My Teenage Daughter Is a "Teen Mom" and Has the Worst Attitude Ever

Why do you get so angry? Because you care about her and the baby, that's why! When her mouth starts going tell her (don't yell ), "I don't argue with 15 years olds" and walk off! Do not engage!!!!! Let her rant and rave, but do not participate. Ignore and walk off. The only thing you need to pay attention to is the baby at this point.

Good luck!

@Cheryl - OMG you had to pay c/s cause she got on welfare?? Something is SO messed up in the system!!! btw - did the baby's father/family also have to pay c/s???

J. - good luck gal

Oh, boy. Been there, done that! My daughter had her first baby at sixteen, and yes, she also thought she was calling the shots. And, unfortunately, it seems that she was with the help of society! First, I had NO control over her child; I don't know how you have any control over your granddaughter unless she has given you custody/guardianship. My daughter left home one night and didn't come home for three days, leaving the baby with me (thank goodness!) When she did come home, I didn't let her in. I told her to just go back where she had been. Well, she called the cops because I had the baby. The cops came and told me that I had to give her the baby and if I didn't they would arrest me for kidnapping. Once I told the officer the story, he helped me out by telling my daughter if she wanted to let her baby go with her boyfriend, she could do that. BUT because SHE was only sixteen, she had to abide by my rules so the baby could go with her permission but she had to have my permission to go with the baby and I said no. The cop actually told her to get in the house like mom said or he was going to arrest her! Anyway, that was just the beginning. Next thing I know, she's going to doctor appointments and because she has a child, the health care professionals didn't need my permission to treat her, but I was responsible for all the bills! Also, she went and got on welfare. I called the welfare department and asked them NOT to give her welfare; that she has a home and I am willing and able to continue to provide for her and will provide for the baby also, but because she was a mom, I had no say. I ended up paying child support because she was receiving welfare and was under 18!!!!! I can tell you now, that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better and the next few years are going to be hell! Tell your husband that what she needs is tough love, not "walk in love" That will not get you anywhere and she will only see all this "love" as weakness and she will walk all over you. By the way, it gets to you because you care about her! Good luck. If you have any questions or would like to "chat" further about what to expect., send me a PM

I have a slightly different take than some of the people below.

First- let me congratulate you on being willing to take this on, and for calling her your "daughter" rather than stepdaughter in your post. It shows you have a big heart, and really want to help her.

Second - I know she's messed up (a lot) and she sounds incredibly difficult, but it sounds like she's had a miserable life so far. What she probably does need more than anything else is love and support. Not saying to not set bounderies, but work with her father, and set the bounderies from a place of "we're trying to keep you safe, keep your child safe, and help you both have a decent start at a decent life." Sometimes it is not the action but the message that is important.

I have a stepdaughter who came from a difficult home life with her mom. She was NOWHERE near as difficult as your daughter, but she was at the top end of normal female drama. Looking back on it, especially after I found out later about her life, I wish I had been more thoughtful and caring. I tried, but it was too easy to get caught up in the day to day, and not see the big picture. It is natural to get angry with ANY 15 year old, and certainly with what is going on. But it sounds like you are looking for help managing that and being able to be supportive. More power to you. She's probably had enough people pushing her out of their lives, and treating her badly.

I firmly agree with Marda P. to seek help from the system, and to get counseling, both for yourself and as a family. And definitely set rules and provide consequences, but again, try to do it out of a place of love. Kids need rules and consequences, and they need to rebel against them. It is part of growing up.

Quick story that might help illustrate my meaning: My stepdaughter had a very bad habit of breaking curfew as she entered her later teens. One day she and I got into it about her coming home late, and I said (shouted probably), "Well, how would you feel if I woke up at 4 or 5 in the morning, thought 'oh well, dd isn't home' and rolled over and went to sleep!"
It changed the whole dynamic of the argument, and she was much better about curfew, because she realized it was not about control it was about caring.

Family counseling, and your husband needs to "man up" and walk in love by giving his daughter the structure and discipline she needs to have even a small chance at anything resembling a normal life.

Rules, regulation and tough love. She is living in your home with her dad and he has to man up to being a dad. He has to deal with the wild child he has and reign her in.

I know you probably don't want to do it but get custody of the baby. Arrange for little mommy to go to a boarding school facility and or boot camp and get her act together. She is not going to change until she has some hard consequences placed on her where she can't do what she wants. Example - Linzy Lohan.

She is probably hurting because of the breakup of mom and dad. She doesn't know how to express her feelings in a good way but that has to change in order to livein your house. Attitude got to get nipped in the bud. It is only a matter of time before someone a little bigger comes and gives her an attitude adjustment.

Good luck.

The other S.

PS You are missing R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

It's going to be hard for you to discipline your stepdaughter. Stepdaughters do NOT like their stepmoms, so you are going to have to let your husband take the lead. But if his attitude is always, "to walk in love" translation: walk on egg shells because everyone is afraid to upset her, then this is not doing her any favors at all.

Sounds like there needs to be family counseling.

Why it gets to you is that you (by virtue of your husband) are responsible for both her AND her child, and you have discovered how little control you have to change anything in her behavior or attitude. Her daddy might have a bit more control, but you have none.

Was there another question?

I feel ya. My 16yr old hasn't ever been in trouble with the law but she has a horrible attitude and mouth. She feels / acts like the whole world revolves around her. She is currently pregnant and it has only gotten worse. I can hardly stand living in the same house with her. I've actually considered renting her an apartment but then I don't think I could trust her with a baby - she's not the most patient person in the world. And she has also been known to hang around people in the wrong crowd.

I don't have an answer for you but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Because it's your kid and she should respect you ;)

On the other hand, she learned it from somewhere... 'do unto others, as you wish to have others do unto you' and all that.

Give a little more info, bet you'll get better answers!

What if you and her dad sat down with her and had a talk about what you expect from her now and what you will or will not tolerate? Then what if you HELP her learn what it means to be a mother to a baby and to become an adult? Yes, I know they don't listen but it sounds to me like she needs a mother and a father. You said your husband just got custody in February so that's not a long long time. I would try to work with her and not against her as much as possible as she has a very hard road ahead of her.

Has this kid ever had any consequences from her parents? That should have come way before respecting the courts! Your husband needs to get a grip...the "walk in love" and God business is not working obviously.

It's time for tough love and consequences.
I know you are worried about the baby, but that gives her power. Set the rules. Define the consequences.This all needs to come from her father - not you, as you are the step mom. Her dad needs to tell her to get a job and start paying the bills for this baby.
If she leaves again without the baby and doesn't come back, file with the court for abandonment of the baby.
I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. Hopefully, she'll grow up and figure it all out sooner rather than later.
LBC

Sounds like she has some major issues going on. Has she tried counseling? Seems like there is a lot of anger in her and resentment for some reason. Someone needs to help her get to the bottom of all that in order to provide some solution. But of course, the first step would be having to admit that she needs the help. You and your husband may know it but she may not be ready. However, it's time for some tough love. She's made some adult decisions while still be a child and that's hard. She needs to realize that there are consequences. Make her take responsibilty of her actions. If she refuses to follow by your rules and do what is needed, then you may not have a choice but to get her to a place that can enforce it to a stricter degree. Where's her bio mom in all this? How does she play in this? If she is to live under your roof, she has to follow your rules. Period. The sad thing is this is not just about her anymore. She wants to continue down that road, she will lose everything including her baby. Do what you have to legally in order to protect that sweet baby and stand tough with her. Her dad needs to realize that he needs to set some boundaries up for her. He can love her all he wants but he also needs to parent her. If he doesn't get on that page with you, then you are really fighting an uphill battle. Talk to your husband. Maybe suggest family counseling to begin with and maybe that will branch out to individual counseling for her. Good luck!

I think she is acting her age as far as the attitude, and a lot of times young mother's don't woman up and take care of their kids. I was one that did and it broke my heart to see other girls my age having babies and not being the M. they should be. I wasn't 15, but I was 20 and it's still hard.

I also think your husband needs to man up and handle his daughter. My kids would NEVER be brave enough to act the way she is.

Try to keep in mind that it is not the baby's fault that her mom is young and acting that way...the baby is an innocent party and most likely will need you and your husband to raise her.

God bless you.

teenagers are vile vicious creatures! LOL Until they grow up!

At least my daughter was...she is now 19 and off at college

I am not sure what advise to give you. However if I were in your shoes I would get custody of the baby . It sounds like it is only a matter of time before the courts buckle down on her.Shes going to keep doing what she wants and avoid what they command her to do. They will eventually.....they did to my sister. Good luck!