My Toddler Head -Butted Me! Does Anyone Else Feel Defeated at Times?

Actually, if she saw you cry, you may see some difference, at least for a time. I remember once I said something that just wasn't right to my oldest, because he was being so difficult. Then I just sat down on the floor and said, "I am sorry, I shouldn't have said that. But when you act like this I just don't know what to do." He was cooperative for the rest of the day!

Not that it works every time but when they see you really, truly, sad about their behvaior, it often gets through.

I am trying to think of a defeat that would make you laugh. Hmmm...when I was trying to potty train the same son and was letting him run around without pants, and he walked up when I wasn't paying attention and said, "Here Mommy" and put something in my hand. It was poop.

Son #3 is a baby. Son #2 is only 2, so the stories aren't funny yet. ; )

My son had something we nicknamed "cannon ball head". It was just him not paying attention. By the age of 2 he'd broken my nose 3 times.

I always feel I should have been faster at ducking!

- First time while holding him, he flung his head backward.
- Second & Third times is was a last minute momentum thing while he was running for a HUG.

Sigh.

I never USED to snore.

I felt defeated many times as I raised my adopted daughter. She was not a toddler when she came to live with me. She was 7. I was a police officer, trained to never let anyone know how I felt when we were adversarial. So, I kept a stiff upper lip and maintained my stern demeanor. It didn't work.

Our counselor said that she needed to know when she hurt me, some of the time and that I should pick my battles as to when to administer consequences and when I should allow the natural consequence of letting her see that she had hurt me.

I don't have a funny story but I want to tell you that your reaction is normal and letting her see you cry is the right thing to do. She learns about sympathy in this way. By not responding to her after that, you were giving her a consequence. Baby hurts Mommy. Mommy doesn't want to be around her.

The only thing I added when this happened to me were the words. "You hurt mommy. I don't want to be around you for awhile." By saying those words you are administering a consequence that teaches and you are not defeated in her eyes even tho you feel defeated.

Parenting is so full of nuances that it takes years to know enough to feel like you know what you're doing much of the time. And, for me, it's only now, after my daughter is grown and I have grandchildren that I really have a sense of confidence about most things. Mostly, I faked it until I made it. And I still haven't made it on many issues.

Tell yourself that you are a good mother and you did the best that you could do. Hooray for you! You did good!

i have a three year old boy,and boy is he a bruiser - literally! most of the time i am okay with pulling up my big girl pants and dealing with it, but there have been a couple times i swear i thought he broke my nose - and that is a sure tear-jerker, i feel your pain! i let my son see me cry in those instances. he needs to know he hurt me. it has taught him compassion and empathy. don't be afraid of letting her see she hurt you. you might be surprised by a little arm snaking around your neck and some sweet words of comfort. it's the best medicine :)

My son over the years has...yes, bitten me on the nipple while nursing so bad it bled though my nursing pad, bra and shirt...had to use buttery fly closures to keep the wound shut...he was weaned shortly there after...he was 8.5 months.

Accidentally thrown his head backwards into my face and split my lip open.

Made a mad dash for a busy street...my husband and I both shot to catch him, my husband grabbed him as I tripped over the parking curb, fell and slid along the sidewalk on my bare knees, landing with my head in the street. My knees and pride took quite a while to heal...that afternoon I spend poring peroxide over my knees and crying on the edge of the tub...from the scare and the dirt embedded in m knees.

There have been plenty of evenings when I have told my husband that I am done, put a fork in me and YOU put the kids to bed. You walked away and that was the best thing yo could have done...better walk away than handle it mad or crying. Sending you a huge HUG!!

I have to pick one! Dont feel bad I have an almost 4 yr old and a 5 yr and a 7 week old and there are many days that I throw my hands up and just say forget it! Today, for instance, we were at the store picking up a few things and they were of course grabbing everything, in the check out line my 6 yr old wouldnt put anything down. I said Madison why cant you leave things alone! She looked at me and said, cause your making me mad Mom! good luck with your upcoming baby and just try to see the humor in it all!

Instead maybe focus on what she is doing correct.
Its hard being a mom. Let her know her behavior was unacceptable and you have to be respectable to your mom.

We have all been there at times. Hang in there.

Do I ever feel defeated? Absolutely!
My son is 2 1/2 and it happens somewhat frequently these days. Recently I had put my son in time out for pulling the dog's fur. In our house time outs come with a conversation about what bad choices landed him in time out in the first place. He did his time, I went to get him, he apologized to the dog, then looked me in the face and announced "I'm going to make another bad choice." With that he marched back over to the dog, grabbed two handfuls of fur and yanked.
A few weeks before that we were on our way home from a shopping trip and he took his shoes off in his car seat. The next think I know, he is licking the soles of his shoes (seriously, who does that?). I explain how dirty it is and that doing so could make him sick. This approach is getting me nowhere, so the next time I see him raising the shoe to his face I try to startle him by raising my voice, "Harry, don't even think about licking that shoe!" I shout. He stops, but a minute later he catches my eye in the rear view mirror and declares gleefully, "I'm thinking about it!"
Last week, he dropped a piece of food on the floor and asked me to get it and return it to his bowl. I told him we don't eat food off the floor. He insisted, I refused, back and forth this goes until he leans over til his face is only a few inches from mine and bellows, "it's my decision if I want to eat it off the floor!"

*Sigh*
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this kid.
Hang in there, you're not alone.

I guarantee you this all seems so much worse because you are heavily pregnant and hormonal. But yes we all have days when our kids do or say something that hurts , today my 7 yr old told me I am the worst mom he has ever had! , well how many mom's has he got? Tomorrow will be better.

i think a perfect mother would have done exactly what you did.
:) khairete
S.

Of COURSE! Of course, of course, and I have so been there! My son is not particularly scrappy - he is usually a little darling, but on the days when he is a holy terror, I am sometimes on top and other times I break down completely! I have absolutely just put him in his crib and walked away to cry! You are NOT alone - and everyone has ideas about how to handle things better in hindsight (yourself included, I'm sure). I have no funny story - perhaps I'm not far enough away yet to laugh at my own defeat. But just know that YOU are NOT alone!

Heidi
First of all don't beat yourself up, sounds like your Daughters doin that for ya, LoL!! We probably have all been there at one time or another. My kids are now grown but still live with me. They are 26 & 21 (in Nov.) Even though their grown they still act like toddlers. And of course I get the same sob story from each of them. "Mom your too easy on HER and h*** o* me", or the other way around, "Mom your to easy on HIM and h*** o* me" Theres no winning with them. And I have had days, and still do, where I need a good cry. My kids have learned if my room door is closed do not come in! Is your husband any help? Or do you have friends or family close that can come and help you out with a well earned Mommies Time Out? I'M sure things will get better once the other baby comes. Sometimes as parents we just have to be tough and let them know who the boss is. Even though at times you will find yourself questioning that one.

Ahhh, honey.. you are going to get a LOT of responses!! :-) I remember when my first was about two and we were one day from Thanksgiving. We were planning on visiting 3 different homes for dinners. The night before, my daughter was fighting me on the sleep issue. I knew that she had to get to sleep to help with the busy day ahead. She was lying with her back against my chest. Suddenly, during one of her protests, she slammed her head against my face. WHAM! She hit the bone just below eye socket! I almost threw her off my lap and started crying.. really really crying! My husband ran in to see what happened. The look on his face enough for me to know that the swelling feeling was accompanied by bruising. Icing it didn't help. I had to go to three houses for Thanksgiving with the darkest full-on black eye I have ever seen.. ( and I watch boxing sometimes)! I just knew that everyone thought my husband punched me one!! heheh After all, how could that adorable, cute, funny little girl cause such a shiner!!??

Needless to say, I stayed away from cameras for a few weeks!! We still laugh (kinda) to this day.

It's no biggy to walk away. Children are smart at all ages and they sense when they've hurt someone even when no words are spoken.

L.

My son thought that head butting was a good way to display his unhappiness when he was quite young. This seemed to satisfy him until he head butted his father one day. His father head butted him back. He hasn't done it since. Granted, his dad has a harder head than I do, but it was awful funny to see the look on my son's face when he realized how un-fun head butts actually are. :)
As for me, the last time my son (who is now 7) defeated me was earlier this year at a cub scout meeting, where he turned into a sreaming kicking tantrum child from Hell. This is not normal behavior for him, nor is it something we allow. I had to carry his screaming twisting body out of someone else's house. A man I hadn't ever met before (and fortunately haven't seen since) had to carry my purse for me because my arms were full of said swinging kicking child. After my son tried to escape and run away, he was taken down, in the rain, face first into a mud puddle. He continued to resist and had to be physically carried to the car and forced into his car seat. I was furious, of course, but I was also mortified that this was happening in public. When we got home, my son ran upstairs and locked himself in his room. I cried hard for at least 20 minutes. When we both calmed down, he admitted that he got mad, and "the mad took over." We talked about ways to prevent an incident like that from happening again, and so far it hasn't. But, that night... :)

Ahhh, yes the spirited child....I have one myslef. While it is hard to deal with now, keep in mind this same tenacity will make her a huge success in life. She will probably end up being the class president in high school! And yes it will be here before you know it. With the new baby coming make sure you find extra one on one time with her every day and enlist ANY help that anyone offers you. Buy her some new toys and put in a gift bag from the baby for when you bring your baby home. Don't feel afraid to talk with your doctor either if you have some postpartum feelings, this is very normal.

By the way, there is NO perfect mother, except maybe Mother Theresa. Do your best and that is all you can do. Congratulations and best of luck!!!

Also, when you have a chance to pick up a book to read...Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka helped me immensely!

Your child didn't defeat you and you didn't fail. The moment did it. And it wasn't just that one moment of the head butt, it was the hours that came before and the weeks before that and the nine months of being pregnant before that and the years of parenting before that. This is just one moment that tipped you over a bit. If you didn't discipline that exact way you wanted, it was just one time. You didn't overreact and freak her out, you didn't take out aggression on her that was from something else. You did what you needed to do to take care of her first and then yourself. Take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back. I have a wacky theory. I think parenting takes a certain amount of frustration, energy and patience and it's about the same for everyone, it just doles itself out at different times. Her strong will will make things easier for you (and herself) down the road. She will more firmly know herself and what is right and wrong. I'm still early into all of this, but this is my theory (or at least what I tell myself to get me through these moments you're talking about). Best of luck with the new little one. It sounds like you're doing a great job!

One time I was reaching for something that fell behind a door when my then 3 yr old son came running into the room and hit the door hard. He'd been rough and tumble and riding the edge all that day. My head was right behind the door knob and I saw stars. My husband heard the bang and came to see what happened, and grabbed our son up and put him in bed and told him to stay in bed no matter what while he got me some ice for my head. I couldn't help it - I bawled. It must've been a half hour before I was calm again. I went to my son and told him I knew he didn't mean to hurt Mommy, but he's strong and he did and he needs to be more gentle (no running in the house and banging doors). He helped hold the ice pack on my boo boo and felt really bad about it.

You poor girl, and I do empathize. I just delivered my 3rd (surprise baby!), a little girl. I have 2 boys who get along pretty well, but I swear that they can find a loop hole in my speech better than any attorney...

I was 36 weeks pregnant with their little sister and had had a rough day with their arguing, my hormones, and horrible morning sickness that plagued me 24 hrs until the moment I delivered. Their shared bedroom was a mess and they share most of their toys. After setting a timer and telling them that they had 15 minutes to pick up and put away their toys or I'd take them all away (yeah right, I couldn't even bend over), I sat down in the recliner with a sigh. My youngest son bounced out of their room and asked for a snack. I asked why he wasn't picking up toys. He told me he didn't have to. I asked him if he wanted me to take away all his toys. He said "No, you won't do it. Because my toys are also Big Brother's toys, and he is hurrying to put everything away!" How's that for 3 yr old logic? I laughed and then sent him back to his room to watch his brother even if he didn't help.

I have SO been there! Our oldest has ADHD and before treatment, I felt trapped in an abusive relationship. He punched, pinched, kicked, clawed and spit on me as a toddler and preschooler (and on Mother's Day one year ... nice). I cried a lot when I was alone. He didn't respond to any traditional, consistent punishment or reward system. Here I was an educated, professional woman with my own business being totally defeated by a toddler. Not an ego boost, for sure.

Keep an eye on your daughter's behavior because it could be early signs of bigger problems (although ones that likely can be helped). I felt like I was the worst mom when nothing worked with our son. I later learned so much of his behavior was out of his control and the dots started to connect.

Hang in there! For a laugh, tune in to The Simpsons. Bart was like an older version of our son and it was helpful to let out some steam watching that show.

Thanks, Amy, you gave me a great laugh! When my baby was younger and the weather colder, I felt like giving up almost every time we tried to leave the house. Since we went out at least once, sometimes twice, a day, you'd think we would have gotten the routine down and it would have taken us less time, but it always took us about twice as long as I planned for.

Inevitably, I'd get both kids and me in our winter clothes, then the baby would poop. "Quickly" take all the baby's layers off while she's fighting because she hates anything to do with clothes. While changing her, my waiting toddler would take his shoes off (and sometimes his coat, etc) and HIDE them. Crafty child that he is, he always found new places for them. Find the various pieces of discarded clothing, force him back into them. Put struggling and sometimes screaming baby into carseat. Pick up bag, carseat, etc, haul everyone/thing out to the car. As I'm putting my toddler in, he would choose this wonderful time to poop and need a change. Haul kids back inside, undress toddler, change diaper while baby is screaming in carseat overheating. Get everyone dressed again, out to car, strapped in, and leave only 30 minutes behind schedule. Drive away while realizing I forgot to change out of my pajama pants. Argh. At least it wasn't skimpy lingere!

I love it! I knew I was in trouble when I got up one morning and my 11-month old was on top of the refrigerator (she had to climb on the stove to get there). This adorable infant-terrible skipped crawling for climbing and walking. Her 22 month old sister was still sleeping peacefully in their room. She had to climb silently out of her crib (set as low as possible so rail was as high as possible), sneak past my bed (I was set on hi-alert but my system apparently failed), through the living room to the kitchen. I'm not sure what she climbed on to get to the stove as no furniture was moved and there was no other way to get to the top. I don't know how long she had been up there as I just came out innocently to make coffee and was SHOCKED to see a child on top of the refrigerator instead of a cat (which is probably why she thought it might be a good place to be)!

Getting through the toddler stage was an extremely frustratling experience with her elder sister constantly wondering what the fuss was all about. Try a single stroller with a jump seat on the back, heavier child in the front. Front child gets out (my 'wild thing') back seat crashes to the floor. Attending to the injured "wild thing'" disappears into the circular clothing racks where we had paused to look... I had to have her paged which did absolutely nothing for my self-esteem and did not produce the child. I finally shouted over the racks..."I'm leaving.... You can stay here FOREVER!" and aimed for the door... "Wild thing" emerged.

I can only say that I'm a survivor. I loved this one desperately but she continued to challenge me (still does) until she married. She came home after the first failed. Alors! I thought I would get a divorce. She is also (beware) the GREAT MANIPULATOR. The second marriage stuck AND (have heart) "what goes 'round comes 'round" did happen. Her 8-y-o #1 daughter yanks her chain at every opportunity. I love it!!!

I hope this made you laugh as it does me looking back. At the same time start reading your psych books as there is a lot to look forward to and there could be some problems as my daughter was ADHD and struggled with low self-esteem because of it... There is much that can be done these days so self-educate and STAND BY YOUR GIRL. The ones that challenge are the most interesting and fun to be with when you are on the right side of the challenge...