pediatric occupational therapist.

Unfortunately sometimes kids act like the barometer for the family stress....in other words often when I was stressed, my kid's behavior reflected that. Also, kids miss their dads!

One thing that I find to be so helpful to help kids (and moms!) get calm and relax is EFT. Here is an article about it:
http://www.eftuniverse.com/pdf-files/hegarty-eft-article.pdf
You can use EFT to calm yourself if you are upset/stressed by your daughter's behavior. You can also modify it and use it for her to help her learn to relax and get calm at naptime or any time.

Feel free to contact me directly if you would like some tips or further resources on EFT.
Blessings to you and your family,
K.
"From the Heart" Family Healing
____@____.com