My Fiance Is Smoking Pot While Taking Care of Our Baby.

Get rid of him until he gets clean and stays clean!!!!

My MIL investigates infant deaths and many of them are due to the person who is to be watching the child is high or drunk. I don't mean to scare or alarm you, but your child is not safe with someone who is high. Not to mention the 2nd hand smoke that they could be getting.

You need to contact the department of human services (http://www.michigan.gov/dhs/). On their site under the 'How do I?' there is an option for how to get assistance for daycare. The state provides assistance for low income families to pay for childcare. Actually, you go to an center that accepts government funding and they usually do the paperwork and bill the state for you (and then the state pays them directly). There is assistance out there for you if you want it.

Good luck. I know it's a terrible spot to be in and I don't envy you and your position at all. Feel free to contact me if I can be of help.

J.

J.,

You already know this, but addiction is a very difficult thing to change. Judgement is so impaired when he is high. I would really worry about your child. What if he passed out on the porch with your baby inside? There are so many things that could happen simply because he's in a fog.

The thing is...most people who have an addiction seem to have that type of personality. They often trade one addiction for another. I know that financially it is hard to be alone and that you love him. I think you need to ask him to get his act together before you agree to marry him because taking care of yourself and a baby is enough responsibility for one person.

J.,

What you should do is look 10 years down the road, you will have a pot smoking husband, and a impressionable 11 year old son who will want to emulate your husband, and it's not too unreasonable to think that you son will think it is not only cool, but acceptable to smoke pot, which usually leads to stronger narcotics.

Also, your baby is in danger, of your fiance's potential neglect or actions while high, and also inhaling the second hand smoke from his pot.

I think that you know you need to leave him. Call your dad and say Dad please come and get me I don't want to marry this man he's smoking pot and won't stop, both your grandson and daughter in in danger and I need your help. Any good daddy would jump to help their daughter if they called and asked for help.

If Child Protective Services found out that your baby was in a house where pot was being smoked even if it wasn't you he could be taken away since you are knowledgeable of it you are legally putting him in danger and held just as accountable as your fiance is. Is that really worth it?

Also, even if your fiance stopped smoking it would be at lease 3 years of being clean before I would ever consider him again.

J., there are so many great guys out there that don't smoke, drink or do drugs. You should get connected in a good church where you will have some support and connection with other people good women and men.

hope all turns out well. You are a strong enough person to leave this guy, he doesn't deserve you.

You've gotten a lot of good advise about the danger your child is in, so I won't go there. But I was in a similar situation before I got married. My supposed recovered alcholic fiance started smoking pot again. I won't go into all the dirty details, but I do want to let you know that the thing that kept me sane and making the right decisions was Al-Anon, a 12-step program for families/love ones of addicts. You will find people there that are going through and have been in situations like yours. I have a wonderful immediate family that was there for me during that difficult time, but it was my Al-Anon family that really kept me going. I felt like I had a place to go where I was understood and my fiance wasn't hates or judged as families are apt to do. Feel free to write back if you'd like to talk more.
Good luck to you and God Bless!

To be perfectly honest...get rid of that LOSER!!!!! As moms, we only want the best for our children, and that is not the best situation to put him in. Your fiance will never grow up. He says he will do whatever you say, but obviously he hasn't if he is still smoking pot. If he won't change for you, and he won't change for his own child, it will never happen, please realize that. I left a bad marriage when my daughter was 18 months old. Yes it was hard, it was scary and I was very poor for awhile. I had to move out of my house, give away my two dogs, move into an apartment and then I went back to school for a semester full time and worked on weekends. I hardly saw my daughter for three months while I was working to put our lives back together. It was one hundred percent for the best. Financially, you could move into a cheaper place like an apartment, you will save money by not having a wedding. You can ask the state for federal child care assistance for a licensed daycare to watch your son while you are at work. You will also have your fiance pay you child support according to his income through your county's Friend of the Court. You deserve better and your son deserves better, and you will find it. But you won't find it unless you move on from this person who is going to drag your life down. I have been divorced for two years now, my daughter is now three, I am a teacher, and I have a wonderful fiance who treats me and my daughter like Queens. Take care of yourself and your precious gift and good luck to you. Stay strong.

Hi J.,
From one supportive mom to another... you already know what you should do, you just need to find the strength to DO IT. This is not a healthy situation for you, let alone your babe. You have God-given right and obligation to protect your child whatever the cost. Right now, your baby comes first - no ifs, ands or butts (pun intended). You are not married to this guy yet - you don't need this stress. Your son can't tell you what he wants. No one else will protect him, but you. You are a good mom!!! Your gut instinct is giving you a gift, the gift of fear and concern - don't ignore it - that is why you have it!!

Thoughts and prayers with you, J..