My Child Hates Kids Her Own Age

Don't worry about it...most children at that age do not play well with one another...for one thing they can't usually talk to each other very well...older children can talk to her and she can understand them etc...I think as she gets older it will be easier for her to play with children her own age....and eventually she will be the "older" child and she will be telling the younger ones what to do!!

How does she play with the older kids? What I mean is, how do THEY relate to HER? Do they treat her equally with the other kids? Or do they let her have her way and try to keep her entertained? My son has always related to older kids (WAY older kids) as well... but they were playing "down" to his level b/c they had younger sibs and were good kids who were raised to "help" with their younger sibs. They enjoyed it; it wasn't work. But their goal was more that my son have fun. So of course he enjoyed all the attention a great deal. My daughter, however, was mature for her age, and does not play well with younger or even same aged kids very much. Not to say she is mean or anything like that. But she PREFERS to play with older kids. She sees herself as older and more mature. She has a tendency to "look down" on younger kids and think she is "above" playing with them. My daughter is also gifted. I think that is part of the reason she is like that. She truly is mentally beyond her same aged peers. She does have good friends at school, and is socially well adjusted. But she doesn't LIKE to play with kids that are younger. She seems to feel like it is a chore. She also grew up playing one on one with her older brother. 3 years older.

Has your daughter ever said anything as to why she prefers the older kids? Do the same aged kids take her toys? Not share? Want to be the boss? Those are all pretty typical for that age... and maybe she just doesn't want to have to compromise, if she has found that she doesn't have to with older kids.

My son, now 2.5 yrs, was the exact same way up until the last couple of months. I've always chalked it up to the fact that he had older cousins who fully entertained him. They made him laugh, just thoroughly enjoyed making him happy. So obviously he was drawn to the older kids.

I actually felt bad for the kid for awhile there. Whenever we were at the park, he would totally ignore the kids his age, and "try" to play with the 3-5 yr olds. But in most cases they were just not interested and/or rude to him. Up until now he had no clue. He has finally realized and was getting his 'feelings' hurt. So now he plays really well with kids his age, no problems at all!! Albeit he does seem to play better with those kids who have older siblings, that are his age.. So I've just kind of rolled with it.

Give it another 6 months I'm sure you will see a difference then, even at 24 mths they are still parallel playing a lot!! It could just be she meshes better with the older kids, but I'm sure most of it is the fact that the older kids tend to cater to her, more than compete with her, as kids her age usually do. I wouldn't see a problem with it too much.... Although, just recently I've had issues with my son trying to copy the older kids, and that in itself is creating more trouble than its worth so I am trying to limit his playmate to kids his age. Good luck !! Hopefully some other moms will have some more wisdom, I'm just kind of going with the flow at this point!!

My son is 17 months, and he is similar. He doesn't really turn into a bully, but he has no interest at all in kids his age. He likes the big kids, too. He's currently an only child, but he's going to have a little sister in a couple of months. We hope that he'll grow to appreciate the younger kids too, but maybe not. ^_^

Victoria hit the nail on the head. Kids your daughter's age are not expected to play well together. They can't understand sharing and taking turns until at least 3-4. The older kids enjoy entertaining the "baby". If she takes something away, they let her. If she runs, they chase her. She doesn't hit them because there's no reason to--- it's all about her. Totally different when she plays with another toddler.

I never had problems with my first son, but everyone we knew was either 1 year older or younger. My second son has been around many other kids that are very close in age. It seems like it started when he turned 2 and it started dying out at around 2.5 years. He wouldn't get along with anybody his age. It was like it was almost jealousy or something. There was always yelling and crying. So my opinion, I really think this might be your terrible twos. When she becomes more vocal maybe things will improve.

I really don't think this is all that unusual especially when she is at home with her "guests". She may prefer the older children as someone to look up to. You may want to sit down and lovingly talk to her about how she feels when she is in time out. Then you may say something like "this is how Johnny feels when you hurt his feeling" Something along that line may help. .... At 24 months, she is still very young. I wouldn't completely take away her older playmates. She obviously finds something in these older children that she isn't finding in her peers. Is she an only child? Maybe her Dr. can help you with this situation...I wish you the best of luck. God bless you and your family.

My soon to be 4yo doesn't care for kids his own age either. He's fine, one on one, but he hates big groups of kids his own age. He has always been advanced for his age, and has olser cousins, so I think that is some of it. I wouldn't worry too much about it. She may be advanced and just bored with other children her age that are behind her, developmentally.

BOTH of my boys are this way, I can't recall my DD being this way, she loves kids her age but my boys were different. I don't have a reason why but they go wild for the older kids. : )
One is 4 and the other is 2. I just assume it's because they're so silly and love when the big kids chase them around! She may never grow out of it either, I was this way all throughout school, didn't really get along or relate to my peers but got along great with the older kids, now it's the same way so don't worry, it's normal and just who she is. Take care!

My son (27 months) is exactly the same. He plays beautifully with older children. I think it's just that at this age, kids the same age seem like rivals while the older kids aren't threatening. My son plays with the older kids like he plays with mommy and daddy. At two years old, kids are typically doing parallel play and not interacting with each other very much. I think it's natural to play better with older children because the dynamic is more like mom and dad. My son plays very well with a four year old at church and a four year old cousin, but gets jealous and bossy when he plays with his three year old cousin. My SIL told me her daughter (the three year old cousin) was exactly the same way when she was my son's age and now she plays very well with other kids. I think it's just a totally normal developmental thing.

When I was a child, I always played with kids 3-5 years older than me. I didn't really like kids my own age - I didnt' understand them. I wasn't "into" their fads or interests or whatever. I knew more then they did and felt I had to 'dumb down' conversations.

My son is the same way. He struggles to get along socially with his peers (often ending with behavior issues due to frustration) but is totally fine when around teenagers or adults. Academically, he's more like a teenager or young college student... last week he held his own in a conversation about algebra, calculus and other advanced math concepts when making a model rocket with his grandpa (they were discussing trajectory, how to determine the height it flies, aerodynamics, etc). He is 7 years old. Last year he was diagnosed with being on the Autism Spectrum with Spectrum.

So your daughter may be totally fine and normal. It may be something else. Either way, at this age, it doesn't really matter. Let her play with older kids. All 2 year olds are ego-centric... putting a small group of them together is usually just asking for problems and you will have behavior issues from some of them. Preschool teachers know this and it's why classes are so small and why they have multiples of every toy. :-)

She probably does better with older kids, because then it is not a "competition." When with her own age group... she is in "alpha" role.. meaning, the dominant/domineering position and tries to 'boss' others. Some kids are this way and some aren't. Kids also, like "older" kids, because it is fun and they like following the older kids around and doing what they do etc.

But... she is young. They don't yet know how to play socially nor reciprocally.

But I would 'practice' with her... because, once she is in preschool or in school... it may still be an issue and THEN she will be in a group with kids the SAME age. And then, other kids will get affected. In my daughter's classes and my friend's kids classes... there were 1-2 kids that were like that... and well, other kids don't want to play with them. Nor have play dates with them. Because they are bossy and bullying.
My friend's daughter, has a friend, that is like that. And well, my friend doesn't like when her child is bossed and 'bullied' by the friend. These girls are 5.

Again though, your child is young. They don't know socialization yet.
But in time, teach her. Because it will only benefit her. She will need to learn that... and especially in school, where there WILL be same aged kids.

all the best,
Susan

Do you have older kids around often? My daughter has an older brother and she has never gotten along with kids her age. She prefers to play with his friends and when she is around her own age group she gets very bossy and says they are babies. I've decided to just let her pick her friends as long as they are playing appropriately. It has worked well so far and this year she actually made a friend her own age who ironically also has an older brother. They are young they will figure it out and as long as the friends aren't dangerous I think it's ok to let her be friends with whom she chooses. Good Luck!

Your child is highly intelligent and gifted. Most gifted children view children their own age and/or younger as insipid and childish. When I was a child, my favorite friends, cousins, and companions were children five to six years older than I was. I found children my age and younger to be retarded in all ways. Do not worry, she is a mature child beyond her years. Let her socialize with the older children for they are more on her level than peers her own age.

Bottom line........she's going to HAVE to get along w/ kids her own age! What will happen when she starts school? Try working w/ her and one other child at a time. STRUCTURE the play, etc. and talk to her about ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIOR and/or ways to handle things OTHER THAN bullying! If there is any other behavior like this in your house/environment - ELIMINATE IT IMMEDIATELY! She's learning it from somewhere. You absolutely should have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy on this.

Have consequences for the bad choices/behavior and STICK TO THEM no matter what! YOU are in charge, NOT the child - or at least - that's the way it should be. Children LIVE what they LEARN.