My Almost 4Yr Old Is TOOOO Picky - HELP!

Hello N.,

I had and still have that problem with my 4 year old son. I found that we started with corn and green beans. Not the canned kind, but the frozen kind. I get the steam bag ones, open them and steam them in a skillet pan. I found that to start with less mushy veggies he was more apt to eat them. I also put a little butter, salt and pepper on mine. I don't know how you feel about using spices with you daughter. Then we have gradually lead into other veggies. He has to try them. If he does the choke thing. After he is done, we clean him and make him eat another. He has learned that doing the "act" won't get him out of eating them. I don't know if that may help you, but maybe it will. Good luck~

With my son (3 1/2), we only offer him what we are eating. If he chooses not to eat dinner, he gets NOTHING afterward until the next meal time. Same with breakfast, lunch, etc. He is only given what everyone else is eating. Of course, I do schedule a morning and an afternoon snack where he has the opportunity to have a snack size portion of crackers or cheese, or whatever I give him, but other than that, nothing...and I do not give snacks after dinner at all unless he eats ALL of his dinner. Something like that may help you. My son chooses not to eat dinner quite often, but normally eats lunch and breakfast. I try to make sure and serve at least one meal that I know he likes (that way I feel better even though I know kids won't starve themselves).

I have a friend who sneaks veggies into her daughter's diet. (Just last week she put carrots and broccoli into banana bread - and it was very tasty!)

I personally don't cater to my children - so we don't ever have corn dogs or chicken nuggets in the house. I give them a portion of every child-friendly food that my husband and I eat. They don't have to eat anything they don't want to. I don't make them take a bite of anything they don't want to try. The food is on their plate. We don't even talk about it. I make an effort to serve at least one item that I know each child will eat, because I don't want mealtimes to be unpleasant. But, if they don't eat a good dinner or lunch they don't get rewarded with a special after-dinner sandwich. They have to wait until snack time to eat again.

Two of my kids will try pretty much anything - and they like most things. One of my sons is VERY cautious. Something new has to appear on his plate over and over again before he will even consider trying it. And even then, he's more likely than not to NOT like it. I still put a small portion of everything onto his plate. I'm happy to report that this practice caused him to change his mind about carrots, peas and a few other veggies. (He still thinks broccoli was invented to poison him, though!)

My guess is that you are pushing your daughter into taking "one bite." So, knowing that you are watching her, she turns into a drama queen to prove to you that the food really is as yucky as she believes. If I were you, I'd stop buying the dogs and nuggets and put a small portion of all the food you've made onto her plate without saying a word about it. Don't make it a power struggle. You might also consider getting her involved in making the meals. My oldest LOVES to help in the kitchen and always seems to enjoy the meal more when he helped make it.

N.,

This sounds like the beginning of a HUGE power struggle. I would save the junk food for special occasions, and get Dad to stop taking her out to fast food joints until she's earned them. We give my son (4 1/2) everything that we eat. If it's something he's never seen before he tries to tell me that he hates the new food. We don't buy it and tell him he has to try a bite before he can judge the food. Most of the time he likes the new thing after he tries it. The gagging and choking thing that your daughter is doing is a testing of boundaries to see if Mom and Dad are REALLY going to make her try the new food. Be firm, have her eat it. If she gags wait until she's done and have her take another bite. Don't let her win. If she absolutely refuses to eat anything on her plate let her sit at the table until 1) she eats it or, 2) bed time rolls around. If she's hungry tell her, "Well, you should have eaten your dinner. Now you can wait until breakfast".

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Hi N....welcome to my life. But I do believe it's a power struggle and my pediatrician has told me a few times "in all my years I've never seen a kids starve to death with a bowl of food in front of them." We do use the Jessica Seinfeld book (which is great) but we've also added in the love and logic method and it's working great. Basically you put the dinner (or other meal) in front of them (same thing the whole family is eating...do NOT make seperate meals) and say "okay it's dinner time until 6:30p so be sure that you get enough food in your tummy to last until breakfast." If they don't eat...so be it. Don't freak out or bargain with them...no discussion about it. And when 6:30p arrives, the dish leaves whether they are slowly pecking at it or not. When they come to you hungry later you just say "wow that is so sad" or "bummer" and then "well breakfast is tomorrow at 7a." Now the kicker is that you need to only offer them good food at all meals or else they will just hold out. If they know there is Cookie Crisp cereal for breakfast tomorrow then it's worth the wait. Just buy good cereals or make eggs....all nutritious meals and snacks. I mean we have really had to cut out all junk for now until I can trust them to eat a normal meal otherwise they will live snack to snack rather than meal to meal. Once I quit worrying about them eating dinner then I'll think about adding back in junky snack foods here and there.

Good luck! It's working for us and we have really picky eaters. Although...it may get a little worse before it gets better because they will test you to see if you're going to cave in. Just stay calm and consistent. Let them make the choice and when it doesn't work out for them you just say "wow I'm sorry" or "bummer" or something and that's it (don't even say "I told you so" which is especially hard for me...lol)

L.

PS 38 year old sahm of 9 and 5 year old girls.

N.,

I HATED vegetables as a kid. I was your classic stubborn, picky eater.(Yes, I have apologized to my mother more than once about this since I now have kdis!) My mom tended to overcook the veggies and served them mixed in with other things and I didn't know what I was eating. I became a pro at mining out every onion fleck or mushroom bit.I had a very sensitive stomach and very acute sense of taste. I have gagged on more than one occassion when being force-fed stuffed cabbage, peas soup, etc....It was traumatizing to me. I didn't feel like I was being willfull. I felt that the adults had no idea what horrible thing they were asking me to do by eating certain things. It would be like me offering them worms and saying, here eat this it's good for you!

You should try offering/serving more raw veggies: lettuce, spinach, carrots, cucumbers, red peppers, tomatoes, peas (shell, snow, and snap), celery and other sweet veggies. Let her eat tons of fresh, raw fruit, too. It is all good for her. For snacks, have a variety of nuts, raw veg or fruit, raisins, cheese, etc. Raw diets are one of the healthiest. I think kids intuitively know this, but can't articulate it. If you have a farmers market nearby shop there. Local, fresher food tastes way better. In fact I didn't really start to like veggies until I was 20 something and grew my own. sounds like you don't have time to garden but if you could at least plant some peas, you'll be amazed athow much she'll eat.

Try to cut back on the processed stuff. Try a month of no hot dogs, etc. If she gets hungry enough and there are no other options, she might be willing to expand her horizons. Also, let her help you cook so she can see what goes in the meal. Let her snack on the components as you are making it so she can taste that they are okay.

It doesn't sound so much like a power struggle as much as she has very acute senses and perhaps some textural sensitiviy.

Reasurance:
My 5yr old brother has Downs Syndrome. He has been living the last 5 years of his life on crackers, milk and instant breakfast with the occational fruit (home canned for softness) or sandwich. He is still very healthy, thriving, and suprising his teachers in school. He gets bloodwork done regularly because most Downs children have nutritional issues but not him! The instant breakfast suppliments what he isnt getting through variety.
My children eat the dino nuggets from Costco. They are pure meat with no additives. they just started breading them in multigrain breading too! Cheese and tuna are GOOD for her so thats great! She is getting her protien for sure! Just add a multivitamin and offer veggies/fruit with no pressure. My son HATES veggies, but when I started snacking on carrot sticks all the time, he eventually decided to try them. He took one bite and spit it out, but I just said "more for me". It took a long time, probubly a month, before he actually ate one. Now they are an anytime snack, meaning he knows he can have some whenever he wants. I also puree veggies into spegetti sauce, meatloaf, and put carrot juice in our smoothies. Just keep trying, she is doing fine!

My step-daughter was extremely picky too - she would only eat chicken nuggets for lunch/dinner and cereal or eggs for breakfast - and she got away with it while at my MIL's house. I let my husband know that there was no way I was going to make different dishes for her at every meal, but I wasn't heartless. The next time she was with us I took us all out to a buffet restaurant and let her pick what she wanted to eat - but she had to pick at least one veggie. Imagine everyone's surprise when she wanted ham, fish, roast turkey, carrots, corn and jello! She ate well, and I knew what to add to my shopping list for the next time she was with us. I also let her know that there was a 2 bite rule - she had to try 2 bites of every item she put on her plate and it has worked. Hope this helps a little.

My sons' doctor told us that it takes tasting a new food ten times before your child knows if they will like it or not. Keep offering good foods and let her see you an your husband enjoy them. We encourage our five year old to try one bite and if he doesn't like it (gagging) he doesn't have to eat anymore of it during that meal. Also let her know that you will not be making her a meal of her own and that she will have to eat what you are all eating, making sure that there is at least one thing in the meal that she does like or atleast doesn't make her gag. We have been doing this for over a year now and our son is starting to take interest in new foods. Letting her help with the shopping and food prep might also help her take interest in food that is healthy. We also use the one bite for each year rule, so our son takes five bites (five-years-old) of each thing he likes on his plate or no snacks or treats between meals. It seems mean at first, but if you make it fun it will go over better. Just remember you are doing the right thing by instilling healthy eating habits in your children at a young age. Good Luck!

I know too well what you are going through. My daughter has and does the same. She might have some sensory issues with food, or she just can't handle things that look new. I would talk to some occupational therapists to get some ideas on helping her to increase what she wants too eat. My daughter is still doing only a handful of foods and she is super tiny, but I have had to step back and just remember it is my job to offer her new foods and let her venture out. There is a program that you can do to help them get them to try new foods and I dont have time to type it out right now, but if you want, email me and I will tell you what the ot suggested to me to get my daughter to eat more.. ____@____.com

I am in the same boat! My 4 1/2 year old son will not try anything new--even if he loves spaghetti, he won't eat a different shaped noodle with the same sauce. My pediatrician said to serve him the same foods as everyone else, but make sure there is at least one thing on his plate that he likes. For example, meat loaf, corn, bread, and fruit. I know he'll only eat the corn and fruit. It's been 9 months and he still hasn't taken a bite of something new. Sometimes we have tried and incentive like an extra Hershey's kiss if he tried something new, but still no success. I know there's no real advice in this, but I guess to let you know you are not alone. My sister has a son who is 19 years old and said it was the same with her until he was 17 years old, then he started trying new foods. I guess if we just keep on trying maybe one day it'll change?

My son is turning 5 next month. Unless she's allergic to something, I would simply make something and if she chose not to eat it, then that's her loss. When she wants to eat again, offer what you had before. They won't starve to death and will be fine. They will eat if they are truly hungry. Of course, I don't FORCE my child to eat. I give them less than what I know they usually eat and tell him to at least eat 1/2 of what's on the plate. I have a rule in my home that they have to try whatever is on the plate at least once. Only thing my son doesn't like now for sure is onions. :P He even went as far to have a PBJ strike for a month. He literally didn't eat anything else but PBJs. Drove me nuts. Concerned, I went to the dr and all he said was to keep trying to introduce him to different foods, but he's not dying and will be fine.

My son is 17 and is still a picky eater. If I made him take a bite of a food he "didn't like" he'd gag and choke as well. Some new foods he'd be fine with and actually discovered he liked. I worried about him getting proper nutrition. I also wondered if it was a power struggle. To this day he still "tries" new foods and sometimes will still gag and choke, he just hides it better now. When he got old enough to understand and be aware of what was going on he told me it was not the flavor as much as it was the texture. (Example: he loves canned pears but can't eat fresh ones.) Certain "crunches" and "squishes" in his foods would trigger his gag reflex. Some people are more sensitive to textures and have a stronger gag reflex than others. It is a very real condition. Processed foods are softer and easier to chew and swallow. I like the ideas given for pureeing and hiding nutrition in foods she likes. The most important thing here is that your daughter gets the vitamins and nutrients she needs and doesn't get too much fat. Give her multi-vitamins and/or pediasure. She'll be fine!

When my son was 4 he only ate PBJ and cheese pizza. Okay dry toast for breakfast. My Dr. said he was growing, healthy and to give him a multivitamen. We just kept letting him try stuff, watching him gag and slowly but surely, he started adding more stuff. We did not make special meals for him. If we were having a family sit down dinner and he didn't like the food, he had a piece of bread. He of course would never turn down a McDonald french frie or chicken mcnugget but a homemade frenchfrie or nugget no way. Needless to say he is now 8 and still won't eat fruit (except apples) or veggies but he has added to his list of stuff. He is growing normally and very, very athletic,so between the peer pressure at school ( kids enjoying all kinds of food) and hunger, I have hope. Good Luck and hang in there, they will eat.

With food it is definitely about how often it's offered...and how. We all have the stories of how my mom made me eat X & I gagged or puked or whatever (or at very least friends that did that). HAving dips is a big helper for sure...especially when kids are young. Another thing we have done is first introducing the food...have it close to the child's plate. Then have the food on their plate, but they don't have to eat it...it just has to sit on there without fits. Once we have accomplished THIS, then they are generally also touching the food - which is good. After that we start the you can't say it's gross or you don't like it until you've tried it...one bite please. (also talking about how hard you work to make a good dinner for your family & it's rude/hurts your feelings when they say it's gross without even TRYING it) Then once you get past that phase you can generally have them eat at least a small portion of most foods. The sneaky chef (or whatever it's called) DOES have some great ideas too...for your own peace of mind - at least you know they are getting the nutrients :-)

Also, I don't know if this applies at your house (but has applied at ours at times). My hubby & I had to have a talk about making sure he's positive about veggies & stuff too...he can't be making faces or not liking veggies & expect that the kids will eat them.

Hope it helps! Sometimes, you just do what you gotta do too...so, ease up off the pressure you have on yourself too...I know as moms, we can be really good at the guilt factor, and we can be our own worst critic :-)

I am a SAHM with 3 kids...6 yr old boy, 3 yr old girl & a 2 yr old boy

Although I cannot totally speak from experience--my two year old is pretty adventurous and has a good appetite on her--she still has her moments where she wont eat something because of texture or she doesnt like how it looks. But she is ALWAYS interested in what I am eating, and always wants to try it...dont know if your daughter would be intrigued if you were nonchalantly nibbling on something "healthy and unprocessed"--If I want her to try something, I will also say how yummy it is or really exaggerate how much I am enjoying it! She still may end up spitting it out, but it may help change her attitude towards those foods if you yourself demonstrate how much you love them (even if you dont!) We are vegetarian, so she has to eat her veggies, but as a veggie cook, I am always looking for ways to make tasty meals based around vegetables. For her, I make a homemade pasta sauce with diced veggies mixed in with tomato, basil, garlic, etc. Pizza on a whole wheat tortilla with veggies and cheese (easy and good!), there are also equally processed but vegetarian versions of hotdogs and corndogs that are made with soy, so maybe a bit healthier than real ones. You can also try some homemade imitations of the stuff she likes from the fast food restaurants, if you have time for such an endeavor--at least if you make it you can choose quality, healthier ingredients! Good luck!

You have got to take her off of all that processed food! It is so bad for her. There is not much nutrients in any of it. She needs healthy foods. I'm sure you know what they are, but tell her that the store is out of hotdogs and this is all you have for her to eat. If she doesn't want it, let her wait. She will get hungry and eat what you have. Give her a banana or fruit smoothie, something nutritious. You started this problem by giving her those foods in the first place, but better now than later to change her eating habits. Cheese and tuna are good. If she eats tuna everyday, she is getting good lean protein.

Hi N.! I don't know if this will work but I think I read it somewhere or heard it somewhere..but maybe you should try letting your daughter help you cook the Veggies or the meal. You could even have her pick them out at the grocery store and let her put them in the bag. Then once she has seen the process of you making the dinner and her helping she will probably be more eager to eat it. Also you can make a big deal about it by telling everyone at the dinner table that she made the meal...then she can't refuse...right? Well I don't know if it will work but it sounds like a good idea. Good luck!

I notice most of what she eats contains a good bit of wheat or milk in them. Maybe exploring the possibility of food allergy issues (which will cause children to only want to eat what they are allergic to) or the possibility of sensory issues?

I have sensory issues myself, as well as a wheat allergy. I have to do a lot of different things to get myself to eat vegetables (mostly putting them in smoothies) but between altering their form and dealing with my dietary issues, I've started to have a better diet.

Common food allergens: Gluten (or wheat), dairy (lactose and casein protein), soy (trace and protein), egg, and food dye.

Do you give your daughter snacks between meals at all? My almost 3 year old daughter was to the point of only wanting crackers and milk most of the time. We decided to cut out all snacks between meals and she is eating healthy meals now! Sometimes it's hard when she starts to get grumpy right before dinner is ready. I used to give her a little snack at that time. But, now I am trying to get dinner ready earlier in the day, so I can quickly serve it when she is hungry. I also got the book The Sneaky Chef. I just bought it. So far we have tried the Chicken Fingers, Crunchy Elbows and some of the fruit and yogurt breakfast shakes. She has eaten everything I have made. She didn't like the looks of some of it at first, but she was hungry enough to try it and found out she liked it!
I wish you the best and I encourage you to stick with it...keep trying! My daughter's behavior has been better and she is sleeping better now that she is eating healthy meals. She will thank you later in life when she is naturally a healthy eater!

For what its worth
Hello-I have three children, 20, 10 & 5 are the ages-anyway as far as picky, I have a son that by all accounts "appears" very mainstream. no one would know that he has sensory intergaration issues and has a dynamic "type A" personality to boot. when he was small I didnt know he had this sensory problem (i.e. would hardly eat anything and would over react (the world overstimulated him) to most things.) Although its normal for small children to be particular be aware if your daughter is quite sensitive to noise and touch (possibly clothing,sheets etc ) that could be a sign of something more.

That said, I would definitly not make food an issue or a power struggle. That can creat a negative association with food for years to come. maybe try putting food that she usually resists out while she is playing or drawing ...kind of casually without saying anything and instead of it being a grand affair (dinner and everyone around the table focusing on her) let her see you eating it-dont ask her if she wants some...kind of ignore her-no eye contact etc. Eat some celery with peanut butter and then maybe dip it in ranch -you might be suprised at her interest when its the only food out and your eating it without saying a word to her about it..this works with me and mine sometimes. Act real casual and make it like exploration.

Good luck,
D.

My step son who is 7 has done this too since he was about 4. He doesn't live with us but when he visits we try to get him to eat good. If there is something he would eat like yogurt instead of fruit I would get that for him. I also started getting the V-8 fruit juice that has veggies and fruit in it. He still doesn't like some things, but he has to take a least one bite of it. He didn't like corn, so I started getting sweet corn from Costco and he will eat that. If there was something he liked I would encurage him to eat that. Also if he doesnt like something I dont make him something different to eat. If you are still woried about her not getting the fruit and veggies she needs you could give her vitamins.

Good luck

My friend told me about a book by jerry seinfields wife its called "Deceptively Delicious Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food" You can read more about it on this website-http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780061251344/Deceptiv...

She swears by it! You hide healthy foods in everyday meals. Good luck!

I have the same problem with my 3 year old. I just got this book in Costco: THE SNEAKY CHEF by Missy Chase Lapine, and I love it ! There are simple strategies for hiding healthy foods (pureed, you make them at home)in kid's favorite meals. It has helped me so much. I love that book. Eg.: cauliflower masked in mac & cheese, blueberries hidden in cupcakes or spaghetti & meatballs with 8 hidden vegetables !

I agree with Jenn B. I also hated fruit/veggies as a kid, but it turns out that I just didn't like the way they were prepared. I was always served canned veggies that were overcooked and mushy - yuck! I still won't eat those, but I discovered as an adult that I really like fresh veggies - either raw or steamed with a little butter. I still won't eat the standards like broccoli or peas, but I love the more unusual fruit/veggies like butternut squash, artichoke, asparagus, kiwi. So maybe your daughter has more unusual taste preferences. Take her with you to the produce section of the store every week and let her pick out something new to try. Also, try preparing the veggies in new ways. If all else fails, rest assured that she will outgrow this phase. I did!

My son was also very picky at that age, mostly I didn't push the matter too much but did make him take a "no thank you bite" for each new food before he could ask for something familiar. The other thing that helped was BBQ sauce, we told him if he used enough of it that he wouldn't be able to taste anything but the sauce and that has worked well. My daughter perfers ketchup with everything, and my b/f uses salt, pepper and red vinegar. i know some other kids who used ranch dressing to get it all down.

Also she will likely become less picky as she gets older.

Good luck.

My advice is to let it go for awhile. Give her what she likes, plus some other options. Our daughter was picky and her choices were a) eat what we are eating or b) have a bowl of cereal at the table with us.
(Cereal and toast were about all she'd eat for a month)

Many times it is just a phase, and not fussing about it will make the phase shorter. Give her lots of fluids and a daily vitamin and let it be for awhile.

For fun, read her the book "Bread and Jam for Frances". Frances is a very picky badger!

First, I would stop buying the processed foods. My 2.5-year old is only picky when we have junk in the house. If we don't have it in the house then she'll eat pretty much whatever we eat. So, we just don't have junk around on a regular basis though we'll sometimes get a treat for a special occasion.

A great tip from a friend of mine who has older children and who didn't start them off on healthy food (we were very fortunate to not get too into feeding our daughter processed foods at all) is to chop veggies up SMALL. Very very tiny. She told me that SHE even had trouble eating veggies at first and cut them up into miniscule pieces just as much for her as for her kids.

In fact, eating her salads that she brings to church luncheons with the tiny little veggie pieces have helped me to get over my dislike of bell peppers. It was too much work to pick them all out so I just ate them (since I liked her salads very much except for the peppers). I didn't think anything would get me over my bell pepper hatred!

So I can attest to this methods' efficacy, personally :)

Best wishes!
~B.

Hey N.! Well my advice may sound strict, but it is what I believe works best, in getting children to eat well. I started to offer them healthy options, or if they have a corndog or something then I put some baby carrots or cucumber or grape tomatoes with them (and they can have ranch dressing with them), and they must eat the veggies before they can have the corndog or whatever else I give them, or they don't eat. And if they choose not to eat, they are going to be fine! They won't starve, in fact, if they are hungry enough, they will eat what you offer them. This was all recommended by my doctor! And as far as the fast food goes, I would just make sure you and your husband are on the same page, and try to only give it to them on a very seldom basis, or maybe take it away for awhile. My cildren both have their favorite vegetables now, we have come a long way!

I hide veggies in other foods. Spaghetti gets chopped spinach and my kids gobble it up and never know it is there. I use v8 juice in place of tomato juice in soups etc... and there are fruit like juices that are full of vegs. I would be careful with the tuna ( mercury) it can cause brain damamge if levels get too high, also causes adhd like symptoms.

I have a 4 year old boy with this same exact problem!!! I don't have any answers yet, but am also searching. I just wanted to give you comfort that you are not alone. If you hear any great ideas that work, maybe you can pass them along to me! All my son will eat is chicken nuggets, cheesburgers, grilled cheese sandwiches and sometimes a Lunchable! He loves fruit and some veggies. There are foods that he used to eat, but will not (for some reason) eat them now. Although breakfast is never a problem, it's lunch and dinner that we struggle through! Good luck and keep me posted!