My Daughter Hits Herself

Please seek a medical evaluation before anything else. I work with behavioral children daily, and we always think medical first, especially for behavior that has a sudden onset. She may have some kind of mouth, jaw, or ear (think sinus - see an ear, nose and throat specialist if possible) pain. This may only come out because she's already upset, then the pain hits, and that may be why she hits herself.

Speak to your pediatrician. It's probably nothing to worry about, but I know that children with Autism Spectrum Disorders do hit themselves, bang their heads or rock themselves when upset.

My daughter was a head-banger. She was diagnosed with a high-functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder when she was in elementary-school. In retrospect there were other signs too.. but you'd never have put it together till you had the diagnosis.

She's now 14, carrying a full honor's load in her freshman year with a 96% average, participating in Marching Band, Chorus, Drama, Environmental Club, Key club, the National Honor Society and has a wonderful but small circle of friends ( with a boyfriend she thinks we don't know about ;-).

An Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis is not a "death knell" for your child. Just knowing what's going on helps to find specialized ways to help them succeed. But as I said, it may be something that is normal for you child.. Just be aware, and talk to the doc.

Val

Dear M T-
My son used to bang his head on the floor at about the age of your daughter. I think it had to do with him not being able to express his frustration with words, etc. so it was his way to protest when he did not get what he wanted. It is scary - he never seriously injured himself - so I think the pain they will inflict upon themselves has limits. The best I could do was try to put him in a place where the floor was not as hard b/c often he did not want consolation - he was just pissed and wanted to express it. I wasn't able to make him stop altogether. Of course the head banging probably most often happened when he was hungry and or tired - so I tried to work on regular naps and snacks/meals. And I tried to figure out what was making him really mad - and at least acknowledge it - even if I couldn't let him have his way. I.e. I'd say - we can't have ______ now and banging your head won't help (it hurts) (that I'd say sternly) but we can have __________.
You don't want the self injuring to become a way for your child to get what the he/she wants - so it is a tricky balance of offering understanding and trying to help (i,e. distracting - taking them out of frustrating setting or offering an alternative to the not-allowed request they've made) and yet not rewarding the behavior. These things helped but did not always solve the problem.
Now that my son's two he does not bang his head anymore - and I hope for your daughter and you it stops very soon - I think it will. God bless you all.
-A.

Hi,

My son has also done the same and still does from time to time. I stop him from hitting telling him that I know he's upset or angry but that I love him very much and do not want him to hurt himself. I offer to him instead a pillow and tell him he can hit the pillow if he is so angry.
He must have picked this up at about 20 months of age and I know he wasn't being hit by either his his father or myself nor by his daycare teacher but wasn't sure he didn't get it from one of the other kids in daycare. He had been exposed to other kids hitting in school shortly before that. I also told his daycare provider to alert her that I was concerned about this new expression of frustration.
It may be just your (and my) child's inherent way of expressing frustration or anger. Some do head banging as well at the young age. I looked at whether or not there was any possiblity of his getting my attention as well whenever he did this however I ruled it out as often I was being attentive to him; and some of those times had to say No to him or limit set w/ him as he would be trying to push the boundries of safety. So, I believe it was frustration w/ "no" and would offer him an alternative action that was not harmful to him.
One last thing, is it possible that your child has an itch or pain from an ear infection, cold or allergy bothering her ear or face in anyway? That too could be it.
Best,

C.

I have two daughters. Both hit themselves or flailed thier arms in a hitting motion after being frustrated at about the same age as yours. It doesn't mean she is being hit by anyone. It is a phase, will end quick and is absolutely nothing to worry about.

ouch this is a hard one!!! my son used to hit himself in the head that when he was younger. he just kinda started and he'd do it all the time when he was angry or when he got in trouble for something. he was never hit or anything. i took him to see his doctor to see what was wrong, she said kids do it as a form of punishing themselves and to get him out of it before he took it out on others too. his dad used to hit himself in the head when he was angry and my son picked up on that after seeing him do it. i got him out of it eventually, it did take some doing, and constant reasurrance that he was a good boy and hitting would not make anything better. i would have to hold his hand when he did it and he would scream but i just held him in my arms till he stopped. he doesn't do it anymore, thank goodness!! it gets kinda scary at times but you'll both get threw it. good luck

Dear MT, I have heard about this in other children but have no experience myself. I wil pray for you and your daughter and I know there will be some advice. This is a great site. I have learned so much and have also tried to share too. My best, Grandma Mary

My daughter is 13 now, but when she was with the babysitter during the day and I at work, so it was sometime between
1-2 1/2 yrs. old, the babysitter told me that she was hitting herself and sometimes her dolls! I was horrified. My mind was going crazy thinking that someone was abusing her and I didn't know about it. This behavior was far and few between, but one time was too much for me. It stopped when she went to pre-school, age 2-1/2. At age 4, when in a day camp, she started pinching herself, hard enough to leave a mark on her skin. In retrospect, I see that the environment where she was, when she had this behavior, was not stimulating for her. Why she acted out this way, I don't know. When I put her in pre-school, she thrived. When i changed her day camp, she thrived, and the behavior stopped. In retrospect, it was her very unsual way to communicate that she didn't like her enviornment. Now that she is a teenager, she has no problem with verbal communication when she is not happy in a situation :), like anyother teenager. And, to be a proud mama, she made honor roll this marking period, she finished soccer season, and will rejoin the swim and volleyball teams in Jan.

It's frustration - our daughter does it too...and I hate it! She'll grow out of it.
Happy Thanksgiving!
J.

Sometimes adults swear when they become frustrated. It's just her way of 'swearing' that's all.

My daughter used to do it as well. My niece, instead of hitting herself, would bang her face rythmically on her crib rails before she went to sleep.

It's a phase, I've been told - my daughter doesn't do it any more (she's 25 mo.) and neither does my niece (3 1/2). My pediatrician told me that a child will rarely hit themselves hard enough to cause an injury...more than once. If she gets a lot of attention, she'll probably keep doing it.

When it was my daughter, I would gentle take her hands, put them down by her sides, give her a hug and say something like "No hit." (We're big on proper English here. ;-)) Then I would turn away and do something else.

My son did it too. I think it's common and doesn't always means something serious like autism, however it doesn't hurt to be aware and keep an open mind for her sake of all possibilities. Right now though, I think a combo of not making to big a deal of it, keeping her safe, changing the scene if possible and subsituting "nice" gestures for the hitting works well. I would try and talk to my son to talk him out of it and try to get him to communicate in other ways whats wrong or at least help him to understand that I know how he's feeling...Depending on what comes of that would make me decide if I felt it was a more serious issue such as autism - just b/c she hits herself doesn't mean she has autism - I did it as a child. I was frustrated or angry or uncomfortable from what my mom tells me. (sometimes I feel the same way as an adult - LOL - but I obviously know better how to handle my emotions - babies don't yet) I try to remember that when my son does it, so I don't freak out. Its very unsettling to see but from what I've heard and read they most likely will not hit themselves hard enough to do any damage and if they do hurt themselves once, it probably won't be serious and they most likely won't do it again...they are just learning their limitations too. With that said, I wouldn't worry to much (easier said than done - I am a huge worrier), but watch the behavior and talk to your pediatrician if you think its out of hand and if you feel you aren't combatting the behavior with other tactics. Sometimes it could be frustration, sometimes its a way of relaxing (sounds crazy but thats what I've heard and learned) sometimes its a way of combatting pain, like an ear infection - one time my son was hitting his head when he was trying to sleep and when I took him to the pedi the next day he did in fact have the onset of an ear infection...so look at the big picture - it can be normal!!! but then again it may be more serious and you will know if you need to seek further help - but check out all the norms first. : )