My Daughter Constantly Begs for Food - and Then Doesn't Eat It!

Dr Sears suggests placing a snack tray in the lower shelf of frig each day. The toddler can free graze from it at any time just like you would. Cut fruit, raisins, humus, sliced cheese or chicken. It works great for us. I change the choices sometimes to keep it fun but it gives the control to a small person who is seeking control. Good luck!

I agree it needs to stop but I would suggest looking into WHY - such as are you not giving her enough attention? Do you ignore her except when she requests food? Is there an activity the two of you could do together?
Not being blameful - just a thought.
I would also try having her help you prepare the food.

With my 3.5yo DD, I usually have certain foods that are snack foods... Usually fruits and veggies, that are in small enough amounts that even if she eats one carrot or two berries, it doesn't affect the rest of the food. If she is hungry between meals, that is what she gets. Otherwise, she just gets to eat what I make for meals.

Toddler food issues - sure drives everyone crazy!
I'd set a standard easy to prepare snack - raisins, celery sticks with peanut butter or cream cheese, etc - don't make it elaborate or fancy or big.
Her: 'Mom! I'm hungry!"
You: 'Ok Dear! Here you go!" Put the small snack in front of her.
A few bites later.
Her: "I want something else!".
You: "There is nothing else. You can eat what I gave you.".
Her: "I don't want it."
You: "Ok!" and take it away.
Her: "Mom! I'm hungry!".
You: "Ok, Dear! Here you go!" - give her the same snack right back to her.

Repeat.
A lot.
For the next several years.

If she pitches a fit she's free to do so - in her room where no one else has to listen to it.
She can come out again when ever she's over it.
Same thing with the whining - she free to whine - in her room - where you don't have to hear it.
Eventually she will learn that going through this song and dance is not getting her what she wants and then she'll finally give it up.
Either that or she'll be old enough to prepare her own food.
Consider getting a good pair of ear plugs.

You have a nice power struggle going on there and you are giving in. If she does not want to eat it in an unappetizing state she knows very well how that is done. She needs to finish it regardless of the state it is in, that is owning her choice. Yes your life will be living hell for a few weeks, maybe a month which she tests all outcomes and then realizes you are not going to cave. Thing is once she realizes she is no longer in control she will stop the long term whining. Sure you will still have times where she asks for something else and when you say no she will try for a couple minutes to see if old mom is back but it won't last very long because she will consider that while she is whining her food is getting cold or gross.

What is the deal with blood sugar level as an excuse for whining? This is not directed at you, I just keep hearing it and a couple days ago one of my kids pulled this. First off he is 14 so don't think I am kicking puppies here. He was laying on the sofa saying he was starving and his blood sugar level is dropping. I said, if you ever claim that again know I will not listen to a word you say after that declaration. Second, considering you just ate four Butterfingers from your Halloween stash I can't imagine how it is even possible.

I'd stop the discussions. She's not in charge. You are not a short order cook.

You make the decisions on what she eats. Put out several types of food on her plate, small portions. That way she gets to "choose" whether to eat the carrots or the pasta first, bur that's it. If she pushes it away, it becomes the food for the next meal or snack. Don't make things that do not reheat or that get gross if they sit around for a while. Just don't have that food around, or hide it in the cabinet behind something else so she doesn't see it.

Don't argue. Just repeat something simple like "we don't eat cupcakes for dinner" or "fruit roll ups aren't for breakfast." Make sure ALL your food offerings are healthy foods so you can feel good about what she chooses.

Think of the families with 5 kids - are those parents making food to order? No. What goes on the table is what's for dinner. Eat it or be hungry.

If you keep a bunch of options at the ready (carrot coins, green pepper slices, mandarin orange segments, grapes, etc.) on a plate in the refrigerator, then you can pop out an assortment of choices in one gesture.

Kids have no sense of time or consequence so the "If I make you this, you can't tell me you are hungry" logic is completely lost at this age. If she's whiny or grumpy, she can whine and grump in her room.

I think you need to figure out if she's bored, as you suggest, or if she's hungry, which you also suggest when you talk about her blood sugar level dropping. Sounds to me like she's a lot more grumpy about not getting her way. We had an early childhood educator come talk to us parents when my child was in preschool - her tried and true mantra was "How unfortunate for YOU!" to any child who refused food and then was hungry, refused gloves and then was cold on the playground, refused to clean up and then couldn't find toys, etc. "How unfortunate for YOU. I am eating a delicious snack so I am not hungry." or "How unfortunate for YOU. I decided to wear my gloves so I am nice and warm." No lecture about what the child should have done, just a statement that HER life was better because she followed the recommendation to eat or wear gloves. It worked like a charm in our house.

If you don't want to involve her in the food prep, fine. But find some new and exciting, easy-to-prepare foods that are very nutritious (try Jessica Seinfeld's books) and then have them available. By the time you boil water and make a box full of mac & cheese with powdered cheese, she could have eaten something decent that was already made and had a strong nutritional basis. You could also use a patented supplement to be sure she has enough nutrients in a delicious form so she's not having any blood sugar issues - I can recommend one if you want to add that in to the regimen. it's easy to fix and it solves a whole host of problems.

She sure has got you trained. She does this because you are allowing it. She knows you feel bad for her and don't want her to be hungry, she also knows that you don't want to listen to her whine. So she continues the behavior because it works for her. YOU need to stop this and this is what you do. You don't ask her what she wants. Period! You're the mom. Plan your meals. Put a 3 year old size portion in front of her. If she doesn't eat she goes hungry, until the next meal. Repeat process. The best advice a pediatrician ever gave me was that a child will not let themselves starve to death. She WILL eventually eat what you put in front of her, but only when you stick to your word and be consistent. Will it be rough at first. Absolutely, horrendously, mind blowingly rough, but it WILL work. Good luck :)

Your daughter is exhibiting her need for control and you are giving it to her. You state you don't have the energy to be a short order cook - but yet - you comply to her wishes and fix her what she wants. She has the control. You need to take it back.

Meal times are set. Tell her that. If she wants a snack - fine. Here are carrots, celery, broccoli, etc. but you are NOT a short order cook. She can wait until the next meal and eat what is put in front of her.

YOU are the parent. STOP giving in. it's that simple. Do you have set meal times? If so - enforce them. Snacks can be in between meals and should be a SNACK not a meal (this is what my 11 year old does...he THINKS a snack is a bowl of EZ mac, chips and carrots or some other veggie...uumm no dude...that's not a snack -that's a meal!! LOL!!)

Sorry - but you need to take the control back and be the parent. No more short order cook. PERIOD. Offer her a snack and that's IT. Otherwise, she can wait until the next meal.

It's just her age...this is normal. Give her ridiculously small amounts of foods on her plate. Slice a few slices from a banana and give her a toothpick to eat them. Make yourself a scrambled egg and give her a bit. Make yourself a piece of toast and give her one forth of it. Give her a small amount of orange juice in a tiny cup. Tell her: this is breakfast. If you don't like it the rule is you can't have anything else till 10:00 when you can have your morning snack (or whatever your family eating rules are). Let her whine away if she wants and make her wait. If she eats it and wants 2nds...then great. My daughter just turned 4 and sometimes she does this (eats such a small amount of food it is silly and then says she is full). I ignore her antics...and she then has to wait. Then she surprises me and other times she eats a TON.

It stops when you stop it. Seriously why are you in negotiation with a 3 yr old over food? You make a million decisions in her life to keep her happy and healthy so why aren't you setting rules for this?

Set specific times for meals and snacks and keep her busy between so she's not bored. When it's snack time give her something of your choosing. If she eats it that's great. If she doesn't sorry but this is snack today. Leave it on the counter or wrap it up and throw it in the fridge. Any "I'm hungries" are met with "ok let's get your snack off the counter our out of the fridge'. If she doesn't want that it's ok to say that she'll have something to eat at the next meal.

A child is not going to starve with food in the house. Let her suffer a little discomfort for her actions instead of trying to solve the problems for her. Using an excuse of low blood sugar for catering to her ever whim is hysterical.

Hi, TT:

Is your daughter constipated?
Maybe she needs some friendly bacteria or
some digestive aids!
This is not my business (www.enzimedica.com)
See if the information on this site will give you
a clue.
The other thing I would suggest is to look at the emotional needs of your
child. This may be a symptom of needing more attention from you.
How much time are you holding her, hugging her, sharing with her?

Just want to know.
D.

There are many reasons why your daughter may be doing this, but one thing that comes to my mind that hasn't been mentioned is that she could be doing it for your attention. How is your relationship with her? You mentioned you have another child at home so you obviously can't pay attention to her 100% of the time, but do you spend enough time with your daughter (not from your perspective, but from your daughter's -- some kids just need more attention than others...)? Do you have one-on-one time with her? Are you affectionate with her?

The reason why I say this is beacuse I have a sister who used to do something similar when we were younger, although she was a bit older (elementary school). She used to wake up my mom between 11pm and 1 am (!) and would ask her to make her something to eat. She didn't eat much of it either. My mom theorized that my sister needed more attention/love, so she woke up to make food for her every time she asked (it was my mom's way of "proving"/showing her that she loves her, but obviously there are other ways of showing love and affection without slaving over a hot stove!). She also started being more affectionate, etc. with her, and sure enough after a little while, my sister stopped waking her up.

"Three" is often like this. You are going to have to be rock solid firm, mama.

Three meals and two snacks a day. This is perfect for a three year old. Serve them around the same time each day. Water should be always available; reserve milk for mealtimes.

Each meal should have three choices, you pick. No more asking her. (Please believe me, I have lived through this multiple times as a nanny and with my own kid.) Put three reasonable (by reasonable, I mean food she has eaten readily at times in the past) items on the plate, small portions, and that's that. She may make her choice from the plate. Period. If she says "I want such and such" tell her "You have what's on your plate."

Then, be rock solid about this. If she says "I want blueberries" and you have blueberries, then you can say "yes, you can have blueberries with your lunch. Right now, this is what I have for you."

This is what I have for you -- new mantra.
Think of it this way-- at this age, when we ask our kids what they want, you know what happens? They start to think that we don't know how to be in charge of them. It's true. Can you imagine going to work and having your boss ask you 'Well, what do you want to do today?' If it's up to you, you might start something but decide-- maybe that's NOT what I want to do, I'd rather do something else. My boss doesn't seem to know what I should be doing, so why not?

You are the boss. Keep it simple. Expect the first week of this to be potentially tough. You are teaching her that you know what's best for her, so that is going to take some getting used to on her end.

What I often did with kids who had food issues was to get a bigger gladware type container and put a variety of snack items in it for the day. Say, a yogurt, some string cheese, crackers, fruit slices, raisins, lunchmeat rolls--- whatever I knew they would reasonably eat. Then, no discussion-- snacktime was whatever was in the snack box. The snackbox only came out at snacktimes, sitting at the table, and eating together. Do make sure you are sitting down with her, even if just for a cup of tea or coffee for yourself, when she is eating. Kids need the companionship.

I also believe in enjoying my own meal, so if a child asks me for something when I'm seated, I don't just hop up and get it. I encourage them to either help themselves or "I'll get it in a few minutes. Right now I'm eating." This also helps them to remember that you are a person with your own needs and not a waitress.

Be patient-- this usually does happen around this age. I'm not sure why, but I've seen it countless times. Remember, your child will NOT starve to death. Don't become more invested in her eating than she is, okay? And if she doesn't eat her dinner, do as Diane B suggested-- save the plate and re-serve. Don't let her go for the cereal-- many folks fall into this trap with their kids. I think, if they've eaten a full meal, that a bowl of cereal in the evening is okay, but consider that you are setting up the groundwork for how your child perceives meals for the next many years. Good luck!

I think she's probably thirsty. Tell her she can't have anything until she drinks some plain water. I'd say 6-8 ounces. Then she can have 2 items from a pre-made list. Graham crackers, club crackers, slice of cheese, spoonful of peanut butter, slice of luncheon meat, fruit from a single serving container such as applesauce, peaches, pears, etc...this way you don't have to cook anything. Just open the cabinet and pull it out.

If it's a partial banana put the remains in a zip lock bag and freeze it, save it for banana bread. You can save them for several months if the air is mostly out of the bag.

Fix meals at meal time. I always do cereal for breakfast. I do try to cook breakfast one day per week on Saturday. I do pancakes or biscuits and gravy, something fun that the kids love.

I don't do lunch except on Saturday. The rest of the week the kids eat at school, or not, that's up to them to go and eat.

Then we try to do a sit down together meal a few days per week. mostly it's TV dinners and quick fix stuff like Mini Beef Ravioli out of a can with some green beans. Or Spaghetti, sauce from a jar and fresh cooked pasta.

Then we have a morning snack, an after school snack, and a before bedtime snack.

So basically the kids eat something about 6 times per day.

I have a totally picky eater and once I stopped focusing on making her eat what "I" wanted her to eat she tries new foods every now and then. She also gets what she wants for snack and eats it. I often ask her what do you want for dinner too. If I get her input I know she'll at least eat part of it.

I don't cater to her but I do bend to her wishes/choices a lot because I know she'll eat what is fixed if she has a say in it. If I want to fix spinach lasagna I know there's no way in heck she'll even try one bite of it. So I might offer to microwave her some chicken nuggets as her main dish. Then she'll eat her choices and we can eat in peace.

She has Geographic Tongue and I've made her puke too many times by being a dictator at meal time. I've made her try a single bite of food and then had to clean up puke because she truly did not want it or like it.

So I decided that "I" did not have to force her to eat the foods "I" wanted her to eat. That she is smart enough to make food choices. Since I learned to be a nicer person to her about food she's stopped being so stressed out about it and actually is better about what she eats.

As long as she's healthy and growing I wouldn't worry about it. Continue to offer her very tiny portions. Keep a bowl of fruit on the table, and some chopped veges, nuts, etc. on hand so she can help herself to something healthy when she doesn't like what's been prepared for dinner. If she whines about her choices send her to her room until she stops. Whining was one of my biggest pet peeves, my kids learned early on that I wasn't listening to that!

How long has this been going on--months, year or more? My toddler has allergy and sinus issues. When they're affected, even his standby favorites don't do it for him. He'll be excited about it and then take two bites and be done. And wait a minute to ask for something else. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out, and I'm already a little frustrated. Once I get it, though, I just empathize and tell him that I know what's going on, and he's glad for the validation. Then, I proceed to make him a big batch of mashed potatoes and make sure that he takes his vitamins every day.

The tough thing about 3 is ... they're 3! It's just a ridiculously challenging year.

But the great thing about 3 is that they're still trickable. They haven't gotten to the stage where they see through everything and then some.

So, try talking up whatever food you give her. As in ... "Oh wow, graham crackers! These are my favorites! I don't know, should I give you some, or should I just gobble them up myself? They're so yummy!"

And, the other great thing about 3? They outgrow it, all of it, the worst dramas in the world. By the time she turns 4, this will likely all be part of the past.

One of my GD's, H, used to do the SAME thing. Drove me absolutely crazy!

I have noticed with H now that as soon as my other GD, L, who lives with me leaves the house, H instantly says she's hungry, even if she just finished eating. I have come to realize that she says that out of boredom and that she uses food to soothe herself.

I have gotten her out of the habit of asking for food and not eating it by gauging myself how hungry I think she is. If she has eaten something within the last couple of hours, I make her wait. I make her wait until I KNOW she is hungry and then she eats it. Now, were she to still not eat it, she would wait another couple of hours before anything is offered and I would not pay one bit of attention to her saying she's hungry. I would respond with "Yeah, I know you're hungry so maybe next time I give you something to eat, you'll eat it." and move on. No guilt; no second thoughts just respond and move on. Once she figures out that your world does not revolve around whether or not she eats, she will eat when food is offered. If you, even one time, make her something else, you will start all over. She won't keel over and die if she doesn't eat or 5 hours or so. She'll be hungry,. but far from dead!

Stop letting her run the show. It's turned into a game of sorts for her. My daughter did a bit of this too...it is annoying to say the least. I stopped giving her options. I had to set meal/snack times and stick to them. She no longer had a choice. "I am sorry, this is what is for snack today." The end. Yes she will fuss and fight you on it. She will whine and cry. She may throw a full blown tantrum, but if you stick to it, she'll understand quickly. I don't make "second choices" when they don't like snack. I don't even make seperate meals for my kiddos. After she "got it", then I could give her choices. "Would you like Y or Z for snack?". Now she is five and has leaned that she needs to eat whatever she chooses, so when it's appropriate, she can make food requests.

This is a power play and she is winning.

Stop asking what she wants. Make meals and she eats it or not. Between meals, have bite-sized snacks. If she gets whinny tell her she sounds more tired than hungry and put her down for a nap, every time.

Repeat after me "I am the parent". This is a mantra we all need from time to time.

I'm assuming she is a healthy girl.

If she is, I would suspect a power game.

It can be lots of fun to play with Mama this way!

You don't have to play, however. Tomorrow morning, when she says she's hungry, you say, "Breakfast is at X o'clock. You'll be able to eat then." If she wants to *keep* you in conversation on the subject of food, be very busy with other things. Do this in a friendly way, but firmly.

Set the times when the meals and snacks will be, and basically stick to that.

I had a granddaughter who did it for a while. She would be here five minutes and then start saying, "I'm hungry - can I have a snack?" Of course soft-hearted Gran would find her something - only to hear the question again a short while later. Finally I caught on. After that, she would sweetly ask, "May I pleeeeeease have a snack?" and I would sweetly answer, "Nooooooo." And sometimes I would add, "Don't ask again."

Next time you're at the library, look in the children's section for Betty McDonald's MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE, and read the chapter titled "The Slow-Eater-Tiny-Bite-Taker Cure." It's not your situation, but probably related enough to make you smile.

I would make her only small portions. If she is done after two bites, then I would pack it up for later, but tell her that she doesn't get something else. I started early on saying "It is a waste for you not to eat your food. Your choice is this banana you asked for or no snack right now. My ears do not hear whiners."

I would also try regular snack times so she's not choosing random food, but eating what you offer before she's too hungry and grumpy to process thoughts.

My daughter (8) sometimes does this too, and it is very annoying. Usually the trigger for her is seeing what someone else is eating and she decides she'd rather have that. [To be clear, I should add that I'm not making several different items per meal; I tend to cook larger quantities of pancakes, stew, etc at one time during the week and then heat up a portion for any particular meal.]

In your case, I think it does sound like your daughter is making a power play. She probably needs to be offered fewer choices at this point, since she seems to be more invested in the power of changing her mind than in eating a particular food. Maybe taking out the choice at this time, as the others posters suggested, will be be your ticket. She also isn't really hungry, or she would eat more. Those two or three bites may actually be enough for her at one time. I do understand so well that the 'my child isn't eating' button is a huge one--it still gets me going. Just remember that she will not starve from missing a snack or meal, no matter how she whines.

Another thoughts... you need to find ways to dial down the power struggle. Sitting at the table while she looks at the cooling/cold food just keeps the power struggle going. If she isn't eating, then have her get down and go play with her somewhere else. For now, perhaps avoid foods that are in larger quantities or have to be eaten warm to be enjoyable. That way, you are wasting less food.

I'm not in the camp of 'eat what everyone else has or nothing.' I am fine with everyone eating a different meal, as long as we are at a table together. The key is that different meals can't mean more work for the adult cook (usually me). Now that our kids are older and can prepare their own cheese quesadila, cereal, or sandwich, I make it their responsibility to create their alternative meal. If one of them wants something different from what I provided, they are welcome to get it themselves.

Good luck! You've gotten good advice already.

My toddler does that. Whines for food all day, actually.
Eats some, doesn't eat some. I don't really worry.

I do not make meals for myself but eat the leftovers from toddler.

At preschool (long-day) he goes by their schedule so it's not an issue so much. But he says "I'm hungry" a lot. Truly he is hungry a lot and too stubborn to eat enough at once unless it's not very healthy.

If you want another idea besides just 'make her eat it,' you could try 'make it fun.' The point is with parenting that we have to do what we can do to stay sane, right?

There are many reasons why your kid might not want to eat the food on her plate -- sinus/allergies, texture issues with food, etc. But if you think she is not getting enough food every day, you can try adding play to meal time.

Here are some games I play with my kids: 1) Guess what I ate (This game requires about 3 different things on the plate - I close my eyes and when I open them I have to guess which kind of food is missing). 2) Dinosaur (This game involves miniature imaginary pterodactyls that live in broccoli trees and frogs that live in carrot logs that have to fly or hop away before getting eaten by my dinosaur kids). 3) Chef (This game involves foods to put together in different combinations. I usually bring out small squares of a few kinds of bread (sometimes tortillas/crackers/large shell noodles) and cheese and lunch meats cut up into small pieces, and also tuna fish and egg salad or fried egg. My kids put them together in different ways and then I try them too). 4) Face (Allow kids to decorate a plate with a few small foods to make a face and when they eat up the nose, hold your nose and say 'Oh no, she got my doze!' when they eat the mouth, cover your mouth and mumble, when they eat the eyes, say "I can't see! I need new eyes!" etc.)

I have four other recommendations -- 1) Get some library books about nutrition. My kids love the Berenstain Bears "Junk Food" but I bet there are a lot of others. They really do understand more about the role of proteins and vegetables from reading this book. 2) Try not to put food on your kid's plate. Put it in a different container and allow her to put it on her plate using some kind of utensil - try children's chopsticks for extra fun. That way she can learn to take how much she is hungry for and you won't be frustrated by giving her more than she eats. Also, you can get a small pitcher and let her pour her drink to allow her an even greater feeling of control over her diet. Use a knife to cut a small piece off a banana. Make a few slices of banana and let her move the slices to her own plate. A half of a banana still in the peel is edible later. 3) Try letting your kid choose a kind of music to listen to while she eats. This has been extremely effective with my youngest daughter who otherwise can get bored or frustrated at meal times, especially when she feels sleepy. "You didn't get to choose what is for dinner? Then I should let you choose the music." 4) Move the pressure away from actually eating. Right now she is feeling that if she is not eating, she is performing a role in a game for you, and she gets a kind of attention that makes her feel like it is her role to not eat in this performance. Instead of asking her to finish foods, ask her to try foods. "Can you please put a piece of lettuce on your plate and take a tiny bite to see if you like it? Our tastes change every day as our tongue grows up. Every food you eat now was a food you didn't like at first." Be satisfied if she tries it - every time a kid tries something new, that is the success you are looking for.

I forgot to mention one last thing - you might want to eliminate all kinds of sweets/desserts from her diet (and your family's diet while in view of her) for a time. Many kids this age consciously do not eat at meals so they can have space for dessert later.

Make a clock and put pictures of meal times on there and she may only eat at those times (about every two or three hours) if she requests food yell her it's not snack lunch dinner time yet

A psychologist told us this when our daughter was 2: (paraphrasing) "I know you have an older son who doesn't have these issues, and you're raising him without much difficulty, and he's a well-adjusted boy, but I have to remind parents that sometimes the rules and strategies that work for most of the children in the world, and what has worked well with other kids in their own family, just have to be thrown out when you have a child with a particular struggle. The parents say they've always done it 'this way' but I tell them that this child is going to need for you to do it differently". Our daughter was having severe tantrums, food issues, and many other struggles due to medical problems and we had just assumed that since we had an older child, we knew how to discipline, feed, punish, and teach another kid. Boy were we wrong.

All this to say, you may be able to ask your son what he wants to eat, and make it, and all will be well. But you might have to have a different strategy for your daughter. No more asking what she wants. She might be impulsive, or overwhelmed by choices (such as at an all-you-can-eat buffet) or her little mind might be jumping ahead and thinking "oooh now I want cake! Or chicken! Oh, apples!". So you're going to have to focus for her. Tell her in no uncertain terms, "Susie, I will be making grilled cheese for lunch." Do not get into a battle. Do not listen to the whining. Ignore her completely.

The psychologist taught us that "rewarded behavior will increase and persist, ignored behavior will decrease and stop". And by "reward" he didn't mean toys and prizes and stickers, but any kind of attention, eye contact, pleasant talk, interaction. If she whines, pretend like she's not even there. Find something you can do even if it doesn't make sense (wrap up a ball of yarn, or read something that doesn't require concentration). Don't go to a buffet for awhile, but to a simple restaurant with a limited kids' menu. I encourage you to throw out all the strategies that you've tried and just serve her some food and if she eats a bite, talk to her. Not about food, but something like "I hope we can go to the park this week" or "did you see that our neighbors got a new cat?" or "I talked to Grandma on the phone today. She's going shopping today". If she whines, stop all eye contact and go wash dishes or do a crossword puzzle or fold laundry.