My Son and I Are Having a Hard Time

Maybe you could make a picture book of daddy pics and have daddy record himself talking to your son. That might make him feel better. You have my sympathy. Even if it's just 16 weeks that's really hard for all of you. I'm sure your husband misses you both a lot. Hang in there it'll get better I promise

We were in your shoes a few years back and it was hard!! I know what you are going through. Let me tell you, don't whine or complain, but DO voice your concerns to your husband. He is probably missing you guys too!! All I can say is MAKE quality time together alone and as a family as much as possible!!!! It hurt our marrige not to do it and had to work through it a year or so after he was done with school. Set mini goals and look forward to his next break and vacation time. Get through it chunk by chunk and not the big picture. Just think, with going to school he is helping to better the family; just voice your concern and provide encouragement!! You both can get through this!!7!

Well, sometimes you have to go through the hard times to get to the good times, ya know? Everyone has trails, and it's just how we deal with them that will determine teh outcome. I feel for you, in fact, we will be going through a similar situation next year. My hubby wants to go back to school. You will be okay, in fact, you will most likely be better after it's over with. At least your situation in for the good of your family, and sometimes we have to make sacrifices to better our situations. A 3 year old cannot be expected to understand that his daddy worls and goes to school so that he (the child ) can have a good life, and good for you for supporting your husband in his endevors. Having your son sleep with you for comfort seems fine to me, if it makes him less lonely, what's the harm? I know it must be stressfull, but I belive God make us, women strong for reasons such as these. Women can handel so much more than we are sometimes given credit for. Just keep it up, and if you need to vent, of relax for you-time, ask a family member of friend to sit for you for even an hour and go for a walk and listen to some music or just go shopping alone to get away and destress. As for your son, distract him with crafts, or walk to the park, make stuff for daddy, join a play group on meet up sites, go out for ice cream or a dollar menu fries. Just keep on truckin, you will get through it!

You will make it through. I know it is hard right now, but before you know it the semester will be over, then other semesters, and then he will graduate. You just have to keep looking at the big picture, and celebrate the little milestones each semester.

I went back to school at 34 when my son was 2 years old. I graduated 3 1/2 years later. It was tough on my son and family. My husband began putting our son in bed with him at night. Then when I came home I was often too tired to move him, and truthfully did not want to because it was comforting to cuddle with him since I had missed him so.

During semester breaks I spent as much time with him as possible. As he got older he began to understand why mommy wasn't around so much. I was lucky enough to also have my 15 year old (at the time) step-daughter living with us. She was an immense help, cooking, cleaning. I wouldn't have made it through with my family in tack had it not been for her.

i do commend your hard working hubbie - and you for going through this with him and supporting hime..

just do what you can, 16 weeks is not much in a whole lifetime, think of husbands who are deployed or work on the rigs, they dont get to see their wives/kids at all for months on end, but the kids still love them, and they still love their kids,

you will just have to hang in there for now, let your son go to a mothers day out to give you a break, spend time with family, it will be over soon

My husband does fieldwork and has to travel during the week and only be home on weekends for up to 3 months at a time every couple of years, so I understand. It will be fine once his class is over and things settle down. In the meantime, ways to help are:

video-cam if possible - if you can set one up at work and he can talk to your son on a 10 minute break or at the end of his work day, like around dinner time or something. Seeing his dad everyday even briefly will help with the connection.

Talking on the phone - I would put my husband on speaker phone while we were eating dinner every day. Maybe while your husband is diving from work to class he could "join" you for dinner? Or bath?

Keep yourself busy and him busy. I would go eat dinner at a friend's house once a week and plan lots of late afternoon playdates. Keep him busy during that time of day when your husband usually comes home . The socializing with other mommies will also help you immensely.

Also though I assume as you work on the weekend that your child sees your husband lots, have them do something "special" together on the weekends. They could go to a park, on a nature hike, a sporting event, etc... And make a "date" one night a week with your husband. You don't have to go anywhere, just spend two hours with no TV, no computers, just you and he where you can talk and reconnect.

It is ok to tell your husband it is rough with him gone, just also tell him you support him and what he is doing and you are willing to sacrifice in the short-term for the long-term gain. Then tell him ways to help "ease" the bad times. Better than yelling at him in a few weeks when it becomes unbearable. Believe me, I've been there. You will get through it.

Ditto Jodi J. Great advice esp. the video cam.

This is temporary....not forever and it is to better your life in the future.
Its a transition for your son, he will adjust and be fine. You may want to make adjustments to make your life easier---simplify dinners, maybe the house won't be as clean as it usually is, you may need to slack on some of that so you can focus on your son.

Remember--temporary, 16 weeks is nothing! 4 months will fly by, hang in there, support your hubby for going back to school. Hopefully this will lead to a better job, more financial freedom and in the end, you may have less stress because of it.

Chin up girl!! My neighbor's husband just was deployed to IRAQ for a year. Now, there's something to deal with, right?
Good luck :)

You will be ok. Keep your son distracted for the most part. Ask your husband to call on a break before bedtime to help settle your son for bed. That may help. When he does call, make sure you're flirting with him on the phone.

I understand when you say "I don't want my husband to know and feel he has to worry about us". Yet, from my experience, it is better to let your husband know.

Your husband will want to know your son's reaction. You don't have to lay a big guilt trip, so to speak, but just a "I wanted to let you know". I don't know if there is anything your husband can do but he may come up some idea.

One thing I would do when I dropped off my son to day care would be to get out my scarf or something of mine and ask him "would you hold this for me"? He would be comforted while I went to work. Something like that might be nice or maybe he can think of something else that is like that.

It will seem like a long 16 weeks to your son, still, you guys will make it. But I don't believe you and your son can do it without your husband's help.

Good luck.

Hi B.,
my heart breaks for you all. This is happening all over the world. So just know you aren't by yourself. We used to go through the same things when our kids were little. I use to work 3rd shifts from 10:00 p.m.-6:30 Mon-Friday drive 30 minutes both ways AND go to school full-time. Then my husband also left for a year to Kuwait. So we just kept ourselves busy. I am not a counselor so this is just my opinion; often times kids that young get their coping skills from watching the parent they are with the most.

I would get a book with dad's voice recorded for bedtime. Or get the dolls they make for kids with dad's face on it. I will pray for you all and YES you all will be okay. God bless you and your husband for working so hard.
E.

B.,
I know how you feel but multiply the kids, I have 5. Two sets of twins and a singleton. My husband left January 4th to work out of town and everything has been crazy but we have managed. Just remember this is a temporary situation and it too will pass. Look at it as a better future for you and your husband. Make sure to get your son back in his bed and keep a routine. Meet your honey whenever you can even if it is a short time. Short time is better than no time. Everybody goes through rough periods. Hang in there and be strong and supportive for your husband right now. He needs you and will appreciate it later. Keep yourself together girl! You can do this.... :)

M.

Hi B.,

What a darling mom you are. From your question I can see that you adore your family. Lucky them.

Having been down this road most of my married life, I can say that you have nothing to worry about. It appears that your son may be feeding off of your feelings.

All through my 4 children's life, my husband has traveled away for as long as 3 1/2 weeks at a time. It can be hard, but you become very use to the schedule. Your son is young enough that you can divert his attention away from the fact that his dad is away from him and build on the anticipation of when he does get to spend time with him.

Although this seems very hard, the time will pass quickly. I would just really encourage you to focus his attention on other activities and he will adjust.

I missed my hubby when he was out of town, but I quickly learned how much I can get done while daddy is away.

Just relax and enjoy the journey and be ready to celebrate in 16 weeks!!!

Your gonna make it, and so is your son!

M.

I know that sometimes we have to do what is necessary, but it really is h*** o* little guys. Perhaps, you could adjust his bedtime schedule (super early!) so that he gets up and has time in the morning. Make a regular lunch date at a park for picnics and playground. Do not cheat your son of childhood memories of the security of his father...what do you want for your grandchildren? A picture of a man who worked like a dog and was an absent father? or a picture of a father who worked like a dog and was there for his kids? Steal time for the boy...squeeze it out of the minutes of the day...Even if its 45 min. its worth it.
Have your husband make a tape of his voice that your son can play at bed time that reassures him...maybe have him read a story or sing a song.
Don't go for straight A's and perfection at work. Do what is necessary and go home.
He will only be 3 now and attachment issues are not fun.

It will be okay!

Try your best to have lunch and dinner with your DH. I would also tell him that his son misses him. He needs to know as it WILL affect his behavior towards his Dad when they are together. He may only be 3, but they sense a lot and can be little manipulators.

Good Luck.

You will make it! You poor honey! It is sooo hard but you are right in keeping it from him. The 16 weeks will pass, albeit slowly, and when its over you will be in a better position financially and in the job market (I assume the classes will do that). Thats very important to your family long term. Its much more stressful (I'm sure you know) to live with very little money. If possible, forgive yourself for not cleaning very well these next weeks. Make things as simple as possible to get yourself through this tough spot. I can relate a little because my dh and I work full time from home but since we are home, we are also full time parents and he is also going to school full time. Its super stressful but we are making it work because in the end the stress will be reduced when he can get a better job and I can keep the kids by myself and not work. School really is worth it! Any time you need encouragement, you can pm me. Hang in there!